Touhou Doujin: Jean's Magical Education
by Duwee Davis II
Summary: Jean Franc Levoisier, coffee-loving, cowardly, and french... yet wanting to become a magician trained by the hand of Marisa. Fifth book of my Touhou Doujin series. Please start with Dawitsu's folly if unfamiliar with my series, you won't get it otherwise.
1. 01: The Undying Phoenix of friendship

Touhou Doujin: Jean's Magical Education

**Chapter 1: The Undying Phoenix of... friendship?**

_The Forest of Magic, two anti meridian_

As Marisa snored in a somewhat diminished manner, Jean failed to do any snoring of his own as the two lay together under the bright, waxing moon. Despite his scepticism, it seemed that Marisa's idea of a 'survival exercise' was a true test of wits after all... a calm, sure-of-himself survivalist would have been able to get some shut-eye without fear of being eaten, as they would sleep so lightly that they could wake up and react at any time.

Jean was not confident enough in himself to do this though. After lying for a few more minutes with his eyes open, he decided to go for walk to tire himself out, making sure he didn't stray too far from his new mentor. After walking about twenty yards, Jean found a rock, and sat on it. Suddenly, a bush rustled, and startled him to the point of beginning to run back to Marisa, however, the causer of the rustle shouted, "It's okay... I'm a human."

Jean stopped mid-run, but was too tired to turn around effectively, and tripped over his own feet. The person walked up to the now completely immobile Jean, and sighed to herself as she stood over him.

At this point, Jean was paralysed with fear. The woman was wearing somewhat masculine-looking clothes, with red-trousers and a white shirt, both covered in paper charms. Her long, white hair seemed to indicate that even though her face was young, she was far older than any human should be.

Unable to think coherently, Jean Franc stuttered the first English words that came to mind, "H-hello, m-m-m-my name is Jean Franc Levoisier..."

The woman smiled, surprised that he didn't attack her. Blissfully unaware that if he had the power, he probably would have, the woman said, "Oh... my name's Fujiwara no Mokou, though people just call me Mokou..."

"F-f-f-fujiwara no... Mokou?" Jean fumbled in his pockets for the Grimoire of Dawitsu, and got it out to check if she was telling the truth about being a human. Unfortunately, the light level was far from ideal reading light, so he failed to acquire any information whatsoever.

Mokou cocked her head, and noticed Jean was trying to read the book in his hands. She lit a flame in her hands, and asked, "Do you want me to light things up for you?"

Taken aback by her courtesy, Jean scrambled to his feet, and after thinking the situation over, decided to take up the offer. "Yes, please..."

Mokou held her flame steady over the book, and read it over Jean's shoulder. After a short while of silence, Mokou finally piped up, and said, "Yes! Someone agrees that Kaguya is immature! I'm so much more mature than her! Ha ha! This writer's a genius!"

By this point, Jean had figured out that he was probably safe with her, but had to do his best to never imply that he was in cahoots with a certain... Kaguya. Jean muttered, "Er... do you have any friends?"

"Come to think of it, no, I don't. I have Keine, I guess... anyway, what's a human like you doing out here? You need to find the human village quickly, or the Youkai will eat you alive..." Fujiwara no Mokou declared her lack of friends in such a lax, almost cheerful manner that it seemed false.

"Comme tout le monde me dit sans cesse..." Jean remarked.

"Hold on... what did you just say?" Mokou stared at Jean's face, and came to a realisation, "Hey, you're... male. It's been a while since I've seen a man..." Mokou stopped mid-sentence, and her face contorted with anger, "DAMN YOU, KAGUYA!"

Jean stepped back in fear, somewhat understandably, "Er... yes, I am male. And... if it is not an issue, I'm with someone else, they are protecting me, so I am satisfied with my safety..." Jean used this sentence as an excuse to run back to Marisa.

"Hey! Don't leave!" Mokou stretched her arm out, "Sorry... it's just... well, you read that book. I lost my father because of that evil lunarian bitch, Kaguya Houraisan... speaking of that book, who wrote it?"

"Who wrote the book? I cannot remember his first name, but his last name is Dawitsu. He is... what are they called... a Youkai?" Jean explained, "How did you not come across him? He says that he has to observe all of his subjects before he... mimics them."

Mokou scratched her head, "Perhaps he was hiding when he observed me. I don't remember seeing a male youkai. Anyway, who are you travelling with? Anyone I would know?"

"Er... Miss Marisa Kirisame?" Jean answered.

"Marisa... Marisa..." Fujiwara thought back through her relatively recent memories, and then picked up on who it was, "OH! That human witch who was sent to kill me by... Ka... Ka..."

Jean stepped back in anticipation for what was to come.

"KAGUYA!"

Jean gasped, despite the fact he saw that outburst coming, "Er... have you tried reconciling with this... Kaguya woman?"

"Of course! All I asked for was that she apologise for getting my father killed, but all she did was laugh in my face, so I... I... burnt hers off! HA HA HA HA HA!" Mokou burst into a loud maniacal laugh, waking up Marisa.

Jean was becoming seriously frightened, and asked, "So... you... you killed her?"

"Yeah, but she always... ALWAYS comes back to make my life a misery again!" Mokou complained, "It's not fair! One of us has to stay dead sooner or later! I don't care who it is! As long as one of us dies! ARGH!" Mokou started to rip her hair out, causing it to instantly regenerate.

Jean tried to find the right moment to run as Mokou worked herself up into a state of anger. Turning around and about to bolt, he stopped as he saw a disapproving Marisa standing in front of him.

Marisa put her hands on her hips, and shouted in a motherly sort of way, "Hey! That's not cool! I woke up, and you weren't there! What would have happened if a Youkai came up and ate you? I was worried sick! And don't think that I'm finished telling..."

Mokou interrupted Marisa's scolding to point at the witch and yell, "YOOOOUUUUU! You are the human witch that caused me so much pain the last time you appeared! Keine says you still dislike me, too!"

Marisa shrugged, "Uh, actually, I just said that I didn't like you... it's not like I hate you, or anythi..."

Fujiwara no Mokou caused a pair of phoenix wings to appear behind her, and she screamed, "SILENCE!"

Jean dived out of the way as Mokou fired a large cluster of familiars towards Marisa. Marisa got on her broom, grabbed the Frenchman, and dashed as far from the familiars as possible, so as to avoid the huge explosion that emitted from the ghostly things.

Marisa muttered, "Damn it, Jean, do you know how much danger we're in, now? You've angered the most powerful human in Gensokyo!"

"I thought Miss Hakurei was the most powerful human..."

"Shut up! She can die, this one can't, and when she's this riled up, she isn't going to stop until we're both toast..." Marisa took off as Mokou proceeded to fire three strands of ridiculously fast red bullets.

Mokou was staying on the floor while attacking the frantically dodging Marisa, and Jean was taking a spectator's seat throughout the ordeal. As Marisa became more and more erratic in her flying style, it became apparent that Jean would have to help somehow.

Jean tried his only trump card, "Stop fighting, both of you!"

Marisa yelled, "She started it!"

Mokou answered, "Only if she apologises!"

Marisa asked, "What for? I didn't do anything!"

Mokou continued her assault, unhindered by Jean's pathetic attempt to break up the fight. Marisa was circling Mokou in her dodging efforts, and Mokou remained pinned on the ground.

Marisa stopped flying, and, out of desperation, fired her infamous Master Spark. Jean stared in horror as Mokou flinched, but still seemed like she was taking it head on. Looking into her eyes, he saw she was taking each watt's worth of pain.

Unable to stop himself now that he was in a position to help, Jean leapt to Mokou's aid and dived at her, pushing her out of harms way and leaving her under Jean Franc's body.

Marisa called, "Hey, Jean! What the hell are you doing? I was beginning to think that bombs were working on her for a second!"

Mokou muttered from below Jean, "It's alright... I can take it... now can you please get off me?"

Jean noticed he was in a position to demand peace, "No, you have to stop attacking Marisa first!"

Of course, Mokou knew Jean _wasn't _in a position to demand anything, "I can just throw you off, you know..."

Jean knew brawn would not work in this case, so he tried to convince her via words, "But... if you do that, then you could lose... a new friend? Is that right? Yes, it is. Yes, you could lose me, and I like you..." Jean didn't elaborate on why he liked her, as he had only just met her, "...I have lost people close to me too, I do not blame others for the tragedies, and I definitely wouldn't blame someone who isn't responsible..."

"But Marisa is working for Kaguya..." Mokou muttered.

"But she is not Kaguya... so stop! And Marisa, do not shoot. If you do, you'll shoot me too!" Jean seemed unable to fully affirm how accurate Marisa's shooting was, but considering the size of her bullets, it seemed unlikely she could snipe Fujiwara no Mokou that easily.

Marisa decided to surrender, and landed her broom beside the still-lying pair. Mokou finally said, "_Now _will you get off me?"

Jean, satisfied, replied, "Yes." After standing up, and helping Mokou up also, he said, "Now, how is it you say... kiss and make out, you two!"

Marisa and Mokou sweat-dropped, with a long pause permeating the atmosphere. After a moment of thought, Marisa figured it out, "Uh... did you mean kiss and make up?"

Jean laughed, "Oh, of course, I am sorry. Why, what did what I say mean?"

Both Marisa and Mokou answered erratically, "It doesn't matter!"

"The English Language is so strange..." Jean mused to himself.

Mokou put on a wry smile, "So, how did you get here, newcomer?"

Marisa giggled, "That Reimu Hakurei went out boy-hunting, isn't that right? Came back with this sorry excuse of a man. Seems the outside world is full of whelps, he doesn't even know the basics of Danmaku!"

"If I am as you say, a whelp, why did you want to take me with you?" Jean asked.

"Because someone needs to train you, and it certainly wasn't going to be Reimu! She's a natural at everything, she wouldn't know the first thing about teaching someone when she's never had to teach herself..." Marisa explained.

"That is true..." Jean remarked, remembering Reimu's 'teaching method' for flying, "But that still does not explain why you wanted to teach me..."

"Uh... well, maybe you don't want to know! Anyway, seen as we're all awake, why don't we get some food. Okay, Fujiwara! Seen as I beat you, tell us where food is!" Marisa demanded.

"You didn't win..." Mokou muttered, then smiled, "Okay, there's a lamprey salesperson somewhere in this forest, she apparently helps to cure night-blindness..."

"Nice try." Marisa replied with a smirk, "We both know that's the Night Sparrow. Now, tell us where we can really find food!"

Mokou's face formed a small smile, "Why not just go home? I don't know _you're _asking _me _for directions, this really isn't my turf. I prefer the bamboo forest myself."

Jean seemed a little reluctant to leave, "Er... goodbye. Will I be seeing you around here?"

"Why do you want to know that?" Mokou was genuinely wondering why someone would ask that of her.

"I am just curious. Perhaps I shall speak to you in less threatening circumstances next time?" Jean wondered out loud.

Marisa whispered, "If you're thinking of being friends with that psycho, think again... there's a reason that the human village doesn't like her..."

Jean folded his arms, ashamed of the young witch. Mokou walked away in silence, not giving away whether she'd heard Marisa's snark.

"Er... goodbye, Miss Fujiwara!" Jean attempted to say, but his farewell was met with yet more silence.

_The Dawitsu Mansion, Six-fifty anti-meridian_

Yutaka was slowly eating a bowl of sugar-based cereal, which was covered in freshly synthesised milk. For some reason, it didn't taste quite like real milk, despite her efforts to include every constituent- lactic acid, water, lactose, fat, white blood cell debris, a trace of skin, various antibiotics... this small-scale confusion led her to stare at the milk intently instead of noticing the crashes coming from upstairs.

The Lift just outside the foyer opened shortly after the crashing stopped, and Dawitsu exited, wearing a teacher's hat over his usual tokin, and holding a school uniform on a hanger in his right hand.

Yutaka stopped staring at her breakfast, and looked up to face Dawitsu, "No, I'm not being a schoolgirl..."

"But you look just right in it! Come on, you know that you can't just be a teaching assistant! Be down with the kids!" Dawitsu stopped to pose in some kind of imitation of a rapper, "You know, be all... hip, and stuff!"

"But that looks nothing like the children's attire, you just want to see me in a school uniform." Yutaka stated the obvious.

"Damn, you got me!" Dawitsu forfeited, "Fine, I'll get you a teacher's hat and a corset... er... jacket!"

Yutaka smiled to herself, "I think the children are a little too young to see me in a corset, I wouldn't want to disturb them for the rest of their lives."

"Speak for yourself, if I were a boy... or a girl for that matter, I'd love it if the cute teaching assistant was like that!" Dawitsu tried to defend his perversion, but to no avail.

"Oh, Boss... you really shouldn't be this flirtatious, it's not like you at all..."

"Who said I was flirting with you?" Dawitsu sniggered to himself, "I just want you to... look your best, that's all!"

"Oh, of course..." Yutaka feigned understanding, "Do you want me to make you breakfast?"

"Yes please. Can I have some of that milk you made from scratch on my cereal?" Dawitsu requested, "It tastes wonderful..."

Yutaka wondered why he found it so great, "Uh... okay, Boss!"

After the two ate their breakfast and prepared for going out to their new job, Dawitsu and Yutaka exited the Dawitsu Mansion, descending onto the Hakurei Shrine's grounds.

Shortly after touching the ground, they were met by the voice of a certain shrine maiden, "Hey, don't step on..." Reimu's voice initially sounded angry, but the pretence soon broke down, "...I'm sorry... so, how are you two? Where are you going with those dumb hats on?"

Dawitsu was puzzled at the way Reimu was acting, "What owes us the honour of being apologised to by the great Miko Hakurei?"

Yutaka added, "Yes, you seem upset about something..."

Reimu sighed, "Ugh... I'm not upset... just worried, that's all. You know that man that's living with me?"

Dawitsu put on a French accent, "Ah, hee ho hee ho, you mean, Monsieur Levoisier?"

Reimu growled at the Youkai's mockery, "Yes, that man! He's..." Reimu stopped speaking, sniffed a little, and then, almost out of nowhere, burst into tears, and clutched Yutaka, "JEAN'S GONE! WHY DID I LET MARISA TAKE HIM FROM ME? We'd only just met, and then I trust him with that witch, and now he's probably dead or worse... WHAT DO I DO?"

Yutaka was quite unprepared for the sudden embrace, but returned it, and said, "I'm sure he's fine. So, did he learn how to fly?"

Reimu remembered throwing the book Yutaka had lent Jean on the floor in disrespect for magic, and slowly mused, "...no."

Dawitsu tried to reassure her, "I'm sure Marisa's done a fine job protecting him... I find her trustworthy enough to..."

"She tried to steal your books." Reimu muttered to refute the Youkai's efforts.

"Yeah, but my Chibi clones like her... she isn't that bad, I'm certain she wouldn't abandon her fellow man..." Dawitsu tried to continue, but Reimu refuted once more.

"She led those clones to their deaths! I should know, I killed them!" Reimu pushed Yutaka away, and glared at Dawitsu, "Now, listen, you! I'm going to find Jean, and take him back, and _you're _going to help me."

Yutaka intruded the conversation, "Well, we're sort of busy at the moment, we're going to be teaching the children of the human village..."

"Are you sure you're not just seeing your girlfriend?" Reimu stared at Dawitsu with a somewhat aggressive smirk, "Yeah, that's right, I know all about your strange love affair. Is it a love-hate relationship, then?"

Dawitsu shook his head, "You should know better than to believe Hatate's newspaper. Anyway, I could ask the villagers if they've seen Marisa around, I guess. Even if you're not willing to be civil, I wish you the best of luck finding the guy..."

Reimu paused, not expecting a calm, collected reply, "Well... uh... good luck with teaching, too!" Reimu attempted to use that as an insult, but the aggression failed to make itself apparent.

Yutaka began walking away from the Shrine Maiden, "Well, I hope it goes well, but we're running late, so we really have to go now... come on, Boss..."

After Yutaka left, Dawitsu lingered a little longer, and Reimu murmured, "Since when did _she _start giving _you _the orders?"

"Uh..." Dawitsu scratched his head, then simply replied in a false tone, "Anyway, I'd love to stay and be abused by you all day, but I have a job to do, so I'll see you later, eh? Why don't you ask Rinnosuke for help, I'm _sure _he'd oblige."

After delivering a final verbal stab, Dawitsu dashed forward to catch up to Yutaka, and Reimu muttered, "Dirty coward..."

The shrine maiden almost tried to re-enter her house, but noticed Aya rush head-on into her reinforced wall, and said, "When are you gonna learn? That doesn't work any more!"

Aya stumbled towards Reimu, and slurred, "Here... take the... Bunbunmaru..." Aya stopped talking to get her bearings, and then continued in a far more coherent manner, "Hello! Just delivering the Bunbunmaru Newspaper! You haven't been reading the Kakashi Spirit News, have you? People are saying that Hatate's been delivering to customers all of a sudden! In fact, that's the front page story!"

Reimu grabbed the paper from the Tengu's hands, and read the front page headline- 'Libellous Newspaper gains popularity, Apocalypse at hand!'.

"Isn't that an exaggeration?"

"Of course not. But, yeah, whatever you do, do _not _take up the offer to see Alice Margatroid at Hatate's house. All the Youkai seem to be crowding there, it would be a..." a dark grin suddenly formed on Aya's face, "Uh... I mean... OH! Help! Help! A huge gathering of youkai are at Hatate's house, and they might be plotting to take over Gensokyo, or something! Hatate must be the conspirator! You'd best stop them before it's too late!"

"Nice try, Aya. But still, what is Alice up to around there?" Reimu wondered out loud.

"I don't know, but I think this would be an ideal time for the coverage of the current events to switch to another angle of coverage to find out, wouldn't it?" Aya stared towards the sky, and coughed meaningfully.

Reimu didn't understand the Tengu's ramblings, and just nodded, "Uh... yeah, it would, wouldn't it..."

_Youkai Mountain, Hatate's house, around the same time_

Hatate was snoring on a futon in the corner of her one-room house, while Alice was lying on the sofa above the futon. Peace was permeating the once frantic atmosphere of the house, and it lasted for a good fifteen minutes.

Shockingly, the peace was destroyed by Kogasa Tatara leaping through the window. "Eeeeya! So, are you surprised?"

Alice, who woke up the instant the noise happened, gasped for air and admitted, "Yes... I am surprised..."

Kogasa squealed with happiness, "Oh, goody! I finally got it right..." Kogasa looked below Alice, and, to her disappointment, noticed Hatate was still fast asleep. The Umbrella Youkai stamped her feet and yelled, "DAMN IT! I didn't frighten her, though..."

Alice tried to give her a 'consolation prize', "But at least you frightened me... anyway, what are you here for?"

"Isn't it obvious? Now that there's no-one else around, we can go on a date! Okay, here's the plan: A group of humans are going to go up to the Moriya Shrine to worship... I need you to make some really scary dolls to throw in their faces and make them scared!" Kogasa explained the plans for their 'date'.

Alice tried to let the Karakasa down gently, and said, "Look... that's not my idea of a date. If you want a friend who can scare people with you, I'll abandon an umbrella and make you another Umbrella Youkai for company, but I'm after love..."

"What's love?"

"You came to this event not knowing what love is?" Alice face-palmed, and proceeded to explain, "Love is... love is..." Alice suddenly realised it was hard to define love, and resorted to long words that gave the impression of understanding, "It's the romantical attachmentness of two foreign bodies and their willingness to spend an amount of time that tends towards infinity with each other and experience close, intimate relations of the physical and emotional nature."

Alice hoped Kogasa had stopped listening halfway through. She hadn't, however, "So, Love's when two foreign people get mushy and stuff and want to be together forever so they can have sex and talk with each other a lot?"

"Uh... sure it is..." Alice unsurely replied.

"Oh, well I guess love isn't my thing. Okay, so when will you throw away that umbrella?" Kogasa asked.

Alice searched around the room, and spotted a parasol handle poking out of a closet. After picking it up, she confirmed, "Will this do?"

Kogasa examined the Parasol, "Mm. It won't make a Karakasa, but it will make a Para-kasa. The last time I saw one of those, they seemed pretty fun. Okay, throw it away!"

"Uh... how?" Alice asked.

"Go outside, and throw it into the field." Kogasa replied, as if it was obvious.

"Oh... okay." Alice walked out of Hatate's house, Kogasa following her. Remarkably, Hatate had stayed fast asleep for the entirety of the conversation.

After going a good distance from the house, Alice threw the Parasol into a nearby river. Kogasa let loose a ridiculous attempt at an evil laugh, "Ha ha! Now, all we need to do is wait one hundred years, and make sure no-one touches it in the meantime!"

"And how are we going to do that?"

"No one's going to find it in a river!" Kogasa said with confidence.

Five seconds passed, and a faint noise of someone saying, "OW! Oh, what's this? A parasol? Oh, I wonder if I can extract the iron from the handle?"

Kogasa looked down in shame, and Alice smiled warmly, patting the unfortunate Karakasa on the back, "There, there... I'll bury the next umbrella I find, that's a promise..."

_And so, yet another tale has begun in Gensokyo. It would seem that the area had become a lot more eventful, and this meant good things for both Tengu Reporters, not that they'd admit that to one another._

_Reimu finally brought herself to begin looking for her estranged French friend, while Marisa and Jean decided to go to Marisa's house to study the books on magic that existed in piles distributed throughout the cluttered house. And, of course, Dawitsu taught the human villagers, as promised, starting with basic mathematics for the children, as opposed to the calculus Patchouli decided to teach Flandre..._


	2. 02: Not Shikigami in name only

Touhou Doujin: Jean's Magical Education

**Chapter 2: Not Shikigami in name only...**

_The Human Village, Keine's Village School, Nine-thirty Anti-meridian_

Keine Kamishirasawa walked into the only classroom in the village school, and noticed that the students were all either here already or were running in as Keine entered. Was she really this late?

The class was loud with the sound of conversations between the children, discussing childish things such as how much frog-spawn they had kept in a jar, whether the sky is blue or grey, and whether Miss Kamishirasawa was really a monster in disguise...

Keen to get on with the lesson, Keine cleared her throat, "Okay, class! Today, I have something planned that will really excite you!"

The majority of the class groaned with the exception of one child, which shouted, "Yes!"

Keine sighed, "It isn't another history lesson, I promise. Today, I'm going to introduce you to a new teacher, his name is..."

Dawitsu entered the classroom as if on cue, "Mr Dawitsu! Bam!" Dawitsu turned to Yutaka, who entered shortly after, and whispered, "Thanks for making that box for us to hide in while we waited..."

Yutaka whispered back, "It's okay, but did you really have to say 'bam'?"

"Sure I did!" Dawitsu turned to the class, "Hello there, class. Now, let's get some things straight... I want you guys to have fun while learning, so if anyone's bored, feel free to leave any time..."

Keine tapped Yutaka on the back, and asked Yutaka as Dawitsu continued his speech, "What does he hope to achieve by giving them an option to leave?"

"The Boss only likes motivated students. Plus, if anyone does leave, in theory, peer pressure makes him the uncool outcast rather than the others, as the glory of doing a 'forbidden thing' like truanting has been... un-forbidden." Yutaka explained.

Dawitsu tailed off his speech, "...and that's why I expect you to give me a new idea for an outfit every Friday, so that I'll stay fresh in your eyes. So, any questions?"

A tall, brown-haired boy asked, "Who's the cute girl with you?"

"See, I told you they'd find you cute, Yutaka..." Dawitsu said to his assistant, and then answered the child's question fully, "...her full name's Yutaka Hadekawa. So... uh... any more questions?"

The same child asked, "How old is she?"

Yutaka got angry, and walked up to the desk the child was sat at, standing over him, and shouted, "I'M ONE HUNDRED AND FIFTY NINE! HOW OLD ARE _YOU_?"

The child flinched, "Uh... t-t-t-t-ten..."

"In that case, never call me cute again..." Yutaka calmly asserted, and walked back to her position beside Dawitsu.

Even Dawitsu was shocked into silence by this sudden outburst. Quite clearly Yutaka liked him a lot if this was her usual reaction to strangers calling her 'cute'.

After a long pause, Dawitsu asked, "Uh... any more questions?"

The child with the brown hair seemed to have recovered his ego, and asked, "So, is she this feisty all the time?"

Dawitsu decided to act on his Shikigami's behalf, and walked to the child, pointed towards the door, and said, "Get out of my class."

"But... you wanted us to ask questions and..."

"GET OUT!"

The child slowly stood up, and tried once more to justify himself, "Well, do you find her cute?"

Dawitsu paused, "Admittedly, yes, but I'm three hundred and eighteen, and have been through puberty. You haven't, and it's downright disturbing seeing you act this way. Please leave."

"Stupid new teacher..." the child muttered as he left the classroom, slamming the door behind him.

After yet another awkwardly long pause, Dawitsu fell back to his default speech, "So, any questions?"

A load of hands suddenly raised, so Dawitsu selected a black-haired child. He asked, "Is she married to anyone?"

Yutaka was so exhausted from her outburst to come back with another one. Dawitsu sighed, "Is there any questions _not _related to Yutaka?"

The amount of hands raised decreased to just one. Dawitsu said, "Go on."

It was a young, blonde-haired girl, and she asked, "If you're both that old, does that mean you're a Youkai?"

"You're pretty smart... of course we are." Dawitsu answered, "But of course, we have no intention of eating you guys, but if you disrupt the lesson... well, you saw Yutaka when she gets angry..."

Yutaka punched Dawitsu in the arm as a reminder that she _never _usually gets angry, but Dawitsu used this as a method to reinforce the bluff, "You see?"

Keine sweat-dropped, and said, "So... what will you be teaching, mister Dawitsu?"

"Maths, for starters. Obviously because of all the history lessons, you must be familiar with counting, adding, and subtracting, am I right?" Dawitsu asked the class, gauging their ability.

One child answered, "We can also multiply and divide numbers..."

"Oh, good. Have you heard of fractions?" Dawitsu took a piece of chalk from Keine's desk, and began scrawling the number '½'. "Do you know what these mean?"

"Um, the slash can mean divided by, can't it? But one isn't a multiple of two..." a particularly bright student said.

"Ah, but you can split one into two pieces. Yutaka, demonstrate!" Dawitsu had already found a use for Yutaka's amazing skills.

Yutaka picked up a red piece of chalk, and said, "I'm sorry we got off on the wrong foot, class... allow me to show you..." Yutaka transformed the matte red gypsum into a shiny red apple, "...this is one apple, am I correct?"

The class were quite amazed by the transformation, never mind her teaching. Dawitsu cleared his throat to provoke an answer. In unison, they said, "Yes, Miss Hadekawa!"

"Well, what happens if I divide it by two?" Yutaka effortlessly separated the apple lengthways into exactly equal portions, "Now, there a two pieces of apple smaller than the original apple. You cannot simply call these segments two apples, can you? No, they are _two halves_ of an apple, understand?"

The smarter students nodded in enlightenment, the less academically gifted scratched their heads in confusion. Yutaka compensated for the latter, "Think of it like this... one divided by two is a half, which means that two lots of it makes one. That makes one half twice as small as one, right?"

A beefy-looking kid at the back of the class said, "So, is multiplying by a half the same as dividing something by two?"

Dawitsu was impressed by this, "Wow, you've just grasped the concept of reciprocals before we've even introduced multiplying and dividing fractions... what's your name?"

"Hideki Kobayashi..." the child answered.

"Hmm... I know a Hideki that is a great musician... well done, Kobayashi..." Dawitsu commended.

Yutaka waved a hand to signal to Dawitsu to be quiet, "Anyway, if you divide one by three, you'll get a third, which is exactly the same, except..." Yutaka fused the apple back together, then pulled it apart to show three radially-divided segments of apple, "...it takes three of them to make a whole..."

Dawitsu whispered to Keine, "Who's teaching this lesson, eh? Me or her? It's all a popularity contest, eh?"

Keine whispered back, "The boy who you sent out is a trouble-maker. He's said some pretty disturbing things to me also..."

"He's just hot for teacher..." Dawitsu began to hum a rapid guitar melody, and continued, "I reckon if I were to cross-dress and convince him I was female, he'd go for me too..."

_The Forest of Magic, Marisa Kirisame's house, Three Post-meridian_

Jean had his head in a book labelled, 'Love Sign: The obliterating power of love, in your control!'. Marisa was sweeping up in a fashion that merely took up time, as opposed to actually cleaning the area.

"Er, Marisa, what does this word mean? I don't remember learning it as part of English..." Jean asked the unoccupied witch. Marisa walked up to Jean and stood over the book. Pointing to the unfamiliar word, he continued, "I know 'mini' is an abbreviation for the small things, but what is this 'Hakkero'?"

"Well..." Marisa lifted up her hat, and took a small, octagonal prism from the top of her head, "This is a mini-hakkero. A magical device that allows energy to be collected for a move I like to call 'Master Spark'."

Jean took it off Marisa, and looked it over, and began to rotate it to see the other side, but soon Marisa interrupted the observation, "Don't point that end at your face!"

Jean dropped the wood-like object, and Marisa picked it up, frowning, "Don't just pinch stuff you don't know about..."

Unaware of Marisa's hypocrisy, Jean said, "I am sorry, Mademoiselle..."

"Mademoi... what?"

"French for 'Miss'. The title of an unmarried woman." Jean explained.

"Who knew I'd be learning stuff from you, eh?" Marisa put her hands on her hips, and then said, "So, you think you understand how to Master Spark?"

"Uh... no. It says I have to focus the love into the Hakkero... does that mean I have to love an inanimate object?" Jean asked.

"I know I love this little beauty..." Marisa seemed to confirm, "Hey, if you want, we can go outside, and I'll demonstrate the attack..."

Jean continued reading the book, and said, "Ah, I think I have seen this attack before. Is it the large, arc-en-couleur laser?"

"Arc-en-coloeur?" Marisa picked up that some French words sounded remarkably close to English words.

"You know, the seven coloured arcs that go across the sky when it has rained..."

"Rainbows?"

"Ah, yes, that is it. Yes, is it the rainbow-coloured laser?" Jean finally got the sentence in full English.

"Yes, it is. So, do you understand how the Master Spark works now?" Marisa asked.

"No, I just know that I need to love a piece of wood and... hope a laser shows up. I cannot imagine that would work..." Jean mused, not faithful in the idea of such an illogical concept, despite the fact he was learning an art, which by definition, defied logic.

"Oh really? Well, why don't you take it outside for a spin? As long as you don't point it at me... or yourself, I'd like to see you try it..." Marisa offered, giving Jean the mini-hakkero once again, "Remember, the side with the blue dot in the middle is where it fires. If you can even see that there's a blue dot on that thing, you could get killed..."

Jean nodded apprehensively, and walked towards the front door, Marisa following him. Once they went outside, Jean concentrated on the mini-hakkero, and looked for an area that would be okay to aim at. Almost everywhere had some form of life, be it a tree, a fairy, or a frozen frog, something living would have to be obliterated in the process of Jean's practice.

Marisa shouted, "Hey, what's taking you so long?"

"Where should I aim the weapon?" Jean asked his teacher, acting like a child unable to make decisions without parental guidance.

"Uh... aim it at that weed, over there..." Marisa pointed to a giant, man-eating plant, and continued, "Remember, feel the love... that's all there is to it..."

Jean focused on the plant, then the mini-hakkero, causing the target to blur in his vision. Not quite sure how to love the object, he started with a simple, "Je t'aime..."

Nothing happened, and Marisa shook her head, "That probably meant 'I love you', didn't it? Well, tough, it isn't that simple. You have to _feel _love for the Hakkero!"

Jean wondered how such a hardy, borderline obnoxious young woman was able to feel love for anything, never mind a small piece of wood. Nonetheless, he tried again, this time speaking in a soft, suave voice, "Je t'aime..."

Marisa grinned, slightly attracted to the voice, "Oh, I could've believed that one, but it seems the Hakkero isn't. Try kissing it!"

"You cannot be serious." Jean looked at Marisa, noticing her slightly creepy grin.

"Of course I am." Marisa said in an even, honest tone.

After a long pause, Jean finally decided to go along with the hair-brained scheme on the premise that it may work better than the previous attempts. He muttered, "Putain..."

He slowly brought his lips to the octagonal prism, and, after one final cringe, kissed the Hakkero tenderly.

Marisa was trying and failing to stifle laughter as nothing happened for a third time, but Jean continued to kiss the item. Marisa soon stopped laughing when a large laser shot from the device, flinging the unprepared Jean backwards, head first.

After landing on his back, with the Hakkero still moulded onto his lips after the sheer force of the recoil, Marisa clapped and said, "Well done! See, I told you it would work! Now, let's see the damage you caused!"

Marisa picked up the silent Jean, and ripped the mini-hakkero from his lips, causing him to whimper a little. She walked towards the pile of ash that was once a giant Venus Fly Trap, and declared, "See! Nothin' to it!"

Jean's mouth was hurting to much to agree. However, he noticed something that made him pipe up in an incoherent manner, "Peeful! On vuh foor!"

Marisa couldn't translate Jean's more broken than usual English, and said, "Yeah, sure, you did awesome..."

"Sagreflu..." Jean rolled his eyes, and then pointed to a pair of unconscious bodies on the floor, behind the charred plant, "PEEFUL! Oh... oh no... vey are vuh yoguy man and hish shigi... LOOK!"

Marisa looked at where he was pointing, and noticed who he was pointing at. A man in blue, with black hair and a teacher's hat was lying down unconscious, holding the hand of another unconscious person with salmon hair and an identical blue outfit and teacher's hat.

"Oh, that's okay, they're both Youkai..." Marisa mused.

"But... but you shed vuh midi-hakkeno could kill!" Jean's speech was gradually returning to normal.

"It can kill _humans._ Youkai are tough, they'll both wake up none the worse..." Marisa walked up to Dawitsu's lying body, and kneeled beside it, "Eh, it's a shame, I kinda like this guy, he has a massive library full of..." Marisa suddenly gained an epiphany.

"What? A library full of books? Isn't that not the main concern? We must help them..." Jean decided.

"No, they'd just blame us..." Marisa lied, "I have a _much better _idea..."

_Just outside the Dawitsu Mansion, about twenty minutes later_

Jean had began to get the hang of flying on his broom with Marisa, but still found it hard to fire rapid-fire bullets at the same time as controlling the flying implement. He asked as they flew through the air above the Hakurei Shrine, "Where are we going? The flying mansion?"

"Yeah, we're going to... uh... check their library for some... cure for Master Spark wounds!" Marisa unconvincingly said.

"What are we really doing?" Jean picked up on Marisa's lie despite English not being his mother tongue.

"Fine! But don't whine, 'cos this is all for you... we're gonna go borrow some books from their library." Marisa bluntly said, "Happy now?"

"Why, what will they have?" Jean queried as they stopped in front of the door of the Floating Mansion.

"Books on Mimicry, mostly. Perhaps high-level terrain manipulation after seeing what that Shikigami girl's capable of..." Marisa thought up her catch as she went along, "...and possibly some knick-knacks from the outside world. Okay, through the window!"

"But how are we to jump off of our brooms and through the window without falling?" Jean made a legitimate point.

"Just ride our brooms into the house! I'll go first!" Marisa proceeded to demonstrate.

Meanwhile, Ran and Chen were sitting and drinking tea in the 'Locria's level' segment of the mansion. After setting the music in the area to 'Magypsy Present' on a lit-up screen, the sounds of saxophones were filling the air. It was loud enough to render the sound of breaking glass inaudible to Chen, however, Ran noticed a faint sound.

"Chen, did you hear something?" Ran asked her shikigami, who was whistling the tune playing from the speakers.

Chen shook her head, "No, Ran-sama..."

"I'm sure I heard something..." Ran muttered, and left the small, pink, shell-styled house she was in to enter the nearest lift.

In the Foyer, Marisa was pondering which of the many lifts led to the library. "Hmm... I remember that there's a door to an aquarium, and... uh... a load of lifts that go the long way to the library, but I'm sure that Yutaka mentioned a master lift... uh..."

Jean was becoming worried, "Perhaps this is not such a good idea... what if we take too long and they wake up and find us in their house?"

"Shut up! Eeny, meeny, miney, mo!" Marisa chanted as she 'randomly selected' a lift, and called it, hoping it would be the right one.

It opened, and after Marisa and Jean entered the lift, the doors shut, just as the lift next to it opened to reveal Ran, who narrowly missed seeing the pair. What she _did _see, however, was the evidence of a break-in... glass covered the foyer floor.

"No... I'd best search all the floors, starting with this one... CHEN!" Ran's voice resonated throughout the mansion, to the point where all three of the other people in the Dawitsu Mansion heard, "CHEN! Check the floor above the one you're in, I think there's an intruder..."

Jean, now stuck in an elevator that may well lead to his discovery during his assistance of attempted theft, panicked, "Il ya d'autres personnes dans la maison!"

"Uh... yeah, there seems to be a couple of animal youkai in the mansion... but why would they be here? Oh well, as long as we're going to the right floor, we shouldn't be caught..." Marisa attempted to reassure the frightened Frenchman, who was trembling and looking left and right.

It was this behaviour that caused him to notice the sign in the lift that read 'This is Lift #5055. Use for uninterrupted access to all things Moé from the foyer'. "Uh... Marisa, what does the word 'Moé', mean? It might be a clue to where we are going..."

Marisa turned to face the sign Jean was facing. "Uh... I think Moe is a name for a man... that doesn't sound like the library..."

Surely enough, when the lift doors opened, they revealed, not shelves filled with books, but shelves filled with plastic boxes and comics, and the odd glass case. Marisa walked out of the lift, while Jean looked out from inside the metal box. Marisa turned around to ask Jean to leave, but noticed the set of lift doors next to the ones they had arrived in... they were made of glass.

And surely enough, someone could be seen arriving at the floor. Marisa dashed back into the elevator, shouting, "It's Chen!"

"Who is Chen?" Jean asked, and pressed the button to bring the lift back to the ground floor instantly.

"A cat youkai! Lord knows what she's doing here... maybe she's stealing from the mansion too..."

Jean decided to use the time in the lift wisely and look Chen up in the Grimoire of Dawitsu. The order in which the girls were organised was so nonsensical that he was glad of the contents page. He read out loud, "Despite her title, Chen is not all that... uh... intimidating. Yes, she is a 'black cat' in terms of superstition... a two-tailed one at that... and has some luck-based attacks... uh... but she isn't that scary, she is currently... my Shikigami's Shikigami..."

Marisa's eyes widened with shock, "WHAT? Ran sold Chen to Yutaka?"

"Uh... no, not according to the book... er... yes, here we are, she is the Shikigami of his _other _Shikigami, Ran..." Jean explained, confusing himself in the process.

"Wait, so he has two shiki..." Marisa was about to compete her sentence, but the lift doors were beginning to open. Ran was standing by the lift's opening, folding her arms and smiling, "So, we finally have a chance to show the Master our usefulness!"

"Uh... hi, Ran..." Marisa weakly said, slightly fearful in such a small, not-so-dodge-conducive area. Jean had stopped acting like a sane person, and was holding Marisa tighter than a vice.

"My, I was right to get Chen to pursue you at the Animé floor... now, explain why you're in our Master's house when he's out?" Ran said accusingly.

"Well... he told me to pick up some stuff that he owed me..." Marisa tried to come up with a believable excuse.

"That's strange... why would you break through the window if you were doing completely innocuous things? I wouldn't have minded if you'd have simply knocked the door and told me..." Ran grinned with pride in her logical supremacy.

"Uh... I didn't know Dawitsu had two shikigami... I thought the house was empty, and the door was locked..." Marisa continued trying to wriggle out of the situation, but it was hard to think while a man a good head taller than her was uncontrollably crying and shaking her back and forth.

"The door wasn't locked. Seen as we were in, there was no reason for us to lock the door..." Ran delivered the final blow to Marisa's obvious lie.

"Uh..." Marisa knew she couldn't use Master Spark to escape the situation as Ran was immune to large-scale attacks.

Jean screamed, "Remise déjà!"

Ran listened to the French words, and smiled to herself, "Ah, a French person... Yutaka told me about you... apparently you're utterly powerless..."

Jean stopped whimpering, and stuttered, "Y-y-y-y-yes, that is correct..."

Ran sighed, "Well, I can't simply attack you, can I? Okay, because I feel that Marisa is the main culprit here, I shall make her fix the window."

Marisa folded her arms, "Make me."

"Fine..." Ran lunged into the lift, and grabbed Jean by the back of his collar, "He is now my hostage until you repair the damage..."

Marisa simply grabbed Jean from the front, and yelled, "But I can just as easily take him back!"

The two began to pull Jean towards each other, not doing the poor man's psyche any favours.

"You _will _fix the window!" Ran made an ultimatum.

"I _will _have my student of magic back!" Marisa equalled her ultimatum.

"Est-ce mon affaire d'opinion du tout?" Jean yelled, feeling the strain of the two women pulling on him, now switching grip points to his arms.

Fortunately for Jean, the doorbell rang, seemingly just to save the day. Ran yanked Jean Franc from Marisa, and dragged him towards the door, while Marisa ran after her, and re-established her grip.

"Why are you still holding on? It doesn't matter any more! Whoever is at the door will either save us or..." Jean feared to finish to latter option.

Ran opened the door, expecting to see her master to proudly declare her catch to, but instead, opened the door to see a somewhat miffed Reimu Hakurei.

"Hey, Ran, is your master..." Reimu had begun the sentence not thinking about what she was seeing, but as soon as she saw Jean, she soon changed her tack, "Jean? Is that..."

Reimu proceeded to whack both Ran and Marisa away from Jean with her Gohei in an almost slapstick-esque manner, and hugged Jean like a Boa Constrictor, "OH JEAN! YOU'RE ALIVE! I've missed you so much! Never let me leave you with that witch again! I promise I'll be nice to you! I'll even let you learn magic! Just don't leave me again!"

Jean wriggled under the grasp of the rabid shrine maiden, "Putain, elle est une Tsundere..."

Marisa, who was on the floor from Reimu's ridiculously powerful stick attack, muttered, "Since when did you get all soft and sweet?"

Reimu glared at Marisa, "CAN'T YOU SEE I'M HAPPY?" Reimu's voice instantly turned warm again as she addressed Jean, "I'm sorry I've been so mean to you, I'll do whatever you want!"

Jean muttered, "Ce n'est pas bon..."

"What does that mean? I love you, too!" Reimu gleefully replied.

"Actually, 'I love you' in French is 'Je t'aime'..." Marisa corrected.

"But..." Reimu tried to add up the situation in her head, "...how would you know that? Unless... Jean, what have you been saying? To MARISA, no less? How... how could you?"

"It is a long story..." Jean spoke English for the first time in that minute.

Marisa tried to use this distraction to escape the scene, however, Ran caught her in the act and grabbed her, placing her in a Jujitsu-style lock, reminiscent of Dawitsu's own technique, "Not so fast, you're still replacing the window..."

By this point, Chen had entered the foyer from a lift, and asked, "What's going on?"

After observing her mistress wrestling with a human witch, and a miko shouting angrily at a strange man who was speaking a language she couldn't understand, she decided it was probably best to go to bed, and hope that by doing so, she'd wake up in the real world...

_It was only later that the Master of the house and it's official Head Servant arrived on the scene, not best pleased. However, despite having the most authority given the turf, Dawitsu was not only unable to resolve the insanity, he actually made it worse... in the end, Marisa did stay and fix his window, and Reimu abandoned Jean so he could stay with Marisa. Apparently he'd 'cheated on her'... Jean didn't realise he'd made the commitment in the first place._

_Perhaps something got lost in translation..._

Author's notes: Hello there! Sorry I didn't include author's notes in the first chapter, I had nothing to say... then again, I imagine some of you liked the fact I didn't have five hour's worth of reading time of author's notes, but I digress...

This is gonna be an oddly-structured story, I can see it now, it'll be hell to wrestle this story by the horns and get it under control...

I bet I'm making absolutely no sense to you whatsoever, am I? Anyway, for those who want to see my later Danmakufu projects, please check my DA account, and look at the last two journals... Rayman and Doppelgänger routines for the win! These projects are considerably better than my... somewhat crappy older ones. THERE'S EXPLODING BULLETS, DAMN IT!


	3. 03: Apples indicate success

Touhou Doujin: Jean's Magical Education

**Chapter 3: Apples indicate success**

_Dawitsu Mansion, four post meridian_

Marisa fumbled on the floor of the foyer, slowly picking up the broken glass she caused to be broken in the first place. She muttered quietly, "I don't get why you can't just use your Shikigami to fix the window with her terrain manipulation..."

Dawitsu shook his head, "It's a matter of principle, Marisa. You broke the window, you work hard as a consequence. The bin you're putting the glass in will be used by Yutaka later on... you're just performing the messy duty of collecting it all..."

"Hey, I didn't see _you _working hard when you stole Flandre's Laevateinn..." Marisa pointed out.

Yutaka spoke up, "Actually, he's been doing all sorts of repayments recently..."

Marisa flinched as she accidentally cut herself on a shard of glass, "Oh really? Like what?"

Dawitsu placed his right hand to his chest in a moment of pride, "I'll have you know that I've helped all sorts of people! Alice Margatroid, Flandre Scarlet, Keine Kamishirasawa..."

Marisa placed the last piece of glass into the plastic bin next to her, "Oh, that's what the teacher hats were in aid of, then... wait, you helped Alice?"

"Sure I did..." Dawitsu leaned towards Marisa, "You wouldn't have a problem with that, would you?"

"Of course not, she's just a desperate freak..." Marisa smiled to herself, "...now that I mention it, I guess you two would really get along..."

"What are you inferring?" Dawitsu asked in an irate tone.

"I was _implying _that you too are a desperate freak..." Marisa clarified, "Anyway, is Jean free now?"

"Sure... but Ran's probably taken him somewhere else in the mansion, you'll have to find him yourself..." Dawitsu shrugged his shoulders.

"How can you not know where your Shikigami is?" Marisa asked.

"It's a big mansion..." Dawitsu answered.

"Now that you mention it, it does seem bigger on the inside than it does from the outside..." Marisa remarked.

Yutaka grinned, "That can be owed to me... I've been perfecting my localised space compression technique for quite a while now..."

"It shows..." Marisa admitted, "Anyway, which room do you reckon Ran would be in?"

"I'm thinking..." Dawitsu pondered to himself, "...the Video Game Villain gallery. She's currently addicted to a game known as Mother Three..."

"Um... okay. Thanks, I guess..." Marisa nodded her head in an odd moment of respect, and entered a lift.

After waiting two minutes, Yutaka said, "And she'll return in three... two... one..."

The lift doors that had recently let Marisa in opened to let her back out again. She quickly entered the lift next to it to avoid embarrassment.

Dawitsu chuckled, "So, do you reckon the window's replaceable?"

"Of course..." Yutaka picked up the glass-containing bin, "I'll get right on it, sir!"

Dawitsu suddenly decided to take note of how Yutaka addressed him, "Uh... Yutaka, you know you can always refer to me by my name, right? I don't mind if you don't call me 'Boss' or 'Sir'..."

"It's alright. I guess I'm just so used to calling you 'Boss' that I'd feel strange if I called you anything else..." Yutaka placed her hands into the various glass shards, transforming them into a room-temperature pool of molten glass. She slowly poured the mixture out of the bin, and formed it into a pane as she let it fall, "...anyway, isn't there something you should be doing?"

Dawitsu scratched his head, "Should I be doing something? What could I..." Dawitsu realised what Yutaka meant, and smiled warmly, "Thanks, Yutaka, you're right. I guess I'm the only one suitable for it, too..."

Meanwhile, on floor number one, Marisa found Ran and Jean, who, surprisingly, were both being rather civil with each other. Ran was sitting at a table, hunched at a computer, with Jean sitting next to her, suggesting various attack strategies.

"Why are you not using the PK Thunder? Boney's sniff said it was vulnerable to it..." Jean proposed.

Ran replied, "Because it goes berserk if you use Thunder twice. I'm going to just use Freeze and see what happens..."

The two were so engrossed in what seemed like not such a two-player game that Marisa was having trouble grabbing the attention of Jean.

"Hey..." Marisa said, tapping Jean on the back. There was no response.

"HEY!" Marisa shouted, this time kicking his leg.

"Merde!" Jean yelled in pain, "What was that for?"

"Jean, I was trying to tell you you're free to go... you're no longer a hostage." Marisa explained.

Ran was tapping the space-bar of the computer rapidly, and, without moving her eyes from the screen, mumbled, "Yes, feel free to leave, I'm very busy, as you can see..."

Marisa sweat-dropped, not used to seeing the great Extra Boss Ran Yakumo reduced to being a hunch-backed gamer, "Uh... thanks, I guess. Well... see ya!"

"Goodbye..." Ran finally said.

Jean was unsure whether or not to say farewell also, "Goodbye, Miss... uh..."

"Ran Dawitsu." Ran completed his sentence.

After that somewhat awkward retrieval, Marisa took Jean back to the foyer via lift, and was surprised to see that only Yutaka was standing in the foyer, with her hands on her hips, proud of her successful fixing of the window.

"Hey, where's Dawitsu?" Marisa asked.

Yutaka's facial expression changed ever so slightly, "Um... well, about that... Kirisame-san, is it okay if you stay here with your friend a little longer? Feel free to ask for tea, or any other resource, the boss is currently attempting to fix up the little... misunderstanding earlier."

"What do you mean?"

"Well, he's descending to the Hakurei shrine as we speak. He'll convince Reimu to forgive Jean, I know he will..." Yutaka placed an inadequate amount of faith in her boss.

"I'm not so sure..." Marisa said, "But, hell, if it means I can read one of your library books, I'm in!"

Yutaka's smile became a condescending one, "You may ask for any resource _but _the books..."

"Hey, I was starting to like you more than Patchy! She's rubbed off on you, hasn't she?" Marisa whined.

"I guess you could say that..."

Jean sighed, "I hope the Youkai Man is successful..."

_Hakurei Shrine, during the previous conversation_

Dawitsu knocked on the door of Reimu's house, totally aware that the strange, high-pitched sounds were those of the Miko crying. After a short delay, the sounds stopped, and the door opened... slightly.

Reimu glanced through the small aperture she had made with the door, saw who it was, then instantly shut it again.

Dawitsu tried to stop himself laughing, but still snorted a little. After recovering, he said, "Come on, Reimu... open the door... I just want to comfort you, that's all..."

"He betrayed me..." Reimu mused from the other side of the door.

Dawitsu decided it was best to play along with her delusion, "Yes, he did, and it's unforgivable. Please, let me in, I just want to comfort you..."

"D-do you mean that?" Reimu asked, in a state making her gullible to almost anything.

"Of course I do. So, am I allowed in?" Dawitsu attempted to confirm.

"Um... sure." Reimu opened the door, and shut it the moment Dawitsu entered.

Dawitsu stood next to Reimu, and asked, "So... when did you start... feeling the way you did about him?"

"That doesn't matter! Because now is the moment I stop!" Reimu stamped her foot once, "I can't believe I was dumb enough to let my heart rule my head!"

"Uh... well, do you think Jean felt the same way about you?" Dawitsu asked a bold question, and felt the repercussions... a blow to the head.

"OF COURSE HE DID! HE SAID WOMEN HADN'T SPOKEN TO HIM FOR A WHILE!" Reimu began ranting in a half-informed manner, "The only people I saw in the outside world were men! They must have all never seen a woman before, they _all _wanted me! Sure, that French guy who couldn't speak English _looked _disinterested, but I knew he was checking me out! That's why you like Yutaka so much, isn't it? She's probably the only girl for miles around in the outside world! Ha! And then... the moment that... UNGRATEFUL SWINE finds another girl he thinks he can just... waltz off with her? Well, fine, let him! I'll just find another man, this time one more..."

Dawitsu got up from the floor, and shouted in his loudest voice, "FOR GOD'S SAKE, SHUT UP!"

Despite Reimu's usual indifference to Dawitsu's status as a Youkai, all of a sudden she became very afraid of the man, "...D-D-D..."

Dawitsu ignored Reimu's plea, "You listen, Missy, you need a MASSIVE reality check! The outside world is FULL of women, don't think you're so special. And you know why I like Yutaka so much... it's because she _is _special! And considering you almost tried to leave Kourindou without him when Sakuya and I confronted you, I can assure you you don't know a THING about how commitment works! And, what's more, he probably wasn't fooling around with Marisa! She's... what is she, fifteen? And you're sixteen, so he's probably not interested in either of you... hell, I know that for a fact!"

Reimu stopped being afraid, and reacted explosively, "HOW WOULD YOU?"

"Because no-one, I repeat NO-ONE... loves self-centred brats like you! The only reason no-one's killed you yet is because if you die, the world ends..."

"And who are you to talk about being self-centred? Just why the hell is that girl your Shikigami anyway? She could just be your best friend, but no, you have to be in charge! Is it a dominance thing, or what?"

"Don't you DARE talk about Yutaka in that way!"

Reimu felt herself gaining the upper hand, "Oh, did I hurt the big bad mimicker's feelings? Well, watch out, I'm about to hurt much more than those!"

Before Dawitsu could come back with an insult, Reimu grabbed him, threw him upwards and through her roof, then jumped up to meet him in the air. After a short pause, Reimu swung her shrine maiden stick, and smashed Dawitsu head-first towards his mansion.

Dawitsu crashed through the window Yutaka had just mended, and 'landed' with his face stuck through the same copy of 'The Persistence of Memory' Chen had landed in a while ago.

Yutaka shouted, "Boss! Are you okay?"

After pulling the dishevelled Mimicker out of the painting, Yutaka brushed Dawitsu off. Dawitsu mumbled, "Sorry... for breaking the window..." before face-planting to the floor.

Jean, who was silent with shock, finally said, "I never knew Miss Hakurei was capable of that... perhaps I should speak to her?"

Marisa shook her head, "Even I wouldn't survive a hit like that... he's a wreck, and he's a youkai..."

Yutaka suggested, "No, I think that may work... but I'll stay near him for protection. Here's the plan... Jean goes to Reimu, and explains everything. Marisa, you keep on your broom outside the house on standby should he need to escape, while I'll stay behind the wall and listen out for situations where he won't be able to escape from. If she gets violent, I'll transform him into diamond temporarily..."

Jean gulped, "So... you can transform me into the diamonds?"

"Yes, and during that time, you'll be pretty much unbreakable... but you will find it hard to breath as a side effect." Yutaka explained.

Marisa liked the idea, "You know, that may work, plus, we need that girl's motivation to keep this place stable... or something. I dunno, but the _fate of the world _depends on this!"

Jean cocked his head, "Are you being... as you would say... Sarcastique?"

"Well, kind of... I'm not sure, to be honest. All I know is that Reimu's pretty damn important, so let's go!" Marisa boarded her broom, kicking the object twice.

Jean boarded his, and Yutaka opened the door to float downwards, letting Jean out also. Marisa, however, insisted on riding through the re-broken window that she now wasn't responsible for.

After landing, Marisa stayed at the side of the house, as did Yutaka. Yutaka nodded to Jean, as if he was some kind of secret agent rather than reconciling with a Miko that had a crush on him.

Jean quivered as he knocked the door of the Hakurei Shrine's house, as he heard a somewhat unfamiliar sound inside. The noise stopped, and Reimu's voice asked, "Oh, back for more, are you? Well, who am I to object..."

Jean opened the door mid-sentence to see Reimu's face... it was quite obvious she had been crying, but her facial expression was pure hatred, "What do you want?"

Jean didn't quite know what to say, but said something anyway, "Miss Hakurei... I am sorry... I must have been misunderstood. When I agreed to go back with you, I did not realise that you were in love with me... you must understand, I am twenty three years old, and..."

The door slammed shut in Jean's face, and, after a minute's silence, Jean turned around slowly, and said, "She is not..."

However, soon, Reimu's voice was heard, "WHY THE HELL IS HE ALWAYS RIGHT?"

The door soon opened, this time with aggression, and Reimu asked energetically, "So, when you said you're too old for me, that means you're too old for Marisa too, right?"

"Er... yes? When did I say that I..."

"So, when you said uh... Je t'aime, or whatever, that wasn't to Marisa?"

"No, it was to a..."

"...well, I forgive you!" Reimu said, and her face instantly turned from her irate face to her somewhat unfittingly happy face, "I don't care if you're too old for me, I love you!"

"But you have only known me for..."

But before Jean could make what was probably a legitimate point, Reimu had kissed him on the lips. Yutaka and Marisa watched from the sidelines, and knuckle-touched to indicate their success.

Yutaka whispered, "So, what's going to happen now?"

"Well, I think that now everything's cleared up, Reimu shouldn't have a problem with me teaching him magic, she trusts him... I think. Or is kissing not a sign of trust?" Marisa asked Yutaka, as if she'd have the better knowledge.

"Well, I guess it does show mutual trust in one way or another... wait, they're still kissing..." Yutaka remarked mid-sentence.

"Okay, this is kind of nauseating... I have to break it up." Marisa walked in on the awkward situation, "Okay, okay, Reimu, your free trial has expired!"

Reimu stopped kissing Jean the instant she heard someone else's voice, and sweat-dropped, "Uh... you... didn't see anything."

"Sure I didn't. So, is everything cool between us, now?" Marisa asked.

Jean was gasping for air, "Ce qui est mauvais... ce n'est si mauvais... je sui un monstre..."

"You're not a monster, Reimu totally came on to you..." Marisa giggled as she stated the truth.

Reimu laughed anxiously, "I don't know what you're talking about..."

Out of the blue, a certain tengu appeared from behind Reimu's house, wearing a purple tokin, "Of course you do! Like, I totally got coverage of the whole event!"

Suddenly, another Tengu appeared from behind a tree, this time being the one with a red tokin, "But _I _was getting coverage too!"

Reimu turned bright red, and to make matters worse, Yutaka came out from her cover, saying, "I must apologise, this seems to be entirely my fault..."

Hatate walked up to Aya, while Aya did the same. After meeting at their equidistant point, Hatate said, "Like, I got here first! So the story's mine!"

Aya laughed contemptuously, "How would you know that? My hiding place was so superior that you could have simply not noticed that I was hiding there..."

As the argument continued, Jean asked Marisa, "Who are those two women?"

Marisa acted as exposition, "The two local reporters... in other words, smile, you're gonna be in the news! Oh, wait, you couldn't smile, you were too busy being mauled by Reimu." Marisa giggled at her joke, while Jean held his head in his hands.

Reimu shouted, "Hey, I can hear you, Marisa! And... uh... you tengu, as Hakurei Shrine Maiden, I demand that you don't publish any stories about me!"

Aya gloated, "See, Reimu says you can't publish the story!"

"Like, you've got to be kidding! She was talking to you!"

"I WAS TALKING TO BOTH OF YOU!" Reimu yelled.

Aya and Hatate stopped arguing, then smiled at each other, "Oh... well, we tengu have a diplomatic society, don't we?" Aya asked Hatate.

"Oh yes... we'll simply work together. Two of us overrule your heavily biased verdict! How about it, Aya? The Kakashimaru Newspaper!" Hatate added.

Aya shook her head, "Uh... don't you mean the Bunbunmaru Spirit News?"

Reimu growled, "NO! You need the permission from everyone involved! So, if you're so diplomatic, you'll let all of us vote whether we get included in the paper..."

Aya smiled confidently, "Oh... that seems fair, doesn't it, new colleague?"

"Yes, it does, new partner!" Hatate added, "Like, hands up for us using the photo and hands up for us not using them..."

Reimu and Jean's hands remained firmly down, while Marisa want frantically waving hers up in the air. Yutaka was wondering what to pick. After forming an uncharacteristically malevolent smile, she too rose her hand.

Reimu wasn't expecting this, "Bu... but... Yutaka, you traitor! Oh well, two votes each is a tie, right?"

Aya's face contained the smuggest grin possible for her, "And in the case of a tie-break, the question submitters decide the winning party..."

Hatate falsely discussed the options, "So, like, what should we decide to do..."

"Oh, I'm not so sure, new partner... let's think about it at home..." Aya turned to Reimu, "Wait until tomorrow to see which option we picked..."

The two tengu flew away, both laughing ecstatically. Reimu collapsed face-first, and mumbled from the floor, "I'm doomed, right?"

_Dawitsu Mansion, the next day, six-fifty anti meridian_

Yutaka woke up from a comfortable night's sleep, hoping that her boss, who was still lying face-down on the foyer floor the last time she had seen him, had recovered.

After having a shower and putting on some day clothes, Yutaka went downstairs to see Dawitsu cooking scrambled eggs in the kitchen.

"Hello there... man, did that attack hurt... so... um... did they make up?" Dawitsu asked from the stove.

"Are you sure you should be cooking? How long have you been awake?" Yutaka was concerned for her boss, who, unlike her, had been unconscious not once, but twice in the last day.

"Long enough. Breakfast? Come on, we've got to go to school, right?" Dawitsu seemed unusually dutiful.

"Uh... yes, we do, but it's okay, I'll take the lesson for you if you're unfit for today..." Yutaka offered.

"You're so kind..." Dawitsu laughed, "I'm so glad I didn't ask you to marry me... you'd probably end up being horrible to me and vice versa if we were husband and wife..."

"That's probably true..." Yutaka lied, "...anyway, what's on the schedule for today?"

"Science. We're gonna be doing physical states of substances. You'll be able to melt and evaporate iodine at will, won't you?" Dawitsu asked.

"Uh... Boss... Iodine sublimes."

Dawitsu sweat-dropped, "...I knew that. I... uh... meant aluminium."

After getting ready and making their journey to the Human Village, Dawitsu and Yutaka opened the classroom door to find the class full of children, and the desk covered with apples and a note from Keine.

Dawitsu picked up the note, which read, 'Dear Mr Dawitsu. I figured seen as you agreed to take the children for the full day today, that I could have the day off. I hope that's not an issue. Regards, Keine Kamishirasawa.'.

After taking an apple and taking a bite from it, Dawitsu said, "At least she notified us..."

Suddenly a child with black hair spoke up, "HEY! What are you doing eating Miss Hadekawa's apple! I got it specially for her!"

Dawitsu stared sheepishly at the child, then handed the apple to Yutaka. Yutaka smiled, "Oh well, boss. I'm sure one of these apples are for you... there's six of them still left..."

Dawitsu nodded, "Yeah, I'm sure you're right. Hey, is this one for me?" Dawitsu pointed to a shiny dark green apple. The child who sent it shook his head.

Dawitsu pointed to a red, matte one, "This one?"

Another child shook her head.

Dawitsu sighed, "Are... any of these apples for me?"

The children looked at each other, trying to recall if they saw any of the teacher's pets explicitly state an apple was for Dawitsu, and not Yutaka.

Finally, they came to a verdict, and simultaneously said, "No, Mister Dawitsu..."

Dawitsu hung his head briefly, and then decided to start the lesson. In a slightly broken voice, he said, "Uh... well, we're gonna be talking about state changes in today's science lesson, and Yutaka's gonna be..."

Suddenly, the whole class shifted their seats in excitement.

"...uh... Yutaka's going to show you Aluminium in all three states, solid, liquid and gas..." Dawitsu finished his speech, and then passed the lesson to Yutaka.

Yutaka smiled slightly, "Thank you, Boss... say thank you, class..."

Upon receiving a command by the great Yutaka, the class said, "Thank you, Boss..."

"It's Mister Dawitsu to you..." Dawitsu muttered under his breath.

Yutaka sweat-dropped, "Uh... anyway, let me show you Aluminium in it's state that it appears in at room temperature..."

_The class went on as interestingly as possible, with the class of Gensokyo receiving an experiment that was unlikely to be seen in any primary schools of the outside world due to the lack of magicians permeating the area._

_The interesting atmosphere soon deteriorated once Dawitsu had to explain the theory behind the state changes in Aluminium, at which point some students fell asleep at the desk. Dawitsu felt tempted to throw a board rubber at the sleeping students, but regressed in the end, and simply accepted that he was probably not going to be all that popular with the kids..._

Author's Notes: Well, that was... that. Well, whaddya think, I'm not sure I handled this chapter all too great, but... DAMN, was it eventful.

So much so that I felt calming teaching scenes needed to be added, to reduce the intensity. The brain needs, not instant ripping from stimulation after over-stimulation, but a gradual warm-down, kind of like the body...

Blah blah blah, imagine a huge set of Author's notes here, I really don't have much to say...


	4. 04: See reporters, take warning

Touhou Doujin: Jean's Magical Education

**Chapter 4: See Reporters, take warning**

_Hakurei Shrine, ten anti-meridian_

Jean Franc woke up from his relatively comfortable sleep in his futon, noticing Reimu hadn't woken up yet. He decided that after the somewhat embarrassing events of yesterday that he should make her breakfast.

However, he didn't have the first clue about making Japanese-style food, nor was there anything ready-made in that he could easily cook. After a quick think, he decided against the idea, and decided to go back to sleep. However, before he could, a voice called out to him from outside.

"Hey, Jean! Are you still there?" Marisa's voice shouted from beyond the door, "I have someone who wants to meet you..."

Jean face-palmed, not wanting to meet new people for a while. Fortunately for him, when he opened the door, he noticed it wasn't someone new, but someone he had met before.

Marisa was standing next to Fujiwara no Mokou, and the latter bowed slightly as she said, "Hello again..."

"Ah, hello Miss... Mokou, is that correct?" Jean asked, "So, why is it you are here?"

Marisa shrugged her shoulders, "She didn't tell me, she was just asking for your whereabouts..."

Mokou decided to take over from here, "Yes, well, there's a reason for that..."

Marisa chuckled, "Oh, well it must be suspicious, then! I'll be sure to tell Aya and Hatate about this secretive behaviour..."

"You dare and I'll kill you..." Mokou threatened, fully intending to carry out the threat.

Jean sweat-dropped, "Uh... perhaps it is best that this doesn't become a fight..."

Reimu could be heard upstairs, and it was as Marisa began to say, "Well, if you want to kill me, please can you give all the books I've borrowed back to all the..." that the shrine Maiden came into view, seemingly wearing a pot on her head.

Marisa stifled a laugh, Mokou rolled her eyes, and Jean asked the question on all three's minds, "Why are you wearing a pot on your head?"

"Shut up... I don't want anyone to see my face... soon I'll be the local joke..." Reimu whined, "Anyway, what are you doing on my property? I know there's you, Marisa, but who's with you? It isn't a youkai, is it?"

Mokou muttered, "If you took the ridiculous head covering off you'd know that I'm a human..."

"Oh... okay... so, who is it?" Reimu asked again.

Jean walked up to Reimu before she stumbled into the wall, lifting the pot off her head, "I can not allow you to keep wearing that..."

Reimu swiped the cooking vessel back off Jean, "Hey, I'm in charge! If I want to wear it, I will... oh, hello, Mokou..."

Mokou nodded, "Hello. I am here to ask this man a few questions, you wouldn't mind if I stayed, would you?"

Reimu placed the pot back on her head, and said, "Um... if Marisa gets out, yes. I'm sure _she _knows why..."

"Hey, it isn't my fault you're a rabid love machine..." Marisa stated the truth.

"Well, Mokou, you can let Marisa stay and leave without your questions being answered, or you can help me kick her out... your choice..." Reimu offered.

Jean asked, "That is unfair, is it not? I don't think that this is the..."

But before Jean could finish, both Reimu and Mokou were taking pot shots at Marisa, who soon got on her broom and flew off, shouting, "I'll see you later, Jean! Don't let Reimu..."

However, the rest of her speech was obscured due to distance, and Reimu smiled from underneath her pot, "Okay, question away..."

Jean sighed, and decided to go along with it, "Fine, what is it that you want to ask?"

"Well, I was wondering... the outside world, has anyone found the Hourai Elixir? And drank it, like I have?" Mokou asked.

"What is this... Hourai Elixir?" Jean thought to himself, then remembered the article he had read on Fujiwara no Mokou, "Ah, the serum of immortality?"

"Yes... has anyone drank it?"

"Well, I do recall reading a journal of the sciences that mentioned that lobsters have the eternal life and that the scientists are trying to extract the..." Jean became excited, however this excitement got removed as Mokou interrupted him.

"But... does that render you unable to be killed? I've eaten a lobster before..." Mokou remarked.

"No, the lobsters can die, but only if they are killed. They have... what is it... er... the Télomérase... it stops the ageing..." Jean sighed, "But if they are killed, it doesn't stop that..."

Mokou mumbled, "As I thought... so the Elixir truly is magical after all... is there a way to destroy... that age-stopping chemical?"

Jean looked into Mokou's eyes... they were a moderately deep red, and within them lay a yearning... a yearning to simply age, grow old and die, like any other human. The quite disconcerting colour of the eyes seemed mellower than a normal human with red contacts, almost as if the colour had faded over time.

"...You think that it is the Télomérase that has made you this way?" Jean shook his head, "No, there is more... I can just tell. So, you can get killed, but come back? Is it painful? My book claims it is..." Jean Franc wasn't sure if this was an entirely appropriate question to ask.

Not quite remembering her article, Mokou said, "I'm sure whatever it says, it's an understatement... all the different ways I have died, all the varying levels of pain... I've been through everything a human cares to go through..."

Reimu actually took pity on Mokou, putting her hand on her shoulders, "You're making me grateful that I will die at some point... if that makes you feel any better. It's just, if I were you, I'd hate those who take death for granted more than anyone else..."

Of course, her speech lost all power due to it being delivered from under a pot, but Mokou nodded, "Yes, it's true... but please don't gloat me by flaunting your ability to die..."

Jean's eyes started to fill, and Mokou picked up on this almost instantly, "What's the matter? I'm not upsetting you, am I?"

Jean shook his head, "No, no, it's nothing... are... are... you able to suffer from... the maladie du motoneurone?"

"What's that?"

"It is a disease that renders you unable to do anything... you are fully aware of what you want to do... but your body does not respond to your thoughts.. you are trapped... and eventually, you become unable to breath, and it is then... when... pourquoi avez-vous du etre conduite, Patricia?"

"Sorry, what did you say, I'm not familiar with your language..." Mokou muttered, wanting to know what he said without hurting his quite evidently delicate feelings.

"It does not matter... anyway, if you have been in that situation, it is _then _that you truly wish for death..." Jean looked downwards, then turned from Mokou, trying his best not to cry.

Reimu took the pot off her head, and said, "Hold on, what's wrong, Jean? Is it about your..."

"YES! IT IS ABOUT MY WIFE!" Jean exploded, "My wife wanted to die more than anything... she could not say it... but I saw it in her eyes... she was pleading... do you know what it's like to want to see the one you love die?"

Mokou felt a pang of guilt tear through her chest, "I... If I knew, I wouldn't have asked you... how do these people stay alive for as long as they do?"

Jean spat through his teeth, "Ils le forcent... á rester en vie... il est inutile, elles ne seront jamais guerís..."

Mokou quietly said, "Forget I asked... I'm sorry, I was being selfish."

The immortal woman began to walk out of Reimu's house, when Jean said, still facing away from Mokou, "I'm sorry. It was impossible for you to have known about that..."

Reimu was stunned, "I... I'm sorry I've... been the way I've been to you, Jean. If I knew you'd been through that, I would never have kissed you, or even thought of you in that..."

Jean grabbed his broom, and put on his hat, "Do not hate yourself, I shouldn't have let you... anyway, I am going to see Marisa, if that is okay with you..."

Mokou's expression lifted a little, "Can I be the one to lead you there? If it is not too much trouble, I want to ask you a few more questions..."

Reimu's sombre expression soon became an indignant one, "HEY! He's living with me, I'll take him!"

Jean face-palmed, "We could just go out as a group of three..."

Mokou and Reimu both sweat-dropped, somewhat bemused after coming to the realisation that they were both fighting over a triviality...

After grabbing all the necessary supplies and carving holes in her pot, Reimu walked out of her house, followed by Jean, and shortly after, Mokou. Jean wondered how the pot would conceal her identity considering Reimu's somewhat distinctive getup of red and white with detached sleeves.

After a short silence, Jean continued the conversation, "So, what other questions do you have to ask me?"

Mokou smiled, "Well, one of my other questions was... do I look young compared to women of the outside world?"

Reimu mused at Mokou's vanity, "Hmph! That's a stupid thing to ask..."

"No, it is not..." Jean defended Mokou, "It is strange, because you do look young in the body and the face, but... your hair, it is unlike any humans at all... like that of an ageing woman, but not as... how would you say it... crépus? Er... like the filaments... ah, wiry, that is the word! Yes, your hair is not as wiry as the old women, but is as white as them..."

Mokou grinned at hearing an entire speech all about her looks, "So... would you consider me... beautiful?"

"Uh..." Jean whispered to Reimu, "What do I do? I don't want to tell her she isn't, but she might become angry if I say she is... and I have seen her when she is angry..."

Reimu whispered back, "I'm not sure... I know if I were her, I'd like to hear that I'm pretty..."

Mokou knew what they were talking about, "So, why are you being quiet? Are you hiding something from me?"

Jean laughed nervously, "Er... I am... how you say... unsure how to answer that question..."

Jean was beginning to wonder if all these women were desperate for male attention... surely the case of Sappho of Lesbos applied to most of the women here, right? That said, Marisa seemed quite in control of that side of her...

"Oh, I see... okay, the other question I want to ask is this: I've heard great tales of the ability to manipulate fire being widespread in the outside world... is it true?" Mokou swiftly moved on from the previous conversation.

"Well, we used to use fire for everything, from transport to the warming of the houses... but we now simply use fire to produce the electricity, as that is... easier to use, I think..." Jean answered.

"Fire can be transformed into electricity?" Mokou was impressed, "Just how does that work?"

Jean tried to think back to his time in school, "There was... I think that it worked by using the magnetic metals... the generator, as you would say in English. It uses the steam from heating water to spin itself around, as it is usually connected to... a turbine? Yes, a turbine... and... well, it is complex, but if you have wires near this spinning magnet, it gets what is called le courant electrique... I mean, the Electric Current, and... er, I am sorry, that is all I know..."

Reimu pondered, "So, that metal wheel that Nitori was attaching to the geyser... was that a turbine?"

"Who is this Nitori?" Jean asked.

"A kappa... a sort of water youkai, for the sake of simplicity, who likes technology from the outside world a lot..." Reimu stopped to sigh, "...She's annoying as hell, but she claims to be making all of our lives easier, or something..."

_Youkai Mountain, Hatate's house, ten-thirty anti-meridian_

Hatate was passed out on her desk, while Aya was snorting ink and typing frantically in the seat next to her, her tongue slightly out of her mouth. Both tengu had been up all night discussing the best ideas for a story, and how to announce that they, for whatever reason, had now become partners in crime.

Aya stopped typing for a moment to take another monumental snort from the bottle of ink beside her, and exhaled slowly, "Oooh... that's the stuff..."

Her solvent-sniffing revelry was soon ended by the door unexpectedly opening. Alice Margatroid entered the house, followed by Byakuren Hijiri.

Aya pushed the bottle of ink away from herself so as to deny her habit, but did it so quickly that she knocked it over, dying the table black. "Uh... ah... what are you doing here?"

"I was just for a date with Byakuren... it's much stranger that you're here, if you want the truth. So, are you ruining your competition's paper..." Alice began to accuse Aya of sabotaging the paper, but noticed that Hatate was sleeping right next to where Aya was sitting, "Uh... Hatate, what's going on?"

Hatate slowly lifted her head from the table she'd been resting it on, and mumbled, "Like, is there something wet in my hair?"

Aya sweat-dropped as she noticed the spilt ink which was now making Hatate's hair black, "Uh, no, you don't..."

Alice folded her arms, "So, you going to explain this?"

Hatate put her hand to her hair, and looked at it to clarify that her head was covered in ink. She scowled slightly, and then explained, "Like, me and Aya are business partners now! You won't believe it... the shrine maiden... she has a boyfriend!"

"Sanae, or Reimu?" Alice knew that living on the Youkai mountain usually involved worshipping at the Moriya shrine over the Hakurei Shrine.

"Reimu Hakurei..." Aya continued for Hatate, "She's been acting odd for a while, then I saw her beating up that sky neighbour of hers I discovered, and became interested..."

"And, like, I wanted to see what else I could write up about that crazy youkai man who's dating Yukari, then saw him getting battered..." Hatate told her side of the story, "Anyway, we saw that shortly after, the normal magician came out with two unfamiliar people,..."

"Well, one for me..." Aya added.

"But anyway, she then kissed the man of the group, and that's when I..."

"And I..."

The two reporters then spoke in unison, "THAT'S WHEN WE TOOK OUR PICTURES!"

The tengu got out their prints, and showed them off to Alice and Byakuren, and the latter remarked, "I say, I never expected a shrine maiden to be able to kiss so passionately... aren't they supposed to remain virgins?"

"Are they? I didn't think they did..." Aya smirked, "Regardless of whether they're supposed to or not, let's make it a scandal!"

Byakuren turned red, "Uh... perhaps it would be best if you didn't slander the Shinto faith... I mean, it's been through it's fair share of battles with Buddhism, but I wouldn't want to be responsible for any additional conflict..."

Hatate butted in, "Then, like, we'll make you an Anonymous source! You have my word!"

Alice was still getting her head round the photographic evidence of Reimu being with a man. "This... do you know who this man is?"

"Like, perhaps he's the same as the guy who's dating Yukari!" Hatate hypothesised, "I can see it now... Taiyou Tencho: Two-timer between the species!"

Alice said, "Look, I know that perhaps to you, all men look the same, but I know these two men are completely different..."

Aya sniggered, "Yeah, not to mention that we saw _that _guy getting beaten up by her moments before... you're not very sharp, are you, Hatate?"

Hatate was not to be defeated, though, "No! You don't get it... perhaps it's an abusive relationship! Perhaps we could put in a little 'If you've been affected by today's issue' segment..."

Alice shook her head, and pointed to the pictures, "Look at him... he's very different to Daw... uh... Tencho. He has light brown hair, while Tencho has black hair, and it's in a different style. He's also wearing different clothes, but it does make you wonder why Yutaka... uh... the girl with pink hair... was following him around."

Aya was piecing together the evidence, "My theory is this: There are _two _new men in Gensokyo... one is this Taiyou person Hatate's talking about, the other is this mystery lover of Reimu. Hold on... Hatate, show me a photo of Taiyou Tencho..."

Hatate obliged, and then Aya said, despite Alice's repeated silent indications not to, "Oh, that guy looks an awful lot like that Dawitsu fellow..."

Hatate cocked her head, "Like, who's Dawitsu?"

Byakuren spoke up, "Alice told me all about him... apparently he was the first person Alice..."

Alice cut in, "I told you not to say anything about that..."

"...but you seemed pretty loud and proud about it at the time..." Byakuren pointed out.

Hatate got up, and walked up to Alice, "Like, you're my deputy... you tell me everything. Like, what secret are you keeping from me?"

Aya sat back in her chair, and tapped her Tokin, "Isn't it obvious by her efforts to hide it? This is how I know you're inexperienced..."

"Oh! Well, like, if it's so obvious, why don't you just say it?" Hatate shouted, "So, who's this Dawitsu?"

Alice felt forced into a corner, "He's... a good friend of mine. He's... helped me fix my house, got me to talk to you about finding love... he even... let me kiss him..."

Hatate's face broke into an expression resembling pure ecstasy, "AH HA HA HA! Hear that, Aya? There's our page two story! Tencho revealed to be Dawitsu! Cheating nature revealed by Anonymous former lover!"

Alice blushed, "I wasn't his lover..."

Aya, remarkably the calmer of the two tengu, said, "I wouldn't focus too much on that. The issue at hand is the man we don't know... all we know is that he has a strange accent, almost reminiscent of... AH HA!"

Alice, Hatate, and Byakuren simultaneously fulfilled the unasked of request, "What have you figured out?"

"...I went to the outside world with that Dawitsu fellow, and the people in a certain part of it called... Bayeux, I think... spoke in a different language, known as French, if I remember rightly..." Aya pointed to the ceiling with pride in her intelligence, "...and this language caused the users to, when speaking English, have an odd, almost broken-sounding accent, just like the accent this man had..."

Hatate knew where this was going, "So, the only place the man could have come from was..."

After yet another mind meld, the two shouted, "THE OUTSIDE WORLD!"

Byakuren sighed to herself, "Alice, if you want, we can go to the temple another time, if you're busy..."

"No, no, I'll go with you..." Alice half-promised, hoping that the Tengu wouldn't require assistance.

Of course, Hatate smashed that hope, "Like, no! We need you to attest that you know the identity of Taiyou Tencho! You also need to attest that you kissed him!"

Aya shook her head, "Prioritise the front-page issue... your stupid crack pairings can wait, this here pairing is FOR REAL!"

"But, like, how are we going to find out the name of this new man?" Hatate asked.

Aya smiled, and turned to Alice, "Hey, Alice, just go on your date with Byakuren as planned, but if you come across Reimu, tell me. If she's with the man, ask for his name, okay?"

"But she knows I work for Hatate..." Alice pointed out.

"Ah... I guess if I know then everyone else will too..." Aya rubbed her chin slightly, "I know... Byakuren, _you _ask them. If you do the asking, it won't look suspicious."

Alice sighed to herself, "I never realised being an assistant to a reporter was such a hard job..."

_The Forest of Magic, outside Marisa's house, noon_

Jean was reading a spell-book, while making a pair of options float beside him. "Magic A, Magic A, the enemy in front will fry today..."

A large, green, explosive shot fired from both options simultaneously. Marisa clapped for Jean, with Reimu unenthusiastically saying, "Yay."

Marisa patted Jean on the back, "Now, all you need to do, just like you're getting saying 'Green Shot, Green Shot, boy do you hurt a lot' quickly, is say the spell repeatedly several times over. Then, when you've got the hang of that, say 'Green Shot, Green Shot, boy do you hurt a lot, Magic A, Magic A, the enemy in front will fry today'... that's both spells all together... over and over..."

"What will that do?" Jean asked.

Reimu snorted, "Isn't it obvious? You'll shoot both types of shot over and over..."

Marisa put her hands to her hips, "Reimu's right! That's an attack type I like to call 'Barrage A'. I only use it when the opponents the one throwing around the spell-cards..."

Jean asked, "What are these... spell-cards you speak of?"

Mokou, who had been standing in the sidelines in silence, pulled a card from her pocket, saying "This", and threw it to Jean, who caught it perfectly.

He observed the card... it had a title that read 'Hourai: Fujiyama Volcano'. As well as the title, a few commands were written on it: 'Release familiars in a cluster, trigger a large explosion. Once detonated, fire straight at enemy, and move so as to evade fire. Release waves of bullets periodically during previous steps, and once the cycle is over, release three clusters of familiars, each directly at the enemy, then fire as before.'. A picture in the centre of the card demonstrated what the attack looked like.

"So... it is an attack?" Jean asked.

"Yes." Reimu placed a hand on the back of her head, "I invented the rules. Basically, if you start a spell-card, the other person can't use a spell card, and if they do, they lose what I call a 'spell card bonus'. No-one can use other people's spell-cards, they are personal to the creator. Some day, I'll teach you how to make them... but not now."

Marisa nodded, "Agreed, you're not ready yet... and Reimu, there is one exception to the..."

"Don't remind me of that guy..." Reimu muttered, "He needs exterminating, I swear..."

_The Human Village, Keine's Village School, about the same time_

The dinner bell was rang by the school cook, and the children flooded out of Dawitsu's classroom, all acting as if they had been deprived of food for years rather than hours.

After the class was empty, Dawitsu exhaled, and placed his teacher's hat on the desk as he reclined in the desk's seat, "Ugh... what a day... I wish someone would just come up and exterminate me..."

Yutaka nodded, "Yeah, I can't believe that the same seven people who gave me an apple also fired spit-balls at you... I guess children must be easily influenced by their peers..."

Dawitsu suddenly tensed up, and slammed his fist on the desk, "It was nothing to do with peer pressure! They all love you, and hate me! You don't have to lie to make me feel better..."

"Well... what are you going to do? Are you going to continue teaching?" Yutaka didn't quite know how to deal with this situation.

"Of course I am! They'll warm up to me, I know it! In fact... tomorrow, we're gonna have a cosplay party!" Dawitsu gained determination from the mere implication that he was a quitter.

"A... cosplay party? But how will that teach them any..." Yutaka began to ask, but was stopped in her tracks.

"Now... all I have to do is set them a homework of making an outfit... in fact... no, it won't be 'homework', that would just make me more unpopular... I'm going to ask them what their favourite Youkai is, and then make all the outfits in one night!" Dawitsu seemed perfectly fine with wasting his hours just to be 'cool' to a bunch of human children.

Yutaka sighed. There was no way she was going to change his mind. "So, should we eat lunch? I got the cook to make us some tomato soup..."

Dawitsu began to leave the classroom, as did Yutaka. "That's brilliant, I've been dying for a good..." Dawitsu stopped when he noticed that Hatate was in the School Kitchen, delivering a newspaper to the Cook. After she saw Dawitsu looking at her, she quickly scrambled away.

Yutaka grinned, "Oh, it's finished already? I wonder what's in it?"

"What's finished?"

"Well, I didn't tell you, but last night, there was news coverage when Jean decided to reconcile with Reimu... read it..." Yutaka explained.

Dawitsu walked up to the cook, "Hello there... hey, can I check out that paper?"

The Cook, a short, brown-haired woman in her thirties, replied with a simple, "Yeah, sure." and handed the newspaper to him.

As he read the front page, Dawitsu's face smiled from brim to brim, "Pfff... ha ha ha ha ha! That's... oh, that's so funny! A scandal involving Reimu! I can't wait to see her face when she reads this..."

After turning the pages, he continued to smile, until he came to page six. His expression suddenly became an embarrassed one in a noticeable enough manner for Yutaka to ask, "What's wrong?"

Yutaka attempted to see the article for herself, but Dawitsu held the paper out of Yutaka's reach, "No, you're not gonna see it, it's too..."

However, the children in the dinner room noticed this taking place, and one child said, "No fair! Let Miss Hadekawa read the newspaper!"

"Yeah, stop bullying her for her height!" a short child who related to Yutaka's problem added.

Dawitsu continued to hold the paper above his head, "No-can-do, kids..."

Yutaka thought for a moment, then decided to use her inexplicable popularity to her advantage, "Okay, kids... I want you to jump at Mr Dawitsu when I reach three..."

Dawitsu panicked, "Uh... no... don't, kids... I forbid you to do it!"

Yutaka smiled with confidence, "Okay... one... two..."

Dawitsu shook under pressure, but refused to give in.

Yutaka continued, "Two and a half... two and two-thirds... two and three-quarters..."

Her dragging out of the countdown was torturous to both Dawitsu and the children, so much so that finally Dawitsu gave up the newspaper without a fight.

Yutaka opened to page six, and read the headline: 'Mystery Two-timer Youkai Male revealed to be Mateyuu Dawitsu!' The sub-heading read 'Sources have seen him being with both Yukari Yakumo and an anonymous lover who's a close associate of the newspaper!'.

"Oh... well, Boss, I never knew this... so you really do like Yukari after all..." Yutaka joked.

Dawitsu turned red, and instantly lost composition, "Uh... you know that's not true! It was a misunderstanding when I was getting chocolate for your chocolate brownies! And... I don't know who this mystery woman is!"

"Oh, is that so... she said that he helped her rebuild her house, and encouraged her to find love... I know _exactly_ who this is..." Yutaka tried to hold back a snicker, but in the end did so, "Oh, Boss, I don't feel so special any more..."

The children, after listening to their new favourite teacher deriding their least favourite teacher about love issues, began to chant, "Dawi and Yukari, sitting in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G! First comes love, second comes marriage, third comes a youkai in a baby's carriage!"

Dawitsu stormed out of the dining room, "That's it, I'm not hungry! Screw this, I'm out of here..."

Yutaka knew where her priorities lied. "Wait, Boss! Come back!"

Yutaka followed her Boss out of the lunch hall, and shouted, "Boss, wait!"

Dawitsu stamped his right foot once, and swivelled himself around, "Thanks a lot, Yutaka! I wish you didn't insist on taking in every piece of gossip you spot!"

Yutaka stopped going after her boss, and looked down in thought, "Yes... I'm... sorry about that, Boss..."

"Hell, the damage is done, now! Enjoy teaching the kids on your own, I give up! It's quite clear... AFTER ONE FRICKIN' DAY that the kids hate me..." Dawitsu seemed to ignore the apology.

"They... they don't hate you..."

"...easy for you to say! Go on, I've got stuff to do now that this libel's been published..." Dawitsu folded his arms and walked out of the building.

"Hold on! Boss, don't take..." Yutaka ran out of the building to try and stop him, but he was already in the sky by the time she'd caught up, "...revenge..."

_As a furious, humiliated Dawitsu flew across the sky towards Youkai Mountain, a cautious, super-secret pair of Youkai agents were being dispatched from Youkai Mountain to find out the mystery man's name. The Mystery Man in question had no idea he was of interest at the time, and merely continued trying to recite spells at super speed in ENGLISH, no less... all the time while Marisa watched with pride._

Author's notes: Ugggggh... FIVE HOURS OF WRITING. CINQUE HEURES. CINCO HORAS. HAMASSU JAHASSAD. GO-JIKAN. (Dies)

Hello there... just let me know what you think, kay? I have a particular interest, or should I say, sympathy, with sufferers of motor neurone disease... a man I knew, Nick, died last year from it. He had a speaker, similarly to Stephen Hawking, but he couldn't operate it as well. And even though his face was permanently stuck in a smile, I could just... sense that he was frustrated when, upon wanting to ask for a book in Spanish, the machine translated it as 'Span Kish'. No-one knew what he meant, until I suggested 'Spanish'.

It's a horrible disease, and the fact that people like Stephen Hawking exist prove that the sufferer is very much aware of their predicament... they think EXACTLY like an able-bodied person, but are trapped in a non-functional body... it's... a horrible disease. Gladly, though, Hawking hasn't lost an ounce of his intelligence, and no doubt his disease motivates his ever more to become a great thinker of the world... for his mind is all his body has left...


	5. 05: Vengeance is rarely sweet

Touhou Doujin: Jean's Magical Education

**Chapter 5: Vengeance is rarely ever sweet...**

_Youkai Mountain, Hatate's House, one post meridian_

Hatate returned to her house, satisfied with her delivery of the new Bunbunmaru Spirit News papers, and took instantly to lying down on her couch.

"Ah, that feels good... like, Aya should be the delivery girl, she can fly so much quicker than I can..." Hatate noticed a person from the corner of her eye, and said, "Hi there, Alice... can you, like, make me some tea? I'm exhausted..."

The person was actually Dawitsu, and he put on a voice resembling Alice's to say, "Certainly... so, how was your day?"

Hatate closed her eyes, and sighed, "Oh, it's been crazy, I almost got mauled to death by a Bear Youkai... but of course it was no match for me..."

Dawitsu had walked out of her view by this point to make her the cup of tea, and asked, "So, what kind of tea do you want?"

"Oh, can I, like, have green tea?" Hatate requested.

"Certainly..." a dark smile formed on Dawitsu's face as he added chilli powder and iron-three albumin to a cup of boiling water. He walked towards Hatate, carrying the 'tea' with care.

"Say, Alice, you got back here, like, really early. So, did you find out who the mystery man was?" Hatate asked, taking the cup from 'Alice' without looking at either 'her' or the cup.

Dawitsu stared with a smirk on his face as Hatate took a large swig from the tea cup, and after a short delay of around five seconds, Hatate spat the tea back out, and screamed, "AH! Like, what did you put in this?"

Upon looking at the deliverer of the tea properly for the first time, she realised she hadn't been talking to Alice all this time. Dawitsu spat, "HA! That stuff will dye your tongue green... it won't be removed, no matter what... and, you know what they say..."

Hatate soon clocked on to the significance of this visitor... it was Dawitsu, the person Aya and Alice had mentioned, the person who the most recent issue had purported to be a two-timer, "Like, what are you doing here? Why are you..."

Dawitsu placed his face as close to Hatate's as possible, and shouted, "YOU DON'T GET TO INTERRUPT ME! Finish the proverb! What kind of person has a green tongue?"

Hatate quivered slightly, but maintained an outwardly confident demeanour. "People who've just been pointlessly pranked?"

"LIERS!" Dawitsu screamed, and grabbed Hatate by the collar, "Why did you post that... TRASH about me? Tell me! WHY?"

Hatate smirked, "Because you gave me opportunity to... what else could you have been thanking Yukari for?"

Dawitsu raised his hand, almost ready to slap the tengu in the face, but yielded, "Chocolate, if you must know. And... how did you get in touch with Alice? I know she's been working with the paper since the last issue, so tell me... when?"

"...like, she said it was thanks to you that she came here..." Hatate told the truth, free of sarcasm, in the hopes that Dawitsu would let her go.

Dawitsu started breathing heavily, and dropped Hatate to the floor, "W-what do you mean by that?"

"What I mean is that it was _that _kiss with you that made her want to search for love, it was _your _encouragement that made her want to advertise herself here, and it was ultimately _your _action that made her tell me everything!" Hatate explained from the lower ground, "It's tengu nature to want to report it as speculatively as possible! How am I supposed to know whether she's telling the truth that you're just friends..."

"Well, stop reporting it speculatively!" Dawitsu shouted, and stopped to consider his next action, "Heh, well, that green colour is permanent... your mouth will stay that colour for the rest of your life, unless you swallow a reducing agent..."

Hatate spluttered, "P-permanent? B-b-b-but I've only just started delivering the paper in person! I can't... deliver if my mouth looks like..."

Dawitsu proceeded to pull a vial out of his cloak's inner pocket, "However... I may be willing to give you a reducing agent... for a cost..."

"So, that stuff will... what will that do?" Hatate was confused by the terminology Dawitsu was using.

Dawitsu continued in the same language, "It will reduce the Iron-three ions that are dying your tongue and mouth green into Iron metal, at which point a black residue will form in your mouth that you'll easily be able to wash out... the solution I've got here is Sodium Hydride, it will form hydrogen in your mouth, so you may have a squeaky voice temporarily... and stay away from open flames during that time... a small price to pay to stop the permanent dye, right?"

Hatate wasn't liking this at all, "...So, what do you want for it?"

"I want you to print a retraction... I've made Aya do a similar thing before after she published slanderous things about me..." Dawitsu proposed, "You have to apologise for your page six article, and you have to promise to never write a story about me again... and if you do..."

"I'll pop by again, this time with a less light-hearted present for you..." Dawitsu felt surprisingly harsh in threatening the reporter like this, "So... do you want the Sodium Hydride?"

Hatate thought it over... this dye was permanent... or so he said... and it's not like she had any proof otherwise, so she would have to go with him on this one.

"Fine!" Hatate swiped the vial off Dawitsu, and uncapped it, "Like, bottoms up!"

After swilling the solution around her mouth, Hatate gulped the remainder down foolishly, but Dawitsu neglected to tell her the danger until after she did so.

"Uh... Hatate, if you swallow the mixture, you'll have a high-pitched voice for much longer than if you had spat it out..." Dawitsu mumbled, smiling a little.

"What are you..." Hatate suddenly heard her own voice go up an octave mid-sentence, "...no! So like, how long is it going to last? I can't work with Aya like this!"

"Well, if you hadn't have swallowed it... six to nine minutes... but now you've swallowed it... I'd give six to nine hours..." Dawitsu estimated.

"SIXTY NINE HOURS?" Hatate shrieked in a ridiculously squeaky voice, "NO! That's like, six days..."

"Actually, it's closer to three..." Dawitsu corrected, "But what I said was six _to _nine hours... anyway, I'd wash the iron powder from your mouth before it re-oxidises to Iron-three ions..."

Hatate nodded, and drank directly from her kappa-made water-pump, rinsed around her mouth, and walked to her sink, and spat out the horrible black mixture of iron and water.

"Thank you for understanding..." Dawitsu calmly said, turning his back from Hatate as he approached the door, "I hope that the message is clear, and you _will _carry out what I asked of you..."

"You, like, have my word..." Hatate attempted to say in a sincere manner, but her voice removed the intentional tone from them.

"I hope that's true... by the way, do you want to know the name of the man who Reimu brought in from the outside world?" Dawitsu turned to face Hatate one last time, "Because I know..."

Hatate rubbed her hands together with glee, "Like, sure... tell me now!"

Dawitsu stifled a laugh at Hatate's voice, only now starting to think of how stupid it sounded, "...his name is Jean Franc Levoisier. He seems to be a nice guy. Reimu is very protective of him, and he has a copy of a book written by yours truly... and that's all I really know about him. I just thought that seen as you're now one story short thanks to me, that at least I could give you more information on the story that seems to matter the most to you..."

Hatate seemed puzzled, "So, like, do you hate me, or do you want to help me?"

"As long as you humiliate me, you're my enemy. Also, I'm pretty sure that Yukari's pretty..." Dawitsu failed to finish the sentence as he got hit on the head by a parasol coming from a gap.

As he collapsed, Hatate gulped. She wished that she'd have taken Aya's advice of prioritising the front-page issue instead of concentrating on information that most certainly would anger two powerful youkai.

The gap widened, and after stepping out of said gap, Yukari pointed her fan at Hatate, "SO! You think you can slander the great Yukari Yakumo, not once, but twice!"

Hatate sweat-dropped and in a shrill voice, stuttered, "N-n-n-not at all! I was merely confident in your ability to pick up a man, Miss Yakumo..."

"That's why you had him cheat on me with..." Yukari caused a copy of the paper to fall into her hands via gap, and read over to analyse who the mystery woman may be, "...ALICE MARGATROID? Are you implying that neither of us are good enough for him, and that he'd WALTZ from one woman to the other?"

Dawitsu, dazed but still conscious, mumbled from the floor, "Yeah, she has a point, if I really was with Yukari, I'd at least stay faithful..."

"Shut up!" Yukari shouted, and stamped on Dawitsu's back, causing a noticeable cracking sound to be heard.

"Thanks, I've been having back cramp all day..." Dawitsu muttered, still face down on the ground.

Yukari stopped focusing on Dawitsu, and glared at the now paralysed Hatate, "Now, give me one reason for me not to alter the border between life and death and kill you right here... ONE!"

Hatate shivered from head to toe, and begged, "PLEASE! SPARE ME!"

Yukari scowled, but soon burst out laughing at hearing Hatate plead for her life in fifth octave C-major. "Okay, sorry, I have to know... why are you speaking like that?"

Dawitsu raised his hand from the floor, "Part of my revenge plot. It's okay, though, Yukari, don't let that stop you..."

Yukari nodded with a form of respect, "I've got to admit, that's fairly funny... you've got style. But anyway, where was I? Oh yeah... YOUR LIFE IS FORFEIT!"

Hatate, who previously was slightly relieved at the fact Yukari had gone off-focus, was now back to shaking in fear, "P-p-p-p-please don't kill me..."

Yukari formed a border underneath Hatate, and caused her to fall in front of her, and grabbed her by the collar in almost the exact same fashion Dawitsu did, "I want you to print a retraction..."

Hatate seemed to be experiencing Déjà vu, but if Dawitsu's former threat hadn't convinced her to print a retraction, Yukari's threat certainly did the job. "Like, sure! I'll d-do it! F-f-f-for both you guys! You don't have to worry! Just leave it to me!"

Yukari threw Hatate into her wall, and smiled, "Good. Well, I guess I should be going now..."

Dawitsu picked himself up, and said, "Hold on, can I come with you?"

"Why would you want to do that?" Yukari asked.

"Just because... well, I don't know, I guess there's nothing better to do..." Dawitsu shrugged his shoulders.

Yukari folded her arms, "Hmph! Fine, I guess there's no harm. Okay, I'll open up a gap, you enter after I do..."

Dawitsu nodded, and after Yukari did as she said she would, he entered the gap just in time for it to close.

Hatate, still pressed against the wall due to the sheer strength of Yukari's throw, stared blankly at the area the gap was. There was no question about it. If she valued her life, she would have to undo all her hard work making what Aya called 'crack pairings'...

_The Forest of Magic, two post meridian_

Jean was still practising reciting Marisa's spells at low-buzz level, a process so repetitive that both Mokou and Reimu had left to eat whatever they had planned for lunch, while Marisa was persistently, but unwillingly, staying with Jean.

"Gr-ot-oy-urt-lot-Mag-A-enem-front-fry-today-gr-ot-oy-urt-lot-Mag-A-enem-front-fry-today- gr-ot-oy-urt-lot-Mag-A-enem-front-fry-today..." Jean had managed to get the rate up to two recitals per second, over two solid hours of nothing but saying the spell over and over again.

Marisa was beginning to lose her sanity, "Ugh... Jean, can you give it a rest, you've been at it for at least five hours now..."

Jean, who was tracking how quickly he was saying the words, inserted, "It's-two-hours-in-reality..." into his recital session.

Marisa sighed to herself, "Oh, who was it who said that time goes slower when you're bored..."

Jean kept his pace, and inserted, "Albert-Einstein." when appropriate.

"Okay, Jean, I think you've had enough practice for one day... aren't you hungry?" Marisa asked.

Jean stopped his speech in his tracks. He gasped for air, and said, "Alright, Marisa... and yes, I am hungry. Have you made the Luncheon?"

"No, I was hoping I'd be able to eat at Reimu's place, but she left ages ago..." Marisa laughed to herself, "You're working harder than I did when I learned magic..."

Jean, still short of breath, slowly asked, "So, Reimu said about the... the spell-cards... how do you make them?"

"Well, first you need a piece of paper. Any will do..." Marisa answered, and pulled a scrap from her pocket, "Like this, for example. However, first, you need to find your own attack style before you plan out your more awesome attacks..."

"What do you mean? Isn't my attack style the shooting I was doing a moment ago?" Jean asked.

Marisa shook her head, "No, that was when you're... what was it Reimu called it... a player. When you're a... boss, that's when you use spell-cards... well, actually, you can bomb as a player, but that's a different thing entirely."

"Ah, so how do you act as... as you would say, a boss?" Jean's curiosity grew as he said the sentence.

"Well, I'll show you an example of what I do..." Marisa proceeded to get onto her broom, and flew up and into the sky. After stationing herself comfortably, she threw out five hakkeros, and caused them to orbit her as star-shaped projectiles fired from them.

The shots bombarded an area about five feet from Jean, but soon closed in on him. Side-stepping instinctively as a shot fired towards himself, Jean shouted, "Wait, why are you firing at me?"

"Don't you get it? I'm gonna be a Boss, so you're the player... if I were you, I'd get on your broom quickly..." Marisa taunted, and continued to fire at Jean regardless of the fact he was scrambling onto his broom.

Upon boarding the broom, Jean flew upwards so that he was level with Marisa. He smiled at his mentor, and asked, "So, is this a test?"

"Of sorts." Marisa rotated her hakkero familiars so that they would fire across the sky rather than at the ground, and continued her assault.

Jean weaved in and out of the stars, quite amazed at just how many were being fired at once. He pointed his left hand at Marisa, and began to recite his spells at his fastest possible rate. Upon noticing that Marisa actually got hit by his attack, he became apprehensive, but Marisa yelled, "Why are you stopping? You were doing great! Just keep shooting at me, I won't mind..."

Jean brought the broom to a halt, and turned it round to evade in the opposite direction, shooting as he went. After taking a few hits, Marisa shouted, "Okay, Jean, prepare to see a spell-card in action! Magic Sign: Milky Way!"

The star-shaped bullets from before disappeared to make way for _even more _star-shaped bullets, however, this time, there was a systematic method to their appearance. Waves were being released from moving hakkeros, and Jean was wondering why it was so easy... until the waves began to overlap in opposing directions.

The attack's twist caught Jean off guard, and he ran straight into a stray bullet released from the sides of what seemed to be an inexplicable 'box of reality'. The bullet knocked Jean off his broom, however, the broom flew down and caught him mid-fall.

Gasping with relief, Jean said to himself, "Cela aurait pu étre dangereuse..."

"I know I'm dangerous!" Marisa boasted, "But this is only the beginning! Alright, here we go! Magic Sign: Stardust Reverie!"

"But I am only recovering from the first..." Jean attempted to convince Marisa against continuing.

Jean's pleas were in vain, however, and Marisa proceeded to allow her hakkeros to adopt a much larger orbital radius. This time, however, they orbited in a spiral-like fashion, drawing in towards Marisa, dotting stationary stars as they went.

Trapped within walls of Danmaku, Jean was finding it difficult to see Marisa, yet decided to just fire straight forwards in the hopes of hitting her. He soon found out where she was once the stars began to move, also spiralling inwards towards Marisa, forcing Jean to fly in circles around her.

Marisa chuckled, "Heh, you know, there's an easier way to dodge it than that, you know..."

"Well, how am I to know that now?" Jean asked, before promptly continuing to recite his spells.

"With experience, you'll get it. Okay, prepare for your doom!" Marisa declared, and caused the Hakkeros that were once close to her to stay around the outside of the great arcanum she had formed, and fire countless high-speed stars around the circumference of the sphere of bullets. Also, the star-walls that were going inwards were now flying outwards, disorientating Jean, however, this time, Jean insisted on not getting hit.

He flew back into a vantage point he could see Marisa at, and fired mercilessly for as long as he could before he had to weave through another wall of stars.

"Hey, you can shoot and dodge at the same time, you know..." Marisa advised.

"It is easier saying that than it is to do!" Jean shouted back.

"Uh... you mean 'Easier said than done', right?" Marisa calmly and confidently corrected.

"Er... yes..." Jean mused before continuing his assault on Marisa.

Eventually, Marisa stopped firing, and admitted, "That was pretty good! You... what did Reimu call it? Oh yeah... you captured that spell-card! Now that you're getting better, how about I show you a _real _attack?"

Jean sighed, "So the others were not real?"

"You're so gullible! Of course they were, it's just these are harder..." Marisa laughed.

"...I was being sarcastic..." Jean explained.

Marisa sweat-dropped, "Uh... did I just get outwitted by someone who doesn't speak English properly?"

"Are you going to do the attack?" Jean asked, kicking himself for sounding so enthusiastic.

"Isn't someone keen! Sure! Love Sign: Non-directional Laser!" Marisa held up a spell-card as evidence, and summoned six orbiting hakkeros to shoot lasers on her behalf.

They turned on and off regularly, but apart from that, the attack was fairly easy to dodge, causing Jean to make a mockery of Marisa's first supposedly 'real' attack. He fired as much as he could, and finally caused Marisa to bring out the big guns.

"THAT'S IT! Say goodbye, this is LOVE SIGN: Master Spark!" Marisa pulled out her personal mini-hakkero from underneath her hat, and proceeded to aim it at Jean.

Jean knew what it was capable of, and moved right out of its range just before Marisa unleashed the destructive behemoth of a laser that is known as the Master Spark. However, what caught Jean off guard was how many other bullets were appearing as part of the after-shock of the laser.

"Sacrebleau!" Jean cursed as he swerved his broom to dodge one large star, only to fly head-on into another, placing Jean in gravity's capable hands once again.

This time, however, he wasn't lucky enough to be caught by his broom, and fell towards the ground, fully expecting to die.

Marisa noticed her error, and swiftly stopped her attack to rush downwards on her broom, however, she wasn't descending quickly enough to stop him.

Jean fell, panicking and screaming... and in a strange moment of intuition, asked Marisa, "Throw a hakkero at me!"

Marisa, who was catching up, did as asked, and Jean caught the hakkero as it descended.

Quickly, he shouted, "Je t'aime, Hakkero, vous étes mon seul espoir!"

Without delay, the Hakkero fired a massive beam towards the ground, providing enough force to break Jean's fall, not to mention about three feet's extra falling distance in the form of a charred crater...

Marisa swerved her broom so it was level with the ground, and dismounted it after noticing Jean lying face down in his self-made hole. Running up to the hole, she shouted, "Jean! Jean! Are you okay?"

After reaching the hole, she shook Jean a couple times, and reiterated, "Are you okay?"

She turned the man over, and looked at his face... it was fixed in a smile reminiscent of pure bliss. After staring into Marisa's eyes, Jean burst into laughter, "Ha ha! C'ETAIT LE PLUS DE PLAISIR QUE J'AI EU DANS MA VIE!"

Marisa couldn't tell by his raised voice whether he was ecstatic or angry, "Um... Jean, I'm sorry about that, I shouldn't have..."

Jean stood up, and kissed Marisa manically, before yelling"DO NOT APOLOGISE! That was so much fun! I could literally see the death right before my eyes! I had the adrenaline in my veins... and it felt FANTASTIC! HA HA! Let's do that again! Tu es la fille la plus impressionnante autour de vous!"

Marisa reddened slightly, but appreciated Jean's attitude, "So, you're an adrenaline junkie, are you? That makes training you a lot easier..."

"I am now! I have never felt as in danger as that before, but now that I've felt it, I know that it feels... FANTASTIC!" Jean laughed maniacally, before calming down considerably within a millisecond, "Er... sorry, I got... how do you say... er... carried away?"

Marisa smirked, "Oh, no, think nothing of it... I must admit, that was smart thinking of you... I wouldn't have been able to save you if you hadn't thought of that..."

The reality of that hit Jean squarely in the face, "So... I saved myself... independently? La plupart génial!"

"You can't help speaking that strange language when excited, can you?" Marisa remarked.

"Well, have you tried speaking in a way that you were unaware of for the first five years of your life? It is hard!"

_The Human Village, Keine's Village School, circa the same time_

Yutaka was demonstrating an electrical current by creating a Van de Graff generator and having the children take turns in touching it. Despite every one but the first child seeing the last one's hair stick up on end, each child seemed to be amazed by the tingling sensation achieved by touching the generator.

"Now, class, I'll need two volunteers to help me for this next trick..." Yutaka was feeling more like a stage magician than a teacher at the moment.

Five boys thrust their hands up, and shouted, "Me, Miss Hadekawa!"

Yutaka sighed, knowing that if Dawitsu were here, the male volunteers wouldn't be quite as... enthusiastic. "Okay... you, Hideki, and... Kyousuke..."

Hideki was the larger kid which understood the reciprocal rule, while Kyousuke was a quieter individual that didn't seem too crazy about Yutaka. Almost instantly, the other three boys started to complain.

"Hey, why'd you pick Hideki? He's fat!" the same brown-haired child who had been less than helpful before sharply shouted.

"Yeah, and Kyousuke's stupid! He doesn't know how to talk properly!" another child said.

Yutaka firmly said, "Be quiet, the pair of you! Okay, Hideki, come to the front... you too, Kyousuke..."

Upon the children doing so, Yutaka decided to spite the other boys a little. She knew these two were the unpopular kids simply by their looks, so picked the best method to induce jealousy in the two trouble-makers.

Yutaka smiled at Hideki, "Place your hand on the Van de Graff Generator..."

Hideki did as commanded, and Kyousuke asked, "Sh-should I d-d-d-do the same?"

The child had a noticeable stutter, but Yutaka simply replied, "Of course, you must have a good idea what's going to happen next, right?"

Both children shook their heads.

Yutaka half-looked at the brown-haired child, checking he was looking before she delivered her subtle punishment, then turned to the two volunteers. "Now, I want you two fine gentlemen to hold my hand... Hideki my left, Kyousuke my right..."

Kyousuke blushed, "B-b-b-b-b-b-but I've n-n-never held a g-g-girl's hand before..."

"Oh, really? You seem like quite the catch. If I were your age, I would like you..." Yutaka was partially telling the truth, as she'd always had a certain sympathy for the underdog.

His confidence strengthened, Kyousuke grabbed Yutaka's hand, and soon Hideki followed suit. The three soon went through the intended result of simultaneous electric shock, and the three's hair stood more on end than when one touched the Generator alone.

After a short pause to make sure the class saw what was going on, Yutaka released both of the children's hands, and they quickly dashed to their desks, bright red, but smiling to themselves with pride.

The brown-haired child was scowling, and said, "Hey, what did that even show? You stupid teacher, you're not letting anyone else have a go!"

"Have a go at what? All you want to do is hold my hand..." Yutaka replied at breakneck speed, causing the class to fall into chaos, and begin chanting, "Sosake likes a teacher! Sosake likes a teacher!"

The child, now known to be Sosake, spluttered, "W-w-well so do Hideki and Kyousuke!"

"But they didn't want to hold my hand, because they're gentlemen... just like..." Yutaka sighed, and thought about her boss for a moment, before snapping back into the situation wondering what the hell that was all about, "...uh, sorry... but, yes, they were modest, and did the job well! If I let you, you'd probably want a kiss afterwards... please leave the classroom..."

Sosake swiftly got up from his desk, and stood over Yutaka, "A GIRL NEVER TELLS ME WHAT TO DO!"

Yutaka stayed calm, and turned the boy's nose into a pencil, "Please leave this classroom. In fact, you don't have to worry about learning at all, you can leave for good..."

"But... but..."

"Go before I turn your arms into Baguettes..." Yutaka threatened.

With that, the child ran out of the lesson, slamming the door behind him and shouting, "I HATE THESE NEW TEACHERS!"

Yutaka smirked, and shook her head lightly, "That boy... sorry about that, class... anyway, the reason why the effect was amplified when we held hands was because we were forming a structure known as an electric circuit..."

_Yutaka continued to teach the class without her boss, a slight niggling feeling in the back of her mind telling her that he was either in trouble or causing it. In actual fact, he was merely hanging out with his somewhat friendly rival, Yukari Yakumo._

_Marisa, contrary to Jean's wishes, had called it a day on fighting him with Danmaku, and decided to make herself and Jean some Takoyaki Balls with Catfish on the inside. According to her the catfish came from the lake by the Scarlet Devil Mansion, and Hong Meiling had slain it with her bare hands..._

_Jean didn't question how Marisa knew such things, as he was too busy making up for his hard work by stuffing every ounce of food he could fit into his mouth._

Author's Notes: Damn, I be on a role, mah bois! So, once again, Yutaka proves to be the class idol, whereas Jean has finally promoted himself from innocent bystander to noobish participant.

Let me know what you think, okay? I lurrrv a good review, I still don't take 'em for granted even now! The kindly hater gave me a particularly touching review saying that my chapters make his day... that's just... sweet.

Thanks a lot, Mr Hater! I love all you fans, just so ya know! It's great that I have you guys to read my stuff, it gives me a good kick up the backside, forces me to write... knowing you guys are there just... it's so awesome!

Wait, did I just deliver the cheesy 'I love my fans' speech? I guess I did. But I do genuinely mean it, unlike some artists... being an amateur, love is the only currency to make it worthwhile, the likes of fifty cent have money and bitches to keep them going...

...but not I! You are my power, you are my motivation! I LOVE YOU!

The applause I'm hearing in my head right now is probably much louder than the actual applause occurring...


	6. 06: Don't expect a hug

Touhou Doujin: Jean's Magical Education

**Chapter 6: Don't expect a hug...**

_Mayohiga, three post meridian_

Yukari and Dawitsu walked together through the border-land of Gensokyo in complete silence, occasionally looking at each other awkwardly.

Finally, Yukari decided to ask, "Okay, just why did you ask to come along with me?"

"I..." Dawitsu scratched his head, "...I don't know. By the way, it's kinda cool that both of us were thinking in the same way, wasn't it? Thanks for showing up, I feared Hatate wouldn't carry out her end of the deal..."

"...of course she wasn't..." Yukari smirked to herself, "You're a spineless, pathetic man..."

"Love you too..." Dawitsu sarcastically replied, then sighed as he realised he had become a murderer of the conversation, "Uh... so... how are you?"

"Are you seriously asking me that?" Yukari folded her arms, "Well, if you really want to know, I'm quite happy at the moment. I think I've found the perfect replacement Shikigami..."

"Oh, really? What qualifications does she have?" Dawitsu said, assuming Yukari had a set of standards.

"Well, she's a thousand-year old Oni from the underground. She only has one demand, and that's plenty of alcohol. And I think I can provide that much. Apart from that, she's as strong as an elephant, and hard-working to boot. She's also honest, so I reckon she'd be perfect..." Yukari stopped, realising she was telling Dawitsu her entire personal life.

"Well, that's good..." Dawitsu smiled to himself, "...I've been trying my hand at..."

"Hey, you may be interested in my life, but I'm not interested in yours..." Yukari butted in.

"I'm gonna tell you whether you're interested or not, I need someone to talk to..." Dawitsu continued, ignoring Yukari's seemingly permanently rolled eyes, "...I've been teaching, and... well, it's not going well..."

"Why am I not surprised?" Yukari muttered.

Dawitsu failed to acknowledge Yukari's snark, "...anyway, Yutaka's loved by all the kids! It's frustrating, 'cos I want to be right there, teaching with her! I want to see her succeed, but..."

Yukari folded her arms, "As I've mentioned before, I deem Yutaka far more intelligent than you, and all I see is jealousy on your part. If I were you, I'd quit your dumb aspirations and accept that you're not a good teacher..."

"But... the kids didn't even give me a chance!" Dawitsu had switched into a mode resembling desperate self-justification, "They... the only reason they like Yutaka more is because she's a beautiful young woman!"

"Oh, is that what you call her?" Yukari giggled, "You're so unprofessional. Children have strong instincts, they are far more Id than Ego than the adult equivalents. Can't you see? They probably are being led by their instincts, so it's only natural that they'd like Yutaka better..."

Dawitsu smiled, "AH! And once they start to grow up and use their Egos, they'll warm up to me better, right?"

Yukari sweat-dropped, "Uh, well, I didn't quite mean that, it was intended to..."

Dawitsu lunged sideways, and hugged Yukari, "Aw, you may try to hide it, but you were being nice to me, weren't you? It may have been wrapped in wordplay, but I'm smart enough to see you were trying to make me feel better!"

"No, it's not like that at all..." Yukari noticed a set of animal youkai walking along a road perpendicular to the one she was walking down, and began to fear being noticed, "Uh... can you please get off me?"

Yukari's fears came true, and the youkai recognised both Yukari and Dawitsu, albeit the latter was only because the recent news. Dawitsu instantly let Yukari go, his face bright red.

A Cat Youkai said, "Hey, so the papers are true! Congratulations on the boyfriend, Miss Yakumo!"

Another Cat asked, "So, what do you think about him cheating on you? Have you forgiven him? That's so sweet!"

Dawitsu and Yukari were stuck, surrounded by the crowd of animals, unable to really answer any of their ridiculous questions. Yukari sighed, "Damn it, Dawitsu, you just _had _to be an idiot and hug me, didn't you?"

"Am I an idiot for liking it, too?" Dawitsu replied.

"Don't say that, it'll only encourage them!"

"Oh, sorry, I'm just trying to set up a ship tease, that's all..." Dawitsu grinned, and then addressed the audience, "I'm afraid what you read in the paper was wrong... if you don't believe us, the next issue will contain a retraction, no doubt..."

A Squirrel Youkai squealed a little, "Oh! You're such a Cutie-Pie, trying to defend your girlfriend's honour like that!"

Yet another Cat Youkai went closer to Dawitsu, and stroked his hair, "Oh, feel this hair! Silky smooth! Oh, I bet he's a Bishounen, just look at those shoulders..."

Dawitsu stifled a laugh, knowing if he wasn't wearing such a loose cloak that their delusions would be shattered quickly. Yukari face-palmed at the (in some cases, literally) rabid fans, and declared, "Well, if you like him so much, you can have him, we're not together..."

"But... but... you're perfect together!" the Cat Youkai stroking Dawitsu's hair said, "I don't care if it's wrong, I like it better this way..."

Dawitsu eventually got tired of having his personal space violated, and shooed the gained-in-an-instant fan, "Come on, my hair isn't that smooth! And... you remind me a lot of... uh..."

The entire audience remained in silence to hear Dawitsu's verdict on their beliefs. Dawitsu finally said, knowing full well they wouldn't understand, "Uh... you remind me of Foe-yay shippers..."

"What are they?" a Dog Youkai asked.

Yukari, as aware of the definition as Dawitsu, answered, "Morons. Now, if you will, we're leaving now..."

Dawitsu asked, seemingly forgetting that Yukari could teleport at will, "But... how are we going to leave?"

"Isn't it obvious?" Yukari opened a gap below both her and Dawitsu, and after allowing enough time for Dawitsu to fall through, closed the gap instantly, severing a Lizard Youkai who attempted leap after them in half.

Appearing at the other side, Dawitsu asked, "Where are we? And..." Dawitsu suddenly noticed the torso, arms, and head of the unfortunate Youkai who had decided to follow them, "Aaah! W-w-w-w-we've murdered a youkai!"

Yukari stayed calm, "She's a Lizard, her legs will grow back..."

The Lizard Youkai confirmed Yukari's statement from the floor, "Yeah, it's okay... but, like, you two should totally hook up..."

Dawitsu laughed haughtily, "Hey, if you're so passionate about that, why don't you write a fanfiction about it?"

Yukari panicked, "N-NO! If that happens, these idiots are going to be knocking on my door every day, showing me their horrifically written, nausea-inducing romance fictions!"

Dawitsu giggled to himself, "And you think I didn't know that?"

"I hate you so much..." Yukari scathingly murmured.

"Love you too..." Dawitsu said to Yukari for the second time, "Anyway, where are we?"

"The Human Village..." Yukari explained, grabbing the Lizard Youkai as her legs began to grow back, "So, go on, get out of my sight and resolve your stupid problems... I don't care, as long as you're out of my face..."

The Lizard Youkai seemed enthralled, "So, using this interaction in canon, I can take from it that your relationship is a vitriolic one... this is so..."

However, Yukari had opened a gap and dropped the Youkai into it before she could finish her sentence.

Dawitsu sniggered to himself, "Sorry, I couldn't resist doing that..."

Yukari got out her parasol without warning, and smacked the mimicker around the jaw, "JUST GO! I can't stand spending time with you! Just because we had similar aims in one instance doesn't make us friends!"

Dawitsu sprang gaily, almost as if his mouth wasn't bleeding, "Oh, that's just what you're saying! Thanks for the advice, Yukari!"

At that, Dawitsu skipped towards the village school in a feminine manner, and Yukari groaned, "Why does he insist on bringing himself into my life? We swore a truce, doesn't he know that his mere presence makes me want to punch him or something?"

With that, Yukari disappeared into a gap, hoping no-one had seen her with Dawitsu in this area also.

_Keine's Village School, almost instantly after_

Yutaka pointed to a sum on the board that read '½ x ¾', and asked, "So... can anyone answer this for me?"

A young girl with pigtails said, "One times three is three... and two times four is eight... so it's... uh... eight-thirds... wait, no, it's three-eighths!"

Yutaka nodded, "Correct. Okay, class, I have a homework to set for you..."

With this announcement, the entire class groaned. Yutaka paused to accommodate for the bemusement, and after the aforementioned pause, continued, "...it's not a difficult one." Yutaka began to write down some mathematical problems on the board, "I want you to copy these questions down onto a piece of paper, and at some point, you've got to solve them. Okay?"

"Yes, Miss Hadekawa..." the class said in obedience, and began to write down Yutaka's questions as commanded.

After about five minutes, someone kicked the classroom door open, and said, "Hey, Yutaka, I'm back!"

Yutaka turned to see who the sudden interruption was, and smiled warmly at noticing it was her boss, "So, are you okay now?"

A boy with black hair shouted out, "Yeah, he's just been doin' it with his girlfriend, hasn't he?"

Dawitsu gulped, and asked Yutaka, "Since when were kids so sexually minded?"

"I don't know, Boss. Anyway, it's almost home-time, so class, how about you all say sorry to Mr Dawitsu for what happened at lunch?" Yutaka requested of the class.

Dawitsu smiled, "Come on, all it'll cost ya is a shake of my hand on the way out. While I'm at it, I'm sorry for holding the newspaper out of your height's reach, Yutaka... uh, I mean, Miss Hadekawa."

Yutaka sniggered, "It's okay, I'm just wondering why I didn't think of just floating up to get it..."

"Damn, I hadn't thought of that..." Dawitsu admitted, "Anyway, on your way out, if you like, you can tell me who your favourite Youkai in Gensokyo on the way out..."

And just like that, Dawitsu somehow thought he had earned the respect of the class. Of course, this reasoning was swiftly proven to be false as several children rejected his hand-shake. Once the children left, Dawitsu shut the classroom door, and said to Yutaka, "I'm sorry I got so angry before..."

"It's okay, I shouldn't have teased you..." Yutaka replied, "So... did you... um... take revenge like you set out to?"

"Well, I guess it was more a prank than proper vengeance..." Dawitsu shrugged his shoulders, and said, "Guess what I did? I'll give you a clue... it involved Iron-three albumin."

Yutaka's smile widened in recognition, "Oh... with the Sodium Hydride to remove it?"

"Yep..."

"Oh, that takes me back to when I helped you do that to that friend of yours..." Yutaka looked downwards in thought, and after a short pause, asked, "What was his name again?"

"Um... oh, I actually feel quite bad that I've forgot..." Dawitsu stopped, and then remembered, "Oh yeah, it was Squishy! Heh, he fell hook, line and sinker for it... didn't even think to spit the Hydride out..."

Yutaka looked downwards, "So, you're telling me you never knew his real name?"

"...I guess I didn't. There's a lot of people that are like that. Speaking of which, I really need a nickname..." Dawitsu decided out of the blue.

"I think 'Boss' will always be good enough for me..." Yutaka said, opening her arms for a hug.

"Aw, Yutaka, you're the best..." Dawitsu said, taking the offer, "Hey, you'll never believe who I saw today..."

_Marisa Kirisame's house, four post-meridian_

Marisa lay back in her chair, resting her feet on her considerably dusty table. Jean was sitting on top of a sturdy pile of books, reading yet another book, this time titled, 'How Magic can extend your life.'.

Jean's eyes moved to the right slowly, then swiftly flitted to the left at regular intervals, and this pattern repeated itself for about a minute before the Frenchman asked, "So, the Magicians do not have to eat, even if they are human?"

Marisa put her hands behind her head, "Well, technically that's true, but I like to save my magical abilities for less mundane stuff..."

"...like making the enemies explode?"

"...yeah, like making enemies blow up. But yeah, if you do that kind of stuff long enough, and control your body growth well enough, you can live for ages..." Marisa took her legs off the table and sat forward, "...and if you do that, you're practically the same as a Magician Youkai..."

"Like the Shikigami woman and her friend?"

"Like the Patchy and her girlfriend, yes..." Marisa laughed to herself, "You know, I'm glad Patchy found someone, I was afraid she was beginning to like me, know what I'm saying?"

"Ah... I see. So, have you ever been... uh... pursued, Miss Kirisame?" Jean asked, knowing this was probably the discussion Marisa wanted her remark to evolve into.

"Well... uh... sort of. You see, Alice Margatroid... um, that's a neighbour of mine... she... I found... well... she sort of..." Marisa couldn't quite describe the act she deemed as heinous, "...she made a doll of me! A freakin' doll! Scale replica as well, damn it!"

"I don't understand... how does that prove anything? It may be a little strange, but perhaps she just does that with everyone she considers close..." Jean offered an alternate explanation.

"Well, I just knew it... anyway, there was a news article yesterday suggesting that the crazy dyke's gone and started advertising herself... well, it's a damn sight better than sitting at home making creepy dolls, so I guess I'm happy for her..." Marisa was about to continue, but a knocking sound stopped the speech dead in its tracks.

"Shall I answer the door?" Jean asked.

"No, I'll do it, in case it's someone dangerous. Stay hidden." Marisa decided, and walked out of her study to see who it was.

On opening the door, she noticed it was the very person who they had been speaking about, accompanied by Byakuren Hijiri. Curious as to what the two were doing together, Marisa asked, "Hey, what are you doing here? It's like you two are girlfriends or something! Why are you calling on me, I haven't stolen anything this time..."

Alice smirked, "Well, you have stolen one thing..."

Byakuren continued, "We were... just going out, and we're sure that there's a certain visitor in your house at the moment."

Marisa shook her head, "Nope. No-one's in. I can't see why you'd think that at all..."

"Well, I'm sure I saw someone flying in the sky on a broom... fighting you, on a broom... just this afternoon." Alice said calmly, "And if that isn't enough, there's a massive crater as evidence of a novice wielding your hakkeros..."

Marisa became irritated, "B-b-but... why were you around at that time? What were you doing? Spying on me? Or are you still in love with me... you pervert!"

Alice was taken slightly aback by Marisa's sharp, to-the-point insult, and Byakuren decided to put on a façade of being just as upset, "Hey! She's over you now! We came across the fight while we were on a date together... isn't that right, Alice?"

Marisa turned away to vomit slightly, but caught it in her mouth, and swallowed it slowly before saying, "Uh... Jean... it's safe, come out..."

Jean walked out of the study, and looked at the two visitors in the house. In particular, he noticed the taller, older-looking visitor with fair brown hair that seemed to change colour depending on how far along the hair the point was. He asked, somewhat breathlessly, "Who is... who is the beautiful woman in the black?"

Marisa picked up on Jean's tone, and elbowed him in the stomach, "He's a little stupid, you'll have to forgive him..."

"Agh..." Jean winced in pain, surprised at how strong Marisa's physical strength was, "...what was that for?"

Byakuren smiled, fully aware of why Marisa had attacked him, "My name is Byakuren Hijiri..." Byakuren paused, aware this was her opportunity to extract the mystery man's full name without raising suspicion, "What's your name?"

Jean sighed, "My name is Jean Franc Levoisier... you are very polite, Miss Hijiri, you look a lot like my..."

Alice was a little irked at the fact he hadn't asked for her name, and barged in, "M-my name's Alice Margatroid, just so you know..."

Byakuren walked up close to Jean, and stared at him. For some reason, he seemed familiar. "Do I... know you?"

"I am... not sure." Jean blushed under Byakuren's gaze, "...did I mention that you are most beautiful?"

Marisa face-palmed at how smitten Jean was after looking at a woman for less than a minute, "Hey, are all men this dumb?"

Alice said to Marisa, now feeling in the same boat as her, "Probably. I mean, there is a reason I'm not into them..."

Marisa pointed out her hypocrisy, "Hey, you're one to talk. I could tell that the anonymous lover of Dawitsu is you... I even saw him working on your house!"

"Well, judging by how you elbowed that guy, I can only assume you're being protective of this Jean for one reason only..." Alice taunted.

"Hey, I guess that whole love thing's really in the past after all... I missed the good old insulting each other days..." Marisa admitted.

"Yeah, I guess I feel the same too..." Alice agreed.

Byakuren and Jean were too busy trying to figure out how exactly they knew each other, and were totally oblivious to the fact that Alice and Marisa were talking about them behind their back.

Jean finally asked, "Did you... know a woman named... Patricia?"

"Patricia? I can't say I... unless..." Byakuren thought to herself, "...did this Patricia ever talk about a Myouren?"

"No..." Jean stopped, and asked, "Why, who was Myouren?"

Byakuren looked down, and a tear formed in her eye, "My lovely big brother... he's... gone, now."

"...ah... that is strange... for Patricia was my dear wife, she is also gone..." Jean said, "I am... how is it you say... uh... sorry for your loss..."

"No, no it was a while ago... I... I didn't know that you would have lost someone close to you too... I guess we do have something in common after..."

Byakuren's speech was interrupted by both Alice and Marisa shouting, "JUST MAKE OUT ALREADY!"

Both Byakuren and Jean sweat-dropped, even though Jean didn't understand the terminology, and Byakuren apologised, "I'm sorry, you two, it must have been tiresome for you... should we get going, Alice?"

"I should think so!" Alice shook her head disapprovingly, "I thought we were on a date! You know, _us two_!"

Marisa laughed, "Aw, don't worry, Alice, at least you've got a guy to fall back on..."

"And your French Man has _you _to fall back on..."Alice retorted, and walked out of Marisa's house, swiftly followed by Byakuren.

Jean's face was stuck in a goofy smile, and he said absent-mindedly, "Goodbye, Miss Hijiri..."

Once the door shut, Marisa waited about five seconds, before stamping on Jean's toes, "WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT?"

"Uh... love at first sight?" Jean answered.

"Not on my watch! You're my student, you'll only fall in love if I tell you to!" Marisa commanded.

"But I cannot help it if I..."

"Just 'cos you're French doesn't mean you're the king of love! And what happened to that wife of yours? Don't you care any more? Hell, I only found out about that just now! Did you just forget about her?" Marisa tried every trick in the book to get him _not _to see Byakuren in a romantic way.

"...she would want me to be happy... she wouldn't want me to be held back." Jean mumbled.

"Oh really? Well, in that case, I may as well give you a heads-up! Byakuren's over a thousand years old! What do you think about that?" Marisa added to her argument.

"If she is a youkai, at least she is a kind one..."

"YOU BARELY KNOW HER!"

"...well, she seems kind..." Jean applied positive characteristics to someone who really, he only considered outwardly beautiful, "...anyway, what is your problem? Why do you care?"

Marisa blushed, "Uh... I just don't want you to become some Youkai's toy-boy... or meal, for that matter."

"She would never eat me... I know it! You said she was safe!" Jean pointed out.

Marisa shook her head, "Whatever... you're an idiot, whichever way you slice it. Seriously, who falls in love that quickly?"

"I do..." Jean said unsurely, "...and that is a promise."

"Hmph! It's lust, you'll get over it. Just like Reimu will get over you..." Marisa seemed quite wise beyond her years.

"You are too harsh..."

"That's me..." Marisa winked at Jean, "But at least you can count on me to be honest."

_Eientei, Nine post meridian_

Kaguya Houraisan was resting under a Kotatsu, and shouted, "Hey! Inaba! Udongein! Where are you?"

Reisen Inaba seemed to appear from nowhere, and asked, "What is it?"

"Can you please get the new Vacuum Cleaner from Eirin? She won't let me take it, she says that I shouldn't clean up because I'm a princess..." Kaguya explained, and without hesitation, Reisen ran out of sight.

After five minutes, Reisen returned to Kaguya, and said, "It would seem that Yagokoro-san doesn't want anyone to have the Vacuum Cleaner... she told me that Rabbits are too stupid to know how it works..."

"Strange, I wonder why... it's just a normal Vacuum Cleaner, right? Eirin didn't even tell me where she bought it from..."

"Hm. That is odd. It's strange, I'm pretty sure I heard a voice come from it when I was speaking to Eirin, though..." Reisen straightened one of her ears, and continued, "...perhaps I'm just so used to inducing insanity that I'm going a little off myself."

Sympathy and sarcasm-perceptibility lacking, Kaguya replied with, "Yeah, you probably are going insane. It only makes sense being away from your home for so long... poor little rabbit..."

Meanwhile, Eirin was in her office, mixing various chemicals together, and she dipped a glass rod into her current vial, and span the rod in order to weave a small, almost crystalline, colourless thread from the mixture. She turned to the Vacuum Cleaner by her desk, and asked it, "So, you really like poison, don't you?"

"YES! I DO! NOW LET ME OUT OF HERE!" a diminutive voice screamed back.

"That's not how you ask someone to let you out. And considering I'm a doctor, there's no way I'd let someone who wants to _cause _illness escape from their... somewhat unorthodox prison." Eirin calmly replied.

"THEN WHY DID YOU BUY ME?" the voice shouted at the same volume as her last sentence.

"It just seemed interesting. Hey, can you tell me all about... Digitalis?" Eirin asked.

"Sure... Digitalis, formed in the _bowels _of the great flower of death known as the Foxglove, lowers the heart rates of humans and even youkai... and with a high enough dosage, can even KILL a human, but it mostly just tires or paralyses them." the voice described passionately.

"Hm. And you say it reduces heart rate. So in small doses, it wouldn't be fatal?"

"Of course not, but who cares about that?" the voice didn't seem to understand non-homicidal uses of chemicals.

"Ah... well, I think you've just given me a new idea for medicine. I wouldn't have thought of poison being medicinally valuable apart from for production of Anti-venom. But this... this could help patients with over-active hearts... thanks, you've just helped me save some particularly difficult patients of mine..." Eirin smirked, knowing it would irritate the Vacuum's tiny resident.

"NO! YOU CAN'T USE MY KNOWLEDGE TO _SAVE _PEOPLE!"

Eirin giggled, "Ah, you're funny."

"SHUT UP! When I get out, you'll be the first to die, I SWEAR IT!"

"Sure I will. But I'll have plenty of time to live my life until then... goodbye." Eirin said, and walked out of her office so she could have an early night's sleep.

"NO! DON'T GO! DON'T RUN AWAY FROM ME! COWARD!" the Vacuum Cleaner began to shake from side to side as the voice said this, however, it shook so much that it fell onto its side, "Oooh... that's it, I need a plan..."

_And so the sun set in the sinister house of Eientei, with both Reisen and Kaguya not fully aware of what horrors lurked within the strange house appliance of Eirin's._

_Dawitsu and Yutaka went home from the village school to find Chen curled up on Ran's lap, purring as she slept. Ran was so asleep she didn't notice as Dawitsu turned off the Nintendo Sixty-Four they had quite clearly been playing until they lost consciousness._

_Alice and Byakuren, meanwhile, had returned to Youkai Mountain with brand new information... only to find out Hatate had already acquired the name of the newcomer. However, they added the information they had found out about him with Hatate's information garnered from Dawitsu to form a coherent article. Aya had tried to interview Reimu to further add to the article, but Reimu had given her the silent treatment._

_Marisa and Jean spent an awkward evening together, Marisa repeating to Jean that humans loving Youkai is both stupid and wrong, while Yukari was banging her head on the wall, knowing an altogether different 'wrong' practise was now occurring all over her home-town... the great horror known by the genre-savvy as... shipping._

Author's Notes: Hoo boy. Bet you're wondering what's going on now, right? Well... I'M NOT TELLING!

Ha ha! I shall show, not tell! For that is the golden rule of writing! 'Til next time, my loyal readers, 'til next time!

Wait, was this set of author's notes necessary? Nah, it wasn't really, was it?


	7. 07: Rapport Congruency

Touhou Doujin: Jean's Magical Education

**Chapter 7: Rapport Congruency**

_Marisa's House, the forest of Magic, twelve o'clock midnight_

Jean had decided to sleep on Marisa's somewhat holey couch, however, he couldn't quite carry out the decision. He was absolutely sure that he had seen Byakuren before... her face, her voice... it all seemed too familiar, like he knew her already.

It was more than just love at first sight, he seemed to have formed an instantaneous connection with her... Byakuren Hijiri...

Out of the blue, Jean had an idea... he'd use the Grimoire of Dawitsu to fulfil his curiosity. Lighting a paraffin lamp, he sat at Marisa's table to read the book.

"Hm... elle est une Bouddhiste... le youkai existant oú j'avais l'habitude de vivre? Sacrebleau... ah... Myouren... Hijiri. La mort prématurée? Elle... était un étre humain qui sympathisiant avec le Youkai? Son... décisions conduit á la tragédie..." Jean muttered to himself out of habit, but his eyes kept hovering over two words... Myouren... Hijiri.

He was sure the name meant something... did he know him at some point? No, that would be ridiculous, he had an _untimely _death, and considering how old Byakuren was, and how Myouren died a human, there was no way he could have come across such a man.

Jean rested his head on the book, and sighed to himself, before soliloquising in French, "Qu'est-ce que je fais? J'ai besoin de dormir... Marisa est juste c'est probablement que la luxure..."

And with that, Jean stopped wasting his breath, and decided to try and get back to sleep. However, the moment he decided to do that, Marisa barged into the room, shouting, "Okay Jean, wakey wakey!"

Jean groaned, and checked a nearby grandfather clock, "Marisa... it is just past midnight..."

Jean then noticed he was practically naked, with only a pair of briefs covering him. Fortunately the only lighting was the paraffin lamp, but Marisa noticed his nudity regardless, "Hey, why have you got the lights on if you're asleep? And what's with you taking off all your clothes?"

"Don't you take off all your clothes when you sleep?" Jean asked, but only stopped to think whether it was an appropriate question _after_ he had asked it.

Marisa cackled to herself, considering it something of a private victory, "So, you really wanna know, do you?"

"On the second thoughts, no I do not... if we are getting up, please can you leave for a moment while I put my clothes on?" Jean requested of Marisa.

"Um..." Marisa hesitated, but decided to oblige, "Uh... sure thing, Jean. Don't just go back to sleep, though..."

"Merde, elle a remarqué mon excuse..." Jean mumbled to himself.

"What did you say?" Marisa tipped her hat, "I bet you're remarking about how I was onto your plan to go back to sleep or something..."

Jean was quite surprised... Marisa was one hundred percent correct, "That is... amazing. Are you familiar with the French?"

"No, just thought that's what you'd say, given the context..." Marisa looked Jean over one last time, before saying, "Okay, I'll let you change now, but don't take too long..."

Once Marisa left and shut the study door, Jean quickly threw on the clothes he had kept on the floor from last night, and after hand-ironing out a few creases, said, "I am finished..."

The door opened almost instantly, prompting Jean to wonder if Marisa had been waiting in front of the door for the entire duration. Marisa smiled, and said, "Okay, let's go!"

"What are we doing, first?"

"Well, after seeing your awesome performance against me yesterday, I thought that... well, we should go Youkai hunting together!" Marisa proposed.

"Youkai... hunting? But I thought that the Youkai hunted the humans..." Jean pointed out.

"Well, that's true... for the weaker humans. Me and Reimu, on the other hand... we beat up the weaker, human-eating youkai all the time. Keeps 'em in line..." Marisa justified her almost genocidal practice, grinning all the way.

"So... only the weaker ones eat humans?" Jean asked.

"Generally. It's a good thing, too, or there'd be no humans left... but, yeah, I guess Remilia does eat blood, but she never kills, so that's okay... I guess. Yeah, generally, the more of a nobody they are, the more likely they'll eat you. Anyway, come on, let's go!" Marisa seemed too eager considering the time.

"Are you not tired?"

"Of course not! Come on!" Marisa grabbed her broom, and opened the door, "I'll race you to Eientei! If we come across any Youkai, we'll shoot 'em together!" 

"Where is this... Eientei?" Jean quite clearly hadn't heard of the place, let alone know the location.

"Oh, in that case, you'll just have to follow me... that sucks..." Marisa seemed a little disappointed that Jean didn't know the way to a place he would have no idea how to access.

"So, we will be flying there?"

"Let's just get going, of course we're flying there!" Marisa berated the Frenchman for his pointless question.

Within minutes of setting out, the two seemed to be flying around in circles. Gazing at the tall bamboo stalks, Jean asked, "Are you sure you know where you are going?"

"Of course I do!" Marisa lied, "It's just that I'm a little... uh... rusty on the exact directions."

Jean rolled his eyes, easily capable of picking up on blatant lies. His sarcasm left his expression when he took notice of what seemed to be a young girl with the ears of rabbit on top of her head.

"Ah! It is a youkai!" Jean shouted, knowing full well that animal ears do not belong on normal humans... most, at least.

"And so it is. But that's a rabbit, they don't eat humans anyways... hold on, is that Tewi?" Marisa was sure she recognised the stronger-the-usual rabbit youkai, and stopped her broom.

After a short delay, Jean did the same, and waited anxiously to see what Marisa would do. Surprisingly to Jean, she merely shouted to the girl, "Hey! Inaba! You know the way to your house?"

The rabbit turned to face Marisa, and proceeded to float towards her, "Why would you want to go to my house?"

"Uh... because I need to ask Kaguya something." Marisa came up with an excuse on the spot.

Jean recognised the name 'Kaguya', "Wait... we are going to Kaguya's house? But what if Miss Fujiwara sees..."

Marisa shouted over Jean, "La la la, he's just an idiot, ignore him, he didn't mention that immortal human or anything..."

Tewi smiled, "It wouldn't matter to me if he did, I'm neutral to that dumb conflict."

Jean found it strange to see a girl as juvenile-looking as her acting more mature than two immortal beings. Marisa nodded, "Oh, that's good. So, can we see Kaguya?"

"Um... well... Reisen might shout at me if she finds you, I'm not so sure whether it's a good idea for me to just let you in like that..." Tewi explained, "Anyway, I'm not sure I've seen that witch next to you before. What's his name?"

Jean finally spoke up when both other parties allowed him to, and said, "My name is Jean Franc Levoisier... what is your name?"

"Tewi Inaba. All the other rabbits listen to me. So, will you tell me why you're going to see Kaguya? You seem more honest than the other black and white..."

Jean didn't exactly know how to answer this question, and Marisa simply said, "Uh... he's... um... quiet. You wouldn't want to get him flustered, he's that kind of guy..."

Tewi looked into Jean's eyes, "No, he isn't. You just don't want him to crack under pressure. So, why are you here?"

Marisa caused her broom to float sideways, so as to get closer to Jean. She whispered into his ear, "Okay, start shooting when I say the word 'Youkai hunting'..."

"That is two words..."

"Just shut up and do it when I tell you to!" Marisa somehow kept the shout out of earshot.

"Fine..."

Marisa looked towards Tewi, "Oh... you want to know why we're here? Well, it's just that we're doing some troublesome... YOUKAI HUNTING!"

After a short delay, Jean looking at Marisa, then looking at Tewi, Jean remembered what he had to do. He threw out a pair of Hakkeros, and pointed his finger at Tewi, "Désolé..."

He began to shoot at Tewi, who immediately leapt out of the way, "Oh, it's like that? Well, don't even think of getting led to Eientei any time soon!"

"It's okay, we'll just make you when we beat you!" Marisa said, throwing out hakkeros of her own that fired lasers that faded on and off periodically, "Give us your best this time!"

Tewi pulled a spell-card from her hair, and called, "Ancient Duper!"

With that, a pair of large red lasers fixed themselves at the side of Tewi, and she began to fire blue, globular spirals of bullets and red, pointed spirals of bullets. Marisa knew this kind of attack was way too advanced for Jean, so she flew past Jean, grabbing him by his witch's cloak on the way past, while his broom simply floated in place, waiting for its user's weight to return. Upon getting him to sit on her broom, Marisa said, "Alright, you keep shooting your attacks, I'll do the dodging..." 

Jean nodded, and recited his spells as quickly as he could. Marisa also spent her time reciting spells, weaving through Tewi's barrage while making sure not to fly into her locking-in lasers.

Tewi seemed pretty confident she would be able to drive them out despite the fact she was taking their hits every now and then. She decided to close in on the pair, leaving her lasers in place.

Marisa noticed this odd pattern of behaviour, and told Jean, "She's acting strangely... she wouldn't normally do this..."

"What is... this?"

"She's coming towards us..." Marisa warned, but Jean had found out for himself shortly after the announcement.

Tewi had grabbed onto the edge of the broom, and flipped herself over so that she was practically hand-standing on top of the flying broom, tipping the weight ever so slightly.

"Ha! Try and dodge with this distraction! You can't hit me here!" Tewi tempted fate.

Jean lifted Marisa's hat, prompting her to ask, "Hey, what the hell do you think you're doing?"

Jean picked up Marisa's mini-hakkero, and turned around to point it at Tewi. "Uh... Master... Spark?"

Jean didn't think of the repercussions of firing a massive, one-point-twenty-one gigawatt laser backwards from a moving body, but soon learnt of them... Tewi got knocked off the broom, as well as being fried beyond recognition, as intended, but it wasn't as if the pair had the liberty of noticing... they were flying at an unprecedented speed both away from Tewi and towards Eientei.

Marisa shouted, her voice wobbling due to the sheer force of the air against her face, "W-w-w-well at l-l-least we've f-f-found the p-place we're after... I j-j-just wish we w-w-weren't g-g-going to..."

Jean finished off Marisa's sentence for her, "CRASH!"

The broom both Magicians were on crashed head-on through Eientei's wall, most likely on the second floor due to the height they were flying at. Landing face-down on the floor of the small room, Marisa mumbled, "Maybe this wasn't the best idea..."

Jean, who had landed on his back, nodded, "Yes, I am surprised that I survived that..."

Marisa picked herself up, and looked around the area. She noticed that there was a large amount of different-coloured liquid seeping onto the floor from various vials no doubt broken and tipped due to their 'improvised entry'.

"Uh... Jean... I think this is a..." Marisa tried to finish her sentence, but by this point, a tall, older-looking woman with grey hair opened the door to investigate the sudden crashes she had heard.

Jean moved his head slightly, still lying down, and looked at the woman... she was wearing a constellation-design nightgown, and she asked, "Just what are you two... troublemakers doing here at this hour..." she stopped talking as she noticed what Marisa had noticed moments before, "My... my... MY MEDICINE!"

Marisa laughed awkwardly, "Uh... Eirin, this is all a misunderstanding, we didn't mean to barge in like this, honestly..."

Eirin stared at Marisa disbelievingly, "Okay, who is this?" Eirin pointed to the man lying on her floor.

"Well... uh... this is all _his _fault!" Marisa pinned the blame squarely on Jean.

Jean got up, not willing to take that, "You cannot be serious! You were the one who wanted to go out and hunt the Youkai!"

"Well, you were the one who stole my Hakkero to Master Spark us into this house..." Marisa parried.

"I did not want to go out! I wanted to sleep!" Jean complained.

Eirin exploded after stewing over the fact her medicine collection had been ruined in a matter of seconds, "YOU'LL BOTH SLEEP ETERNALLY IF YOU DON'T LEAVE THIS HOUSE IMMEDIATELY!"

Marisa and Jean silently agreed that it was probably best to leave the arguing alone until they got to relative safety. They both hopped on Marisa's broom and sped off quicker than an electronic rabbit, and left Eirin to mull over their destructive folly.

Eirin stared at the floor of her office, her facial expression turning from an angered one to a depressed one. "Oh... what am I to do... this collection took me years... even decades to complete... I..." Eirin, despite her usual reputation as a strong sort of person, kneeled in grief over her hard work being destroyed, "Hmph! I bet you're happy about this, aren't you, Vacuum Monster?"

However, the diminutive snark Eirin was expecting to hear failed to come into fruition. All of a sudden, Eirin began to worry about the strange device's location. She looked to the side of her medicine-covered desk, where the Vacuum Cleaner should have been, however, there was nothing but a slimy, green antibiotic residue in it's place.

Eirin looked out of the massive hole in the wall that the pair had left, and looked downwards towards the ground,fearing she knew what had happened to the cleaner.

Just as she had suspected, lying on the ground in front of Eientei, was a large pile of dust and remnants of the kappa-made device... with no sign of whatever being was inside of it.

Eirin feared that the homicidal creature that had just been released was a threat... but soon though better of the idea, knowing how ridiculous the voice coming from the Vacuum Cleaner had acted under her custody. Gensokyo was probably going to be none the worse from this... her office, however, was not. Sighing to herself, Eirin began picking up the broken pieces of glass on the floor, trying not to get cut in the process...

_Mayohiga, Six Anti Meridian_

Yukari snored slightly as she slept in her somewhat classy four-poster bed, although her noise was nothing compared to the Oni dozing in a sleeping bag underneath the aforementioned bed. Most likely dreaming about either the outside world or Gensokyo, Yukari seemed to be happy in her peaceful slumber.

However, a knock on her door disregarded this contentedness. Instantly, the Oni got up, accidentally stabbing her head-horns through Yukari's bed, waking her up fully.

"Gah! What do you think you're doing?" Yukari asked. 

"S-s-sorry, Mistress..." the new Shikigami mumbled from under the bed.

Yukari grumbled under her breath, and walked into a gap that took her to the front door. She opened it to reveal a panda-eyed Lizard Youkai, similar, if not, the same as the one she accidentally bisected the day before.

"...What do you want? If it's about that guy, we told, it's not like that at all..." Yukari muttered, longing for her bed.

"B-b-b-but... Miss Yakumo... I worked... _twelve hours _on this story..." the Youkai grinned in a manic manner, almost as if she was driven gleefully insane by the ordeal, "...I... hope you enjoy it..."

Yukari was about to take the pieces of paper the Lizard was holding in her hand and obliterate them, but the Lizard seemed to be too smart to let that happen, "It's okay, Yukari, I'll just read it out to you..."

"No, please don't..."

"Okay, here goes..." the Youkai inhaled in preparation, "...one fine sunny day, Mateyuu Dawitsu was walking through a field full of sunflowers, and..."

However, once again, Yukari refused to let the somewhat unhinged individual finish, and opened a gap underneath the strange Youkai.

"Okay... Oni! Remember this for me: Never let Lizard Youkai near my house, got it?" Yukari called upstairs to the Oni, who was still trying to get her horns out from the underside of Yukari's bed.

"Yes, Yakumo-sama!" the Oni swiftly replied.

_The Dawitsu Mansion, Six thirty Anti meridian_

At this time in the morning, Ran was the only one awake in the Dawitsu mansion, and was doing the important job of dusting over the many framed images in the foyer. She was almost done dusting a picture of a Starman when the doorbell rang. Naturally, this woke up every resident in the Mansion, but Ran answered the quickest.

"Hello?" Ran said as she opened the door to see a somewhat goofy-looking Lizard Youkai floating in front of the mansion entrance.

Recognising the kitsune, the Lizard excitedly said, "Ha! This proves it! Yukari's lent you to Dawitsu, hasn't she? I _knew _they were lying! They're so in love I can basically _taste _it!"

"Do I... know you?" Ran asked unsurely.

The strange woman twitched slightly in anticipation, "No, but I live in Mayohiga, I'm a big fan of Miss Yakumo... is Dawitsu in? The newspaper says this is where he lives, and I don't think I've got the wrong floating mansion..."

"Well, yes, but I do believe he's asleep at the moment... do you wish to come in?" Ran offered.

"It's strange, you're acting like you're _his _shikigami, not hers... interesting... I think I could work in a beta plot for the next chapter..." the Lizard Youkai sniggered to herself, making Ran feel a little disturbed.

"...if you don't mind me asking, what are you talking about?" Ran asked.

"N-nothing! You'll see when that beautiful monster of a man gets up!"

As if on cue, Dawitsu appeared in a lift, along with Yutaka, yawning and rubbing his eyes, "Ugh... oh well, I guess I was gonna get up soon anyway... so, Ran, who is it?"

Ran sweat-dropped, realising she hadn't asked for the Youkai's name, "Sorry, Master, I don't know..."

The Lizard ran up to Dawitsu, and shook his hand frantically, "Like, you remember me, don't you? I'll tell you my name, just so you know who it was who gained world-wide acclaim with her romance novels! My name is..."

Dawitsu butted in, "Oh no... you're that... Lizard from before, aren't you?"

She nodded, and said, "Correct, sir! Tokage Reiketsu, at your service!"

Yutaka picked a small amount of sleep from her eye, and asked, "So, you know her, Boss?"

"Well... uh, briefly, yeah." Dawitsu admitted.

"Oh! And who's this?" Tokage asked, "She's super cute! She can be the token cute girl to appeal to a smaller portion of the fan-base..."

"...my name is Yutaka Hadekawa. I'm the Boss' shikigami..." she explained.

"OH! This is too good! So many possibilities..." the Lizard got out a note-pad, and began scribbling down ideas, "...and I recall Ran referring to Dawitsu as 'Master'! Oh, this is so good! So much subtext to take advantage of..."

"This is real life, there's gonna be subtext..." Dawitsu mumbled, "Wait, is this real life?"

"Well, you're certainly not dreaming..." Yutaka confirmed.

"Damn."

Tokage put her finger over Dawitsu's mouth, and said, "No need to curse, my handsome manly friend, for I have come to tell you the most romantic story in the history of the world!"

Dawitsu groaned, "Did you go over to Yukari's to do this, by any chance?"

"Boy, you're smart! Okay, here goes! One fine sunny day, Mateyuu Dawitsu was walking through a field full of sunflowers, his fine, raven hair billowing in the summer breeze as dewdrops covered his face. He felt particularly hot that day, so he took off his cobalt cloak and his snow-white shirt to reveal his rock-hard abs..."

Dawitsu smirked for about four seconds, before bursting into a full-blown cackle, "SO MUCH FANSERVICE!"

Not to be deterred by the interruption, Tokage continued, "...it was at this point that Yukari Yakumo, incidentally walking through the same sunflower field, noticed the man, waving his locks in slow motion."

Yutaka sniggered to herself, "What is this, Boss? Did you make her do this?"

"Sort of..." 

"Shut up and listen to my material!" the Lizard stopped being angry after realising she could potentially alienate the person she was now a massive fan of, "... uh, anyway... Yukari sighed, knowing that no matter what, she would never be the Youkai that would complete the wonderful young man's heart. Nervously, she approached him from behind, and after trying to stealthily grab his taut, tanned pecs, Dawitsu turned around at noticed her. In a small voice, she said," Tokage cleared her throat, and put on a mature-sounding voice, "Um... your belt was loose. Sorry about that." the Lizard returned to her 'narrating' voice, "Dawitsu smiled, knowing in his heart that even though he liked her just as much as she liked him, that the two would never be allowed together. In a voice like velvet, he crooned," At this point, Tokage put on a voice s ridiculously smooth that it was in no way similar to Dawitsu's voice, "It's alright when you're as beautiful as you are... say, there's something in your eye..." Tokage began to sweat, and frenziedly read the next segment, "...the two levelled with each other's face, and looked into each other's eyes, slowly closing in until their lips touched..."

The horrific narration was fortunately brought to a halt by Dawitsu physically throwing up, keeping the gastric expulsion up for a good half a minute before stopping momentarily, then continuing to vomit for another minute and a half.

Once the disgusting ordeal was over, Tokage made the moronic choice of asking, "Was it good?"

Yutaka, who had a grin one could only describe as 'trying one's hardest not to break one's face with laughter', muttered in an impossibly reserved tone, "It was... different."

Ran was bright red, and added, "Yes... you got the Master's figure down to a tee..."

The two Shikigami looked at each other, and upon seeing each other's faces, could no longer resist laughing their heads off. Dawitsu was a little drained after losing all his stomach contents, and was the only one who could address the Lizard Youkai seriously.

"That... was the most..." Dawitsu began his sentence ominously, but stopped as he looked into the crazy fan's eyes, and saw that they craved approval, "..._wonderful romance story I've ever heard!_" he finished in an obviously fake tone.

Tokage's face lit up, "R-really? You mean that?"

Dawitsu lied, "Yep, it was so awesome I couldn't help but throw up..."

Tokage smiled, "Yeah, I find I get nauseous when I'm having fun too..."

Dawitsu sweat-dropped, and after Yutaka and Ran stopped laughing, they went away to get refreshments for the sleep-deprived Youkai on Dawitsu's command. After about twenty minutes, they sent the Lizard out of their house as they prepared for their day out at school, knowing that for all the kids hated Dawitsu, at least they didn't idolise him as much as... that.

_Myouren Temple, Nine anti meridian_

Byakuren arose from her sleep with almost no transition, seemingly just standing up from lying in bed milliseconds earlier. After washing her hair and putting on some proper clothes, she decided to go to one of the many miniature shrines to the various Buddhist preachers throughout the years, but the one in particular she visited was personal.

She kneeled in front of a bronze statue made in the likeness of her older brother, and asked, "Ah, if only Buddhists didn't reincarnate... if you were a ghost, at least I could speak to you again... it's strange, I felt like a certain man I met... had some sort of connection with you..."

Shou Toramaru entered the shrine room, noticing her saviour kneeling by the miniature shrine to her brother, "Byakuren... it's strange, I haven't seen you visit your brother for a while... what's wrong?"

"Oh... Shou, I didn't see you there." Byakuren got up, and formed a tiny smile on her face, "It's nothing... I'm probably not thinking straight."

"Why? What happened?"

"A human... a human male... he came in from the outside world, and I can't for the life of me think that he somehow knew Myouren... I just... feel like I know him somehow." Byakuren explained.

Shou pondered to herself, and said, "But didn't Myouren die..." Byakuren scowled meaningfully, "Um... I mean, reincarnate centuries ago? I don't think any human that's alive today would have known him..."

Byakuren sighed, "That's what I thought... but yet something... the strangest feeling is drawing me towards him. I can't quite pinpoint what it is..."

Shou decided to leave her in peace, "Well, I'll let you think about it some more... I bet that the Yamabiko's slacking off now I'm not looking..."

_No matter what Shou said, Byakuren refused to believe that there wasn't a connection between Jean and Myouren. To Byakuren, if an instinct relating to a person you've first met connects them with people you know, then that instinct is correct. Of course, to Shou, Byakuren was merely speculating a little too much._

_Jean, just like Byakuren, was absolutely sure that somewhere along the line, he must have known a Myouren... somehow, he could even imagine what he looked like. This was more than Déjà vu... it was a full-blown conundrum, a mental puzzle tearing both parties apart..._

_Meanwhile, in the bamboo forest of the lost, a certain doll was rebuilding it's battered larger body, preparing for her vengeance upon all of Gensokyo. But before that, she had to find the tengu who imprisoned her in the first place..._

Author's Notes: Oh ho ho! Ha ha ha! Hee hee hee! So... the first truly engaging mystery! Just what the hell's going on? Well, I'll leave it to you! I wanna see what theories you have on just how Jean and Byakuren know each other...

And... also, look! I _can _write purple prose when I want to! I just choose not to because it's ridiculous and pretentious! Now, like a limpid tear, Duwee Davis the second typed his tragic final sentence of his author's note, and with a voice like wet heaven, said, "That's all, folks!"


	8. 08: The Fat of the Land

Touhou Doujin: Jean's Magical Education

**Chapter 8: The Fat of the Land...**

_Scarlet Devil Mansion, ten anti meridian_

The morning was getting old by this point, yet the residents of the Scarlet Devil Mansion were still fast asleep. Unbeknownst to Remilia, Rinnosuke was sleeping in Sakuya's bed, and the two of them lay together, seemingly breathing in unison as they contentedly dozed.

The first person to get up was Patchouli, who almost instantly walked to the kitchen to make herself some breakfast. Knowing the younger sister well, the magician made Flandre some breakfast too in case she was awake, and walked into the basement, expecting to see her there, either asleep or awake.

However, when she got there, she merely found an empty bed, with an open book lying page-down on the covers. Patchouli panicked, but realised it was probably just one of her tricks, "Okay, Flandre, you can stop being invisible now..."

An answer failed to make itself apparent, let alone the young vampiress actually appear.

"Flandre... stop... stop joking, now..." Patchouli nervously said, and searched the small room for any signs of the younger sister.

The more time elapsed, the more worried she became, and eventually she started to shout, "Flandre! Flandre! Flandre, where are you?"

This shouting woke up Sakuya, Rinnosuke and Remilia, who each put on their clothes as quickly as possible and left their rooms.

As soon as Remilia spotted Rinnosuke running alongside Sakuya down the stairs, she asked, "SAKUYA! What is the meaning of this?"

"That's not the important thing right now! I heard Patchouli shouting Lady Flandre's name!" Sakuya seemed to care more about Remilia's younger sister more than Remilia herself did.

"That's what she was shouting?" Remilia approached the two, and scowled at Rinnosuke, "Okay... whoever you are, I'll deal with you later, but right now... if we don't find Flandre in this house soon, we've got big problems..."

Rinnosuke searched the the dining room, Remilia dashed into the library, and Sakuya decided to join Patchouli in the basement.

"Patchy? Do you have any idea where she might have..." Sakuya was about to finish her sentence, but noticed that Patchouli was frozen, reading the book left on the bed.

Her eyes were fixed on one phrase... 'And then he whispered in fright, "I done a bad thing. I done another bad thing."'.

"Patchouli? Patchouli?" Sakuya tapped the magician on the shoulder to get her attention.

Patchouli dropped the book in shock, and said, "Sakuya... she's... ran away. She..."

Sakuya looked down, "It's that book, isn't it? She's found out something horrible thanks to that book, hasn't she?"

"She must have..." Patchouli's hands quivered slightly, "...she must have found out that the innocent Lennie... actually kills someone. Another human."

"So... you think she's... aware of what she did to her victims before?" Sakuya shed a tear, "Then I'd best tell the mistress. Who knows where she is..."

Patchouli reached out of Sakuya, "Wait! Don't... agitate the mistress. If Flandre has run away for the reason we think, she won't be hurting anyone. In fact, I'm more concerned that she'll hurt herself..."

"Understood. So, what should we do? Look for her on our own?" Sakuya asked.

"No. Instead, we'll tell the mistress that we know where she is, and go out on the premise that we're retrieving her, not searching for her. That way, she won't be frustrated." Patchouli formulated a plan on the spot.

"That'll work... okay, I need to save Rinnosuke before Lady Remilia attacks him..."

"Rinnosuke's here? That's odd. What was he..." Patchouli's face changed in shock at her somewhat crude realisation, "...oh. In that case, yes, I'd fear Remilia spending any unsupervised time with him."

Sakuya ran out of the basement quickly, and Patchouli hovered around the immediate area a little longer, and picked up the book she had dropped.

"I'm just glad she didn't get to the ending..."

Meanwhile, in the dining room, Remilia had quite clearly given up her search and was questioning the unfortunate lover of Sakuya.

"So! You just thought you'd... DE-FLOWER my chief maid in MY house!" Remilia shouted at the still weary Rinnosuke.

"Um, I know sure that she wasn't a..."

"I'M SURE SHE WAS! Unless... have you been doing this on a regular basis? HAVE YOU?" Remilia looked left and right frenziedly, and yelled, "SAKUYA! What is the meaning of this? Is it true?"

Sakuya appeared, and played dumb, "Is what true?"

Remilia saw right through the façade, "DON'T PLAY INNOCENT WITH ME!"

Sakuya swiftly became silent, acting like a dog with its tail between its legs. Rinnosuke butted in, "Hey! I can't just watch while you treat my girlfriend like crap! Leave her alone!"

"No... Rinnosuke... please don't..." Sakuya warned.

"...why not? She may be your mistress, but there are some things she shouldn't be able to control!" Rinnosuke stood tall over Remilia, but the stakes were quickly evened as Remilia floated upwards to match his height.

"YOU DON'T TALK BACK TO ME! NO-ONE TALKS BACK TO ME! I'M THE SCARLET DEVIL!" Remilia screamed in the usually manly man's face, reducing his ego substantially.

However, just before Remilia could continue what was most likely going to become a no-holds barred verbal beat-down, Patchouli appeared on the scene, and assumed she was getting worked up about her sister, "Don't worry. I've managed to pinpoint the location of Flandre. If you like, Sakuya and I shall retrieve her for you..."

"Take this... horrible thing away as well!" Remilia commanded.

"Yes, Lady Remilia..." Patchouli gestured to Rinnosuke to come close, and whispered into his ear, "Just in case you didn't know, Flandre escaping is a big deal. And, in actuality, we haven't found her. We're going to go out and look for her... and I guess you're coming with us."

Rinnosuke nodded, "Thanks for coming in when you did..."

Remilia suddenly spoke up, "Hey! Quit the whispering and _find my sister!_ If you take too long, I'll go out too... you know, in case Patchy's wrong."

Sakuya sweat-dropped, "Uh... Patchy wouldn't mess up something like that. Um... okay, Patchouli, you lead the way!"

Patchouli slowly walked out the mansion, the maid and merchant following closely behind her.

_Keine's Village School, ten thirty anti-meridian_

The current lesson in Keine's school was history, so the founder of the school had taken charge for the time being. This meant both Dawitsu and Yutaka had to stay in what was meant to be a staff room. Obviously at an earlier point in time Keine had intended to have many teachers in her school, but this plan clearly hadn't come into fruition.

The Kotatsu in the middle of the staff room was so covered in dust that Yutaka had trouble figuring out how best to convert the matter without creating a significantly large, space consuming object. In the end, the two decided to just stay out the horrid room and hang around outside, drinking tea made by the school cooks.

Dawitsu sipped his tea thoughtfully, and said, "So, what exactly did you teach them yesterday?"

"Oh, the difference between weight and mass, fractional multiplication, electricity..." Yutaka filled her Boss in.

"Oh, okay. And... well... did any of the class miss me?" Dawitsu desperately asked.

Yutaka knew the answer was a straight-up no, but instead said, "None of them showed it, Boss..."

"Oh. Well, they are ten or so... they probably don't like showing their mushy side, right?" Dawitsu tried to confirm.

"Um..." Yutaka knew what the best answer was to make Dawitsu happy, but really wanted an answer that would kindly shatter his delusion, "...perhaps so. I haven't been a ten year-old in a long time..."

"I haven't been one for even longer..." Dawitsu remarked, "Wait, you're one hundred and fifty nine, aren't you?"

"Yes..."

"...so... you're... half my age..." Dawitsu stopped for a second, and allowed that realisation to sink in, "Oh well, I guess it won't be as significant when I'm a thousand and you're, like, eight hundred and fifty..."

"Are you sure you'll live that long? I'm not sure I'll get to live to eight hundred..." Yutaka mused.

"Sure you will. You'll outlive me, for crying out loud! I know it... wow, now that I'm thinking... what will happen when I die? I mean, I nearly got killed before, there's nothing stopping it happening again..." Dawitsu got a pen out of his pocket, "Yutaka, is there anything you can form into a notepad?"

"Why?"

"I'm going to write my last will and testament. Just in case..." Dawitsu smiled warmly, as if he was discussing a puppy, not his potential early grave.

"Oh..." Yutaka opened the staff room door, and tried to grab a chair, however, she accidentally snapped off one of the legs in the process.

She exited the staff room and transformed the leg into a pad, prompting Dawitsu to click his pen, and ask, "Okay, can I have it now?"

"B-Boss... just so you know, I don't..." Yutaka slowly handed over the pad, "...if you do die... I don't want your possessions. I wouldn't know what to do with them..."

"Well, who else will inherit them now? Okay..." Dawitsu began scribbling down a body of writing, and occasionally stopped to chew the top of the pen in thought.

After about five minutes, Dawitsu finished writing, and Dawitsu gave the pad to Yutaka, "Okay, are you happy with this?"

Yutaka gazed at the will. It read as follows, 'I, Mateyuu Dawitsu, declare this to be my last will and testament. Should I die, I want my material wealth to be distributed as follows. All of my aquarium should be brought to my brother, Tomasu, whenever possible. My gallery collections will belong to the owner of the mansion to do with as they see fit, as will my model of Locria's house.

My last request to Yutaka is for her to pick up the mobile phone in my office and use it to tell my family I have died. Finally, the mansion itself will belong to... my loyal friend, Yutaka Hadekawa, and her fellow servants Ran Dawitsu and Chen. Ran Dawitsu is free once I die, or, should she leave earlier than that, is still entitled to part of ownership of the mansion due to her service and company.

On an emotional note... be happy. You know me, I'd hate to see you all be sad... that is all. Regards, Mateyuu Dawitsu.'

Yutaka looked back up at her friend, "Boss... I can't accept this. I... shouldn't get the mansion. That belongs to Tomasu... or your children, should you ever have any..."

"And who would I have kids with, eh?" Dawitsu smirked, "Are you gonna volunteer?"

Yutaka stared downwards, somewhat saddened at her master's poorly-hidden pessimism, "You never know, perhaps someone will come along..."

"Heh, I was only joking around." Dawitsu rubbed his chin, "You know, even if this mansion was in the outside world, I'd still give the mansion to you. There's no way Tom would have a use for a mansion filled with junk like mine... he has somewhere to live. You deserve it."

Yutaka was taken aback. There was no way she could accept it, but she felt like she had no choice in the matter, "Boss... I know you won't take no or an answer... I guess the only way to stop that happening is to make sure you don't die..."

"You make it seem like I'm planning on dying some time soon..." Dawitsu stared at the love of his life, "...you know... I think we're sort of married already."

"...B-boss? This again?" Yutaka stepped back from Dawitsu, slightly apprehensive.

"No, no, hear me out. I think we, in many respects, act like a married couple. We know each other like one, we cope with each other's annoying traits, and always see the glory in each other's better traits..." Dawitsu smiled to himself, "It doesn't matter about romance... I'm pretty sure you understand what I'm talking about just as much as me..."

Yutaka formed a tiny smile, "...I do. You're... right. And I think that, despite our ongoing commitment to each other, we're both very accepting of the other having a relationship... in fact, I really wish you'd get yourself a girlfriend..."

"You do?"

"Yeah, you're all pent up." Yutaka put her hand on Dawitsu's shoulder, "You know, I never got jealous when you hooked up with Sakuya... why would I have a problem with it? So... are there any Youkai girls you're interested in?" Yutaka smirked, "I would be lying if I said I haven't been... admiring the view here."

Dawitsu was quite shocked that Yutaka was being this frank. "Um... are you doing this to satisfy your curiosity?"

"Not at all. I'll tell you a secret if you keep it from Patchy..." Yutaka said, and whispered into Dawitsu's ear.

The secret quite clearly was a raunchy one, as Dawitsu almost laughed once she had finished telling it.

"Oh, okay... I'll tell you." Dawitsu shrugged his shoulders, "It doesn't matter, though, it's just a passing thing, but I kinda like..."

Keine walked past them the moment Dawitsu was about to tell Yutaka all, and asked, "Hey, what are you doing? It's your turn to teach now..."

Dawitsu looked up at a clock, and noticed it was now quarter past eleven. "Oh! So it is, heh heh heh..."

Yutaka laughed nervously along with Dawitsu, and said, "Sorry about that, Keine... we'll get to the classroom as soon as possible..."

"It's alright. Say, it seems like you were talking about something fun..." Keine folded her arms, "I wish I had fun things to talk about..."

Dawitsu and Yutaka failed to answer the teacher, as they were too busy rushing to class. Dawitsu slammed the door open, and said, "Alright, I'm here, I'm here, I'm not late!"

A black-haired girl with pigtails said, "We didn't say you were! Hello, Dawitsu-kun!"

"Dawitsu-kun?" Dawitsu was surprised that someone in his class was referring to him with any amount of respect, "Hello... er..."

"Sukoshi Josei, sir!" the girl answered the unasked question.

"Thank you. Say, where's Miss Hadekawa's hello?" Dawitsu asked the class.

The class seemingly relief-sighed in unison, as they had been told to prioritise Dawitsu by Yutaka during yesterday's lessons to make him feel better. Now that the okay was given, the class removed their collective mask.

"Hello, Miss Hadekawa! I missed you!" a boy from the front row said excitedly.

"Yeah, Kamishirasawa's so boring! Show us a trick!" a girl said.

Dawitsu folded his arms, and whispered, "Thanks for trying to be nice to me, Yutaka, but it's alright. You could say that my afternoon with Yukari was worth the time after all, she made an important point..."

"...what was that?"

"That I should just be happy for you. How about this? I become _your _teaching assistant?" Dawitsu kept whispering, making the children grow suspicious.

"Hey! Get your dirty mitts off her!" a jealous boy shouted.

"Yeah, she's not your type! She's my type!" another boy said.

"Yeah, right! She's my type!" yet another boy yelled.

A girl said, quite clearly insulted, "Hey! I'm going out with you!"

Dawitsu couldn't concentrate on telling Yutaka his plan to simply let her take charge with all the racket, and decided to put on the most menacing voice he could, "SILENCE!" he said in a manner similar to the Grim Reaper.

The class weren't exactly silent with respect or fear, but silent from wondering how on earth he made that kind of voice come from his relatively insignificant mouth. Dawitsu continued, "Right, I've decided. Seen as you love Yutaka so much, I'm going to take a back seat. If my mimicry skills are required, I'll be glad to help. Also, if someone needs personal help with a question, I'll assist. Uh... sorry for trying to teach you, I guess..."

Yutaka felt bad seeing her boss apologise for trying to help the children, and the kids picked up on her disdain.

"Uh... at least we like you better than Keine..." a boy with black hair said.

Dawitsu took to a chair at the side of the chalk-board, "Don't try, it's fine... say, where's that brat from before?"

"Oh, S-S-S-S-Sosake?" the child known as Kyousuke answered, "He's... g-g-g-g-g-g-g... uh, he was s-s-sent out, sir."

"I see." Dawitsu smiled, "Well, Yutaka... uh, Miss Hadekawa, feel free to get on with your lesson..."

Yutaka turned briefly to glance at Dawitsu, and then addressed the class, "Ah... well, class, today, we're going to study music. Now, for this particular exercise, I'm going to need Mr Dawitsu to get his music player and speakers from the mansion..."

"Oh, found a use for me already, eh?" Dawitsu said wryly.

"Yes. And while we wait... have you heard of the game hangman?" Yutaka asked.

_Marisa's House, the Forest of Magic, eleven o'clock anti-meridian_

Marisa and Jean had both decided on going back to sleep after their ridiculous antics in the middle of the night, forgetting any arguments there were to be had on the way home. At that moment in time, the only thing that mattered was running from an incensed, albeit slightly demotivated Eirin.

Jean woke up first, and put on his clothes for the second time that day, and stretched slightly. He decided to cook a large mushroom kept in Marisa's kitchen cupboard labelled 'Edible Mushrooms', and stuffed it with some of the leftover catfish from when Marisa cooked Takoyaki.

"Nous sommes le champignons, nous sommes le champignons, pas le temps pour les perdants, parce que nous sommes le champignons... du monde..." Jean sang a little tune jokingly, out of sync with the somewhat obvious original syllabic pattern.

Once it was cooked, he put it on a plate, and began to eat it in the kitchen. Moving to the study as he ate, he decided to read a little more on how to shoot from options.

"Ah... Love B, Love B, make a penetrating beam for me..." Jean mumbled under his breath, "C'est... légérement facile..."

After getting the mantra in his memory, he decided to take a couple of hakkeros outside to test it out. Grabbing his broom, he opened the door, shouting, "I am just going to train..."

Walking a little further, he threw the hakkeros into the air, and waited for them to fall back down to his level, at which point they remained floating at his side. "Je comprends tout maintainent..."

He began muttering in an undertone, and slowly but surely, the hakkeros began emitting lasers which periodically switched on and off, just like how he saw them behaving when Marisa fought that Rabbit Youkai...

"Le livre mentionné quelque chose d'intéressent se produit lorsque je lesai mas ensemble..." Jean smiled to himself, and pointed his hands at the hakkeros as if controlling them.

He gestured them to go closer together, and then continued his mantra. As he expected, something interesting did happen- instead of the lasers being the usual blue-white, it was a focused, constantly firing red beam.

Jean stopped firing, and laughed, "Il prend tout son sens! Donc, si je fais meme chose avec la magie..."

He kept the pair of hakkeros together, but this time chanted his 'Magic A' spell, and, as he predicted, instead of green magic missiles, large, blue missiles fired instead. Jean grinned, and burst into a caustic, ridiculous cackle that fully evoked his French accent.

"Je suis tellement puissante dés maintenant!" Jean boasted, but stopped as he heard the sound of a small child crying.

"Eh? Who is that? Where are you?" Jean asked in English, presuming it was a local.

He failed to yield a response, but the noise continued. Looking around, he followed the noise to a small river. Truly enough, he found the source of the crying... it was a small, blonde-haired girl which he'd seen before... she had long, stick-like black wings with crystals on, and was wearing red with a light pink mob-cap. She was hugging her knees and crying into them at the same time.

"Er... hello? What are you doing here?" Jean called, not fearing the young vampire after her friendly behaviour during their last encounter.

Flandre looked up from crying for a moment, and saw that it was the human man she had met before, "D-don't... d-don't... come near me... please... I'm... I'm... I'm..."

Flandre burst into tears mid-sentence, unable to stop herself. Thinking she needed comforting, Jean unknowingly sat next to what may well have been the most dangerous individual in Gensokyo.

"What is wrong?"

"L-L-L-L-Lennie... he... broke... he... broke... girl... and... and... she... she died. She broke her neck... and died. Dying is when you leave before your time... Lennie did a bad thing... and... and now I know... when I play with... play with..." Flandre was making less sense than usual, especially to someone who at times had trouble picking up words that were coherently said due to the foreign nature of them.

Jean knelt beside Flandre, and dared to ask, "What do you mean... did a bad thing?"

"He... he... killed her. Lennie. Lennie killed her..."

"Who is Lennie?"

"From... a book..." Flandre shoved Jean away from her, "And... now I know why I liked Lennie... he... he's like me... and I... I like to play with things..."

"There is nothing wrong with that..."

"...but... I... hurt the people I play with... I... broke them... and... and... they don't... they don't... they don't..." Flandre began to hysterically cry, "THEY DON'T COME BACK! I KILLED HUMANS!"

"But... if you didn't know that at the time... how did you manage to do it?" Jean didn't quite know how to deal with this.

"...I thought... I thought... people could be... fixed... I thought... they..." Flandre wailed, "I thought they could be fixed... just like a doll..."

Jean gulped. He was sitting next to, and comforting, no less, a serial killer. "It is not your fault... if you needed to read a book to know this, then the people who raised you are the ones at fault..."

"NO! Remi loves me! Remi would never do things to make me bad! She's a good girl! I'm the bad one! I'm the bad sister!" Flandre stood up, ready to attack Jean for insulting her sister.

Jean stepped back, ready to board his broom. However, Flandre stepped down, and thought for a while. During this time, a certain doll appeared from behind a tree.

"Ah, a human..." Medicine Melancholy remarked, "It's a shame it's with a vampire, though... it probably wouldn't like it if I tainted its kill's blood... but then again... _two for the price of one_..."

Unbeknownst to the danger in the shadows, Jean said, "So... why did you want to play with the humans so roughly?"

Flandre looked down, "I can... break things whenever I want..."

Medicine saw the two were lost in conversation, and decided to approach the pair. Slowly, she crawled through the grass, waiting for the perfect time to release her poison...

"Oh... how do you do that?" Jean asked out of interest.

"Well... I'll show you on that tree..." Flandre turned to a nearby oak, and focused her energies on the tree, "And I look for the object's eye, then... I... then..."

However, Medicine made the mistake of crawling into Flandre's leg as she was focusing, causing her to scream, "AH! What is that?"

Instinctively, she turned her view downwards, and focused on Medicine, accidentally putting her will to destroy the oak into the unfortunate doll youkai. Instantly, the giant doll exploded into several pieces.

Jean screamed, "AH! You... you... you..."

Flandre burst into tears once again, "See? I'm... I'm... I'm... bad!"

However, Jean's fear was reduced once a tiny, floating doll come out, and stopped in mid-air above the site of the giant doll's destruction. In a shrill voice, it screamed, "DAMN YOU! You knew all along, didn't you? You were _conspiring_ against me! Well... hear this! I shall have my revenge, once I fix this body..."

Flandre's eyes widened, "You... you... can fix yourself?"

"YES! And when I do, I'll kill you... and your little human, too!" the doll threatened in a non-threatening manner, "Until then, remember your days are numbered! You'll regret the day you crossed... Medicine Melancholy!"

The doll posed in an elaborate, over-the-top villainous mid-air posture, and after a short pause, proceeded to dash away as quickly as possible.

Jean didn't quite know whether to be afraid or amused, but Flandre was over the moon with the doll's ultimatum, "Did you hear what she said? She can fix herself! Broken people _can _come back!"

Jean knew this wasn't true for the majority of cases, but for this young vampire, it was probably best to just go along with it, "Yes, they can... er... so, are you feeling better now?"

"Yes! I'm going to go home as soon as I just do one thing..." Flandre jumped up slightly, and asked, "You never answered me before... will you ask me to marry you?"

Jean looked down, knowing the right answer for survival, and the right answer for his conscience. He picked the latter, just hoping she wouldn't take it too badly, "Er... no. I apologise, it is just that, I have been in the marriage before, and... are you not a little young for it?"

"I'm four hundred and ninety five!" Flandre folded her arms and pouted, "I'm old enough to get married! Patchy said so!"

"...that is correct. But... I am not the one to get married to. Have you tried the other men?" Jean asked.

"Yeah! The other boy said he couldn't because he was my teacher... I'm starting to think he was just lying to cover up that he didn't want to marry me!" Flandre then stamped her feet, "But it's not fair! I'm really pretty, and I want to marry someone a lot! Why won't anyone like me?"

"So, you have only asked one person before me?" Jean picked up that Flandre had a very juvenile approach to marriage, and decided on saying, "Why don't you find a woman to marry?"

"I'm not allowed to." Flandre sat down, cross-legged, "I wish I could, my sister Remi's so pretty and nice to me that I would marry her again and again until I can't marry any more!"

Jean, an open-minded individual for the most part, decided that there were... certain boundaries marriage should never cross, "Er... you can't marry your sister."

"Oh, wait, but I can marry other girls?"

"Er... yes?" Jean wasn't sure what she'd been taught, and would have felt terrible if he knew it was basically destroying the ethics Sakuya had taught Flandre.

"So... so... Sakuya was wrong..." Flandre seemed to take the option that was better for her, "And that means... I can marry her! And Patchy! And Meiling! And even little Koakuma!"

Jean sweat-dropped, "Er... you can only marry one person..."

Flandre stopped and thought, then decided, "Oh, okay. In that case, I'll marry Sakuya. Thank you, strange-speaking Boy!"

Flandre proceeded to stand up, and fly away, presumably towards her house. After having more than enough excitement for the day barely before it was noon, Jean decided to take his broom and return to Marisa's house...

_The Dawitsu Mansion, Eleven o'clock post meridian_

It had been a long day for both Yutaka and Dawitsu, and although Ran, Chen, and Yutaka had all long since decided to go to bed, Dawitsu was sitting on his computer, playing a game mysteriously similar to the universe he was now in.

He was holding his breath in anticipation, occasionally pressing the arrow keys on the keyboard, and about every twenty seconds, pressed the 'x' key.

"Almost there... almost there... yes... yes... yes... YES!" Dawitsu screamed in victory, "Woohoo! I finally beat an extra stage! It took me all night, but I don't care! In your face, Ran! You're next, Yukari! Whoo! Yeah!"

As soon as the game returned to the menu, however, Dawitsu's excitement left him, and he was merely replaced with a drained feeling not too different from a sugar crash.

"Oh man... Yukari can wait for tomorrow... I'm bushed..." Dawitsu mumbled, walking like a zombie into a lift, then noticing just before the doors closed that he was in the wrong lift. He exited it, then entered the 'Private Quarters' lift as intended.

Stumbling into his bedroom, he didn't even bother to turn on the light to take off his clothes, merely threw them off in the dark. Crawling into bed, he happily noted to himself, "Ah, this is nice..."

For some reason, Dawitsu had a feeling someone was in the bed with him, however he soon dismissed the idea as the bed was as cold as one with no-one in it. Lying out flat, he got about three hours sleep undisturbed. It was when he awoke to readjust himself that he accidentally kicked a cold leg, and screamed, "GAH! WHAT THE HELL IS THAT?"

Scrambling out of bed and turning on the light, Dawitsu stared in horror at his bed. While not quite as bad as say, a dead body in his bed, Dawitsu discovered an altogether different cold humanoid... Tokage Reiketsu was lying in the bed, simply remaining there in silence, smiling gleefully.

It took Dawitsu asking, "WHY ARE YOU IN MY BED?" to make the lizard youkai speak.

"Hello there... I'm just conducting research for my next chapter... I figured the only way I'd get to see your... uh... man-carrot thing is if I stayed in your bed..." Tokage seemed to think such a response justified her actions.

"MAN... CARROT... THING?" Dawitsu exhaled, and realised he needed to stop speaking in all-capitals, "What? Why? Why do you need to see... that part of me? What's the fiction all about anyway?"

"It's about love..." Tokage said whimsically.

Dawitsu inhaled deeply, ready for a long outburst, "Love? Alright... no more mister nice guy... look, your story sucked. And there wasn't a trace of love involved. It was all lust. And now you want to describe... THAT? So quite clearly you're writing a sex scene. Two chapters in, and you're already at sex... DAMN IT! Romance needs build-up, you moron! And a less contrived area than a freakin' sunflower field! ARGH! You remind me WAY too much of a certain horrible author from the outside world... but you know what, at least she waited until the SECOND BOOK to throw in contrived sex! What the hell's wrong with you? If you want to be a good writer, here's my tip... WORK! And do the story on your own characters, not on ME! You know, Yukari probably didn't even give you a chance, but I... I made the stupid mistake of being kind to you! Well, screw that! I'm quitting kindness if it involves morons like you!" Dawitsu finished his monologue gasping and red-faced.

Tokage seemed to have ignored the whole rant in favour of planning her comeback, "Well, considering how opposed you are to sex in stories, it's strange that I heard something suspiciously similar to it downstairs... just what were you doing to Ran before you went to bed... you seemed tired afterwards..."

"W-what do you mean?"

Tokage began to quote Dawitsu, "Almost there... almost there... yes... yes... yes... YES! It took me all night, but I don't care! In your face, Ran! You're next, Yukari... need I go on? I can only imagine what was in her face..."

Dawitsu walked over to the bed, and dragged the lizard off the bed, "Look, you dirty-minded creeper, get out my house! I was playing a game!"

"With Ran? But you said 'You're next, Yukari'... and Yukari isn't here..." the Youkai pointed out.

"GET OUT OF MY BEDROOM, AND OUT OF MY HOUSE! GO!" Dawitsu lost his patience.

"Well, you not explaining it makes my fanfiction writing easier..." Tokage calmly said.

She soon regretted saying what she did, as Dawitsu performed Copycat Sign: Omnislash, slicing off every single limb of the reptilian woman. He then picked up her helpless torso, and giggled maniacally as he took it downstairs.

Opening the front door once he got there, he asked, "So, anything to say before I throw you out?"

Tokage, somehow not writhing in pain from her dismemberment, joyfully proclaimed, "Sure! You look pretty good in your underwear... but I may still have to take some liberties... I mean, who knew you'd have such scrawny arms..."

Dawitsu gritted his teeth, "That's it..."

With that, he dropped the torso from his arms, and drop-kicked it from his front door. Shutting the door, he chuckled, and said, "Did I enjoy that a little too much?"

_Although he didn't acknowledge it, Jean had made an enemy on this fateful day. Medicine spent the rest of her day picking up the shattered remnants of her body, all while Marisa and Jean spent their time discussing whether magic and science were compatible._

_Flandre finally went home, however, she got there before Sakuya and Patchouli got there, thus proving to Remilia that they were lying about knowing her location. This, along with the discovery of Rinnosuke, put Sakuya in incredibly bad stead with her mistress. Fortunately, the worst of her would-be telling off was omitted in favour of discouraging Flandre's attempts to ask Sakuya to marry her._

Author's Notes: I... can't... move... writing... from... six... til... eleven... at... night.

(FACE-DESK) Please review... I feel drained... I need... to feed... on feedback... lovely... tasty... feedback...


	9. 09: The Man in the Mirror

Touhou Doujin: Jean's Magical Education

**Chapter 9: The Man in the Mirror**

_Myouren Temple, five anti meridian_

Byakuren was panda-eyed, and had been staring at her shrine to Myouren for the past two hours.

"What... is... he... I... know him..." Byakuren droned in a half-frustrated manner, experiencing an extreme form of presque-vu, "What... what is it? I know... Myouren... it's... like... like I can see you in him..."

Byakuren stopped her monologue to breath, and finally gave in to her exhaustion, collapsing on her temple floor.

After a short while, Kyouko Kasodani entered the temple, and was surprised to see the monk face-down on the floor, mumbling to herself.

"Uh... Byakuren... I'm... uh, I'm gonna get started on brushing the halls..." Kyouko attempted to inform her employer, but the dormant magician remained silent, "Uh... well, I'll get on with that, then, you continue meditating unconventionally."

With that, the Yamabiko left her in peace. About two hours later, Shou Toramaru walked down to offer her daily sacrifice to Bishamonten. Sighing as she noticed the pitiable sight, she asked, "So... you're still wondering who this human is..."

Byakuren was slightly less sleep-deprived now that she'd had a two-hour nap, and heard the Tiger Youkai's question. Slowly pushing herself off the ground, Byakuren finally sat up, adjusting her legs to that they were in the lotus position.

Byakuren muttered, "I'm... not sure. I think I may have figured it out... I had a wonderful dream, it seemed to be of snakes, whirling round... one snake opened its mouth, and seized its own tail. And yet, despite this, it continued to live, it kept going around in a circle regardless."

Shou seemed confused, "I don't understand. What does that human have to do with snakes?"

"Life is cyclical." Byakuren explained, "However, for some, it's helical. Helical lives still loop, and loop, but either ascend or descend with every loop made, eventually reaching an end. Others... however, are circular. They exist, and once they come to the end of their loop, begin a new one, in the same place they started before. Unlike Helical lives, their lives will constantly begin over and over, not having a set beginning or end point..."

Shou scratched her head, "You're not making any sense... so, are helical lives a set of lives that eventually lead the soul to Nirvana or the Realm of Hungry Ghosts?"

Byakuren smiled, and nodded, "Yes, that's correct. Circular lives... however..."

Shou had an epiphany, "Circular lives happen when one's Dharma is half complete with each cycle... they don't do good or bad..."

Byakuren exhaled contentedly, "I'm glad you understand now. Myouren died too young to do any truly outstanding good deeds... but at the same time... he never wronged anyone significantly either... can you see where I'm going with this?"

Shou was silent in thought, "You don't think... no... that's not..."

Byakuren looked down, and said, "But... how am I to test this to be correct? I need to think up a plan... I may need Alice to help out, though..."

Shou nodded, and placed a treasure she had found by a small altar to Bishamonten, and sincerely said, "I thank you for granting me your power, great one..."

Byakuren stood up walking to her disciple, and placed her hand on Shou's shoulder, "You're such a devoted follower of Buddhism... I'm proud to see an animal youkai such as yourself come this far..."

Shou blushed with pride, "Thank you, Byakuren. I'll try my best to understand you quicker nest time..."

"In time... you'll become like me. You're smarter and better-versed in some Buddhist teachings than I am..." Byakuren encouraged the relatively young Tiger Youkai, and continued, "Right, I'm going to try and find Alice, now... take care of the temple, and if you can't, leave Nazrin in charge. Be sure to give her your pagoda should that occasion occur."

"Of course, Byakuren..." Shou nodded, and tapped her weapon on the temple floor, "I won't let any intruders in! Bishamonten himself will not allow it!"

_The forest of magic, Marisa's house, eight anti meridian_

Marisa yawned as she got up from a long night's sleep. Bored the instant her mind activated, she decided to go downstairs and harass Jean.

Barging into the study, Marisa shouted, "Good morning, sleepy-bones!"

However, contrary to intention, Jean's snoring was louder than both Marisa's entrance and her shout, meaning he was in no way disturbed by the racket. Stepping back as she observed the sleeping man somewhat cautiously, Marisa tilted her head in curiosity.

Jean was sleeping in his clothes this time, thankfully, and Marisa noted that despite his loud snoring, Jean seemed to have a rather relaxed sleeping face, evocative of someone who was peacefully dying.

Out of the blue, Jean mumbled in his sleep, "B-Byakuren... you... I don't want to get married..."

Marisa put her hand to her chin. Just what was all that about? "Uh... Jean?"

Jean continued to mutter, "Byakuren... I love you, Byakuren... you are the only woman I will ever care for intimately..." For some reason, he was speaking far better English in his sleep than he usually did when awake.

Marisa decided she'd play a trick. Assuming he was having a romantic fantasy, she walked up to Jean, kneeled to his level, and held his hand.

"Ah... Byakuren, your hands are soft... remember, there are men who will want to do far more than hold your hand, you've got to be careful..." Jean continued rambling, however this time in response to an outer stimulus.

Marisa tried her best to sound like Byakuren, "...don't worry. I wouldn't think of committing adultery... you're the only man for me..." Marisa grinned, barely stopping herself from laughing out loud.

"No... I want you to be happy... feel free to find a man, but if he treats you badly... then I will never forgive him..." Jean murmured.

"Oh, Jean, I can always rely on you... I love you..." Marisa almost sniggered delivering this last line, and closed in on Jean's mouth, "...and even you are okay with it, I'd never betray my man..."

Marisa proceeded to kiss Jean on the lips, keeping it up until Jean opened his eyes in horror. "GAH! NO! I DON'T WANT..." Jean screamed as he responded to the imaginary threat of Byakuren kissing him.

Marisa looked at Jean, grinning slightly, "Man, that must have been a nice dream you were having! You really were talking some nonsense back there!"

Jean paused, and then began to speak in a noticeably more French accent, "What are you talking about? You were the one who... gave me a kiss while I was sleeping!"

Marisa blushed, but sniggered none the less, "That was the joke! You were there, fast asleep, going 'Oh Byakuren! You're the only woman for me! Oh Byakuren, your hands are so soft!' You sounded like a grade-A moron, so I thought I'd pretend to be your fantasy girl and see what you'd say..."

"I... what are you talking about? I was sleeping in the usual way..." Jean played dumb.

"Oh come on! Are ya telling me you didn't hear yourself? But then again, seen as you can't hear your snoring, you must be pretty deaf when sleeping..." Marisa tried to get him to admit it, but fruitlessly.

"I only remember waking up with you holding my hands and kissing me... that is the truth... so, why did you do it?" Jean shook his head, "I thought you were one of the women that I have met here that did not see me in a romantic way..."

Marisa sweat-dropped, "Th-that's 'cos I don't! Stop acting stupid, you know you were talking to yourself in your sleep! Admit it!"

"I do not know what you are talking about, that is the truth..." Jean was either lying really convincingly, or honestly had no recollection of the event.

"W-well, if that's the case, just take my word for it, you were sleep-talking. And I was just having a bit of fun, don't for a second think that I'm like Reimu..." Marisa folded her arms, and said, "So, you want some breakfast?"

"J'ai déjà eu votre langue pour le petit déjeuner, mais porquoi pas?" Jean remarked in French, laughing to himself.

Marisa didn't like the face he was pulling, and asked, "Hey? Hey! What what did you just say?"

"I would like some breakfast, please..." Jean lied.

Marisa wasn't satisfied, "Hmm. Well, I'm not gonna believe you fully, but sure, I'll make you breakfast..."

_Keine's Village School, nine anti-meridian on the dot_

Yutaka picked up one of her many apples from the teacher's desk, and waited for the buzz of children to subside before starting the first lesson. Dawitsu was carrying a wide variety of musical instruments in a large bag.

After the noise died down, Yutaka called out, "Okay, class... calm down..." Almost instantly, the class became silent, and Yutaka began to explain her lesson aims, "Okay, picking up from where we left off yesterday, chords are played in different ways on different instruments, but a C-Chord on, say, a guitar, will contain the same types of note as say, a C-Chord on the piano. All the varied is how many octaves are spanned, and thus what pitch order the notes included in the chord will be in. Mr Dawitsu is going to get out various instruments, and I'll show you how each one works. Then, after that, you can play on whatever one you want..."

The large boy known as Hideki asked, "So... um... we'll be doing more than just theory this lesson?"

Dawitsu smiled, "But of course. I think you'll suit the cello, but we'll see when we give out the instruments. Um... Yutaka, do you want the xylophone?"

"_Glockenspiel._" Yutaka corrected, "Yes, please. Remember class, a xylophone and a glockenspiel are very similar-looking, but the xylophone is made of wood and the glockenspiel is made of metal, and the two instruments sound very similar."

Dawitsu handed Yutaka the 'xylophone', and she proceeded to lay the small instrument on her desk. She took the beater from the underside, and somewhat effeminately hit the 'C' key.

"On an instrument like this, it's impossible to hit hit chords simultaneously, instead, you can make a melody within a chord while another instrument..." Yutaka looked at Dawitsu meaningfully, prompting him to take off the large-guitar shaped backpack he was wearing, and get out an acoustic guitar.

After doing so, he proceeded to align his fingers on the fretboard so as to play a 'C' chord. Yutaka finished her sentence accordingly, "...plays the backing chords. So, if we play simultaneously..."

Yutaka proceeded to hit out a melody that went 'C-E-C-G-E-E-G-C' as Dawitsu strummed the same chord he did before, having to re-strum halfway through to avoid the chord dying down.

A girl put her hand up, "So... does that thing that Mr Dawitsu is holding only play block chords like the glockenspiel only plays melodies..."

"Not true..." Yutaka said, and decided that for once, Dawitsu's mimicry would come in handy, "Mr Dawitsu will show you a guitar melody, and a lyrical counter melody... in other words, he'll play a melody on the guitar, and sing one another one with his voice..."

Dawitsu sweat-dropped. There was only one song that he'd ever memorised both the lyrics and the guitar melody of that he'd truly mastered. Dawitsu stuttered, "Um... okay... kids... this one's melody relies on keeping your fingers as if you're playing a chord, but only playing each note once... you see, the way a guitar works is..."

"Just play a song already!" a boy at the back shouted.

Dawitsu gulped, and slowly began to play a melody based on a G-major chord. It then switched to an E-minor, a C, a D, then returned to an E-minor, after which he completed the chord sequence full circle by playing a G-chord melody once more.

After putting it off another four bars, finally Dawitsu began to sing, "Every breath you take... every move you make... every bond you break, every step you take, I'll be watching you..."

As he continued to sing, one boy whispered to another, "Doesn't this song seem a little creepy..."

The other boy replied with, "Of course not! Look at Miss Hadekawa! She seems to like it..."

Truly enough, Yutaka was staring at the mimicker in a teary-eyed manner, particularly touched when he sang, "...every smile you fake, every claim you stake, I'll be watching you..."

The boy replied with, "Well, that's because girls are into that mushy stuff... I'm smart enough to see it's about a creepy man..."

"Really? I just thought it was about parents, not love..."

Various children were debating underneath the song, and by the end of the song, Yutaka had joined Dawitsu in singing 'Every breath you take'. The two seemed oblivious to the fact that only a minority were actually listening to the two singing, and once they finished, the class applauded gratuitously, despite not necessarily enjoying the show.

"Oh, Boss..." Yutaka said, "You... you learnt that song..."

"Years ago... when I wanted to..." Dawitsu failed to finish his sentence, "...I always wanted to impress you with that song... I guess now you know I'm a mimicker it means nothing, huh?"

"Hello? Is anyone teaching this?" a somewhat logical child asked.

"Oh!" Yutaka was reminded of where she was, "Oh, sorry class..."

A somewhat less logical child said, "Dawitsu and Yutaka, kissing in a tree! K-I-S-S-I-N-G! First comes love, second..."

"SILENCE!" both Dawitsu and Yutaka yelled to stop any chaos ensuing from that remark. However, the class had different ideas, and eventually all the class wound up chanting.

"First comes love, second comes marriage, third comes a youkai in a baby's carriage!" they all sang, then began their verse again.

Yutaka was about to try and quieten the class again, but Dawitsu stopped her, "No, I have a better idea..."

Dawitsu, instead of actively opposing the chant, played his guitar along with the song, encouraging the kids to keep in time and in rhythm. Yutaka smirked, and got out a harp, so as to play over-the-top 'romance chords' on top of the children's lyrical melody.

In the end, it took Keine running into the class, fearing the class had fallen into mayhem, to stop the musical madness, and demanded that they had to be quieter. Emitting a loud simultaneous groan, the class stopped singing.

Once Keine left the room, Dawitsu stuck his tongue out at where the historian was standing, causing an unusual murmur of approval within the class. Dawitsu smiled... he'd actually got the class on his side for once.

"So, Miss Hadekawa, what are we going to do now?" the girl with black pigtails said.

Yutaka smirked, "Well, we're going to make more noise..." Yutaka secretly formed two pairs of ear-plugs for her and Dawitsu, and said, "Okay, grab an instrument out the bag... and see if you can figure out how to play certain notes in certain ways..."

Yutaka knew this was a zero-effort lesson, and that the children wouldn't learn much, but figured that seen as they were having fun, that didn't really matter... Dawitsu twirled his hair a little, irritated by the noise, but was beginning to see that there was more to the children liking Yutaka than a simple teacher crush...

_Youkai Mountain, Aya's house, eleven anti-meridian_

Aya and Hatate were working on their latest report, with Hatate taking over almost entirely. Aya was getting noticeably irritated by her dominant streak, and finally decided to question it.

"Okay, why are you getting so bossy? And how come you're only filling the paper with useless, mundane stuff? Didn't you want your dumb Yukari-Dawitsu pairing published or something? Oh well, if you don't any more, that's fine with me..." Aya shrugged her shoulders, but then continued, "But still, I don't think 'firefly population on the up' is really newsworthy..."

"But, like, what if a great uprising happens?" Hatate said, taking the opportunity to avoid having to talk about her life being threatened, "...we could all be doomed if the population gets too high!"

"Hatate, I know you don't get out much... but you do know that the populations of all insects rise in spring, right?" Aya asked, "Just do your dumb pairings, that's a boring news article. Go on, you have my permission, anything but this... tedium..."

Hatate paused, and said, "But I... can't."

"What do you mean? You said you had photographic evidence! I saw it myself! Who cares if it's not true, you can still make up something stupid about it... like 'Shikigami of Dawitsu is jealous of Yukari...' or something..."

"No... I can't..." Hatate sighed, and decided to tell Aya everything, "Okay, the day before yesterday, I got attacked..."

"By Dawitsu? Oh, please, been there, done that..." Aya shrugged off the assault, even though she was in tears when it happened to her, "...just ignore him, he won't carry out his threat!"

"...it's not him I'm afraid of... Yukari also showed up, and threatened to kill me if I didn't print a retraction!" Hatate gulped, and continued, "I don't want to make the border youkai any madder... so I'm just gonna leave them alone."

Aya looked down, and said, "Fine. Hey, did Alice provide us with any information?"

"She did... not only is the mystery man's name 'Jean Franc Levoisier', but he's also a magician under the training of Marisa Kirisame. And apparently, him and Byakuren Hijiri have hit it off! Alice said that they think they know each other..." Hatate scratched her head cluelessly, "And for some reason, Alice was, like, really mad about the last part. Hm. Perhaps she thinks they... OH YES!"

Aya smirked, thinking the exact same thing, "Another two-timer?"

"Another two-timer... both the man with Reimu and Byakuren, and Byakuren with Alice and this 'Jean' fellow... AH! A LOVE TRIANGLE!" Hatate squealed with joy.

"Actually, there are four participants... but not all of them are connected... Alice does not love Reimu, and Jean doesn't love Alice, as well as Reimu not loving Byakuren. So isn't even a love square, it's more a... love 'n' shape." Aya drew four points on a piece of paper, labelling the top-left dot 'J', the top-right 'B', the bottom-left 'R' and the bottom-right 'A'. She then drew a line from 'R' to 'J', then one from 'J' to 'B', and finally, 'B' to 'A', "...see what I mean?"

Hatate grumbled, "Hmm... love 'n' doesn't sound catchy. Say, is there anyone else Alice was in love with, that way we could spice things up further?"

"Well, there was... hold on, did you say this 'Jean' fellow was being trained by... Marisa?" Aya asked Hatate.

"Well, yeah, but I don't get what you're..." the penny dropped for Hatate, and she smiled darkly, "Heh... that's a far more favourable bottom-left corner..."

"Yes, the square is now complete..." Aya grinned, scribbling out the 'R', and writing down an 'M' in its place, then drawing a line between 'M' and 'A', "This is... oh ho ho..."

Hatate muttered, "Now, can we, like, do some real reporting? All this love gossip's tiring me out..."

"Well, what else do you suggest we talk about?" Aya asked, tempting fate.

The door was suddenly kicked down, and a short, doll-like, considerably worse-for-wear youkai appeared where the door once was, "_YES_! I can finally have my... sweet revenge..."

Hatate looked at the doll youkai, and stuttered, "L-like, who are you?"

The doll looked down, "What? Don't you remember me?" while slump-walking towards the pair of Tengu, "...I... I was trapped for _years _because of you..."

Aya whispered, "That's the forsaken doll of poison... I've seen her within the last year, what's she talking about?"

Hatate thought, then remembered who this doll was to her, "Oh... I kind of sucked her up in my vacuum cleaner... she's lying, she can't have been trapped there for more than..."

"BE QUIET! For your heinous crime against me, I'm going to kill you... and your fellow tengu reporter too!" Medicine stopped speaking to laugh maniacally, then calmly said, "I hope you understand that I'm only killing you because you're a witness, right? It's nothing personal..."

Aya, surprisingly calm, said, "Oh yeah, of course, I guess if I were in your situation, I'd also want to kill the... WHAT AM I SAYING? No! I don't want to die!"

Medicine grinned, and said, "Well, guess what? You are. Now, allow me a few minutes to explain to you what poison I'm going to use..." Medicine got out a small glass jar, "...this is Hydrogen Cyanide, a highly volatile poison that is a gas usually. It's invisible, and smells of almonds, although anyone who knows that for a fact don't live long enough to appreciate it like I do... anyway, this poison may well..."

Aya and Hatate looked at each other. They knew their only chance involved plotting an escape during her monologue. Fortunately, being Tengu, they both didn't need to plot, and knew the best solution was their speed.

"...so many people use it to synthesise the active ingredients of medicine, making it a mixed blessing that such a poison exists..." Medicine continued, but her soliloquy was interrupted by the sounds of crashing through a wall, and before she knew it, she had lost her quarry.

"No! No! Come back!" Medicine worriedly said, and rushed out through the hole in the wall the pair of Tengu had made, but their speed had allowed them to have long gone before Medicine would know where to look.

"Hmph! Well..." Medicine laughed wryly, "I can at least make sure that when they get home, _neither _will want to stay there... and if they do... they'll stay... FOREVER!"

Medicine broke into a giggle that sounded both gleeful and psychotic at the same time, and threw the glass jar into Aya's house, and upon hearing the glass break, set off to Hatate's house to do the same...

_The Forest of Magic, Alice's house, mid-day_

Alice knew she should have been reporting to Hatate about any unusual findings, but decided that for once, she'd work on her own interests. She was currently sowing together a doll, this time in the likeness of Dawitsu. After her near-perfect job on Yutaka, Alice made sure to do just as good a job on the mimicker's effigy, but was finding it difficult due to never working on a masculine-looking doll before. For some reason, it didn't seem... doll-like, almost as if it needed a different name.

It was a figure... one she intended to put into action... yes, that would work. While working on the left arm of the figurine, she christened it 'an Action Figure'. Adding stuffing to the chest instinctively, she suddenly noticed her error and said, "I guess it must be odd being a man in a world full of women... I hope he doesn't blame me for... that article..."

A knock on the door interrupted her out-loud thoughts, and she dropped the doll to walk up to the front door. When she opened it, she revealed an apologetic-looking Byakuren.

"Uh... hello, Alice..." Byakuren was holding her hands behind her back, "...I just wanted to call... I wanted to say I'm sorry. I'm sorry for... you know, what happened between that human and I... it's just that..."

Alice rolled her eyes, "Yes, I know, you felt an instant connection with him, you don't know what it was, etcetera, etcetera... look, if you're not interested, I'll find someone else, it's just we were supposed to be on a date then..."

"No! It's not like that at all!" Byakuren hung her head, "I think I know why I know him... and if that is the case, there is no way I would ever consider such a... relationship with him."

"What do you mean?"

Byakuren sighed, "Well, it's to do with me and my brother's faith... if you let me explain a little more in-depth, I can tell you everything..."

_And so, Byakuren proceeded to tell Alice her lingering worries, although one may not really consider them worries, merely things to be concerned of. Alice agreed with Byakuren that really, such an assumption needed to be tested, yet the true question was how they were going to test it._

_Jean got on with his training, unaware that people, both Magician and Tengu, were discussing him and his relationships to other people. Whereas the magicians were talking about perfectly innocuous things, the tengu were discussing how they were going to get proof to make their 'love square' fit._

_Marisa was trying to teach Jean how to fix Hakkeros in place and shoot strong, ice-based attacks, but he simply wasn't picking it up. As far as he was concerned, he was fine with simply knowing the basic two types of attack. What he truly wanted to learn now was how to make those strange attacks known as spell-cards..._

Author's Notes: Okay, no more chapters for a while... I'm gonna be working hard on a lamb farm for a week, so just bear with me.

Sorry about that. Apart from that, thanks for your understanding, and sorry if this is a particularly short chapter...


	10. 10: Make Words, not War

Touhou Doujin: Jean's Magical Education

**Chapter 10: Make Words, not War**

_Mayohiga, Tokage Reiketsu's house, two post-meridian_

Tokage Reiketsu was lounging in the main room of her house, pondering where her story could go next. What Dawitsu had said to her didn't seem to have affected her in the slightest.

After making a tiny little 'eureka' gesture, she grinned, picked up her notepad, and began to scribble away frantically, occasionally giving way to hyperventilating.

"IT'S... SO..." Tokage squealed slightly before continuing her monologue, "...MOÉ!"

As she wrote her no doubt depraved ideas down, she almost missed the faint sound of knocking on her door. After winding herself down, she answered her door, opening it to reveal a fellow lizard youkai.

"Hey, Tokage!" the youkai shouted somewhat obnoxiously, "What's up? How's it going? I haven't seen ya around much. Did something happen?"

"Ah..." Tokage laughed to herself, "Well, you know Miss Yukari?"

"Yeah..."

"Well... she's got a boyfriend!" Tokage barely contained a maniacal laugh, "And... and... and he's so damn hot, I just _had _to write a romance novel about them!"

"A romance novel... about real people?" the other lizard didn't seem convinced, "Isn't that a little creepy?"

"Not at all!" Tokage said, unfazed by her acquaintance's remark, "It's totally cool! Just you see! My book will be a best seller!"

"Hm... well, I guess I shouldn't knock it before I try it. You got it with you?" the somewhat anonymous lizard asked.

"Sure I do!" Tokage handed her friend her notebook, "This is just my personal copy, but when I finish it, I'll get the tengu to publish it, copied up and everything!"

Taking the notepad, the unfortunate lizard read silently, reddened slightly and asked, "Is he really that perfect?"

"You bet he is..." Tokage lied.

"I find that hard to believe."

Tokage's guest continued to read the story for about two minutes, before turning a little greener than usual, and stumbled towards the front door saying, "Uh... pardon me... I need to go outside for a second..."

Upon her leaving the house temporarily, Tokage heard what sounded like retching, before she returned, with what seemed to be sweetcorn on the side of her mouth. After wiping the partially-digested matter off her mouth, the lizard smiled nervously, "Uh... that... was... uh... good. Yeah, good."

"Ha! That's what Dawitsu himself thought!" Tokage filtered the memories that served herself best.

The response was her friend leaving her house for a second time, making horrific noises, and returning to say, "Y-you showed this to... the guy you're writing about?"

"You say that as if there's something wrong with it..." Tokage smiled slightly, seemingly oblivious of her ineptitude.

"That's because there... oh, never mind. Don't work too hard on this book or anything... uh... see you!" the lizard concluded, before speeding off, dropping the notebook like it was infected with the plague.

"Hmph!" Tokage picked up her notebook indignantly, "What was her problem?"

What Tokage hadn't realised was that, due to her writing's horrific nature, she had actually laid seeds of creativity in her victim's mind... a lingering trace of competitive thought, a small inkling in her friend's mind that told her 'I can do better than that'... unwittingly, she had knocked the initial domino of the domino trail to a new craze.

_The forest of magic, Alice Margatroid's house, around the same time_

Byakuren was resting in one of Alice Margatroid's armchairs, mumbling a little as she fought dozing off to sleep. Alice was getting ready to go out, a process which, for someone who usually acted as a shut-in, took a rather long time. After successfully arranging her dolls to be ready for combat in one swift move, Alice walked downstairs, and looked in slight adoration at the sight of Byakuren Hijiri quietly sleeping on her chair.

"Hello?" Alice gently said, taking hold of the monk's hand.

Byakuren quickly got up, looking left and right in disorientation before saying, "I... I wasn't sleeping, I was just resting my eyes..."

"If you say so..." Alice smirked, and said, "So, you think we should try at test out our theory?"

"Okay..." Byakuren seemed somewhat unenthusiastic about the matter.

"Oh, come on, you're the one who's so curious!" Alice pointed out, "Get up! Once this is done, if we're correct, we can report it to Hatate and Aya!"

Byakuren sighed, "Perhaps that isn't the right thing to do..."

"So, should we assume that he's still at Marisa's house?" Alice asked.

"Yes." Byakuren inhaled, stood up, and said, "Let's go now before I lose the confidence..."

The two magicians walked out of Alice's house, walking for about a minute before reaching Marisa's house. Upon getting there, she noticed that both their subject of interest and Marisa were flying about above their location, taking pot shots at each other in a manner that didn't even resemble danmaku.

Up in the sky, Jean pointed his finger at Marisa, muttered his 'Green Shot' spell once, and successfully hit her. "Tag! You are it!"

Marisa turned her broom around, and observed Jean as he dipped downwards to avoid instantly becoming 'it' again. Marisa tried to change her shot trajectory, but due to this game's rules of 'no constant firing', she was finding it difficult to get her shot lined up to hit her student.

Jean flew circles around Marisa, and taunted, "Come on! Catch me... uh... how does the phrasing go... if you can?"

Marisa's attempts at aiming at Jean were making her go cross-eyed, and Jean was in no way going to yield. Eventually Marisa mumbled, "Okay, Jean, you win..."

Jean brought his broom to a halt, and thrust his hands into the air. "Yes! I win! After fifteen games, I win!"

Marisa smirked as she turned to aim at her now still target, and fired her shot as soon as it was lined up, "Psych!"

"Hey, that is not fair!" Jean complained.

Marisa was about to justify her cheating, but a voice from the ground interrupted her before she could start, "Hey! Down here! It's Alice!"

Marisa called back, "What do you want?"

"Byakuren wants to speak to that man you're playing with!" Alice shouted, "Come down here, so I don't have to strain my voice!"

Jean heard mention of the word 'Byakuren', and swooped downwards as if a dog being called for by its master. Marisa rolled her eyes, and slowly descended after him.

Once the two dismounted, Alice, who seemed to be the spokesperson for Byakuren, said, "Okay, uh... what's-his-face..."

Jean spoke up, "Jean Franc..."

"Yeah, that's it... Jean, Byakuren has something to ask you..." Alice folded her arms, turning to the silent, nervous wreck of a magician that was acting more like a teenage girl than a millennium-old Youkai, "Go on, ask him!"

Byakuren stuttered slightly, "Um... Jean... would you... would you... would you answer to the title Myouren if asked?"

Jean cocked his head. This wasn't the kind of question he was expecting. "What... what are you talking about?"

"Well, it's just... okay, do you know what I looked like as a teenager?" Byakuren asked.

Jean was about to call Byakuren insane, but upon thinking over the request, he somewhat vividly recalled someone resembling Byakuren... however, her hair was one, simple brown colour, and it was straighter than her current look. He shuddered, not sure how he knew that, and said, "You... you were shorter than you are now, and... you had the straight hair. How... how did you know that I did know that? I did not know myself that..."

Byakuren was about to answer, but all of a sudden Jean screamed, "SACREBLEU! Vous étes... vous étes... ma petite soeur... je suis... non... c'est impossible..."

Marisa asked, "Uh... Jean... what's wrong?"

Alice looked downwards, before she addressed Marisa, "If our theory is correct, then the reason why Jean knows Byakuren so well is because..."

Jean shouted, "NON! C'EST IMPOSSIBLE! JE... SUIS... MYOUREN!"

Byakuren, unaware of what Jean's outburst had meant, mumbled, "We... we think that Jean may be... on the same reincarnation line as my late brother..."

Marisa's eyes widened, "_What?_"

Jean gulped, and said, "You... you think that I am... your brother... but... I am a different person now... I am not the same as him... he is... dead..."

Marisa smiled in enlightenment, "Hold on... that explains what you were going on about in your sleep..."

Alice and Byakuren both turned to Marisa in curiosity. Byakuren asked, "What did he say?"

Marisa snickered, before saying, "I thought he was having some sort of romantic fantasy, but basically, he was babbling about how Byakuren was the only woman for him and that he was probably never going to marry anyone or something... and said he was totally cool with Byakuren going off with other people, as long as she was careful... but if he was dreaming with Myouren's mind, then..."

"Oh, Myouren! You always cared for me! I remember when you told me that all those years ago..." Byakuren smiled, knowing her theory was correct, "You see, in a circular life, often dreams are a subconscious retelling of memories from previous lives... after you had been reintroduced to me, Jean's mind must have been drawn to Myouren's memories in particular..."

Jean shook his head, "No... no... je ne suis pas un poisson rouge de remplacement..."

Byakuren picked up on the familiar wording in his foreign dialogue, "I'm not viewing you as a replacement... I'm... just... glad to know why it is I had a feeling I knew you..."

"So... you won't treat me like your brother?" Jean asked.

"Of course not..."

Marisa rubbed her chin, "Okay, that explains a lot, but it doesn't explain something I remember hearing... Jean began lusting after Byakuren instantly, saying that she looked like his wife... what connection does she have?"

Alice folded her arms, "I can explain that... humans have a tendency to be attracted to people who look similar to relatives... so, on a subconscious level, Jean must have picked his wife because she reminded him of his sister from another life."

Marisa's face became a slightly disgusted one, "How do you know stuff like that?"

"Read it in a book. You should know, you stole it from me. You know, the book 'Humans, and how to be attractive to them'?"

Marisa's face reddened, "Uh... I never stole that book. Honest..."

Jean hung his head, "No... I can't have... I loved Patricia... with all my heart... I... I _knew _her! I loved her strange accent, her pigeon-toed walking... I LOVED _HER_, NOT MY SISTER!"

Alice walked up to Jean, and quietly tried to comfort him, "I never said that you didn't. I just said that's what drew you to her... aesthetically."

Byakuren shook her head, "I'm sorry. What you're saying is true. You're a completely different person... but at least now you know one thing that will help you..."

Jean continued to face the ground, and spat, "What?"

"...the reason you've picked up magic so quickly is because it's in your soul... you know, Myouren was the one who taught me magic. I never got the hang of it until after he had died, but ultimately it was he who taught me." Byakuren sighed, and said, "My condolences. I apologise if this has at all upset you..."

Jean began to breath heavily. As each cycle of ventilation completed itself, the next cycle became a louder one, eventually building to a crescendo, at which point Jean screamed, "What is your purpose? Why are you here? Just to give me bad news? To tell me I'm just a shadow of your beloved brother? To tell me I never really loved my wife? GO! LEAVE ME!"

Alice and Byakuren were notably shocked and somewhat insulted by the outburst, but regardless, obliged, and bowed respectfully before leaving him and Marisa. Marisa, who had stayed silent throughout his outburst, placed her hand on Jean's shoulder, saying, "Jean... it's okay, let's just go in and get something to eat. Once you calm down, you'll think better of the situation..."

Jean fell to his knees, and began to cry uncontrollably. "WHY? WHY DID THEY COME HERE?"

Marisa stared at the pathetic sight... a man, who was older, taller, and more muscle-bound than her, bawling into the ground like a baby. While Marisa would normally laugh at such a sight, for whatever reason, Marisa felt the urge to do something else.

Marisa got in front of Jean, and kneeled down to his level. Tapping his shoulders, she said, "Hey, chin up..."

Jean brought his upper body from the ground, sniffing and hiccuping as he did so. Not knowing what Marisa was up to, he jumped slightly as Marisa gave Jean a strong, warm embrace.

"It's gonna be alright, Jean..." Marisa said unsurely, "...I know you're more than just some dumb copy of Byakuren's brother..."

"How do..." Jean stopped speaking to hiccough a little, "...how do you know that?"

"Because I'm your friend." Marisa reassured, then, as if fifty pennies had dropped, she suddenly changed her tone, "...man, I didn't think I'd ever be so mushy..."

Jean, who's arms were hanging outside of the hug, rose and put themselves around Marisa, and he said, "I... I like this... how you say... mushy... you a lot..."

"Heh, don't get used to it, kiddo. So, you want some food?" Marisa asked.

"Yes please..."

After that, they remained hugging each other for a good minute before Marisa asked, "Uh... are you gonna let go?"

"I thought you were going to let go first..." Jean replied.

"...oh."

Once they let each other go, the two human magicians walked towards Marisa's house, both ready for a no doubt mushroom-based meal to ease their hunger.

_The Human Village, Keine's Village School, three o'clock post-meridian_

Yutaka and Dawitsu were both reclining in their chairs, on the border of dormancy as the schoolchildren did what Keine called 'a mandatory test' to prove that they had actually learned something in their lessons with Yutaka.

Most of the students were twiddling their thumbs as the end of their allotted time to complete their paper approached. Only three students were still working. As the third-to-last student put her pencil down, the end-of-school bell began to ring, shocking the half-asleep mimicker and magician awake.

Yutaka babbled incoherently before coming to her senses, saying cheerfully, "Okay, class! Time to get going! Any which haven't finished, just finish the question you're on, and hand in what all of what you have done! Remember to put your names on every piece of paper you used..."

Dawitsu laughed nervously before saying, "And remember to number each page you've written on, putting 'Please turn over' on the bottom if you've used both sides."

Most of the students stood up and placed their question answers on the teacher's desk, before rushing out of the classroom, while two scribbled for a short while before doing the same.

Yutaka sighed, "Oh... do you think we were made to sit through that exam as a punishment for ignoring her warning about making noise?"

"Probably... I don't know what her problem is, it's not like we're getting paid or anything..." Dawitsu muttered.

"That doesn't matter, though, because we have unlimited funds as long as I know what currency we're working in..." Yutaka pointed out.

"It's the thought that counts..." Dawitsu folded his arms, "Anyway, I'm not going to go home with you tonight, if that's alright. I'm going to go to the Scarlet Devil Mansion for a while. You're okay walking home on your own, aren't you?"

Yutaka blushed, noticing the protective tone of Dawitsu's voice, "Of course I am, Boss. So, why are you going there? To teach Flandre, I presume?"

"You presume correctly." Dawitsu confirmed, "I feel I've been neglecting the poor girl as of recently. Plus, I'd love to see how Sakuya and Patchy are getting along... hey, if you want to see Patchy, feel free to come along with me..."

"No thanks. I'm feeling like sitting on the sofa with a cup of tea wrapped in a blanket..." Yutaka stopped, seemingly contemplating the idea, "Ah... yes, I want to go home as soon as possible. I guess we'll be going our separate ways, then?"

"I guess we will..."

_The Scarlet Devil Mansion, around twenty past three post-meridian_

Flandre Scarlet was following Koakuma around the mansion's library, and had been doing so for about an hour. Koakuma was ignoring the vampire, simply getting along with her duties as a librarian's assistant, but fearing that she was going to die in a short amount of time.

After resisting the temptation for five minutes longer, she finally turned to the younger mistress of the house and asked, "What do you want?"

"Koakuma-san, will you marry me?" Flandre answered, tilting her head in an innocent manner.

"Uh..." Koakuma looked left and right, hoping her the head librarian would be able to help her out on this question, "...why do you want to do that?"

Flandre proceeded to hug Koakuma, "Because you're pretty, and I'm pretty, and we're both unmarried girls who love each other!"

Koakuma squirmed under the grip of the insane, child-like vampire, and said, "Um... have you asked Patchouli?" in an attempt to move the unwanted attention elsewhere.

"Yeah, she said she's already married to someone named Yutaka! And when I asked Sakuya, she said that she's not the one for me..." Flandre squeezed Koakuma tighter as she got a little more frustrated, "...IT'S NOT FAIR! No-one wants to marry me!"

Almost unable to breath, the assistant attempted to say, "Let... me... go..."

Although she hadn't heard the command, Flandre did what was asked of her due to the sound of Sakuya's voice shouting, "Lady Flandre! There's someone at the door for you!"

Rushing to the front door, Flandre stopped dead-on at the Mansion entrance, and after looking over the cloaked mimicker in front of her, squealed with glee, hugging Dawitsu and kissing him repeatedly. Once she stopped, she cried, "BOY SENSEI!"

Dawitsu smirked to himself, and said to Sakuya, "You think she's missed me?"

Sakuya smiled warmly at the reunion, and nodded, "Of course..."

Flandre continued to hold Dawitsu, and said, "Sensei, can we play science today? I don't like reading any more..."

"Why don't you..." Dawitsu began to ask, but took notice of Sakuya performing a small cutting-head motion with her finger across her neck, so in accordance, shut up.

Sakuya tried to change the subject, "So, tell Dawitsu about who you met when you went out, Lady Flandre..."

"Oh! That's right! I met a man with a funny voice! I asked him to marry me, but he was married before. Then this bad woman came up to us... and I... I... I... broke her, but then a little thing came to fix her!" Flandre excitedly told Dawitsu.

Dawitsu shook his head, "Oh, Flandre... you're just like a kid... I wish I could say you're like my daughter, but if that's true... I've been a terrible father to you. I'm sorry I haven't seen a lot of you recently..."

Sakuya looked at Dawitsu in a confused manner, as did Flandre, who released the mimicker, asking, "But... you're not my daddy, are you?"

"No. I just... never mind." Dawitsu sighed, and turned to Sakuya, "So... how's things?"

Sakuya walked up close to Dawitsu, and whispered into his ear, "If you really want to know, not great. Remilia has forbidden me and Rinnosuke from meeting... what should I do?"

Dawitsu removed the secrecy from the situation, and stepped back, declaring in a brash, faux-heroic tone, "DON'T WORRY, FAIR MAID! FOR I, DAWITSU, WILL SAVE THE DAY!"

Defusing the situation effortlessly, Sakuya asked in a deadpan tone, "How?"

"Okay... tomorrow, I'll return here with a device known as a 'mobile phone'. On the way, I'll have dropped off a similar device with Rinnosuke. I'll have already programmed in the phone number necessary for you two to call each other... all that will be required is for me to teach you how to operate the thing..." Dawitsu stopped to breath, and then began what seemed like an epic speech minus the meaningfulness, "...then, unimpeded, as if invisible, you shall be able to meet in special, secret places organised between yourselves, without Remilia even knowing you've organised them! YOU WILL GO TO THE BALL, CINDERELLA! Damn, wrong story..."

But before he could continue, Dawitsu's mouth was covered by two bat wings, the owner of which was standing behind him.

"So, you thought you could conspire against me, did you?" Remilia sniggered, "Well, you could start by not talking so loudly."

Flandre didn't understand why someone she considered nice was effectively gagging another person who she considered nice. One or the other had to be 'nasty', but Flandre didn't know who it was.

Sakuya looked downwards, "I'm sorry, mistress."

"And you should be! Forget the stupid man! Forget _both _stupid men!" Remilia ranted, "And Flandre, get back in the basement, you don't need to hear this..."

"Yes, Remi..." Flandre said, unquestioningly going towards the basement entrance.

Remilia opened her wings, allowing Dawitsu to breath, "So, what do you have to say for yourself?"

"Sorry, Remilia. I was just trying to think of a way where Sakuya could be happy and you could..." Dawitsu explained.

"What do you mean?"

"Well, I can understand why you wouldn't want... uh..." Dawitsu stared awkwardly at Sakuya, drooling slightly before realising he had to continue, "...you know... that... going on in your mansion. It is your mansion after all. So I'm just... trying to get them to move their spot, that's all..."

Remilia smiled, seemingly enthralled with the idea. "Turn around, so I can thank you properly..."

Dawitsu should have known better, but turned around like a moron, "I knew you'd see se..."

Dawitsu's sentence was cut short by a punch to the face, "YOU IDIOT! IF SHE DOES THAT, THEN SHE'S STILL DOING IT! A MAID IS PURE! A MAID IS CLEAN!"

"Jesus, you have a good left hook..." Dawitsu spluttered from the floor.

Sakuya stared at the Mimicker, lying on the floor, grinning wryly, but with fear in his eyes nonetheless. She then looked at her furious mistress, and noticed that underneath the anger was a sadistic bliss.

"...No. A maid can be impure." Sakuya quietly attempted to confront her mistress.

"What?" Remilia turned to Sakuya like a ravenous beast, keeping her voice a disturbingly quiet tone, "What... did you just say?"

"I can be as unclean as I like. I'm a woman. I have needs. I'm more than just your maid... I'm... I'm a human being, a real person!" Sakuya's tone of voice became gradually more self-confident.

"Silly maid... a human being... is not a _real _person..." Remilia slowly and certainly said, "...the only reason I chose to look like one is because they're such _cute animals_..."

Dawitsu slowly got up, and said, "You're wrong."

"Ha! What would you know? You're a youkai! Humans are but a meal to you! You're no less cruel than me..." Remilia taunted.

Sakuya shook her head, "That's not true... I should know, he was my boyfriend!"

Remilia's eyes narrowed, "W-what?"

"Oh yeah, that's right... Rinnosuke wasn't the first, you know..." Sakuya grinned, sensing she had gained the upper hand, "He's done far more than ogle me..."

Dawitsu continued the assault, "And you know what, she's beautiful enough to have had many before me... who knows how impure your perfect maid is?"

"Shut up! Shut up! You're lying!" Remilia panicked, knowing if she simply resorted to violence now, it would be like accepting defeat, "YOU CAN'T HAVE!"

Sakuya looked at Dawitsu, and said, "Oh, a memory like that cannot be fabricated... do you want to know about it in detail?"

Dawitsu's expression became a mixture between a genuinely and falsely perverted smile, "Well, I think I should start... we began to kiss, just like..."

Dawitsu closed in on Sakuya, who was hoping they wouldn't have to actually demonstrate, and Remilia began to quiver, until she finally gave up, "FINE! Whatever, Sakuya can go and see her stupid boyfriend. He's an improvement compared to that loser! ANYTHING but him! Ugh! I can't _believe _she'd... I'll be in my room! Leave me alone if you value your lives!"

Sakuya breathed a sigh of relief, Dawitsu seemed somewhat disappointed, and Remilia proceeded to storm upstairs to her room. Dawitsu said, "Well... I guess my coming here wasn't completely in vain after all. Is it okay if I teach Flandre for a bit, I'm sure she's dying for a bit of mental exercise..."

Sakuya smiled, "Thank you... but did you really have to go that far?"

"Sure I did..." Dawitsu sniggered, before saying, "See you later, Sakuya. You go enjoy yourself... I think you're all clear to see him now, wouldn't you say?"

"You're a pervert, aren't you? I've never seen you that way, but you most certainly are..." Sakuya laughed, and decided to leave the house as suggested.

"Goodbye! Au revoir! Adios! Sayonara! Wu duhadd! Hwyl Fawr! Auf Wiedersehen!" Dawitsu continued to cycle through languages until Sakuya finally slammed the door shut as she left.

Walking into the basement, Dawitsu somehow knew that despite the fact he was sharing the house with someone who hated him enough to kill him, that he was perfectly safe... his victory over Remilia felt... harsh, unnecessary, but fair. A strange sense of satisfaction and guilt filled the mimicker's body, however, his outward demeanour seemed to forget that, and he spent the rest of the night teaching Flandre the laws of motion, with the occasional break to play chess.

_Hakurei Shrine, during the former events, at around half past three post-meridian_

Reimu sat at her kotatsu, staring at the empty futon she had kept on the floor. She never bothered to put it away, her excuse to Suika being laziness. However, once the Oni offered to put it away for her, for whatever reason, Reimu told her not to touch it.

Suika spent her time passed out on the floor, seemingly oblivious to the fact that the Shrine Maiden was just as zoned out as she was. Thus, a shock to the system came when a knock to the door snapped the Miko out of her trance.

"Uh... coming!" Reimu said, approaching the door. Upon opening it, she revealed the diminutive figure of the smarter of her two sky-neighbours.

Yutaka examined Reimu's face before telling her why she was calling. It was pale, and bags were under the young woman's eyes. Her original script was, "I was just calling to ask how you were..." but pity caused ad-libbing on Yutaka's part.

"...Miss Hakurei? Is that you? You look terrible..." Yutaka said, then stepped back, noticing her own lack of courtesy, "...I'm sorry. Are you okay?"

"...reporters. Nasty things, aren't they? I just want to see him again. Tell him I'm sorry. For humiliating him. For taking him away from home. But if I do that... they will make a story out of it." Reimu seemed to be having trouble standing, let alone speaking.

"Who? The Frenchman?" Yutaka decided to let herself in.

"Yes. He's nice, isn't he?" Reimu declared monotonously.

"He... is." Yutaka didn't actually know, but just went along with the quite clearly dishevelled shrine maiden.

"Do you know what he did?" Reimu's face seemed to come to life a little, "He... he took care of me. I went out. Into the outside world. No-one tried to help me. Only him. He took me in. And he could have tried to do anything he wanted to me... how was he to know how powerful I was? He just took me in, gave a place to sleep, and even offered to find me a man. I just saw him as an expendable person. Then... something changed... I wanted him to go away with me..."

Yutaka felt bad that she was the one listening to all this, unable to offer any insight herself. She figured that it would be best if she simply remained a listener. Trying to have a say in this conversation would only end in tears. "So that's how he got here? Go on... tell me your story..."

"Then I..." Reimu began to tear up, "Then... I used him. I used him to try and make Rinnosuke jealous. Can you believe I did such a thing? I was... I was so... SELFISH!"

Yutaka didn't know how to act. In the end, she decided on saying, "You're only sixteen... you make mistakes. You'll be selfish every now and then, you'll do things you'll regret. The important thing is that... you learn from it."

Reimu paused to take in what Yutaka had said, then she continued to regale the not-so-distant past, "Then... whenever he tried to be nice to me, or funny... I... I threw it in his face. I... didn't think that I was lucky enough to have his forgiveness in the first place. I was just... too obsessed with not looking like an idiot. A softy. A..."

"You didn't want to look like a nice girl to him. Why?" Yutaka was starting to feel like Reimu should have been lying down, with herself standing above her head.

"I... I didn't want him to laugh. What if someone doesn't like the real you? Then what happens? You've lost. If someone doesn't like the nasty you you put on, that doesn't matter, because that isn't the real you... but... I would have lost if I just... told him how good he was to have in the house... how good it was to have company... he would have seen me as some stupid stalker..."

"He wouldn't have..." Yutaka kneeled downwards to keep at a height Reimu would be comfortable speaking to, "...you need to be more confident in yourself... the _real _yourself."

"No... no I don't... because... when I saw what he was doing... with Marisa... I... came to conclusions... the real me... the real me got angry then... and... when I was proven wrong... and it turned out he wasn't... in love with Marisa... the real me... the real me kissed him, and loved him... and... scared him away. He... he took the first opportunity to leave me... he..." Reimu ended her story, as the rest quite clearly consisted of deep thought and lack of sleep. She collapsed in front of Yutaka, exhausted.

"I'm...sorry. I'm sorry you had to listen to that..." Reimu concluded.

Yutaka shook her head, "No... I wanted to see how you were because I hadn't heard from you. Now... now that I know what's been going on... perhaps I can help you?"

"How... how could you help me?"

"I could tell Jean everything you've just told me. What your thoughts are... how sorry you are... how much you miss him..." Yutaka sat down, crossing her legs, "I know you may be afraid of that happening, but trust me when I say people like the real you far more than the fake you..."

"Really? You... mean that?" Reimu asked, lifting her head.

"Of course. The real you is kind, and thoughtful. Anyway, I have a hot date with a radiator, a blanket, and a cup of warm herbal tea... you know, you can join me too..." Yutaka smiled, and Reimu could tell from experience that this time, her smile was genuine.

"I... that would be nice." Reimu said, and decided to stand up. Her gait became gradually more awake, until eventually she said, "But just this once... don't think you're my friend, or anything..."

Yutaka smirked, and got up, "Ah, I must admit, it is strange to see you without that sharp edge..."

_And so, the two had what outside-worlders would probably call a girl's night in. Ran and Chen joined in, and they ended up doing... strangely enough, what girly girls did. It was a rare occasion for them all to be so effeminate, but all four agreed they needed it._

_Pillow-fights, spin the bottle, boy talk... it all seemed to crop up. Even Ran voiced an interest in... a certain someone._

_Who? Well, that's a different story entirely..._

Author's Notes: I'm... back. It was hard work, lambing, but after a hectic week, and an even more hectic Easter weekend/brother's birthday, I'm here. Back. I love writing... how I've missed it. Such a... relaxing pastime.

I also love the music from **手描き：ゆめにっき考察ＭＡＤ**... it's so damn beautiful, I'm going to write all my heart-warming moments to it... oh... I also love all you guys...

Seriously, I'm in a real 'love you' mood at the moment. Family are great, aren't they? Remember, every now and then, to hug your mum, and tell her "I love you." Because it isn't said enough...

Love is a wonderful thing. Remember that for me, guys. Wow, what am I doing? I don't know, but please do remember to tell your parents that you love them... not all the time, because the gesture is stale, but... when you sense they need it the most.

Sometimes, we all need hugs. It's true. Even macho men.

I'm sorry, was that speech cheesy? It wasn't intended to be... anyway, it's great to be back. Oh, and check out my DA! I may not have been able to write, but I've put out two more pictures for you guys!


	11. 11: The One where they all fight

Touhou Doujin: Jean's Magical Education

**Chapter 11: The one where they all fight**

_Youkai Mountain, Nitori Kawashiro's house, midnight_

Nitori's home was far different from the standard resident of Gensokyo's. It was not a simple, ancient Japanese-style house with only a living room and a bedroom, but instead a massive collection of various technological devices, ranging from dud missiles to electronic toothbrushes.

Nitori herself was sleeping on a bed with, surprisingly enough, no technological advancements whatsoever. She slept soundly, not expecting any threats to enter her home. If any were to enter, she was very much prepared.

Surely enough, once Aya and Hatate knocked on the kappa's door, no answer came. What _did _come, however, was a large robotic hand that extended from the patio surrounding said door. The hand blindly fumbled for the perceived intruder, eventually spotting and settling on grabbing Aya, holding her upside-down from the leg.

"GAH! Hatate! Help me!" Aya screamed.

"Like, how?"

"Blow the thing up or something! You use danmaku too, right? Don't say you don't, because I took pictures of you doing so!" Aya commanded.

"Okay..." Hatate stepped away from the hand, aimed, and shot a single bullet at the robot, but the metallic casing on it caused the shot to bounce straight back at the clueless reporter.

"Ow! Okay, now what do we do?" Hatate asked Aya.

"Why don't you walk into the house and see if you can get Nitori to shut this thing down?" Aya suggested.

"Why didn't you think of that earlier?" Hatate complained.

"Why didn't _you _think of that earlier?" Aya parried.

"Shut up!" Hatate concluded, and opened Nitori's door, only for her to be sprayed with Chloroform by another robotic hand, causing her to fall asleep instantly.

Alarms began to blare upon Hatate's collapse, causing Nitori to reluctantly awaken. She rolled out of her bed, fell onto a mechanical floorboard, that rotated lengthways, causing Nitori to fall through a tube-like network that automatically changed her clothes, brushed her teeth, and plucked her eyebrows.

After this whole ordeal, she dropped onto the bottom floor of her house, and walked towards the entrance, to see a passed-out Hatate at the now-open front door. Walking a little further so she could look outside, she noticed Aya squirming under the grasp of one of her many robotic hands.

"So, are you going to explain why you attempted to break and enter?" Nitori accusingly asked the tengu.

"W-w-we didn't! We knocked the door, and then this thing grabbed me, and then Hatate tried to go inside like an idiot and got sprayed with something..." Aya explained.

"Sure. That's why you're calling on me in the middle of the night..."

"No, you don't understand! A doll youkai who's obsessed with poison is out to kill Hatate, and she also wants to kill me because I'm a witness, and now she's probably waiting to gas us to death with something horrible when we get home, so we can't stay there." Aya continued to relay the rather unbelievable story.

"Oh! And let me guess, you were hanging around with Hatate because you'd reconciled you differences for the greater good!" Nitori sarcastically remarked.

"Actually, yes! How did you guess? Anyway, it's been fine for us during the day while it's been sunny, but now it's dark, I... uh, we... need a place to stay. How about it, Nitori? We'll make it worth your while..." Aya promised, not actually sure how she was going to do so.

"Oh, okay. Say, is that a digital camera you have there?" Nitori asked Aya, picking up the Tengu's camera from the floor.

"Uh... you can't have that! Please get this thing to let me go..." Aya pleaded.

"On one condition."

"What?"

"You give me that camera..."

"NO!" Aya became desperate, and began to pull at the arm that was grabbing her.

"That won't work... come on, I need the silicon chips to build something I like to call a 'computer'." Nitori calmly said, "And anyway, if you're telling the truth, you can just use Hatate's camera now that you're all pally and stuff."

"Damn..." Aya muttered, "Why don't you take Hatate's camera instead?"

"Because I built that one myself, I already know the inner workings of that well. I only have a basic understanding of these beauties." Nitori began to caress the camera, and continued, "I promise not to damage any of the parts, and I'll return any parts I don't need..."

Aya scowled, "That's not good enough! Ah! Just turn this thing off!"

Hatate began to wake up behind Nitori, mumbling to herself, "Ugh... that was weird, I heard this hissing, and then I..."

Nitori's backpack opened and almost instantly a hand with a blunt hitting instrument came out and knocked the inexperienced reporter senseless in a single blow, ending her murmurs.

Nitori smirked as Aya quivered in fear, "Come on, Aya. On my turf, my rules apply. It's a small fee to stay at my house, but you'll get top-notch service!"

"From the same machines that are currently attacking us?" Aya asked.

"Of course. They'll serve breakfast, dress you, even give you complementary massages." Nitori advertised her robots as if she wasn't using one to hold her potential 'guest' upside-down.

"Why would I want one of these to massage me? Okay, I don't want to stay any more, can you just let me go? I'll even give you my camera!" Aya nervously offered.

"Oh, don't knock the robot massage treatment until you've tried it..." Nitori said with a grin.

Aya snorted, "What are you talking about? There is absolutely no way that I will ever be massaged by..."

_Youkai Mountain, Nitori Kawashiro's house, one hour later_

"...robots are sooooo good at massaging..." Aya remarked, lying face-down on a table, covered by a towel as a pair of robot hands pressed and rubbed her shoulders, "This was worth the digital camera..."

Nitori smiled, "I'm glad you changed your mind... I wonder how Hatate's doing?"

The table next to Aya's had an unconscious, but contently sleeping Hatate laid on it. Her head seemed to be swollen from the impact of Nitori's backpack-attack. Nitori looked at the out-cold tengu, and decided, "Perhaps I need to use a lighter, low-impact type of metal for my hitting instruments..."

"No, no... the more likely it is that Hatate doesn't know what she's missing, the better..." Aya's back cricked slightly as a shoulder-blade was pressed into place by a hand, "OH! That's so good!"

Nitori mused to herself, "She's enjoying it more than I do..."

"What did you say?"

"Oh! I said 'I wonder what kind of story you guys have going on in your newspaper'... heh heh heh..." Nitori laughed nervously in an unconvincing attempt to cover up her remark.

"Ah! Well, our front page article is going to be how that Doll Youkai is violating our press freedom, but there's also a new man in town..." Aya explained, giggling a little as the pressing became gentler.

"Oh, I think I've seen him already. That strange, black-haired man in the blue cloak? He gave me what he called 'Headphones' and a 'George Foreman'. These 'George Foremans' seem an awful lot like toasters, it's strange, and something tells me that a name like 'George Foreman' is for a person, not a device. Also, there's a small spring-sized area in the area that bends where there is no spring. Do you think he could have given me a broken..." Nitori's ramble was brought to a halt by Aya.

"No, no, he's old news. A different man, by the name of... ooh... Jean Franc. He... ah... he's from the outside world, a human, not powerful at all." Aya corrected, "He seems to be training with that human witch, Marisa Kirisame. Also, we saw Reimu Hakurei herself kissing him... he's far better-looking than that Youkai guy... I... oh, that's nice... I can understand why Reimu would go for a guy like that."

"Oh, I see."

"We have two researchers on the job of finding out information about him, also... we've formulated a love square..." Aya sniggered to herself, "However, Miss Hakurei is not part of it. Marisa is instead. I mean, when has there _not _been tension between a female teacher and a male student?"

"...in the majority of cases?" Nitori realistically answered, "Anyway, I'll leave you to enjoy that. Hold on, your researchers will know to come here if they have anything to report, right?"

"Sure they will!" Aya lied, not wanting to get up and do some real work.

"Are you sure? It's just, if there's poison floating around in your base of operations, someone could get hurt..." Nitori seemed to be voicing more concern than Aya, despite not knowing who these researchers were...

_Scarlet Devil Mansion, around the same time_

"One more time! Please play chess with me again!" Flandre asked Dawitsu, who was picking up chess pieces to rearrange into a 'new game'.

"Oh, okay then. But just once. I've got to go home soon, who knows how late it is..." Dawitsu told the younger sister, "Do you want to be white or black?"

"White!"

"Fair enough..." Dawitsu said, placing the final piece in its appropriate position, "Right, you're going first, remember?"

Flandre moved the pawn directly diagonal to her king. Dawitsu moved the pawn directly diagonal to both his Queen and his black-square bishop. After Flandre moved the only knight able to stop (or prevent) the fool's-mate, Dawitsu moved his Queen so it was diagonal to the King.

"Ugh... it's been a while since someone's actually _helped _me get a four-move checkmate. Wow, two moves..." Dawitsu muttered to himself, "Alright, I'm going home now. Go to sleep like a good girl, okay?"

"Can you read me a bedtime story?" Flandre asked, putting on the cutest face she could possibly put on.

The power of diabetes-inducing adorableness caused Dawitsu squirm, fidget, stare at Flandre, and eventually decide to stay a little bit longer.

"Okay, okay..." Dawitsu said in a strange Brooklyn accent, "Alright, I call this one... uh... the... melon's curry and Harold E. Suzie Mia."

"That's a strange name for a story..."

Dawitsu sweat-dropped, "I... uh... yeah, sure it is. Once upon a time, there was a young girl who was dissatisfied with her life. She didn't know it, but secretly, she could have anything she wanted, as the world literally bended to her will. However, the one thing she couldn't earn... was friends."

Flandre sighed, slightly upset, "Oh, how sad... so, what happened next?"

Dawitsu smiled, continuing his completely unoriginal story, "She went to a place called 'High School', where she met various people, and joined various social gatherings in an attempt to find something fun to do, but no matter what she did, nothing seemed to make her happy. It was the day a young man behind her asked her why she was changing her hairstyle every day that changed everything. She dismissed him as an idiot at first, but soon came to love him, although she never told him that herself..."

"Why wouldn't she tell him?"

"Because the story's longer that way..." Dawitsu explained, "...anyway, she decided that if she was to have any fun, she would have to start her own club, making the boy her first member. She soon got three strange individuals to join her club also, an alien, a time traveller, and an Esper..."

"What's an Esper?"

"Kind of like... a psychic. Every day, the group would search for weird and wonderful happenings, so that the world could be proven to be more interesting, and during the whole time the girl never noticed that she really had all the interesting things right in front of her... but the one person she was most interested in, was not the alien, or the time traveller, or even the Esper, but the normal boy who spoke to her as an equal, as a human being." Dawitsu smiled, staring at Flandre as she started to drift off to sleep. Just when he thought she had gone, he stood up, and tried to walk out of the basement.

However, seemingly just to thwart that attempt, Flandre mumbled, "Did they get married in the end?"

"Who? The strange girl and the normal boy?" Dawitsu clarified.

"Yeah, the boy and the girl."

"Uh... they did. The wedding wasn't very big, and there was only a few guests. There was the alien, the time traveller, the time traveller's friend, and the Esper was the best man..." Dawitsu made up a story on the spot, but was quite convinced by it, "...and a couple of the normal boy's friends were there too. They drank wine, ate cake, and were merry..."

"Did they kiss when they got married?"

"Yeah. They kissed... and the whole wedding reception cheered, and the girl threw her bouquet... in the end the alien caught it..." Dawitsu looked to the side, giggling at his soft spot for that certain character.

"What does that mean?" Flandre asked while yawning.

"It means that the alien would be getting married next..." Dawitsu explained.

"What's an alien?"

"A person from a different world." Dawitsu defined, "Kind of like me, in a sense."

"So aliens can be pretty?"

"Sure they can... but it doesn't matter how pretty you are..." Dawitsu looked downwards, tearing up a little, "...you only get married once someone knows you and loves you enough to want to spend the rest of their life with you... I haven't found that special someone yet... or at least... I don't think so..."

"Oh... so the reason no-one wants to marry me is because no-one wants to stay with me for the rest of their life except Remi?" Flandre proposed.

"Uh... sure. Okay, Flandre, is it okay if I go now?" Dawitsu yawned, "I'm... so tired. I need to get to bed. See you later..."

"Okay... boy... sensei." Flandre tiredly said, closing her eyes slowly.

"Goodnight Flandre... sweet dreams..." Dawitsu finished, and turned away from the child-like girl, walking up the basement stairs, and out of the Scarlet Devil Mansion.

The lake between the Forest of Magic and the Scarlet Devil Mansion was exceptionally beautiful this night, as the sky was clear, causing the still waters to perfectly reflect the constellations as well as the moon, which, despite being a half-moon, was shining in a way so spectacular it rivalled a full moon. Floating slowly and steadily over the lake, Dawitsu formed two Chibi clones from himself, keeping them at his side for protection.

However, once he landed on shore, he realised he didn't actually need it... the fairies were unusually quiet at this time. "Okay, Clone Number One! You're free to go where you like. Same goes for you, Number Two. Go... do something else. I dunno, have fun, you only have two days to live before you disintegrate..."

"Oh yeah, rub it in, why don't ya?" one of the Clones said.

"Alright, let's go rob a liquor store and forget our troubles!" the more optimistic of the two suggested.

"Oh, okay... I guess two days isn't long enough to develop Liver Cirrhosis..." the first clone mumbled cynically, and floated of in the direction of the human village.

Dawitsu shook his head, wondering why each one seemed to have a distinct personality. He decided to walk the rest of the way, admiring the plant-life... when it wasn't of carnivorous sorts.

The night was dark underneath the canopy of the forest of magic, and this, combined with how tired Dawitsu was, meant it took him a good five seconds to notice that there was a person walking straight towards him, by which point he'd already walked into her.

"Uh... hello? Dawitsu?" Alice Margatroid asked, her voice indicating that she was far more awake than one should be at half one in the morning.

"Is that... Alice? Oh, Alice, how are you? It's been a while..." Dawitsu said, and opened his arms for a hug.

Alice kindly rejected the offer, "So... what are you doing out here so late at night?"

"I could ask you the same question..." Dawitsu pointed out, "So... I have reason to believe you've been working with Hatate Himekaidou... that story was... uh, sort of slanderous..."

"Hey, I didn't say anything about you and Yukari!" Alice instantly took the defensive, "I simply told her that we... you know, kissed, that's all!"

"Yeah, yeah, look, I'm not that bothered about it, it was probably her who twisted the information into something... you know, 'newsworthy'." Dawitsu put up two fingers on each hand, flexing them at the same level as his head to make quotation marks.

"So... how are you? How have you been keeping yourself? Is Yutaka okay?" Alice said, desperately trying to compensate for her over-defensive behaviour a moment ago.

"But... you might tell the Tengu..." Dawitsu said in a false tone, smirking, "Oh, alright, I'll tell you. I'm a teacher now, or should I say, teaching assistant. Also, I got my revenge on Hatate... ooh, I have something which I'll give to the tengu for free! There's a fanfiction-writing lizard youkai who lives somewhere near Mayohiga... her name's... Tokage something-or-other, but the name's not important... she is the _biggest pervert I've come across_. And I've met perverts! Hell, _I'm _a pervert, but she... oh God..."

Alice face-palmed, "I presume you have a long-winded story about this..."

"...I do! You know where I found her the other day?"

"Where?"

"Only in my freakin' bed! She was just there, notebook in hand, doing research for what no doubt was a sex scene between me and Yukari..." Dawitsu suddenly realised he'd let loose a little too much information.

Alice rubbed her chin, "...I wouldn't mind seeing that."

Dawitsu looked for a leaf with dew on it, found one, tipped the dew into his mouth and spit it out, screaming, "ARE YOU SERIOUS?"

"...No. That was a little elaborate, wasn't it?" Alice smiled, remembering why she viewed him as a friend.

"Well, I like my reactions to be dramatic. Anyway, she started writing a romance novel between me and Yukari because of the newspaper article _you _helped create. Just figured you deserved to know that..." Dawitsu folded his arms, "So, anything interesting that the tengu have picked up? Any exclusive scoops not printed yet?"

"Strangely enough, I haven't heard much from the Tengu as of recently. However, there's some information regarding the human man known as Jean Franc Levoisier that I don't intend to give to the tengu that may interest you..." Alice began to play with her hair, and looked to Dawitsu for whether he'd listen or not.

"Oh... okay, what is it?"

Alice smiled, somewhat deviously, "Well... have you heard of Byakuren Hijiri's older brother, Myouren?"

"Yeah... but he's dead, isn't he? What's he got to do with anything?" Dawitsu asked, not letting Alice explain fully.

"...Hold on, don't jump to anything yet, it gets better. He may be dead, but Jean, his reincarnation, isn't!" Alice laughed a little at the sensational news, "That's why he's been learning magic from Marisa so quickly! He's the next in line! Isn't that interesting?"

Dawitsu's face turned pale, and the normally verbally ceaseless mimicker fell silent.

"What's wrong?" Alice asked, "Is that a threat to you, or something?"

"NO!" Dawitsu screamed, "That can't be! How can _he_... some... French Guy introduced part-way through the third book be... destined for more awesome things than me?"

"What are you talking about?" Alice couldn't quite comprehend the meaning of the large-scale assault on the fourth wall.

Dawitsu continued his rant regardless, "I mean, come on! _I'm _the main male lead in this series! I'm the guy that's making this popular! Hell, two of these books and that spin-off were named after me! I can't just... be ousted in favour of some new guy! I... was in... the first... BOOK!" Dawitsu shouted his final word so loudly that it seemed he'd grown a few inches taller.

Alice shook her head, "Seriously, I'm not sure what you mean..."

Dawitsu grabbed Alice's shoulders, and asked, "Uh... you kind of find me hot, right?"

"Um... I guess..." Alice replied in an unsure manner.

"HA! Two girls have liked me over the course of the series, only Reimu has a thing for Jean! I'm better! I'm the winner!" Dawitsu's tone of voice became increasingly juvenile and pathetic.

"Is this a guy thing? You have to have women chase after you to prove how attractive you are or something? I always thought there was some kind of anatomy you could compare sizes of to show if one or the other is better in a thoughtless, caveman-like manner... you know, like a male equivalent of breast size..." Alice didn't understand the situation at all.

"Uh... never mind. Right, that's it, I need my sleep, I guess I'm off now, see ya!" Dawitsu listed frantically, taking to the air faster than an electronic rabbit.

Upon reaching the Dawitsu Mansion, the eponymous owner of the mansion slammed the door as he entered, and ran into a lift, throwing himself onto his bed, and decided to sleep in his clothes.

Fortunately, this time around, there wasn't anyone in his bed interested in man-carrot things of any sort...

_Mayohiga, Tokage's house, eight anti meridian_

Tokage Reiketsu had not had any sleep, instead devoting her time to writing her story of mass destruction. Being a lizard, she had a low respiratory demand as she never maintained her body heat, so she merely kept herself awake with raw sugar cane and a warm paraffin lamp.

Notably hyperactive, she stopped writing the instant she heard a knock on her door, yelling, "Come on in! Have some sugar cane!"

Power-walking to the door, Tokage opened the door to see her ectothermic friend, holding a notepad similar to her own, waving it as she said, "Hey, Tokage, guess what? I decided to do some writing myself! What do you think? I bought fifteen cans of Red Bull from Yukari just to get it done..."

"Oh, what's Red Bull?"

"Tasty, brilliant stuff... I stayed up all night thanks to it, felt just dandy too! Hey, read it! Now!" the lizard shouted at breakneck speed.

"Okay, okay..." Tokage swiped the notebook off of her friend, "Defrosting the ice queen: A story by Hebiko Bimyouna... hey, that's not your surname..."

"Just trying to give you a hint..." Hebiko turned her eyes calmly and meaningfully towards Tokage.

"Ha ha..." Tokage muttered bitterly, and began to read the story, "Yukari Yakumo was what many people would consider to be harsh. She showed no outward compassion, or sympathy, for anyone. If one were to fall in love with her, they would shortly think better of it, and if they didn't Yukari would make sure they didn't think at all. And of course, an unassuming, thin, young man named Mateyuu Dawitsu didn't seem like an exception to this rule. He found her charming because she wasn't, he saw a sharp wit and brilliant mind that made her all the more attractive to him. However, he had seen what had happened to others, and thus kept a rule to never speak with her unless the reason was absolute necessity and... PAH! This is boring! Where's all the nudity?"

"Well, some writers don't need nudity..." Hebiko mused, stifling a laugh, "Just a bit of real plot development, that's all..."

"You haven't even described them in graphic detail!" Tokage jeered.

"At least I was polite about your dumb story..." Hebiko parried, "Physical description means nothing unless you show the person behind that physique..."

"Shut up! What would you know! Your story's just a stupid copy of mine!" Tokage lost all pretence of civility.

"I wrote it to show how much better it could be done!" Hebiko shouted.

"Hold on." a third voice intruded on the conversation, "You _both _suck at writing."

The two turned to where the voice was coming from, and lo and behold, outside Tokage's house, standing at the door, was a cat youkai who said, "Ladies, watch and learn. This is called 'Dawitsu and the Mayohiga Harem'..."

Tokage and Hebiko simultaneously said, "That's just sick." before Tokage slammed the door shut.

Hebiko shrugged, "Well, I guess that's one thing to agree on..."

"Wait, just how many people are writing now?" Tokage asked.

"Oh, I told about five others about your writing. I do hope that they haven't all decided to write..." Hebiko mumbled.

"Yeah, we wouldn't want _amateurs _to ruin this noble profession..." Tokage proudly declared, not knowing there was a good ten of those 'amateurs' waiting outside the door...

_The Forest of Magic, Marisa's House, around half-past eight anti-meridian_

Marisa and Jean were relaxing at the breakfast table, not actually eating anything, merely talking about minor things in life.

"So... you know when it rains? Why is it the prudes put up their umbrellas? I mean, I know Remilia is weak to rain, but why does, say, Yukari Yakumo, most powerful youkai in Gensokyo, cover herself from rain?" Marisa asked Jean, "I mean, all those powerful youkai could just as well stop the rain falling, I don't get why they are so... posh about it..."

"Perhaps they fear stopping the rain will have repercussions, but do not want to get wet?" Jean theorised.

"But why don't they like getting wet in the first place, it's fun!" Marisa said, "It's great when your clothes are all soaking and you get, like, five days' worth of drinking water from just wringing them out!"

"But wouldn't the water mix with your sweat if that happens?" Jean asked, not sure if he really wanted the answer.

"So? Replaces lost minerals." Marisa smirked as Jean gagged a little, pushing his glass of water away from himself, "What? It's not like I'm diseased or anything..."

The conversation was interrupted by a loud banging on the door. Marisa tilted her head, and said, "Oh my, someone's here. Seem angry too... I'll get it, you stay low."

Once she answered the door, she revealed a sleep-deprived Dawitsu, who was gasping for air as he shouted, "Where... is... he..."

"Where's who? Are ya hallucinating again?" Marisa bluffed.

"Shut up! I know he's here! Hey, Jean! It's me! The Youkai Man!" Dawitsu called through the house.

Trusting him, Jean walked up to the door, and said, "Hello, mister Youkai man..."

"Hello, Jean. I was thinking... hey, that Jean fellow, he's sure coming along, why, he could even be my successor as main character... THEN YOU STOLE THE SHOW WITHOUT MY PERMISSION!" Dawitsu's mood switched from faux-calm to inexplicably insane.

"I don't know what you're talking about..."

"THAT'S IT! Let's do this! You and I are gonna have a Danmaku battle! One on One! Mano y Mano!" Dawitsu agitatedly said.

"Uh... Danmaku is the shooting... and Mano y Mano is the Spanish for hand to hand... how is that possible?" Jean examined Dawitsu's build up.

"SHUT UP! Get your broom, we're fighting!" Dawitsu shouted.

Marisa and Jean both asked the obvious question, "Why?"

"Just... cos! I'll show that I am the most popular Original Character of them all!" Dawitsu boasted.

"Uh... what about Yutaka? She's pretty awesome..." Marisa played Devil's Advocate.

"Well, yeah, that's a given." Dawitsu admitted, "Fine! Let's battle to see who's the _second _best original character, then!"

Jean shook his head, "I do not know what your point is, but if it is a test of my abilities you are after, I accept. You shall be the... boss, is it? I shall be the player. I don't know any spell card attacks, as you probably know..."

"Ah, good! Let's go! I'll be waiting in the sky. If you take too long, I'll just think you've chickened out, so get your gear and then we can do this!" Dawitsu made his final ultimatum, pointing at Jean in a manner that was probably meant to be threatening, but failed to achieve that effect.

After Dawitsu sighed and levitated into the sky, Marisa turned to Jean, "Okay, this is it! Your first proper battle! He won't go easy on you, that's for sure... he seems pretty upset about... whatever it is, so try your best! Don't stop shooting if you hit him, just focus on taking him out! Oh, I'm so proud of you!"

"I am older than you are, correct?" Jean said, smiling embarrassedly.

"Go get 'em, tiger!" Marisa concluded, patting Jean on the back.

Jean nodded, and put on his witch's hat, boarded his broom, and flew up to where Dawitsu was waiting.

Dawitsu was facing away from Jean, and upon noticing his arrival, swivelled around in mid-air, pointing at Jean, "I see you've come! You're pretty confident, aren't you! But this is where you meet defeat, and kiss her Denatonium-lined lips!"

"Heh, quelqu'un est un Jambon Gros..." Jean mused to himself.

"Oh, you think you're cool, speaking in French?" Dawitsu taunted.

"It is my native language..." Jean pointed out legitimately.

"Enough talk, more battle!" Dawitsu yelled, "Ham Sign: ABSOLUTELY UNACCEPTABLE!"

Dawitsu began to form a sort of repulsion wave made of Orange bullets, forming lines that locked Jean into a twenty-degree sector. Dawitsu then pointed his fingers at Jean, separated them by twenty-four degrees, and began to create two sweeping lasers that turned inwards towards Jean. Jean dashed out of the two lasers' range before they activated, but in order to escape them once they sweep outwards, he had to dash through the repulsion wave's lines, narrowly avoiding being hit by a butterfly-shaped bullet. Pointing his finger at Dawitsu, Jean began to recite his 'Green Shot' spell, throwing out a pair of hakkeros in the process at making them fire lasers at the mimicker. The laser hit Dawitsu no problem, causing his hair to set on fire.

"Ah, nuts, not again. Yutaka! Cast an ice... oh, damn... she isn't here..." Dawitsu began to panic, "Um... um... fire... fire doesn't like... a lack of air!"

With that, Dawitsu adjusted his Tokin so that it would cover the spot of his hair that was alight. "Ah, much better... okay, try and keep this up without getting hit... COMBINATION SIGN: CHAOS INFERNO!"

"Appel á vos attaques, vraiment?" Jean snarked in French.

"Shut up!" Dawitsu proceeded to pull out from his pocket what looked like a brilliant-cut emerald, and shouted, "CHAOS CONTROL!"

With that, Dawitsu teleported behind Jean, leaving behind many randomly placed stationary bullets as he did. Jean swiftly turned around, and saw that Dawitsu was ready to fire a huge purple laser right his way. Jean dodged it, but then realised Dawitsu wasn't intending to stop it... he was rotating it, forcing Jean to fly circles around him. This was not doing his aiming skills any favours, and just when it seemed Jean had got the mimicker in his sights, Dawitsu stopped firing, and called, "CHAOS CONTROL!" for a second time.

Once again, he had warped out of reach, and placed a new set of stationary bullets down. Once he started firing the inevitable laser, Jean decided to give up on honour, and just blast the irritating mimicker.

"Er... je t'aime, Hakkero?" Jean unsurely said before a massive laser blasted itself from one of his Hakkeros.

The Master Spark engulfed Dawitsu before he could warp to another location, causing him to drop the jewel he was holding. Once the laser stopped, Dawitsu prioritised looking for the said jewel.

"NO! My chaos emerald! Yutaka's gonna kill me, she made it especially for me!" Dawitsu held one hand above the other, forming a 'T' symbol, saying, "Okay, time out, I'm going to look for it... sorry, one minute..."

"Ah... okay."

Dawitsu descended to the forest floor, searching frenziedly for the thing, "God damn it, what if someone else finds it? What would happen? Super Saiyin Youkai? Oh God... oh God..."

"Looking for this?" a literal God said from behind Dawitsu.

"Wait, who are..." Dawitsu turned around to see who it was, and was shocked to see it was someone he considered to be incredibly insignificant, "...oh, it's you... what's-her-name Aki..."

"_Minoriko_ Aki." the harvest God corrected, tossing the emerald in her hand, "Do you remember me? What you did?"

"Uh... it evades my memory. Anything regarding you is a fuzzy memory at best..." Dawitsu said absent-mindedly.

"You _ATE _me!" Minoriko jogged the youkai's memory, "You expect me to forgive that?"

"Oh... right... er... sorry?" Dawitsu laughed nervously, not knowing what to say.

"And for this heinous crime against the Harvest God of the Mountain... you shall watch your precious emerald be eaten!" Minoriko Aki opened her mouth wider than it is humanly possible, and dropped the emerald into her mouth, "How do you like that?"

"No! No! That's... that's... uh... wait, why does this remind me of frogs? Anyway... NO!" Dawitsu cried.

Jean looked downwards, and decided Dawitsu was taking too long, and called down "Er... have you found it?"

After an answer failed to make itself apparent, Jean flew down to see what was going on. Once he got there, he saw the strange sight of Dawitsu chasing a young woman in farm-style clothes yelling, "Give me back my emerald!" while the young woman in question stuck her tongue out at the mimicker as she ran away.

"Um... je vais voir cela comme un forfait..." Jean concluded, and turned towards Marisa's house, ready to go in.

After opening the door, Jean called to Marisa, "It was cancelled..."

"Why?" Marisa asked from upstairs, "That was quick! Did something happen?"

"Well, the mimicker lost something, and now it is stolen..." Jean began to explain, but stopped as the door flew open, "Oh, what now?" Jean asked in a rare moment of sarcasm.

"I've finally found you!" a diminutive voice shouted. Jean looked towards the voice to see it was none other than the doll that got destroyed by the riverside the other day, "Oh? Surprised, are we? Well, soon, you won't be able to be surprised, as you'll be too busy... LAUGHING TO DEATH!" Medicine Melancholy pulled out a jar of gas, "This is Nitrous Oxide, otherwise known as laughing gas, is a potent neurotoxin of..."

But before the explanation could be finished, someone shot the Doll Youkai's head off, causing the rest of the body to collapse. Dawitsu was standing behind the doll, pointing his hand like a finger-gun, "Okay, I'm not about to let someone else fight the person I was in the middle of fighting... okay, let's finish this!"

Jean sighed in relief, "At least I know you will... how is it you say... play fair? Okay, Marisa, I'm fighting again!"

Marisa called from upstairs, "Just be back by dinner!"

Both Dawitsu and Jean stifled laughter at that wisecrack, and decided to fly out together. Giving each other the appropriate room, they spread out until Dawitsu smiled to himself, saying, "Okay, you're on! This is where the battle _really _begins! Have at you!"

Jean rolled his eyes, "Je n'ai pas vraiment envie de gagner, mais peu importe..."

_The two fought it out for a while, with Dawitsu even throwing in what he called a 'Survival Spell Card', however, Jean proved durable, durable to the point where throughout ten spell cards, Jean only got hit three times. Eventually Dawitsu stopped attacking out of mercy, as his final attack, quite simply put, was a case of making a large sphere of knives appear around Jean, and having them all slowly close in on him. Dawitsu yielded, and admitted it was cheating, handing victory to Jean, plain and simple._

_As for Minoriko... she hadn't given the emerald back to Dawitsu, and simply walked off with her revenge complete, albeit with a small stomach ache..._

Author's notes: Oh...

Oh...

(collapses)

Anything to say, please say it... I'm too tired to say it for you... control... and... s...


	12. 12: The Great Reconciliation

Touhou Doujin: Jean's Magical Education

**Chapter 12: The Great Reconciliation**

_Myouren Temple, ten anti-meridian_

Byakuren Hijiri was calmly thinking to herself, exhaling through the mouth and inhaling through the nose, keeping her legs in the lotus position. Ichirin Kumoi observed what her religious leader was doing, and decided to imitate her to the point of breathing at the same time as her. This, however, threw Byakuren off her thought pattern.

Ichirin seemed to have a cold, so instead of a calming influx of air entering Byakuren's lungs when she inhaled, instead an irritating grating noise entered her ears, and eventually Byakuren said, "Look, Ichirin, I know you're trying to meditate, but please can you do it somewhere else?"

"But if I'm closer to you, I'm bound to get more answers to life's problems, right?" Ichirin reasoned.

"Wrong. Buddhism doesn't work like that... I'm not a deity, I don't just bestow people enlightenment with my proximity..." Byakuren explained, opening her eyes to look at Ichirin, "...and I, just like you, get distracted by loud noises. So please, go somewhere else to meditate..."

Ichirin folded her arms, and unfolded her legs outwards into a regular sitting position, "Hmph! What's wrong with you? Why are you so moody? It's just a cold! Unzan has to cope with me sleeping like this, and he doesn't complain... so what's up?"

Byakuren gulped, and quickly put on a façade of calmness, "Nothing, it's just I value my meditation periods, as do I value yours. It would be beneficial to us both if you moved away from here and left me alone to..."

"Oh, come off it! Unzan says he _knows _there's something bothering you! Unzan never lies, you know." Ichirin sidled up to Byakuren, putting her hand around her shoulders, "Come on, tell me. That's what friends are for..."

Byakuren, for whatever reason, felt somewhat uncomfortable with the term 'friend'. "Um... Ichirin, please can you stop touching me? There's nothing wrong..."

"Unzan says that you look like you're feeling guilty about something..." Ichirin continued, ignoring Byakuren's request.

"How does Unzan recognise all this?" Byakuren complained, "Anyway, even if he doesn't lie, he can get things wrong, can't he?"

"Well, yes, but he's very sensitive. He can tell how someone's feeling just like that..." Ichirin stopped, and giggled, "Oh, Unzan, you're too funny... he says you're in denial."

"I'm... oh, okay, you win." Byakuren sighed at her loss, "...I'm feeling bad about someone I upset... I didn't just upset him, I made him break down..."

"Oh? It's a he?" Ichirin's eyes lit up, before she said, "Oh, sorry, Unzan, I know you're iffy about that subject... sorry, what happened?"

"...Well, I... I found Myouren's reincarnation. I found him. He's a completely different person, but I... made it seem that he... he was just Myouren. But he's not... he... he didn't want that for himself. He wanted to be himself, and I could understand that... but... when he broke down, I didn't say anything to comfort him... I simply made it worse, by saying he had positive traits of Myouren... now I realise, all he wants to have is positive... and negative... traits of himself." Byakuren's voice seemed steady, but had shaky undertones, "But that never occurred to me at the time. Instead, I've gone and made the man hate me, and I don't want someone to hate me... when they have every reason to do so. Because if that is the case, it means I'm genuinely in the wrong. If someone were to hate me for an illegitimate reason, I wouldn't bother trying to correct it... but... I can't answer to this. I have to correct myself. I have to make it right. At the moment, my Karma is bad even though it shouldn't be... I'm not living up to my Dharma."

Ichirin looked to the ring she used to control Unzan, then looked back to Byakuren, "Unzan asks of how it is you know he hates you..."

"I just... I know it. There's no other reaction he could have had... what I said was out of order." Byakuren looked downwards, and shook her head, "...if only I could take it back... he would have been better blissfully unaware of the whole thing..."

Ichirin smiled, "Hey, if I found out I was the reincarnation of someone famous, I'd be over the moon! Perhaps he just reacted badly at first. Perhaps he's thought better of it..."

"What do you mean?" Byakuren asked, not quite believing she was being taught by someone else.

"Well, perhaps he's seeing it as a mixed blessing. You know, looking on the bright side? Oh, sorry Unzan, I know you consider that racist to dull Nyuudou, it's only an expression..." Ichirin apologised to thin air, however Byakuren was too used to it to react in any way, "Anyway, I think you should go out there and apologise, ask him for yourself to find out how he feels..."

"I guess I could try that..." Byakuren shrugged her shoulders, "But... how will I know if I've really got the forgiveness of him?"

"Oh, you think too much! If he still doesn't forgive you, there's nothing else you can do. Do you want me and Unzan to go with you? You might feel more confident..." Ichirin smiled warmly, almost as if she wanted to go with her.

"Okay..."

"Unzan says that's a good thing. He says now we can make sure you actually do it right... hold on, that's a little impolite, isn't it?" Ichirin's face turned stern, "Well, I may be your hit-box, but you wouldn't be in this world if it wasn't for me! Do you seriously think the Great One would place a _male _as a boss in..."

Byakuren tapped Ichirin on the shoulder, "Um... Ichirin?"

"Sorry, you know how Unzan can get a little... uppity sometimes, heh heh..." Ichirin forced a laugh out, and stood up, "Anyway, come on! Let's go! I'll lead the way! So... where are we going?"

Byakuren tried to resist the temptation to face-palm, but in the end the temptation was too great, "How about _I _lead the way? I know where he lives."

"Great idea! Let's go!" Ichirin called positively.

Byakuren stood up, and stared at the nun-like woman. She couldn't quite believe how such an individual could be in control of such a powerful entity, but yet so friendly to everyone she met. It seemed odd... perhaps it was merely her charm that won Unzan over to her, not her strength.

_Marisa's House, the Forest of Magic, around the same time_

Dawitsu and Jean were talking 'guy stuff' with each other in Marisa's study, seemingly totally oblivious to the fact that merely moments ago, the two were shooting magic laser beams and bullets at each other without mercy.

Marisa was standing outside the conversation, occasionally attempting to step in, but unable to understand any of the contexts well enough to say anything worthwhile, so would soon step down.

"Heh, so, you work out, Jean? You're pretty buff for a Frenchman!" Dawitsu complimented, almost trying to cop a feel of Jean's arm before thinking better of it.

"For a Frenchman? What are you meaning by that?" Jean replied, noticing the slight racism.

"Um... you know, how the French are lovers, not fighters, and all..." Dawitsu smiled nervously, fearing a punch in the face was coming his way.

"Excuse me, but you are aware the French have the best military record of all the western nations over the documented years of war?" Jean continued to further prove the mimicker wrong, "All of the words you English people use for the warfare are based on our language! Reconnaissance, bayonet, artillery, admiral, repertoire, lieutenant..." Jean listed as proof of the French's lack of cowardice.

"...actually, we _English _use the term 'Leftenant', for the record. Americans use the term Lieutenant." Dawitsu smirked at his own pedantic behaviour.

"Ah, that is interesting. I always thought the Americans and the English sounded the same..." Jean said, unintentionally being just as racist as Dawitsu had been a moment ago.

"Uh, can we please switch to a subject I understand?" Marisa begged all of a sudden.

"A subject you understand..." Dawitsu pondered, "How about Danmaku, that's what anyone who's anyone talks about over here..."

Jean nodded in agreement, "Yes, I get that talk non-stop from this little madame..."

Marisa folded her arms, "Hmph! Just trying to prepare you for the place!"

Dawitsu suddenly called loudly, "AH!"

Both Jean and Marisa turned to the mimicker, "What is it?"

"Well, I was thinking..." Dawitsu paused for drama, only to be interrupted.

"Well done, I'm proud of you!" Marisa delivered her comeback flawlessly.

"Shut up! Anyway, I was thinking, seen as good ol' Jean can't do spell-cards yet, perhaps... I could teach him?" Dawitsu suggested.

Jean's eyes lit up, "You... would be willing to teach me?"

"Sure. I mean, I have a more varied... repertoire... than certain people." Dawitsu tried his best not to draw his eyes to Marisa, "...so perhaps it'd be for the best that I teach you."

Marisa shook her head, "No way! I won't let you just nick my precious Jean away from me like that! Only _I _steal precious things..."

Dawitsu burst into laughter for reasons only he knew, and Jean asked, "Marisa, perhaps what he is saying is not such a bad thing... what if I want to learn things you do not know?"

"Then just go to the person who _really _knows what you're trying to learn, this guy's just a phoney copy!" Marisa replied.

"Hey, that's not fair! I... can make a chicken from a tea-towel without mimicking anyone!" Dawitsu said, and picked up a tea-towel to demonstrate. After folding it accordingly, he said, "See? A chicken!"

Jean clapped unenthusiastically, and Marisa went as far as to say, "It looks more like a headless corpse than a chicken..."

"Shut up! Anyway... I don't really have time for teaching you if you're gonna be this mean to me!" Dawitsu turned away from the two, occasionally glancing to see if there was any signs they were changing their mind.

Jean started to say, "I would be happy to..."

"...spit on your offer!" Marisa finished the sentence for her student.

"That is not what I was going to say..." Jean said, "...it will be interesting. So, Mister Dawitsu, what will I learn first?"

Dawitsu turned to face Jean, saying, "Y-you'll learn! EXCELLENT!" Dawitsu hugged Jean, saying, "As long as you and I are working together, I'll never fade out of the limelight!"

"Uh... what do you mean?" Jean asked, shaking the Mimicker off of himself.

Dawitsu came up with an excuse as swiftly as a tengu picks up a story, "I mean we're gonna have a blast, learning all sorts of fun things! Not a single dull moment will come to pass! Unless this becomes some stupid training Montage or something..."

"This is not a movie, is it?" Jean suddenly became unsure of his own reality, "Although, that would explain a lot of things..."

Marisa rolled her eyes, "And once again, I don't know a thing they're talking about..."

A knock on the door seemed to place itself at a brilliant point for Marisa, and the witch swiftly excused herself from the somewhat exclusive conversation to answer the aforementioned knock.

Opening the door, the hooded figure of Ichirin said, "Well, hello there, treasure thief!"

Marisa mockingly imitated Ichirin's voice, "Well, hello there, stupid youkai..."

"There's no need to act like that..." Ichirin smirked, and said, "Unzan says you're immature."

"Says the one who talks to an imaginary friend..." Marisa quipped.

"I can prove that he's entirely real if you want..." Ichirin mused confidently, "Anyway, sources tell me there's a human male here. I just want him to come out here..."

"Why would you want him to do that?" Marisa asked instinctively, before saying, "Um... I mean... there isn't a human male here, you're mistaken."

"Oh... well, that's strange, I'm absolutely sure there is... yes, Unzan says he can trust the source perfectly..." Ichirin validated.

Marisa was about to deny further, when she suddenly gave herself an ingenious idea, "Oh, okay, okay, you win. I'll just get him, shall I?"

Marisa sped off into the study, and quickly said in a loud voice, "Okay, come on, Jean, there's someone at the door for you..."

She then approached the two men, and whispered to them, "Uh... Dawitsu, you can make your voice sound like Jean's, right?"

"Right. Why, is the person at the door after him? Don't you trust her or something?" Dawitsu whispered back.

"It's Ichirin. She's a follower of..." Marisa began to explain, but Dawitsu cut her short.

"I know who she is. Why's that an issue, it's not like... oh, she's associated with Byakuren... so you don't want him to go with her? Well, I guess I could pretend to be him for you." Dawitsu smirked to himself, "For a price. Okay, how about you give me one of your mini-hakkeros?"

"But... why, you don't need them to do a master spark..." Marisa pointed out.

"But they're so cool! I want the genuine article as a collectable! I'm sure you understand how fun it is to collect stuff, don't you?" Dawitsu appealed to Marisa's kleptomaniac side.

"Well, sure I do... okay, okay. I guess it'll look better when you're disguising as him anyway..." Marisa suggested, "Right, go on, if we're lucky, if Byakuren ends up seeing you, she'll just think all guys look alike and not notice the difference."

"Actually, I have a device that will allow me to look like him..." Dawitsu pulled out a device labelled 'Spytron 3000', "Okay, let me have a minute to scan Jean..."

Jean stood up and asked, "Will this really work? I do not wish to see that... woman any more. I am so much more than her brother..." Jean muttered his last sentence bitterly.

The distant voice of Ichirin yelled, "What's taking you so long? You'd best not be tricking me..."

"Okay, here goes..." Dawitsu held the device up at Jean, ignoring the calls, and allowed thirty seconds before a light on the side shone green, "Ah, there we are. Okay, let's test this..."

Dawitsu opened the device as if it was a cigarette case, and pressed a button, causing his figure to blur slightly before switching to an identical figure to that of Jean's.

"Bonjour, mon amis, je suis Jean Franc Levoisier..." Dawitsu said in an almost perfect replica of Jean's voice.

"Uh, just so you know, it is _mes _amis, not mon amis..." Jean corrected, despite being slightly freaked out at seeing an exact copy of himself in front of him.

"Uh... mon excuses..." Dawitsu apologised in pseudo-French.

"Once again, _mes _excuses..."

Marisa decided to move the situation along, and called overtly, "Come on, Jean, she's getting impatient..."

"Ah, I am sorry, Marisa-sama..." Dawitsu said in a French accent.

Marisa whispered to Dawitsu as she exited the study with him, "He would never call me that, but I kinda wish he would... can you pretend to be Jean more often?"

"If that's what you're into, I guess..." Dawitsu said, a smirk uncharacteristic of Jean's lining his face.

The two got to Ichirin after what may well had been the most awkward walk down a hallway one could experience, and Marisa said, "Okay, Jean, just be careful, don't get this Youkai mad, she's stronger than she looks..."

"But I think that is the case for all of the Youkai women, am I right?" 'Jean' replied.

"Uh... yeah, but this one especially. Okay, just be careful." Marisa smiled, and said, "Alright, have fun... I guess. See ya!"

Ichirin bowed, "Thank you. I promise he won't come to any harm. Anyway, yes, I'll be seeing you later. Bye! Oh, Unzan says goodbye too!"

"Goodbye, _Marisa-sama_..." Dawitsu said, sniggering a little as Marisa shut the door in his face.

Ichirin looked the mimicker over, "Hmm. There's something strange about you... almost like you're a youkai, not a human. I don't know. Oh well, I guess if you're Myouren's reincarnation, anything's possible... oh, sorry, you're sensitive about that, aren't you."

Dawitsu snapped into 'acting' mode, "Er... yes, do not associate me with that! Fromage et la viande épicée au concombre..."

"Oh, you speak an odd language, too! You're definitely the one I'm after!" Ichirin fell for the act hook line and sinker.

"Yes. So, where are you taking me?" Dawitsu asked.

"Um, we're going to... um... uh..." Ichirin continued to walk, "Well, uh... a secret meeting place... for... uh... winners... or something. Yes, I know it was, Unzan, but he won't know the difference!"

"Oh?" Dawitsu feigned ignorance, knowing he was really going to meet Byakuren... somewhere.

Ichirin suddenly decided to walk towards a dense clump of trees, and shouted, "Follow me..."

"Yes, Miss..." Dawitsu almost said 'Kumoi', but realised that if he revealed he knew her name, that the secret would be revealed and the plot would be exposed, "...I am sorry, what is your name?"

"Ichirin Kumoi... now, just a little further, and you're going to meet someone who you've met before..." Ichirin gulped, fearing she had given the 'big secret' away.

Dawitsu remained calm, leading Ichirin to think he hadn't caught on. Turning right, she walked a little further before stopping dead, and said, "Okay, Byakuren, I got him for you."

Dawitsu feigned shock, "AH! The Byakuren? You... you tricked me! Gras imaginaires monocycle d'équitation pingouins!" Dawitsu ranted in gratuitous French to show he was 'emotional', yet didn't try to walk away like the real Jean would have.

Byakuren seemingly descended from the air upon her mention, and said, "Hello, Jean. Um... Jean... there's... something I wanted to say..."

Dawitsu stared at the youkai saviour, and shifted slightly, finding it hard not to look a little happy to have finally met her, as well as a tad guilty to be tricking her like this. Unfortunately, he knew he had to act indignant, "Pah! I am not, as the English would say, taking your crap!"

Byakuren tilted her head, "I may not know you very well, but I'm sure you don't usually speak like this... anyway, you have every reason to hate me... I... I'm sorry. When I forced you to accept that you are... my brother's... my _dear _brother's reincarnation, I stopped remembering you were a new person, and I... then when I did, I did it in the most insensitive, cold way possible... I... I'm sorry for how I treated you..."

Dawitsu stepped back, moved by what she had said, "I... wish Jean was here to hear that..." Dawitsu covered his mouth, "Uh... I didn't just say that." 

Ichirin tilted her head, "Hmm? Oh, that's strange, Unzan says this person is looking guilty of something. What could it be?"

"Yes, you are acting rather strangely..." Byakuren looked downwards, "I hope it isn't because of anything I've done... I hope you haven't been too adversely affected by my actions... I'm a terrible person..."

Dawitsu couldn't bear the guilt any more, and shouted, "No, you're not! You're a redeemer for all youkai-kind! You're my idol! You're my hero! You're everything right in a youkai! Don't put yourself down... you're my... and every civilised youkai's... saviour!"

Byakuren stared at the image of Jean, and said, "You're acting and speaking in a context that only a youkai would... what's going on?"

Dawitsu sighed, and got out his Spytron, pressing the button that removed his disguise, "I'm sorry you had to find out like this... I'm not Jean."

"Wh-who are you?" Ichirin asked in a shocked tone, "I'm so sorry, Byakuren! Next time I'll know not to get tricked by those fiendish humans! I KNOW THAT, UNZAN!"

Byakuren hung her head, "Why... why did you pretend to be him? Just who are you?"

"I'm sorry, Byakuren! I'm your biggest fan, Mateyuu Dawitsu! I love you! You're an idol to me and Yutaka! I got roped into this by Marisa and Jean!" Dawitsu apologetically stammered, "Honestly! I'd never do this just to trick you! Anyway, now I've heard all this, I'll make sure the real Jean hears it, and I'll force him to forgive you!"

Byakuren smiled a little at being complimented, "Wow, I never realised I had fans who didn't go to the temple..."

"Well, you do! There are lots of 'em! Some aren't even youkai! They just live in the outside world, looking at you through their..." Dawitsu nervously stopped himself talking, and diverged the topic, "Um, anyway, I guess I should get going, you know, telling Jean everything and stuff! I promise I won't let you down, Miss Hijiri!"

Dawitsu began to run towards Marisa's house, but Byakuren called to Mimicker, "Hey, wait a second..."

"What is it?" Dawitsu asked, exasperated.

"I'm coming with you... I'll deliver the message myself. I was a coward, hiding away like this, and getting my follower to trick... or try to trick Jean into coming here." Byakuren said.

"You're not a coward..." Dawitsu thought for a moment, and then realised if she thought she _was _a coward, he'd have an excuse to walk with his saviour, "...uh, I mean, yeah, you should totally walk with me to Marisa's house... and sign my jacket while we're at it..."

"What was that last part?"

"What was what what?" Dawitsu feigned ignorance a second time, albeit more obviously this time around.

"Never mind. Let's go..." Byakuren mused.

Walking towards the witch's house, Dawitsu fidgeted awkwardly, as if under scrutiny by Byakuren. Byakuren herself was trying her best not to laugh at the somewhat rabid fan-boy, and Ichirin was lost in her own conversation with Unzan.

"Yes, he does look strange, doesn't he?" Ichirin said bluntly.

"I can hear that, you know!" Dawitsu snapped at Ichirin.

"Oh my... Unzan, he can hear you... does that mean he's..."

"I meant I could hear you, Ichirin..." Dawitsu clarified.

"Oh, that's a relief." Ichirin said, killing the conversation with no mercy.

The three continued walking in awkward silence, and once they reached the house, Dawitsu whispered to the other two, "Okay, you two, stay down until I convince them to come out and see you..."

The two did as commanded, hiding in a nearby bush, and Dawitsu knocked on the door. Whistling a little ditty to himself, he jumped a little as the door opened, to reveal Jean, "Ah, hello Youkai Man, that was quick. So, what did she have to say? On the second thoughts, perhaps that isn't for me to ask..."

"What do you mean? Anything she said was intended for you..." Dawitsu pointed out. Anyway, I... sort of screwed up. They discovered me. And... well, they didn't like it at all... so much so that Byakuren's here, in the flesh, to apologise to you..."

"A-apologise?" Jean asked, softened slightly by the prospect of reconciliation.

"Yes. I'll let her take over, if you like..." Dawitsu turned his head to the side, signalling to the bush, "Okay, you two can come out, now..."

Byakuren and Ichirin both exited the shrubbery, and walked towards the Frenchman. Ichirin started off the talk, "What Byakuren wants to say is..."

Byakuren signalled for Ichirin to be quiet, and said, "I'm sorry... I shouldn't have tried to trick you into meeting me. What I wanted to tell you... was that I'm sorry, I'm sorry for telling you who you were..."

Jean shook his head, "I do not care who I am reincarnated from, knowing that is not my problem. My problem was that you asked me if I would respond if you referred to me as 'Myouren'... you... saw me as nothing more than your brother..."

"I had already said you weren't!" Byakuren snapped, then remembered Jean's memory was most likely sieving out the more positive side due to how emotional he was at the time, "...I'm sorry. I tried to tell you that when I was there... I tried to make sure you weren't upset. But when I did... I didn't try to comfort you. I'm sorry... I shouldn't have done that to you. I... when I said that magic was in your soul because of Myouren... I'm sorry, that must have insulted you so much..."

Dawitsu smiled wryly, "As you can see, Frenchie, she's really sorry... I think that was... three times she said it?"

But before Jean could answer, Marisa came to the door, and said, "I heard Byakuren's voice! Jean, do you want me to blow her up for you?"

Marisa got out a hakkero in preparation, but Jean put his hand in front of the firing end of the device, "No, Marisa. It is... fine. She has apologised. Instead, can we invite her in for... tea?"

Marisa cocked her head, "What? You're just gonna forgive her like that?"

"Yes, I am. All I can say that if there was a reincarnation of... Patricia, I would probably act in a similar manner. I would try and see the woman I miss in the person, even if they were not... I should have not been as insulted as I was." Jean faced downwards, and then looked back up at Byakuren, and kissed her on both cheeks.

Byakuren reddened, and asked, "Wh-what was that?"

Jean smiled warmly, "It is a custom in France. That is how you greet a close friend..."

Dawitsu smirked, "Yeah, I'd love to say he was just being a pervert, but I can vouch for him on that..."

Marisa, Byakuren, and Jean all said, "SHUT UP, DAWITSU!" on account of him ruining the heart-warming moment.

Ichirin joined in late, saying, "Uh, Unzan said that was rude and uncalled for."

Dawitsu sweat-dropped, "I was just saying..."

_The Dawitsu Mansion, mid-day_

Yutaka and Reimu had decided to spend the day with each other, seen as the sleepover the day before had been so fun. They were currently playing on the 'Portal Floor' of the mansion, this time in the area run by a disembodied male voice that sounded somewhat pre-recorded.

These areas were stylistically run-down, having been made by Yutaka herself to be overgrown and ramshackle.

"I hate to say it, but this place is a dump..." Reimu muttered.

"The enrichment centre is not a dump. It is, in fact, a research facility used by Aperture Science to further the progress of mankind, as well as shower curtains." the voice supposedly in charge of the place answered.

Yutaka smiled proudly, "See, it's not a dump. Okay, for this one, we're going to have to use the edgeless safety cube over there..." Yutaka stopped talking to point at a spherical object.

"You mean a ball." Reimu corrected.

"You ruined the joke..." Yutaka said, and turned around, walking into the lift they had entered the current 'test chamber' from.

"What? Where are you going?" Reimu asked.

"Sorry, I just realised that the Boss should have been home by now..." Yutaka then stared at Reimu meaningfully, "Um, you know I need you to enter this lift if we want to go back to the foyer, right?"

"No, I didn't know that, actually..." Reimu mentioned, and entered the lift next to Yutaka's.

After the two exited the lifts that took them back to the 'portal floor's' hub, they entered the lift to the foyer, and stood together, alone for the two minutes that it took to descend to the foyer.

"So, what's up with you and your master?" Reimu asked Yutaka, wondering why she had to leave and stay in the foyer.

"...my _Boss_. There is nothing... up with me or the boss, I don't know what exactly it is you're asking me..." Yutaka replied calmly.

"Well, it's just that when you talk about him, you're always so positive, and, well, you're going downstairs just so you can greet him when he comes in, aren't you..." Reimu smiled, and pulled Yutaka's cheek, "You told me that hiding your true self was unhealthy, so why are you doing it, Miss Shikigami?"

Yutaka rubbed her cheek, and mumbled, "That's... different. Trust me when I say it's far beyond your comprehension what me and the Boss share..."

"Oh really? Beyond my comprehension? Try me." Reimu laughed slightly, somehow trying to assert her intelligence.

Yutaka sighed, resenting that she'd been trying to go over this herself, within her own mind, and found it difficult enough understanding it herself... and now someone else was trying to get her to examine it, "Well... you're going to laugh, but we're sort of like husband and wife..."

Reimu burst into laughter, "WHAT? So... so wait a moment, Patchouli is just a cover-up? Man, it's rare that anyone uses a gay relationship as a beard... I would have never have figured that out!"

"No, no, that's not it... we aren't interested in each other romantically... or at least, I'm not..." Yutaka mumbled, "...in actuality, I want him to get a girlfriend, just like I have. I... guess it's strange, but... he drives me mad when he leaves the toilet seat up... I hate that goofy smile he has when he watches me try to open jars and fail... and he always tries that same stupid strategy in Shogi... but... I love him for that... that's the kind of relationship we have..."

Reimu stopped, paused, and remembered the article Dawitsu had written on Yutaka, and knew he felt the exact same way. After evaluating the evidence, Reimu simply shrugged her shoulders and said, "You're weird."

"And you're normal. Have fun with that..." Yutaka parried.

"Touché." Reimu forfeited.

The lift doors opened as soon as the shrine maiden admitted verbal defeat, and the two young women walked out of the lift, to see Ran and Chen playing Chess. Ran had caught Chen in a fork with her knight, having both Chen's King and her rook within the knight's moves.

"Yutaka! Yutaka! Good timing! How can I get my King out of check without leaving the rook to die?" Chen asked the magician for help.

"You can't, Knights are unblockable... just let her take it, it's better than Checkmate..." Yutaka told Chen without even needing to look at the board.

Reimu stared at the three shikigami, and thought to herself why it was these three had resigned themselves to such a role. She'd seen that they had no real reason to follow his commands, as he was in no way more powerful than they were. He wasn't a particularly compelling leader, nor was he all that selfless like Jean or Rinnosuke... what was it that drew them towards him? Yutaka seemed to have the strangest of reasons, and Ran, despite only knowing Dawitsu for the short time he'd been in Gensokyo, had quite clearly warmed up to him... the spin-the-bottle session last night seemed to reveal as much...

Reimu finally decided to voice her query, "Hey, you guys, what do you see in that guy, anyway?"

Ran opened her mouth, as if ready to say something, but the door slammed open before she could make a noise with it.

Dawitsu floated at the doorway, and yelled, "BOOM, baby! Guess who I met!"

Yutaka smirked, "Who are you referring to as 'Baby'?"

Dawitsu's eyes scanned the room, and, as surprised as he was to see the shrine maiden in his foyer, he said, "Why, the lovely Reimu, of course!"

Reimu turned red, "In your dreams, freak."

Dawitsu rushed inside, not bothering to close the front door, and hugged Reimu, seemingly just to make her feel uncomfortable, "Aw, I love a good tsundere..."

"Actually, those days are over..." Yutaka spoke up, "Isn't that right?"

"Yeah, whatever." Reimu clarified uncertainly.

"Anyway, do you want to know who I met?" Dawitsu asked, releasing Reimu from her arm-clad prison.

Yutaka asked, "Who?"

"Oh, no-one... only... BYAKUREN HIJIRI HERSELF!" Dawitsu boasted, "I even got her to sign my cloak! Look!"

Dawitsu proceeded to show off the area of his cloak that had Byakuren's signature, that is, the left side of the chest area, and Yutaka smiled to herself, "So, I guess you must have had a good time. Do you know what we three did?"

Chen answered the question for her fellow shikigami, "Me, Ran, Yutaka, and Reimu had a sleep-over!"

Dawitsu's eyes widened, as did his sinus blood vessels, causing a tiny nosebleed, "Um... just one second..."

Dawitsu walked into the kitchen, and a muffled shout of "HOW THE HELL DID I MISS THAT?" could be heard from the foyer.

A somewhat exhausted Dawitsu returned and said, "Heh... I'm back. So, what happened at the sleepover?"

"Oh, nothing spectacular." Reimu said, "Oh, but there is something weird... we all discussed boys, and, well, Ran said something..."

Dawitsu, unwilling to hear about his competition, ranted, "LA LA LA I'M NOT LISTENING, GUYS DON'T HAVE OESTROGEN..."

Yutaka piped up, "Actually, men do have a small amount of Oestrogen, just like how women have a small amount of Testosterone... just not produced by the Ovum or Testis respectively..."

Ran smirked, "And considering how effeminately you act, master, I think you have a high level of Oestrogen..."

"Me? Effeminate? You've got the wrong bloke, squire..." Dawitsu replied in a northern British accent.

Reimu shook her head, "You're all weird for each other..."

"It's strange, my Brother used the exact same terminology as you did..." Dawitsu turned to Reimu, and continued, "Come to think of it, you and him would probably get on great... if you took off that Shrine Maiden outfit."

Reimu turned bright crimson, "Um... is he an even bigger pervert than you are?"

Dawitsu, just noticing his double entendre, laughed nervously, "Er... no, that's not what I meant. He's not the biggest fan of Shinto, or Japanese stuff. But, as a person, you and him would get on like a house on fire..."

_Reimu laughed, realising the assumption was a bit of a stupid one to make... very few people could possibly be more perverted than Dawitsu without crossing the moral line. Her next thoughts consisted of wondering what the hell kind of simile 'getting on like a house on fire' was..._

_Back at Marisa's house, Byakuren and Jean spent time speaking about, surprisingly enough, death. However, unlike human teenagers, or depressed philosophers, they were discussing it a necessity, as a way to pass from one thing to another. Byakuren herself expressed regret that she clung onto her own life as dearly as she did, and assured Jean that somewhere, somewhere on Earth, Patricia Levoisier had most likely been reincarnated, and, if she hadn't, then she may well be in the Netherworld._

_This concept interested Jean enough to look up the five residents of the netherworld that were documented in the Grimoire of Dawitsu, and he wondered if the ghosts that lived there were happy... with music, gardens, and feasts, he could only assume the best..._

Author's notes: Uh... I got nothin'. Let's rave to Wacky Workbench (Past) soundtrack! Wheeeeeeeeee-schtonk.

Honestly, you don't know how awesome it is to write to music... it fills you with willpower. Anyway, I may be a while with my next update, I got mock exams coming up. Yup. Mock. Exams.

Like Mock Turtles. Only Exams.


	13. 13: Writers of Gensokyo, go forth!

Touhou Doujin: Jean's Magical Education

**Chapter 13: Writers of Gensokyo... go forth!**

_Nitori Kawashiro's house, one post-meridian_

Aya Shameimaru was lying down, fast asleep in a water-bed on the floor courtesy of the Kappa who owned it, while Hatate, still lying on the massage table that Aya once was lying next to, was slowly waking up.

"Ugh... like... what happened?" Hatate mumbled.

Upon detecting sound, the robotic arms surrounding Hatate began to move, and turned Hatate so she was face-down.

"Ah! What's going on? Like..." Hatate squealed in shock as one half of the arms covered her in a towel, while the other half attempted to take her clothes off, "Ah! Get off me! What are these pervert robots?"

Nitori, who was currently extracting a silicon chip from the Digital Camera she had received yesterday, sighed as she forced herself away from the somewhat enjoyable job so she could explain the situation to the somewhat violated Tengu.

"Sorry about that, Hatate..." Nitori said upon entering her massage room, "They operate by detecting weight from the table and the sound of a voice..."

However, Hatate still didn't understand _why _the robots were stripping her, yet having the courtesy of covering her with a towel, "B-but what are they doing to me?"

"They only want to give you a massage... would you like them to stop?" Nitori asked.

"Of course!" Hatate shouted instantly.

"Okay, okay... are you sure? They do a brilliant job..." Nitori attempted to get Hatate to change her mind.

Aya murmured from the floor in a drowsy voice, "It's... true, Hatate... it's really quite good..."

Hatate shook her head, "Please, no! Just make them stop!"

Nitori sighed, "Oh, okay..." Nitori got one of many remote controls from her pocket, somehow knowing which one was the correct one, and pressed a red button at the bottom.

Instantly, the robot hands retracted away from the table Hatate was lying on, leaving Hatate traumatised and gasping for air, "Like... like... like... what... did you..."

"Please ask questions later. You need to put your clothes on..." Nitori said, picking up the Tengu's tokin.

Hatate clung to the towel around her as she climbed off the massage table, and picked up her slightly damaged clothes from the floor.

"I'm so gonna write a story about this in the Kakashimaru Spirit News!" Hatate threatened the Kappa, "Everyone's gonna know what you do to your guests..."

Aya mumbled, "You've... got the wrong end of the stick..."

Nitori shrugged her shoulders, "Is that how you repay me? Aya gave me her camera just so you could stay here... that is why you came here in the first place, isn't it? Or was Aya lying?"

"Uh... yeah. But I didn't know that you were gonna do that to me!" Hatate complained, "Hey, is there a room that I can change in? You know, in private?"

"If you walk out this room, you'll be in a corridor. Walk down it and go into the room at at very end on the right. It's the only one without security cameras..." Nitori instructed.

Hatate shuddered, coming to the realisation that everything that had just happened had been recorded, and dashed out in a flash, briefly returning to pick up her socks.

Aya opened her eyes, and turned over so she was lying sideways and facing Nitori, "So, are you telling the truth?"

"I don't know what you're talking about..." Nitori faux-obliviously said.

"Is there a camera in that room?" Aya cut to the chase.

"Um... just one button camera." Nitori admitted, "It's not like I keep the footage or anything..."

"Then why didn't you tell her..." Aya snickered to herself, "...I can see this making headlines... Nitori's creepy house of doom..."

"I only do it for security purposes! I rarely have visitors..." Nitori tried to justify herself.

"But when you do, is this how you treat them?" Aya smirked, and continued, "Admittedly, the massage was _heavenly, _but Hatate has been through nothing but harassment!"

Nitori decided enough was enough, "Okay, that's it, I don't have time for this! I shouldn't have let you stay here, I should have just took your camera and left you to rot outside in the cold! Get out of my house at once!"

Aya shifted shuffled in her bed, "Go on, make me get out of bed... I'm not wearing anything, so it'll just make you look worse!"

"Right, if you're going to be like that..." Nitori threw a small, spherical object with flashing red lights at the water-bed, "If you _don't _get out of that bed, I'm afraid that bomb that's just attached itself to the bed will take you with it... so what is it? Are you going to get out?"

Aya blushed, "Um... can you get out while I put my clothes on?"

"Certainly." Nitori calmly said, exiting the massage room. Once she did, she met up Hatate, who was straightening her pigtails as she left the 'camera-free' room. Calling to the tengu, Nitori shouted, "Hey, Hatate, your time's up, you and Aya need to get out of here..."

Hatate quivered, "You mean... you'll let me leave?"

"Of course, I _want _you to leave..." Nitori explained, "Now, as soon as you can, get out..."

"But, like, Aya's still in bed..." Hatate said, but was swiftly proven wrong by Aya bursting into the corridor, "Okay, Hatate, lets get out of here before this place explodes!"

Hatate looked on in confusion as Aya dashed down the corridor and towards the front entrance, and after careful thought and consideration, decided to do the exact same as her colleague.

Once the two were definitely out of the house, Nitori chuckled quietly to herself. She entered the massage room, and picked up the 'bomb' she had attached to the water-bed on the floor, and said, "It's amazing how many people think that something's a bomb just because it has lights on it... I hope they don't write an article about me... that would ruin my day..."

Hatate burst out of the kappa's house second, and almost ran into Aya as she exited, bringing herself to a halt just in time. Gasping, she asked, "Like, what do we do now? We... we have a perfectly scandalous story now, but what if our house are still filled with that Hydration Cyan stuff that the Doll Youkai was carrying?"

"_Hydrogen Cyanide._" The better of the two reporters corrected,_ "_Well_,_ I guess if we smell almonds, we'll know not to go in there..."

"But you remember what she said? If anyone living knows that's what it smells like, they don't live much longer to know that..." Hatate panicked, "So, what will we do? Just go without making the newspaper forever?"

"How about we send something in that will die for us as a testing mechanism?" Aya suggested.

"Isn't that a little cruel?" Hatate asked.

"Yeah, but it's not like they'll know what we're doing..." Aya 'justified' herself.

"How does that make it any better?" Hatate pointed out.

"Oh, shut up and go with this! Do you want to publish a newspaper again?" Aya rhetorically asked.

Not understanding that it was rhetorical, Hatate said, "If it means not killing someone just for us, yes!"

Aya tapped her feet in an irate manner, "Look, I know exactly who I'm gonna use, she won't die, no matter what... not permanently, anyway..."

"Oh, not her..." Hatate mused.

"Yes, her..."

_The Bamboo Forest of the Lost, about five minutes later_

Fujiwara no Mokou was roaming through the ridiculously dense forest of Bamboo, occasionally setting a rabbit youkai ablaze as it attempted to attack her. It was strange, not one human had lost her way in the forest as of today, as opposed to the usual company Mokou would temporarily receive.

Sighing to herself, and half hoping someone would be hopelessly lost and need directions to the Human Village, Mokou began her circular flight path around the Bamboo Forest once again.

Her wishes half came true when she came across something a tad more sentient than a rabbit youkai... a pair of Tengu reporters appeared in front of the immortal human, the one with the red tokin looking particularly crafty.

"Hey... Miss... Fujiwara, is it?" Aya said, "We're from the... uh... Tengu postal service... and... uh... we have a package to deliver to you!"

Mokou tilted her head, "I know that the Tengu deliver things within themselves, but why would there be a package for me?"

Hatate laughed nervously, "Heh, it's funny you should say that, it's actually... uh... fan-mail!"

Aya continued, "Uh... yeah, the tengu up the mountain really like you ever since I published that article about you starting... uh, extinguishing that forest fire!"

"Is that so?" Mokou cynically replied, "How come no-one gets fan-mail, then?"

"Actually, they do... but unfortunately my..." Hatate elbowed Aya, "...stupid colleague over her left the letters at her house, so you'll have to come with us and retrieve them..."

"Um... yeah, that's right! I'm such an idiot, heh heh..." Aya transparently lied.

Mokou knew that they were up to something, but was so bored waiting for someone to get lost in the forest that she decided to play along with their lies. After all, if it was something serious, she could always burn them as revenge...

"Oh, so they're at your house? Oh, goody, let's go see them, then!" Mokou falsely said, feigning enthusiasm more unconvincingly than a child at a lint convention.

Hatate and Aya somehow didn't pick up on Mokou's obvious acting, and said simultaneously, "Okay, just follow us, Miss Mokou!"

After a long flight back to Youkai mountain (due to Mokou slowing the two tengu down) the three women stood outside Aya's house. For reasons Mokou was unaware of, Aya's tone of voice became noticeably nervous, "Uh... okay, the fan-letter bag is... just in there, next to the press..."

"Aren't you going to go in?" Mokou asked.

Aya's quick mind provided her an excuse, "Uh... no, we're going straight out again, so we'll just let you go in and get them..."

"Come straight back out when you're done..." Hatate said in a vain attempt to add to the act.

Mokou couldn't quite figure out what was waiting for her within the house that they were so afraid of, but could tell by their shaky voices there was something not quite right with the house.

"Why do I think this is a trap?" Mokou asked.

"What are you talking about? There's no deadly hazards of any sorts in that house... just lovely, lovely fan-mail! Don't you want fan-mail?" Hatate attempted to steer Mokou away from the truth.

"Um... okay..." Mokou looked at Hatate as if she was stupid, and said, "Alright, if something kills me when I go in here, I won't forgive you... I'll turn you into fried duck!"

"We're actually crows..." Aya corrected.

Mokou folded her arms, saying "Shut up..." as she walked towards the house door. She opened the door, walked in, and shut the door.

"Oh God..." Aya's teeth chattered, "I hope... I hope she dies..."

"What do you mean? She'll kill us if that happens..." Hatate replied.

"But if she doesn't, she'll discover there's no fan-mail, and kill us anyway..." Aya explained her logic.

"In other words..." Hatate knew what was coming.

"WE'RE DOOMED!" the two tengu shouted, and hugged each other in fear, staring at the door in terror.

After what seemed like the longest two minutes of their lives, the door opened again and Mokou asked, "Okay, where's the letters you told me about? Was it just a trick after all?"

Aya screamed, and clung onto Hatate, who clung even tighter onto Aya. The two began to separately beg for their lives in a pitiful, but incomprehensible babble of panic and distress.

Fujiwara no Mokou shook her head, "I honestly thought you were trying to kill me, but you were just trying to waste my time? Even Kaguya wouldn't sink that low. You're not even worth killing..."

"W-what? You mean you'll let us live?" Aya asked disbelievingly.

"If I were to try and kill every moron on the planet, it wouldn't matter, because Kaguya would still be alive, and she would just make more morons..." Mokou said indignantly, "It's a futile effort, so I'll let you live. Now, if you don't mind, I have some real work to do..."

The two tengu continued to hold each other as the timeless human walked away from Aya's house with a somewhat disappointed look on her face, and once she had left their line of vision, instantly released each other.

"Ugh! I can't believe you'd hug me just because we were gonna die!" Aya blamingly shouted at Hatate.

"Like, you hugged me! I just returned it because I was scared!" Hatate replied in denial.

"_I _returned it, because I didn't want you to get scared and babble our secret that we _were _trying to kill her!" Aya said as an excuse.

Hatate changed the subject, "Like, anyway, it's all safe! Do you want to print the paper? Like, we could have 'Nitori the Pervert Kappa imprisons intrepid reporters'!"

"And what about that love square thing? That can be in the puzzle section, you know, a 'Guess the person' game, having clues for each corner?" Aya suggested.

"Like, let's just go in and do it!" Hatate concluded.

And so, with that, the two tengu decided to go in and write up the newspaper that if circumstances had allowed, would have been written up days ago. However, thanks to their small-scale adventure, the Tengu had found a new person to slander...

_The Dawitsu Mansion, two post-meridian_

Reimu decided to go home once the afternoon was over, and after seeing her home and making sure she was okay, Yutaka returned to the Dawitsu Mansion. Closing the door as she entered, she called out, "I'm back, boss..."

Dawitsu, who was playing with a cup-and-ball, tossed the aforementioned ball upwards, and once again it missed the cup, "Hello, Yutaka. So, why did you see Reimu out? Any particular reason?"

"Oh, just something that happened yesterday, that's all. So, what did you get up to yesterday?" Yutaka asked.

"I played Chess with Flandre... and kinda messed around with Sakuya..." Dawitsu swiftly tried to defend himself, "Uh... but, it was for a good reason, honestly!"

Yutaka seemed to roll her eyes despite them remaining closed, "Boss, I expected better of you... what about Rinnosuke? How would he feel if he knew about this?"

"Honestly, it's not like that, I did it _for _Rinnosuke..." Dawitsu attempted to explain, but did a poor job doing so.

"Oh, I see! Doing his job for him while he was unavailable?" Yutaka sarcastically replied.

Ran was sitting on the foyer sofa, staring at Dawitsu, and suddenly said, "No, he's telling the truth...", shocking both Yutaka and Dawitsu.

"Thanks, Ran." Dawitsu said.

Yutaka pondered as to how Ran knew that, "Hmm... okay, perhaps he is. I'll let you explain, boss..."

"Well, I only... sort of flirted with her! It was to stick it to that bitch, Remilia! She was giving her grief about her having a boyfriend, and she ended up out and out saying she had me before good ol' Kourin, and... well, I kinda decided to prove it..." Dawitsu twiddled his hair nervously, "That's all! I didn't do anything to her..."

Yutaka cynically looked at her boss, "Oh, so that's why you decided to just come out and say it? Were you trying to boast, or something?"

Dawitsu sweat-dropped, "Uh... maybe?"

The doorbell rang before Yutaka could reply, and Ran said, "Don't worry, I'll get it..."

Once she answered, Ran stepped back to notice it was a lizard youkai, similar to the one who had caused her master to vomit last time she was there, but upon sniffing around her, Ran recognised this was a different person.

"Hello? Who are you?"

"Hello, Hebiko Bimyouna here, although that's just my pen-name..." the Lizard Youkai said, "Is this the house of a Male Youkai called Dawitsu?"

Dawitsu face-palmed, "Not this woman again..." Dawitsu called from the foyer sofa, "Hey, I thought I told you to stay away... I'm not gonna show you my..."

"I'm not Tokage!" Hebiko interrupted, "I'm a better writer! I'm not here to do anything that stupid..."

"It's true, master. She smells... a tad more fragrant." Ran verified.

"Let her in, Ran..." Dawitsu finally said.

Ran escorted the lizard the short distance from the door to the sofa, and Hebiko sat down in between Dawitsu and Yutaka.

"Hey, I've heard from a friend that you're Yukari's boyfriend... is it true?" the Lizard asked.

Dawitsu shook his head, "No. That isn't true. The newspapers lied. And if I remember rightly, they _should _be printing a retraction about that... damn lying Tengu. Oh well, I'm sure Yukari will be there to set them straight if they don't eventually do it..."

Hebiko turned to look at Yutaka, "Ah, and you must be his Shikigami! Heh, Tokage said you were are an original character in her books... I should have known better than to believe her... Yutaka Hadekawa, am I right?"

Yutaka nodded her head, "Yes, I'm Yutaka..."

"I presume the part that says you're a Gothic Lolita with fishnet stockings is Artistic Licence on Tokage's part... there's no way anyone would be _that _stupid..." Hebiko remarked, causing Dawitsu to giggle incessantly.

Yutaka folded her arms indignantly, "Hey, I've never worn fishnets... they're distasteful..."

"Aw, but I wish you would!" Dawitsu replied.

Hebiko got out a notepad, and said, "Hmmm... Dawitsu is flirtatious, Yutaka is reserved... ah, and Ran, you referred to Dawitsu as 'Master' just then, didn't you? So, Tokage wasn't lying about that either... boy, why on earth did you and Yukari decide to share Shikigami?"

Ran mused, "Actually, I left Yukari and joined Dawitsu of my own accord... I'm not shared at all..."

"Oh, so Tokage got the wrong end of the stick..." Hebiko calmly muttered, and noticed Chen from the corner of her eye as she walked into the foyer, "Ah, and Chen, of course. Where would Ran be without her Chen?"

Chen walked up to the visitor, "Dawi, who's this?"

Dawitsu opened his mouth to say something, but the loud-mouthed, albeit intelligent lizard squealed with joy and said, "OH! A pet name from Shikigami's Shikigami to Master's Master! That's an edge my fiction will have over Tokage's..."

"_Your _fiction?" Dawitsu asked disbelievingly.

"Oh yeah, everyone in Mayohiga's doing it..." Hebiko explained, "You may not know it, but you're famous... also, just as I expected, you're nowhere near as muscular as Tokage makes you out to be. Oh well, at least she didn't write you as having a harem like..."

Yutaka spluttered with laughter, stopping Hebiko's speech in its tracks, "..harem? The Boss?"

Dawitsu smirked, "Wow, I _am _honoured, but... that's too much."

"Anyway, Mister Dawitsu, I was just wondering if you were okay with my fiction... I won't continue it if you're not happy with it..." Hebiko got to the point.

Dawitsu cocked his head, "Wow, really? You're much more sane and collected than that mad bed-invader..."

"Bed-invader?" all four of the women surrounding Dawitsu asked in confusion.

"Uh... yeah, the less you know about that, the better..." Dawitsu smirked slightly in a way that implied they did.

"What do you mean? Tokage said something about gaining exclusive access to you because of how brilliant her story was..." Hebiko recalled.

"Well, she's lying. I hated her story, it made me physically sick, and the other night I found her in my bed, asking if she could... uh, yeah, I don't wanna talk about it... I felt... strange afterwards." Dawitsu shook a little.

Yutaka looked at Dawitsu, and knowing he wasn't available to make the joke, took his place, "Um... if someone tries to touch you in a place or in a way that makes you feel uncomfortable, that's no good!"

Dawitsu smirked, "Heh, that's my line..."

Hebiko handed Dawitsu her notepad, and said, "Anyway, if you want to read it, here it is so far..."

Dawitsu stopped for a moment, silently reading it. After about ten minutes, he decided to review it, "Hm. You're definitely a better writer than Tokage. All I have to say is that the whole 'defrosting the ice queen' romantic story's been done a million times before. How about you make Yukari my rival... that's how it usually is in real life, then have a romantic subtext... you know, hate her, but love her sort of thing..."

"Oh... that's good, I'll have to write this down!" Hebiko said, scribbling notes as if to prove that's what she was doing, "So you're saying make love a secondary plot point... hmm... I like it!"

Ran smirked to herself, "So, Master, seen as you suggested it, does that mean it's true... oh my, Yukari will be displeased..."

Dawitsu sweat-dropped, "Uh... of course it isn't!"

"Oh, and Ran could be the spunky sidekick!" Hebiko formulated, "And Yutaka can be the cute fan-service girl, while Chen can be the fan-service for the mammal youkai... I could even make a comic series..."

Dawitsu smiled, "You know, you could just well be my favourite author... sure, go for it... but please don't make Yutaka a fan-service girl... MERE MORTALS CANNOT HANDLE HER CUTENESS!"

Yutaka blushed, "Boss, that's just ridiculous..."

Hebiko examined Yutaka, "No, he has a point... many noses will bleed..."

Dawitsu and Hebiko high-fived, and Dawitsu said, "Wow, it's strange, you think remarkably similarly to me..."

Ran mumbled, "That's why you like her so much..."

Hebiko turned to Ran, "Sorry, what did you say?"

Ran sniffed the air to see if there was a situation to give her an excuse. Fortunately, there was, "I said there's someone at the door..."

Chen said, "I'll get it, Ran-sama..."

Skipping to the door, Chen opened it to reveal a horde of animal youkai of varying species. A Cat Youkai at the front of the floating crowd asked, "Is this where Dawitsu lives?"

Dawitsu gulped, "Oh, God..."

If Ran had opened the door, then the situation would have been handled in a sensible manner along the lines of denying the fact that he lives here, but Chen didn't think of such things, and answered truthfully, "Yes, Dawi's sitting on the sofa!"

The Cat Youkai looked Chen over, and said, "CHEN? Is that you? You... how did you get here before everyone else? I'm so jealous!"

A Rat Youkai said, "Now, where is that muscle-man?"

Dawitsu thought quickly, almost too quickly, and rushed up to the door and said, "Look, guys, I'm not here..." Dawitsu covered his mouth, noticing his error, "Um... I mean... he's... not... here?"

Hebiko, Yutaka and Ran flinched from the safety of the foyer sofas as the crowd flowed into the mansion foyer like a viscous liquid, surrounding Dawitsu and Chen. Dawitsu knew he had a _lot _of people to please... but decided that unlike Tokage's case, he was going to straight up and honest about their stories first-time round...

_Hakurei Shrine, three post-meridian_

Reimu relaxed at her Kotatsu, once again doing nothing. Upon a little thought here and there that sprinkled itself within the nothingness, Reimu decided she was going to go out and see Jean, presuming Marisa would still be with him.

Getting up, Reimu called, "Hey Suika! I'm going out for a few minutes, don't drink all the sake while I'm gone..."

"Er... you have my word on it, Reimu!" Suika slurred from presumably the basement.

Reimu shook her head and walked out of her house, and started her trek through the Forest of Magic. Aside from a stray youkai that needed shooting down, the trip wasn't all that interesting, and she got to Marisa's house with no problems.

Knocking on the witch's door, Reimu waited around, and Marisa answered the door, "Oh, Reimu! Hi!"

Reimu smiled, "Hello, Marisa. I'm here for..."

"Yeah, I know, Jean. Hey, you sound particularly cheery today... did you accidentally eat a dodgy mushroom or something?" Marisa remarked.

"...no, I don't know what you're talking about..." Reimu said in a tone similar but not quite the same as denial, "...anyway, please can I come in?"

"Sure..." Marisa said, and then turned around to call Jean, "Hey, Jean! Jean! Reimu's here to see you! Come downstairs..."

Jean's voice replied with, "Ah, just a minute..."

Marisa shook her head, "He's recently got into studying upstairs, it's just not sociable..."

Reimu smirked, "Who are you, his mum?"

Marisa blushed, "Um... no. I'm his super-cool mentor!"

Jean appeared at the top of the stairs, and after going down them, he sighed as he saw Reimu, "Hello, Miss Hakurei. It has been... a while, is it?"

"Yes, it has... so... how are you? Are you okay?" Reimu desperately wanted to ask him if he missed her, but was finding it difficult to phrase it in a way that wouldn't pass herself off as self-absorbed.

"I am... good, thank you. I have not seen you for a long time... it has been strange without you, even though I haven't known you for that long..." Jean seemed to unintentionally answer her thought's questions, causing Reimu to melt a little.

"Oh... well, I'm here now. I was just wondering... could I teach you how to use spell-cards... you see, I literally wrote the book on them..." Reimu fumbled in her pockets, and revealed a small, leather-cover book with the title, 'The Hakurei Shrine spell-card rule book'.

Marisa was about to say that someone else had volunteered, but Jean got there first, "Er... yes, Miss Hakurei, I would love to learn the art from you..."

Marisa tried to point out the obvious, "But Jean, the other guy's..."

"We can tell him that we do not need him any more..." Jean said in a commanding voice, somewhat forcing Marisa to agree with him.

"Him? Who... oh, not that guy..." Reimu's face fell, "What the hell does everyone see in him?"

Marisa explained, "Well, actually, he was kinda forceful, it was hard to refuse. If I were Jean, I'd totally learn from you too..." Marisa smiled awkwardly to cover up she was considering it the other way around.

Reimu opened her mouth, but noticed Jean was trying to say something too, and said, "Sorry, you first..."

"I was just going to say that I am sorry for not seeing you in the recent times..." Jean said.

Reimu stepped back, as she was going to apologise herself, "No, no, it's understandable... I shouldn't have... you know..."

Marisa giggled, "...taken his face off?"

Reimu turned to Marisa, ready to snap back angrily, but remembered what Yutaka had told her and stayed mellow, "...uh, yeah, that. It was dumb of me, and I can understand how awkward that must have been for you..."

Jean shook his head, "Really, so many strange things have happened to me... you kissing me was the least strange... people have been apologising to me frequently... I think that this place is maniacal, but... how would say... well-mannered?"

"Really, stranger things have been happening?" Reimu decided she should probably take an interest in what he had to say, "Like what?"

"Well, it turns out I am the reincarnation of the brother of a Miss Byakuren Hijiri... and that Youkai man had a fight with me! He did not explain to me why he did it, but he offered to teach me after the fight..." Jean said, "Also, I am getting good at the magic... look at this..."

Jean walked out of the house, and got out two Hakkeros, and focused them in a manner to how he had configured them the other day, "When I arrange the Hakkeros like this, they fire a different form of bullet!"

Marisa was stunned, "Hold on, I never taught you that..."

Reimu smiled, "That's because he figured it out for himself... wow, you're coming on great! So, do you want to learn how to make a spell-card? It's actually very easy. First, you'll need a name..."

_Reimu then proceeded to teach Jean the basics of a spell-card... that they were named attacks, which produced complex patterns, and as a convention, you tended to have a 'sign' before the main attack name. Jean was finding it hard just to come up with a name, however, he finally came up with one: Mime Sign: Reflective Wall._

_Reimu then asked him what kind of pattern he intended it to be, and he said he wanted a cube of lasers which fired random sprays from them. Reimu could see he was trying to be offensive and defensive at the same time, but made sure that he knew that no matter how many bullets surrounded him, he'd still get hit by the enemy 'player'._

_It seemed odd that, despite their alienation, Reimu and Jean seemed to be back together, thick as thieves, something which confused and... somewhat threatened Marisa._

Author's Notes: Um, yeah, so I made another one quickly. That doesn't guarantee that the next chapter won't be delayed...

Sorry, but I know you readers have probably picked up on my writing habits of 'every other day, bar weekends', so I'm just saying to... you know, not expect that. I'm merely being an opportunist doing it now...


	14. 14: The Funshine Forest is on Sire!

Touhou Doujin: Jean's Magical Education

**Chapter 14: The Funshine Forest is on Sire!**

_Eientei, nine post-meridian_

Kaguya had been lying down for the past two days, having food delivered to her by Reisen in her room. Her excessive inactivity was so much, in fact, that she developed deep-vein thrombosis in her Vena Cava, causing her to die, before instantly coming back to life under her kotatsu like she was before.

Reisen sighed as she brought Kaguya another bowl of noodles, and placed them by Kaguya's head, causing her to salivate a little.

"Uh... oh, hi there, Inaba! How are you doing?" Kaguya said in a manner so relaxed it would put an insomniac to sleep.

Reisen, being in control of her mind as well as was in control of other people's, stayed awake, and tried her best to politely get Kaguya to move, "Um... Kaguya... I think I saw a human in a space suit outside, and he seems to be really angry..."

"A human in a space suit?" Kaguya smiled drowsily, "Nice joke, Inaba, I need some entertainment..."

"It's not a joke..." Reisen lied, "He's the real thing. He was carrying a flag with... fifty stars and thirteen red and white stripes..."

Kaguya opened her eyes, fearing it was the real deal, "Did you try and fight it?" 

"It's mercilessly killed any rabbit that's come near him..." Reisen convincingly fabricated, "I don't want to be next... please, can you, the woman who can never die... save us from the monster?"

"Well, you are my pets..." Kaguya said, but continued pondering as if the matter was somehow still not fully decided, "...what Danmaku does he know?"

"Um... scary Danmaku?" Reisen was finding it harder to lie to her mistress now, "I didn't try to drive him insane because he's wearing a special helmet that blocks waves..."

Kaguya sighed, "So, what makes you think I can beat him?"

"Well, you can't die, so you'll keep on attacking until you win..." Reisen suggested.

"Fine!" Kaguya crawled out from under her kotatsu, knocking over the noodles Reisen had brought in the process, and brushed down her dust-covered, overly creased clothes, "Where is he?"

Reisen smirked, "Heh... I... I tricked you. It's been a while since you last stood up, Kaguya, I was only doing it for the good of your health..." 

"What are you talking about? A healthy woman is one who gets plenty of rest..." Kaguya proudly replied.

"No, a healthy woman is one who gets _adequate _rest..." Reisen corrected, "Look at your waist! You must have gained at least half a stone's weight!"

Kaguya lifted her top slightly and pressed her belly, which squashed inwards considerably, "Uh... that's just puppy fat because of my youthful vigour..." Kaguya blatantly came up with.

"Well, explain my perfect physique..." Reisen somewhat arrogantly said, "Us Youkai are ageless too, you know..."

Kaguya stamped her feet, "Shut up! That's not true! You're just... stupidly thin!"

Reisen shook her head, "No, I think you'll find you've just put on weight. Shall I get Eirin to prove it? Actually, it'll probably be better if you do that, you need the exercise..." Reisen ended her sentence with a somewhat disrespectful smirk.

"Fine! We'll both go to Eirin's room and sort this out! Stupid Anorexic rabbit..." Kaguya looked down at her belly unsurely.

The two walked over to Eirin's medicine room, knowing she was most likely going to be there. Reisen knocked on Eirin's door, and asked quietly, "Hello? Eirin, are you in there?"

"Yes, but I'm just a bit busy at the moment..." Eirin said from behind the door, "By all means come in..."

Reisen opened the door and walked in, shortly followed by Kaguya. Eirin said, "Okay, ask whatever it is you have to ask, but I'm currently making Ampicillin, so I may not entirely listen..."

Kaguya cocked her head, "Ampicillin? I'm pretty sure you made that one only a week ago... you had a big flask full of the stuff... did your patients use it up that quickly?"

Reisen looked at the far wall of the office, and noticed a crack close to the corner of the room, "Wait, something major has happened, hasn't it?"

Eirin hunched at her desk more than she was already, and placed a lid on the Petri Dish she had just filled with fungi, and finally said, "Your deductions are correct. Something did happen, but I don't want to talk about it..." 

Kaguya insensitively said, "Good! Now, Eirin, this stupid rabbit over here said that I was fat! I'm not fat, am I?"

Reisen chuckled, "I said you gained weight..."

Eirin began a bluff inspection, putting a thermometer into Kaguya's mouth and put a glove on her hand, "Say 'Ah'."

"How does this have anything to do with me being fat?" Kaguya asked.

Eirin answered Kaguya's question with a question, "Who's the Doctor here?"

"You are." Kaguya admitted.

"That's right." Eirin stared into Kaguya's mouth, occasionally throwing in the odd hum to sound like she was thinking about the situation. Finally, she came to the conclusion she had decided from the get-go, "My analysis has confirmed... that you _have _gained weight..."

Reisen smiled smugly, "See, Kaguya, I did say..."

"Now, I'm going to give you an exercise regime... you must go out of the house once a day, for three months. During that period, you have to do at least ten minutes of non-flight exercise, like running..." Eirin told the Lunarian Princess.

"Oh, really? But that's..." Kaguya began to say, but Reisen interjected with logic.

"...well, what other plans do you have?"

After a long pause, Kaguya finally came up with an excuse, "B-but what if I encounter Mokou?"

"Well, as long as the fight doesn't occur to close to this house, it'll be good..." Eirin replied.

"Yeah, I'm sure she'll help you _burn _the fat from your thighs..." Reisen jeered.

"Hey, that's too far, you haven't even seen my thighs..." Kaguya pointed out.

Eirin said, "Okay then... Kaguya, your fitness regime starts tomorrow... don't let us down, will you?"

Kaguya folded her arms, "Well, in that case, I'd better get a good night's sleep..."

"Well, as long as tomorrow you don't have a good _day's _sleep I'll accept that..." Eirin concluded, and with that, Kaguya rushed off at the quickest speed her lethargic body could take her to her bedroom.

Once the Mistress of the house left the room, Reisen asked Eirin, "So, what happened here?"

"Well, it's like this..." Eirin began to explain, "In the middle of the night, I heard the sound of a crash near my office... and when I got there, they had already destroyed so many of my medicinal samples and supplies... I couldn't simply pick the medicine back up, because by the time I had got there, all of them had mixed with each other and..."

"...so you're making them all up again? Isn't that going to be hard?" Reisen asked somewhat idiotically.

"...OF COURSE IT'S GOING TO BE HARD!" Eirin snapped, before crying a little, "I'm sorry... it's just it's so unfair... I have never done anything to harm those people... well, perhaps I did..."

"Who were they?"

"Oh, just that Witch... and... a strange human who looked like he was male... could have also been ugly and using Anabolic steroids, but by most counts looked male..." Eirin said.

"Oh, that's strange. Are you sure it wasn't the youkai male who's a customer of yours?" Reisen asked.

"No, he was definitely human. Anyway, if you don't mind, I have to make some paracetamol now..." Eirin moaned to herself.

Reisen nodded, "Sorry, Eirin. If you need some help, just ask..."

_The Dawitsu Mansion, ten post-meridian_

"Look, you're not getting my point... men like me do _not _wear feather boas!" Dawitsu impatiently told a squirrel youkai with the attention-span of a goldfish. He was sitting at his dining table, catering to a queue of animal youkai from the border-lands of Gensokyo.

"But I want to symbolically show your sensitive side..." the squirrel replied.

"...and that's about as symbolic as a lamp-post." Dawitsu parried.

"What's a lamp-post?" the squirrel asked, clueless of the outside world.

"Ugh, you're hopeless... next!" Dawitsu said, pointing towards the foyer.

The squirrel folded her arms, and walked away from the mimicker in an indignant, insulted fashion. The next writer was a sparrow youkai that reminded Dawitsu a little too much of Mystia Lorelei.

"Hold on... is your name Mystia?" Dawitsu asked the sparrow, twiddling his thumbs in fear of the next story.

"No, it's not..." the sparrow replied, "Anyway, read my story!"

Dawitsu took the few scraps of paper the bird clearly called a story from her hands, and began to read the poor handwriting slowly and painfully whilst the sparrow eagerly awaited for his approval.

Yutaka and Ran looked from the sidelines, discussing the situation at hand, "I honestly think this will ultimately turn out for the best..." Yutaka said.

"I'm not so sure..." Ran mused, "The Master seems exasperated, and there's still five visitors to go through..."

"I'm sure he loves it really..." Yutaka said.

"Really?" Ran asked cynically, "What could be enjoyable about having books written about you that have you falling in love with someone you consider to be an enemy?"

"Well, everyone loves a good ego massage..." Yutaka explained.

"I'm not quite sure what you mean... are you saying all men are vain?" Ran asked.

"Well, there's a reason I'm not into them..." Yutaka replied, holding a straight face for about a second before laughing, "Of course I'm only joking..."

"Well, I failed to see the satire..." Ran said, "I never saw you as a man-hater, Yutaka..."

"I'm not. But you have to admit, the Boss loves it when he receives a compliment... watch this..." Yutaka proceeded to call out to Dawitsu, "Boss! You look handsome today!"

Dawitsu turned mid-read and said, "Hey, that was nice of you to say, Yutaka..." Dawitsu proceeded to whisper to the sparrow next to him, "Ain't she an angel?"

"I thought you weren't allowed to use the word 'Angel' in writing due to how cheesy and ridiculous it sounds..." the Mystia lookalike said.

"Uh... yeah, that's right... I was just testing you, that's all..." Dawitsu said with a nervous grin.

Yutaka folded her arms conclusively, "See, the Boss took the compliment easily and felt better because of it... and you're no different..."

"Oh really? Prove it..." Ran demanded.

"Okay..." Yutaka called again to Dawitsu, "Hey, Boss, what do you think of Ran's sense of fashion?"

"It's second to none!" Dawitsu replied, "She looks fantastic, especially in that nice black coat with the fluffy neckline... anyway, I'm gonna get back to reading, if that's okay..."

Ran blushed with pride, "Oh, I guess you're right, that did feel good..."

"And I'm sure the boss feels the exact same way about these stories... they all depict him to be a Sex God... and who doesn't want to be that?" Yutaka then thought for a moment, and decided that actually, having countless women _and _men all chasing her like wild animals that were only after one thing would be rather uncomfortable, "...on second thoughts, I don't really want to be a Sex Godess..."

Ran shook her head, "Yutaka, you're quite different in one-on-one conversations with people, aren't you?"

"What do you mean?"

"You're far more candid. I like it, though... I don't suppose you could help me with... a problem, could you?" Ran asked.

"...about that?"

"...about that." Ran confirmed.

"Oh, okay... well, I guess we'd better go somewhere else so we discuss this in private..." Yutaka said with a smirk, and headed towards the lift with Ran, the two of them tittering like a pair of little girls.

So, the two discussed... Shikigami things, while Dawitsu spent the rest of the night that he was meant to spending sleeping for tomorrow's day teaching children in the human village reading the various residents of Mayohiga's usually ridiculously bad fanfictions, however, the occasional well-written piece managed to keep Dawitsu awake and functional until the group left the house.

Sighing to himself, Dawitsu took one look at the ceiling of his dining room before collapsing on the table, falling asleep on the spot.

_The Dawitsu Mansion, six-thirty anti-meridian the next morning_

Yutaka turned over as she slept, and eventually hit a position that seemed just right, except as she got into the position, a ray of light that somehow got through her curtains hit her eye, irritating her in a way that woke her mind up. From that moment onwards, any position seemed futile, so she turned her alarm clock off before it could ring, and got herself out of bed before the temptation to sleep overcame her again.

After putting on her clothes, she took the lift downstairs to find the foyer notably absent of Ran, who, by rule of her hard-working tendencies, tended to be awake at this hour on weekdays.

Walking into the dining room, knowing that would be where Dawitsu would be, she jumped a little to see that Ran was in there, sitting by the side of Dawitsu, shaking Dawitsu gently.

"Get up, Master... ah, see, Yutaka's just gotten up... you are teaching at the human village, aren't you?" Ran asked the collapsed Mimicker, who merely grunted in response.

"Ran, how long have you been sat there?" Yutaka asked.

"I've been trying to wake him up for about twenty minutes..." Ran answered, "...I think he must have been up until midnight..."

Dawitsu mumbled, "I was up 'til _one in the morning_... I shouldn't have started this whole thing..."

Yutaka smiled, "Well, Boss, I'll prepare toast for you... any preferences on spread?"

"No... thank you, Yutaka..." Dawitsu said, his face still flat on the table.

Yutaka left the Dining Room, and Ran smiled, saying, "Is there anything you would like me to do, master?"

"...you can stop calling me Master, for a start... how many times have I said that?" Dawitsu replied, bringing his head up and opening his eyes.

"I'm sorry... boss." Ran tried referring to Dawitsu the same way Yutaka did, but it didn't seem to flow out of her mouth as well as when Yutaka said it.

"There's no need for you to act like Yutaka..." Dawitsu said, "Sorry, just call me whatever you want, Ran..."

Ran looked down towards the table for a moment, and decided to leave Dawitsu in peace, "Sorry I bothered you, Master..."

"You didn't bother me..." Dawitsu said, before standing up to leave the dining room, "It's nice having someone talking to you as you get up..."

"Is it?" Ran asked, somehow doubting that statement, "I would be scared, myself..."

"Even if it was a voice you trusted?" Dawitsu said, causing Ran to smile to herself.

"You... trust me?"

"Well, of course! You're my Shikigami! Why wouldn't I trust you?" Dawitsu grinned, and walked towards the kitchen, "Come on, Ran, there's toast with our names on it coming up..."

After breakfast, Yutaka and Dawitsu washed and brushed their teeth, and set off to their jobs as Teacher and Teaching Assistant respectively. Floating out the door, Dawitsu felt particularly attached to Ran today, and said, "Goodbye, Ran... I hope you have a good day..."

Ran bowed slightly at the doorway, and said, "I hope you do, too... goodbye, Master..."

Floating downwards until they landed at Hakurei Shrine, the Mimicker and Magician walked through the forest of Magic, reminding Dawitsu of a duty he had to carry out.

"Um... Yutaka, can we just take a quick detour? I might not be around for my job today..." Dawitsu said, and began to walk in the direction of Marisa's house.

"Oh, are you visiting Alice?" Yutaka asked.

"No, uh... I'm visiting that guy, you know, the French bloke..." Dawitsu said.

"Oh, the one Reimu crushes on?" Yutaka asked, "Ah... I see what you're trying to do... you want to teach him, don't you?"

"...Maybe..." Dawitsu said with a hint of denial.

Yutaka shrugged her shoulders, "...Well, okay, Boss, but I don't want you just trying to make yourself a human successor or anything... that idea you have of the 'Guild of Mimickers' is an absurd one..."

"No it isn't! By the way, he won't be a successor! As regrettably as it may be, I'll outlive the poor human!" Dawitsu pointed out.

"Oh, that's a little harsh..." Yutaka said, her mind drawn back to a human friend of hers that reminded her of her status as a youkai.

Once they reached Marisa's house, Yutaka knocked on the door, hoping Marisa would answer the door. Somewhat unexpectedly, a red-and-white Shrine Maiden opened the door, as opposed to the black-and-white witch.

"Hello? What are you doing here?" Yutaka asked Reimu, fearing Reimu had decided to intrude the house just to see Jean.

"What are you two doing here?" Reimu half-parroted.

Dawitsu said, "Uh... yeah, hi, I'm here to teach that Jean fellow the art of making spell-cards, I believe it was agreed with him yesterday..." 

"Wait, no, you're mistaken..." Reimu said, "Yesterday, Jean said he'd let me teach him, Marisa mentioned you'd tried that... well... THAT'S NOT HAPPENING! GOT IT?"

Reimu proceeded to slam the door in Yutaka and Dawitsu's face. Dawitsu folded his arms, and said wryly, "Well, I guess that's me out of one more job..."

Yutaka looked at Dawitsu's half-smile, and said, "Wait... you're upset about that, aren't you?"

"Um... no... I was only doing it because I thought I had time..." Dawitsu lied.

"Yet you decided to do it despite your new job? I know you, you were willing to take time out to teach him, weren't you?" Yutaka said, knowing her words to be true.

"No... anyway, let's go off to school, we might end up late, or something..." Dawitsu concluded despite them being early if anything, and the two went off to resume their duties as teacher and assistant.

_The Forest of Magic, Marisa's House, ten anti-meridian_

Reimu seemed to have let herself stay the night at Marisa's, somehow, and was now the only one in the house that was awake. Marisa was in her room, snoring quietly, while Jean was in the study, snoring loudly. Reimu, despite the quieter area being 'none of the above', decided to steal some food from the local thief and eat a breakfast of mushroom bread in the study.

Occasionally glancing at Jean as he slept, Reimu began to wonder went on in the man's head... the more and more she thought about it, the less and less logical it seemed that a man... of any sort, would be so willing to let a stranger stay the night as he was. And judging by how at home he seemed here, the feelings went both ways, as he seemed perfectly content staying with strangers.

"You're mad..." Reimu whispered despite knowing he probably wouldn't hear her, "...absolutely insane..." 

Reimu ate the last of her bread, and decided to get Jean up. Kneeling on the floor beside him, Reimu tapped Jean on the arm.

"Hey, Jean... it's nearly half ten, wake up..." Reimu gently said, "...I was thinking I could teach you how to make patterns with lasers today..."

Jean mumbled, "Non, je n'ai pas d'argent pour le... tour de l'horloge..."

"If only I understood you..." Reimu said, and slowly worked her hands down his arm, until she was holding his hand.

"Patricia? Ah, vous étes tout aussi vivante que jamais..." Jean said, quite clearly fast asleep.

"I... wish I knew what you were saying..." Reimu said, "Oh, Jean..."

Reimu looked at Jean's face, and decided that she could sneak a kiss in without waking the Frenchman up, and stopped holding his hand to bring her face close to Jean's. Puckering her lips, she closed in slowly for a 'romantic feeling', but before she made it, a voice shocked her into stillness.

"Hey there, Reimu. I'm not interrupting anything, am I?" Marisa asked, standing over the Shrine Maiden and sleeping man with a smirk.

Reimu was too embarrassed to even reply, let alone reply coherently. Marisa sniggered, and said, "Oh, no, no, go on, do whatever it was you were going to do... just pretend I'm not there... I won't judge you, Miss Lover-Lover..."

Reimu tried to formulate the greatest excuse known to man, but instead came up with the most transparent one known to man, "...um... I dropped some food on him, and I was just going to get it..."

"With your mouth? You're a strange girl, aren't you?" Marisa said somewhat hypocritically, "You're an odd-ball, I don't even see what's meant to be so hot about him..."

"It's more than that!" Reimu shouted, "You wouldn't understand, you never will! Hmph! Just go off and date Alice, or something!"

"And leave you two all alone?" Marisa parried, "How would I trust you?"

Jean began to wake up, and murmured, "Hello, Marisa... where is Rei..."

Jean would have continued, but instead opened his eyes to see Reimu, still at face level with him, and recoiled in fright, "AH! What were you doing?"

Reimu stood up, and said, "I was... uh... just picking up some food from you, that's all... right, Marisa?"

Marisa giggled, "Yeah, sure she did. Did I tell you about the flying pigs that live here?"

Jean said to himself, "Actually, pigs flying does not seem unusual here..."

Reimu smiled, "Yeah, that's 'cos I'm telling the truth!"

Jean knew Reimu was lying, but decided to just forgive her transgressions, "If you say so... so, what are we going to do today?"

Reimu answered, quick to change the subject, "Well, I'm gonna make you create a spell-card. You've already given me the name... Mime Sign: Reflective Wall. What kind of attacks do you want around it? I was thinking you could perhaps have a set of yin-yang orbs... uh, I mean Hakkeros set up like the points of a cube, and they have connecting lasers between them, all while rotating around you and firing outwards..."

"I can do that?" Jean didn't think he had what it took.

"Of course... I'll show you when you get ready!" Reimu said, and gave Jean some room so he could get up and do the things he needed to do.

Marisa smirked as Jean got up and walked upstairs, and said to Reimu, "Now don't go up there and peek as he does his morning wash..."

"How do you know that's what he does in the morning? Have _you _been peeking?" Reimu accusingly replied.

Marisa blushed, "Of course not, he's just told me, that's all."

"Oh yeah, I can see how that conversation went..." Reimu put on a French accent, "Ah, Miss Marisa, I am going to wash in the bathroom now, so be careful not to come in and disturb me..."

"Actually, it kind of did go like that!" Marisa said.

Once Jean washed and had breakfast, he asked Reimu to begin her training, and the three walked outside to give themselves the room necessary.

Jean picked up the piece of paper now known as his 'spell-card', boarded his broom, and flew upwards, throwing out two Hakkeros that floated by his side. Reimu caught up to his height, and said, "Hey, you'll need more Hakkeros than that!"

Marisa rolled her eyes, and got on her broom to fly up and deliver Jean the six extra Hakkeros required. Handing them to Jean one by one, she said, "What did I tell you? Always keep at least seven spare hakkeros in your pocket in case someone steals the two you have!"

"My pockets are not that big..." Jean pointed out.

"Well, my outfit has _no _pockets, I just keep them in my hat! So count yourself lucky!" Marisa scolded.

Reimu grinned to herself, "Marisa, you're younger than he is, why are you acting all motherly?"

"Well, I've been protecting him from Youkai and Immortal Humans, thank you very much! I have the right to be acting that way!" Marisa shouted.

"Hey, I've been there too!" Reimu yelled back.

Jean could sense this becoming a large argument, so decided to clear the air, "Marisa, I do not care if you think you are my mother! Reimu, stop trying to be better than Marisa, it does not make you look good..."

Both the Miko and the Witch shut up, and finally, Reimu decided to say, "Okay, throw those Hakkeros out to make a cube..." 

"But I only have two arms..." Jean said, "I cannot control my hakkeros without pointing a little at them..."

Reimu sighed, "Telekinesis doesn't quite work like that... sure, it's easier to imagine them moving if you're moving with them, but try and detach that idea from telekinesis... just imagine you can see the hakkeros in a cube arrangement... close your eyes if you have to..."

Jean threw all six of the hakkeros out at once, and then closed his eyes. He concentrated, thought of a cube, and, as if by magic (or, to be truthful, by magic), the hakkeros organised themselves around Jean in a cube-like manner. Of course, Jean's eyes were closed, so he could see this happening.

Reimu clapped, "Way to go, Jean! You did it!"

Jean continued to close his eyes, and tried to jump ahead in the tutorial, 'willing' his hakkeros to point at each other, which succeeded. However, he went one step too far and tried to activate them at the same time.

"Um... Jean? You're going to open your eyes, right?" Marisa asked, flying her broom further away from Jean in fear that something may blow up.

Jean began to strain, "Are... are the lasers shooting?"

"Um... no." Reimu clarified, "Look, you're doing great, I'll tell you an easier way to do the next part..."

"No! I want to try this for myself!" Jean snapped, somewhat determined to the point of impoliteness.

"But there's a far easier method..." Marisa added to Reimu's argument.

"Merde! What?" Jean shouted, opening his eyes and causing the hakkeros to begin orbiting him, yet stay in the cube arrangement.

"Uh... did you mean for that to happen?" Reimu asked Jean.

"No! Anyway, what is this easier method?" Jean asked.

Reimu tilted her head, shrugging her shoulders, "Well, it's sort of cheating, but basically, you make it so that one of them is a template for how they move, and how they fire, and then will the others to just be the same as that one, but with a different starting point... it's easier than concentrating on all eight individually..."

"You have a point... so... er..." Jean focused on one hakkero, and began to chant his 'Laser B, Laser B' chant until the laser started up, not in just the one he was focusing on, but every one, forming a large, rotating cube of lasers around him.

"Wow, that's it! Magic really is in your soul!" Marisa encouraged.

"Hm... so, what spell will make the hakkeros fire both stars and the lasers?" Jean asked Marisa.

Marisa said, "Okay, do the Laser B spell, then put this rhyme afterwards... I presume you want the hakkero to fire it in the opposite direction to the lasers, right?"

"How did you know?" Jean was impressed at her figuring that much out.

"Because it would look way cooler that way, and you're a pretty cool guy!" Marisa smiled, and continued, "Okay, say this: Cosmos, Cosmos, grant to me, a star to fire at the enemy!"

"Okay..." Jean began to rapidly recite 'Laser B' almost instantly, and within thirty repititions, he'd got the hang of working in the star creation spell, and the hakkeros orbited the Frenchman as they fired bullets in a spread, semi-organised manner.

Both Marisa and Reimu quite easily dodged the attack, but still were quite admiring of how well he had done.

Reimu said, "Alright, so, how long do you reckon you can keep that attack up?"

Jean replied, breathing from his rapid recital, "Approximately a minute?"

"Okay, remember that. Now, give me a number between a million and twenty million..." Reimu commanded.

"Four million?" Jean gave unsurely.

"Okay, good." Reimu smiled, "Right, stop shooting. So, your spell-card is Mime Sign: Reflective Wall, it has sixty seconds before it times out, and if the player beats you without using a bomb, they get four million points... minus the time they took to beat you..."

Marisa suddenly was puzzled, "Wait, you get points deducted for not blowing people up quickly enough?"

"I thought everyone in Gensokyo knew that once I declared the rules..." Reimu said, cocking her head sideways.

"I guess everyone must have just picked up on the basics only..." Marisa replied, "I mean, it's only me and you who seem to volunteer to be the player nowadays..."

Jean said, "So, should I write down these details on the spell-card?"

"Sure... let's go inside and take a break. I'm sure I'm not the only one who wants a drink..." Reimu said, beginning to float downwards despite Marisa's lack of confirmation.

_Eientei, three post-meridian_

Reisen Udongein Inaba practically smashed her way into Kaguya's room, shouting, "Okay, Kaguya, time for you to do your exercise thing!"

Kaguya hugged her pillow, "NO! It's only five in the morning!"

"It's three in the afternoon..." Reisen said in a tone more deadpan than a skillet that had been used as a bullet-proof vest.

"Oh... well, I know you're just gonna keep bugging me until I go, so fine! I'll go running!" Kaguya whined, "Why are you and Eirin so mean?"

"Come on... I'll run with you, if you like..." Reisen offered.

"No, you'll just make me look slow..." Kaguya admitted, and climbed out of her bed, stretching her arms, "So... how will I run in the clothes I've got? They're not fit for running..."

Reisen rushed out of the room, and returned with a tiny dress that no doubt one of rabbit youkai infesting the manor wore. "...this is nice and small, leaves your legs free..."

"But... that's too tight... that won't fit on me..." Kaguya complained.

Reisen decided that she wasn't going to allow Kaguya to mess her around by stalling her exercise, and looked into Kaguya's eyes, and slowly influenced her mind to her way of thinking.

Kaguya was entranced by Reisen's now glowing red eyes, and began to drool, saying, "I... want to wear the rabbit dress..."

Reisen smiled calmly, "Good, now put it on and have a good time running..."

And so, as if driven by an invisible puppet master, Kaguya mindlessly changed into the incredibly small dress, and skipped through the manor until she was outside the front door. It was about that time she snapped out of her trance, and asked, "Wait... what am I doing out here?"

She then decided it was too late to turn back, and decided to fly out to the forest of magic to do her run...

_The Forest of Magic, shortly afterwards_

Kaguya landed next to a relatively nondescript tree, and sighed to herself, "I can't believe I'm wearing this..."

Running in a feminine, unenthusiastic manner, Kaguya started, kept it up for about twenty seconds, and then stopped, gasping for air. Kaguya growled slightly, remembering that Reisen did, to most effects, call her fat, and shouted, "ARGH! I'll... prove... you... wrong!"

Kaguya, this time filled with determination, burst into the closest thing to a sprint the girly girl could manage, and kept it up for far longer, slowing down into a paced jog, weaving in between trees, smiling as she felt the air rush past her.

She got so lost in the rhythm that she didn't notice a person standing in front of her, and ran head-on into possibly the worst person she could have ran into.

Mokou fell to the floor, as did Kaguya, and the former noticed who it was instantly, and screamed, "KAGUYA! SO, YOU SHOW YOUR FACE!"

Kaguya, for once genuinely not interested in fighting her, said, "Look, Mokou, that was an accident, I'm sorry... can we just move along and not fight?"

"TELL THAT TO MY FATHER!" Mokou yelled.

"He was an ugly, pompous rich guy!" Kaguya spitefully replied.

"YOU USED YOUR LOOKS TO KILL HIM!" Mokou screamed, and examined the clothes Kaguya was wearing, "Oh, and it seems you've reached a new low... nothing says 'slut' more than children's clothes that give away all your legs and almost all your clea..."

"I NEED THESE CLOTHES FOR RUNNING!" Kaguya yelled.

"Oh, and I need to eat... oh, wait, I don't, because thanks to you, I'M IMMORTAL!" Mokou bitterly blamed Kaguya.

"You searched for that elixir yourself, it's your fault..." Kaguya was intending to finish her sentence, but Mokou blasted a phoenix of fire-bullets before she could.

"DIE!" Mokou screamed.

Kaguya sighed, "That's a totally futile request, but whatever..."

"FUTILE REQUEST? YOU MEAN LIKE YOURS?" Mokou parried in shout, spraying countless fireballs in Kaguya's general direction.

Kaguya dodged effortlessly, watching as several trees behind her caught alight, "Oh, look what you've done now!"

"You mean what _you _caused!" Mokou seemed to blame anything adverse on the Lunarian, and this was no exception.

Kaguya smirked, "Well, fine. If it's a fight you're after, I won't disappoint..."

_Keine's Village School, ten past three_

Dawitsu and Yutaka watched as the children they had worked hard on teaching the basics of the Pop-art cultural movement of the outside world left the classroom, all gleefully forsaking their learning in favour of good old fashioned relaxation.

The last child to exit said, "Goodbye, Miss Hadekawa! Kyousuke says he thinks you're really pretty, but he's too scared to say it to your face..."

Dawitsu smiled, "Can't blame a guy for thinking that..."

"Ignore what Mr Dawitsu just said... tell Kyousuke I'm flattered, but I'm so old that if I were a human, I'd either be dead or really, really ugly..." Yutaka smiled slightly, rubbing the back of her hair.

Dawitsu's face turned pale, "Please don't make me think about what it would be like if you were dead..."

The child shook his head, "You two are crazy... I like you both. See you tomorrow!"

"See you!" the two teachers said, before the kid left the room.

Shortly after, they exited the room themselves, and locked the door on the way out. Yutaka walked out of the school, and said, "Hmm... that's strange, I can smell burning..." 

Dawitsu stopped, sniffed, and nodded, "Yeah, you're right, there's certainly something going on... I'll just float up and see what's going on..."

Once he floated to a level where he could see above the buildings of the human village, he could see, clear as day, a massive, acrid orange blaze that seemed to have imposed itself on top of the Forest of Magic. Dawitsu gulped, and gestured to Yutaka to float up to where he was.

Yutaka, shocked by the sight, grabbed Dawitsu lightly, and muttered, "Wh-what are we going to do?"

"Okay, Yutaka, you catch up to me, I'm going to fly straight to Marisa and Alice's houses, and get them to safety. You make your way to the forest as fast as you can and put it out..." Dawitsu instructed.

Yutaka nodded once, and let Dawitsu go as he imitated a certain telekinetic hedgehog, rushing through the air, straight to the point of danger...

_As the forest blazed, Reimu, Marisa, and Jean only came to noticing it once the fire had spread right to outside Marisa's house, and, out of Marisa's own greed, instead of escaping, the three were trying to fight the fire to stop it getting to any of Marisa's possessions. Meanwhile, Alice was performing the same proud ritual of refusing to leave her house, however, this was due to the fact that her house had been refurbished by some of her only friends, and she felt she would have betrayed them if she had not attempted to protect it..._

_The fire's extinguishing was only a matter of time... it's consequences were the concern, not whether it would stop or not..._

Author's Notes: Okay, that's it, I can't not give Metroid Life the credit he deserves... I asked Mr Metroid Life for advice on how I should tie up the loose ends... and... well...

He inspired me to do this... he didn't actually suggest this, but he did suggest a fight between Mokou and Kaguya... and other stuff. Thank you, Mr Life!

Also, reader survey: When this book comes to a halt, I have a good idea what I'm gonna do... it's just whether you guys want it or not...

Do you guys like the idea of releasing two 'sister books', which, like the Grimoire of Dawitsu, exist in-universe, called 'Dawitsu and Yukari's Adventure of Love' and 'Defrosting the Ice-queen'... I'm pretty sure you know what they are...

Yep, I was thinking of fully writing up Tokage and Hebiko's books, Tokage's as a parody, Hebiko's as an exploration of the mind and writing style of a slightly talented first-time writer...

So yeah, tell me what you think, whether that would be a good idea or not...


	15. 15: Preservative of life, Poison of fire

Touhou Doujin: Jean's Magical Education

**Chapter 15: Water, preservative of life, poison of fire**

_The Forest of Magic, Marisa's house, shortly before the events of last chapter_

Jean, Reimu, and Marisa were sitting in the latter's study, notably window-free, and were drinking tea and making light-hearted conversation as they waited for their afternoon snack of Octopus Takoyaki to cook.

It took Jean asking, "Marisa... have you checked the food, because it smells like something is burning..." to trigger Marisa to become suspicious of their circumstances.

"No, it can't be burning, I only put them in a minute ago..." Marisa said, sniffing the air, "Although... something seems to be burning..."

Reimu stopped to smell the air and agreed, "I hope that someone hasn't set a bonfire..."

Marisa decided to get up from her chair and go outside to check the immediate area for smoke... however, upon opening the door, she noticed almost any area which had trees in it was now part of a woody orange wildfire, and that the massive blaze was crawling closer to her house via the grass leading towards it.

Marisa stayed silent for about a second, before she began to panic, "Jean... Reimu... come here..."

Reimu sighed and got up to see what was wrong, as did Jean, and similarly stood in awe at the somewhat spectacular behemoth of destruction that surrounded the house.

Finally, Reimu said, "Okay, we've got to get out of here! Marisa, I don't care if you end up staying with me all your life, you can stay with me in my Shrine... Jean, you've got to get out of here!"

Marisa contemplated the idea for a moment, before shaking her head, "No... I can't just... leave all these books here to burn. You may think I just steal books, but I do intend to return every book I borrow once I die... intact..."

Jean did the logical thing and slapped Marisa across the face, "MARISA! There is a fire approaching us! What else can we do?"

Marisa rubbed her cheek and said, "Well, in case you didn't know, I'm a magician, I'm pretty sure there's a water spell somewhere in my study..."

Reimu screamed, "There's no time! If you go back in the library, then I'll have no choice but to leave you and take Jean with me!"

Jean took offence to his fate being decided for him, "No, Reimu... I do not like it, but if Marisa wants to fight the fire, I shall stay with her and I shall help..."

Marisa smiled, and said, "Okay, Jean, help me find the elemental magic book!"

Jean nodded, and the two rushed into the study to try and find the necessary book. Reimu looked towards the fire, and back towards the study, wondering whether she should help the two fight the fire or simply value her own safety... however, the choice was somewhat obvious. There was no way she was going to abandon Jean or Marisa in their hour of need, as illogical as it was that they decided to fight the fire rather than flee it.

Jean and Marisa were sieving through the disorganised pile of books that made up the majority of the far corner of Marisa's study. Jean thought of the fire, and stammered, "M-M-Marisa, you do know where this book is, don't you?"

Marisa was too busy throwing books to the side, and remained silent while Jean continued on his pile of books. Eventually, the sound of Reimu's voice broke the silence, saying, "Looking for this?"

Marisa and Jean turned to see that Reimu had found the book on elemental magic, and was waving it in a relaxed manner not indicative of the impending doom the house was potentially in.

"That's the one! Thanks, Reimu!" Marisa shouted, rushing to Reimu and swiping the book off of her, "What happened to just running away? I could have got on without your help, you know..."

Reimu smirked, "You were searching the wrong piles..."

Jean got up and joined the conversation, "I am just saying a reminder, but there is a forest fire outside our house..."

Marisa acknowledged Jean's point, and took the book outside. She then turned the pages to a section that was titled 'Rain Dance: Create localised Rain-storms for the purposes of Gardening, Extinguishing, and Vanquishing of Wicked Witches of the West'. Marisa read the pages almost as quickly as she could recite spells she was familiar with, and reddened, partly due to the heat, and partly because of what she had to do.

Jean and Reimu ran outside, and Jean asked, "What do you have to do?"

Marisa turned to face Jean, and smirked, "Uh... you can't look. Just... don't watch me. I... I'm not gonna stick my butt out or anything..."

Reimu and Jean, despite knowing that not looking at Marisa was most likely not necessary, did as the Witch asked just in case it was necessary. Marisa began to tap her feet, getting herself into a hyperactive tempo. Shortly after, she began to shake her hips, and bent over slightly while holding her arms in the air, pumping her left arm and right arm periodically. She occasionally span her arms to make them point in a specific direction, side-stepping with that direction, before stepping back to her centre position and resuming the normal steps. After about four repetitions of this, she jumped right, landing on her right foot, using that foot to spring her back and land on her left foot, which promptly sprang her right again to land on her right foot, causing her to look like she was dancing on a hot plate. Landing on both feet after a repetition of that process, she pointed her arms left, then right, then left again, followed by her raising her arms and kicking her legs out in a Can-Can like manner, turning around as she did so, and once she rotated three hundred and sixty degrees, she reverted back to the 'standard' routine of shaking her behind, before pulling a one final, quick spin that followed up with a Disco-style Saturday Night Fever pose... gasping after the dance, Marisa was relieved to hear the sound of thunder clouds forming above her head.

Jean and Reimu, who, whenever Marisa wasn't turning around in dance, had sneaked a look whenever possible, were simultaneously relieved and humoured by the ridiculous folly of Marisa's rain-dance.

"Wow, Marisa, considering you weren't going to stick your butt out, you sure have a nice one!" Reimu jeered, laughing crudely before thinking better of it, as the rain began to fall and extinguish the immediate area.

The book which contained the steps for the rain-dance was lying open in front of Marisa, and was getting soaked by the precipitation it had just help summon. Marisa picked it up, saying, "Heh, I guess that's the trouble with a rain-dance book... it's only good once..."

Jean remained silent, simply glad the rain-dance worked. He walked up to Marisa, and said, "Thank you, Marisa...", hugging the teenage witch in a manner that only friends would hug, although Marisa was clearly thinking it was more than that.

Reimu observed the odd scene, and charged towards the two, shouting, "Hey! Hey! In case you didn't know, there's more fires to put out! Stop this stupid hugging business and let's save the rest of the forest!"

Marisa smirked, holding Jean as if he was a precious item rather than a person, "Oh, jealous, much?"

Jean instantly picked up on Marisa's tone, and released her, "What do you mean by that, Marisa?"

Reimu smirked and parroted, "Yeah, what do you mean by that, Marisa?"

Marisa sweat-dropped, "Um... well, I know how much you'd _love _to be hugged by Jean, but because I'm just his buddy, he can trust me, so even though I'm not crazy about him, you're still jealous..."

Jean sighed. Reimu was clearly on the receiving end here, and he wanted to prove Marisa wrong in a way that wouldn't involve him getting into an argument with his friend and mentor. The answer hit him like a pair of lead bricks carved from a neutron star, and caused him to hesitate pulling it off until he figured that it was nice to give people what they wanted every now and then...

Jean smirked at Marisa, "Oh? I do not trust Reimu enough, do I not? Well, what is this I am doing?"

Jean turned to Reimu, and opened his arms as Reimu approached him, her eyes alight with the prospect of being embraced by a man. Once the hug initiated, Reimu tried her very best to resist sighing in a content, loved-up manner, but did so anyway. Jean felt about as awkward as any twenty-three year old man hugging a sixteen years old girl who had the hots for you would feel, but the expression of pure disdain on Marisa's face more than made up for that.

Marisa began to stutter, "But... what... why... how... that's... no... what... Jean, you slut! You're just using your manly charms to play with us, aren't you?"

Reimu rubbed Jean's back, purring like a cat with an infinite supply of cream and dead mice. Jean was holding onto Reimu a lot less firmly, and was trying to hint to the lovestruck shrine maiden that now was the time to let go.

Over Reimu's head, Jean mouthed to Marisa, "I admit, this was probably a bad idea, but taunting Reimu was not a good or kind thing to do..."

Marisa folded her arms and looked away from the Frenchman, "It's too late, the damage is done... man-slut!"

The rain-clouds seemed to emit a bolt of lightening as Marisa unleashed her insult, the thunder clap coming shortly after she had said it. Reimu swooned, "Oh, Jean, this feels like heaven... I love you..."

"...er, Reimu... er... I was only showing that I trust you... if it is okay, please can you not violate that trust and let me go now?" Jean asked in as tactful a tone as he could.

Reimu seemed lost in her own world, like a child that got worriedly, yet happily lost within a play centre. She simply mused, "Don't let me go..."

Marisa rolled her eyes, "Jeez, you're stupid, Reimu..."

Jean let Reimu go, despite Reimu's obvious lack of a will to do so herself, "Okay, Reimu, let's go inside, we are getting... wet, is it? Yes, we are getting wet in the rain..."

Reimu was actually appreciating the 'romantic feel' of the rain falling as the two hugged it out, but her brain finally engaged enough for her to notice he wanted out of this.

She let go, and said, "Sorry... Jean... you don't think I'm insane, do you?"

"Yes, and that does not concern me..." Jean thought up his next response, both content-wise and translation-wise, "...you may be insane, but I still see you as a friend. But... only that... do you understand? And as for you..." Jean turned to Marisa, "You act as if you are not interested in me, but you are, I can see that by the way you act when I am kind to Reimu..."

Marisa blushed, "N-not true! You're just arrogant, assuming you're God's Gift! Why would I see someone like you as attractive? You were the one staring at me while I danced!"

"Reimu did that also..." Jean pointed out.

"Well, that's 'cos I'm so hot that even the women can't help but sneak a peek. I should know, with that crazy doll-making... oh no..." Marisa suddenly remembered her neighbour, and began to fear that she was hurt...

_The Forest of Magic, Alice Margatroid's house, during the former events_

Alice was working on a doll that looked similar to Byakuren Hijiri when an odd feeling of dread kicked in despite, as far as she was aware, there was no impending doom on the way.

"That's odd... there seems to be a smell of burning... perhaps an animal youkai is trying to cook a human for once..." Alice mused to herself, continuing her work regardless.

Alice hummed to herself, ignoring the smell that continued to become stronger and stronger, until eventually she got up to investigate. Upon looking out of her window, she saw the same massive blaze that any Youkai without a house would have seen ages ago, and promptly fled from.

Gulping to herself, Alice grabbed all of her dolls, and proceeded to try and make a getaway, however, something seemed to grab her and stop her escape in its tracks.

"Hold on... no, Yutaka and Dawitsu put so much effort into this house... I can't... just leave it to burn!" Alice soliloquised, "I have to... I have to protect the house..."

Grabbing a basin and rushing to the kitchen to fill the aforementioned basin with water, she was surprised to find that the water supply was still very much plentiful. Heaving the basin slowly and noisily outside, she looked for the areas where the fire was most likely to go towards her house. Upon throwing the water on a patch of grass that seemed to be catching fire particularly quickly, she ran back into her house to repeat the procedure on another burning area close to her home. After a few runs of this, she began to gasp with exhaustion, and cried to herself, "No... I... can't do this... I... can't..."

Alice fell to her knees, seemingly more in despair over her futility than her potential loss, and wept as the fire inevitably consumed the areas she had just doused in water again. Just as she was about to walk back inside and get her doll collection to run away with, a familiar face descended from the sky in a rapid, clunky, and altogether unsubtle way. Landing heavily enough to cause the land around him to raise slightly, Dawitsu said, "Ow! That's why I wish I had long fall boots..."

Alice stepped back in shock, "Dawitsu? Wh-wh-what are you doing here?"

"Isn't it obvious? I saw the fire, and I've come to help!" Dawitsu explained, "I can't just leave you to die! Yutaka's working on extinguishing the whole forest, but for now, I'm gonna help protect this house with you..."

Alice looked down, "...thank you... but there's got to be more important people to help at the moment, isn't there?"

"Well, I intend to help Rinnosuke too, but you come first..." Dawitsu admitted to some obvious favouritism, "Now, stand back, I'm going to freeze this entire area..."

Alice nodded, and floated upwards while Dawitsu stayed on the floor. Walking towards Alice's house so it was at the nucleus of the freezing, Dawitsu stopped, focused, and yelled, "Copycat Sign: PK Freeze Omega!"

Almost instantly, the house and it's immediate area became surrounded by a cold wind, one reminiscent of the winter winds that Gensokyo had experienced in January. The air was so frigid and motile that the area stopped burning entirely, but Dawitsu knew that if he were to let it stop, it'd just catch fire again.

Dawitsu called up to Alice, "Hey! Can you do me... a massive favour?"

Alice called back from safety, "What is it?"

"Can you please go to Kourindou and get Rinnosuke to safety... I don't know how long Yutaka's gonna be, but in case it's not long enough to save Kourindou, the very least we can do is save the owner..." Dawitsu shouted, half talking, half concentrating on the storm he was creating.

Alice looked downwards, thinking to herself... she had made an attempt on the man's life before, the last thing Rinnosuke would do would be trusting her with his life, "But... I can't do that, he hates me..."

Dawitsu scowled, although with the distances involved Alice wouldn't have known that, "Look, there's no time for that! I'll keep this place safe, you find him! He won't hate you if you end up saving him, will he?"

"Okay..." Alice forfeited, and flew over the burning forest towards Kourindou.

After finding the correct area, Alice descended, and noticed, to her horror, that the place was already ablaze, and that there was no sign of Rinnosuke waiting outside. Almost choking on her own fear, Alice knew that if she were to help the man, she'd have to go inside the burning building. Quivering slightly, Alice finally decided that she'd need to fly in the face of fear if she were to be helpful during this disaster.

Running at the door, she broke her way into the antique shop, and covered her mouth with her hands so as not to breath in smoke. Walking around the flames that seemed to selectively dot the floors, Alice looked over the counter to find Rinnosuke's unconscious body, lying on the floor and coughing.

"Oh no!" Alice instinctively shouted, "No... no... what do I do? Rinnosuke, can you hear me?"

The man remained silent, apart from the occasional cough. Alice threw out a set of dolls, and manipulated them so that they'd pick up Rinnosuke's body, and they even floated upwards so as to carry him over the counter. Rushing for the exit, Alice pulled on the strings connecting her to the dolls, and brought Rinnosuke to her, deciding to grab the man herself to save time and effort manipulating the dolls to do the same.

Staggering as fast as she could, Alice finally got out of the building, holding a semi-conscious man and a horde of dolls. Once she stopped coughing, she finally said, "Thank goodness I bought the deep fat fryer from you before this happened..."

Rinnosuke failed to answer, so Alice simply decided to fly upwards with his body, deciding to meet with Dawitsu and place Rinnosuke in a safe area...

_The Forest of Magic, close to the Human Village, during these events_

Yutaka stared at the burning tree in front of her, and although she could smother the flames by creating Carbon Dioxide around the trees, the trees always performed the suicidal task of photosynthesising, creating more oxygen for the flames to feed on.

Upon changing her tack to Argon, she came across a far more general problem... as soon as she stopped changing the air around the tree into Argon, it instantly caught fire again, meaning Yutaka would have to deal with the whole Forest simultaneously to sort out the fire once and for all. However, such a task would involve temporary removal of the air supply of anything living in the forest...

"Oh... what do I do?" Yutaka lamented her situation, "...what can I do?"

Yutaka decided to float into the air so she could get to where her boss was and tell her that she was unable to help, however inspiration struck her... among the acrid black smoke that filled the air, Yutaka spotted what looked like a rain-cloud that seemed to appear from nowhere... a cumulonimbus, as well...

"That's it! That's it!" Yutaka had a personal 'eureka' moment, and flew towards the smoke billowing from the forest.

Yutaka focused on the smoke, and turned it from a deep black Carbon-based haze into a light grey water-based haze, and distributed the clouds outwards from the area, eventually creating enough to cover the entire forest. Yutaka smiled, "Now... CONDENSE!"

Lifting her arms in a dramatic way for her first true time, Yutaka giggled with relief and pride as the clouds began to release a torrential level of rain, doing a lot more than just extinguish the fire, but out and out drench the area. Satisfied with the result, Yutaka flew towards Alice Margatroid's house, and upon getting there, was surprised to see a soaking, freezing cold, shivering rendition of her boss, standing outside of Alice's house in a quivering version of a protective pose.

"...Boss? Are you okay?" Yutaka asked.

Dawitsu chattered his teeth, "Oh yeah, I'm f-f-f-f-f-fine... don't worry about me... it's j-j-j-j-just I've b-b-been protecting this h-h-house with an ice b-b-b-based attack, and then you went and d-d-d-dumped all this w-w-water on m-m-me..."

Yutaka couldn't help but feel pity for the mimicker as he stood shivering in the pouring rain. "Oh, Boss, you're soaking... I'm sorry..."

"N-n-no... you s-s-s-saved the f-f-f-forest..." Dawitsu said, and turned around to open Alice's door, "I'm g-g-g-going to take sh-shelter in Alice's house, even if she isn't h-here..."

"Oh? She isn't here?" Yutaka asked, "Where is she?"

"I s-s-sent her to r-rescue R-R-R-Rinnosuke..." Dawitsu answered, and walked inside Alice's house.

Yutaka walked towards the house, and said, "Ah. I think I'll join you in there..."

Dawitsu rushed to Alice's kitchen, hoping there'd be a towel there, however, he failed to find one, and Yutaka soon joined him, "What's wrong, Boss?"

"Just looking for something to dry myself with..." Dawitsu replied.

Yutaka took off her cloak, "Here, use this..."

"I... can't do that..." Dawitsu replied, although tempted to take up the offer, "Thanks, though..."

After a more thorough search, Yutaka managed to find a tea-towel, and handed it to Dawitsu, who took it and almost saturated it with water from merely drying his hair.

Dawitsu then stopped to stare at his Shikigami, who, now that he was dry, looked soaked from head to toe. "I'm sorry, Yutaka, I took the towel without letting you use it first..."

Yutaka smiled warmly despite her cold temperature, "It's okay. Besides, I can just extract the water from this towel..."

"Your powers are awesome... I think I may well know the best magician on the Earth..." Dawitsu remarked.

"...uh, I was just talking about wringing it over the sink..." Yutaka corrected.

"Oh. Well, still, it was your powers that caused this downpour, so yes, your powers are awesome. You're the only girl I'd never dream of mimicking..." Dawitsu said, and decided to wring out the towel himself, "...well, you, Flandre, Alice, and Yukari, at least."

Yutaka smirked, "Oh, you do know how to make a girl feel special, don't you..."

The sound of the door opening could be heard, and Alice stepped into the kitchen holding a drenched Rinnosuke, who she immediately placed on the floor. Gasping with exhaustion, she took ten seconds to notice that there were two intruders in her house, albeit, two friendly intruders.

Upon realising the two were in her kitchen, she stopped, thought, and decided not to panic, "Hello there... sorry I took so long..."

"It's okay... is Rinnosuke alright?" Dawitsu asked.

"He's been breathing and coughing all the way here, so I think he's alive..." Alice answered.

Dawitsu put the tea-towel down and walked up to the unconscious man, and knelt beside him, and put his ear to his chest, "Hm... a little chesty and wheezy, but he'll live."

Yutaka took the tea-towel from the worktop Dawitsu placed it on and began to dry her hair, "I apologise for the massive storm, but I figured that would be the best way to put out the fire. I hope you're not too wet..."

Alice looked at Dawitsu, "Thanks for taking care of the house while I was gone... I wish I could repay you somehow..."

Dawitsu shook his head, "That's what friends are for..."

Alice suddenly left the room, as if she'd suddenly remembered something, and came back with a pair of dolls, "Here you are... here's something for your troubles..."

Alice held out a small, plastic-faced replica of Dawitsu, causing the real Dawitsu to recoil in fear a little before taking the 'action figure', "Really? You made this? When did you do this? It looks... devilishly handsome, if you don't mind me saying..."

Alice smiled at Dawitsu's vanity, and walked up to Yutaka, and gave her an effigy of herself also, "You saw this when it was partly complete, didn't you? Well, here it is, finished. It looks a lot better now, doesn't it?"

Yutaka took the doll of herself, staring at it in a combination of fright and adoration. It was hard not to notice that the thing's uncanny resemblance to Yutaka minus the life was a tad unsettling.

"It's much better now, thank you Alice..." Yutaka graciously accepted the creepy gift.

Alice smiled to herself, and said, "It doesn't move on it's own, but if you want them to, I'll need them back for a few days, then you can have them back..."

Both Dawitsu and Yutaka swiftly forsook that idea quicker than a cheetah, and simultaneously said, "No thanks..."

Alice scratched her head, "It's okay, it's not like it's any trouble or anything..."

However, seemingly just to save the pair from having to kindly explain their refusals, Rinnosuke spluttered a little before asking, "Where am I..."

Alice quickly took to rushing out of the room, hiding behind the kitchen door in fear, while Dawitsu and Yutaka rolled their eyes as they would inevitably have to tell Rinnosuke that he was in Alice's house.

Dawitsu turned to Rinnosuke and kneeled, "You're in Alice's house. Don't worry, she isn't gonna kill you this time..."

Rinnosuke mumbled, "Oh... is that you, Youkai Guy? How's things? You spoke with Sakuya recently?"

"Um... probably not as recently as you... why?" Dawitsu asked.

"Oh... just want to let her know I'm okay, that's all..." Rinnosuke replied, "So, what happened?"

"Well, you'll have to ask Alice that... she was the one who saved you..." Dawitsu explained.

"She... saved me?" Rinnosuke drearily asked, "Where... where is she?"

Yutaka chuckled, "She's cowering behind the door... she's afraid you still hate her..."

Rinnosuke sighed, "Well, I can't say I haven't forgotten what she did... and what it did to you... seeing all that blood... I can only imagine what it would have done to me..."

"...hey, I got better, didn't I?" Dawitsu interjected, amazed that he was actually joking about his near-death experience, "...come on, she's sorry for what she did, she's making it better by doing this, isn't she?"

Alice poked her head from outside the kitchen, "It's okay, you don't have to forgive me... I'd understand..."

Rinnosuke stood up, causing Dawitsu and Yutaka to step away from him. He turned to the tiny amount of Alice's face that he could see, and said, "Thanks for saving me. But... oh, all my stuff... my shop has probably burned down, right?"

Alice opened the kitchen door, and in a quiet voice said, "...sorry, but that's true..."

Dawitsu put his hand on Rinnosuke's shoulder, "Don't worry, Kourin! I've got a ton of stuff at my house I could give for you to sell..."

"And I could help repair your house..." Yutaka added, "And possibly some of the merchandise within it..."

Rinnosuke smiled turning to Dawitsu, "Just what are you up to?"

"What do you mean?"

"Well, what business would you have in trying to help me? It just doesn't seem right that you should help me with no incentive..." Rinnosuke showed his logic on the whole situation.

"...Uh... I don't know. Maybe I just like helping people." Dawitsu truthfully said, but decided to throw in a joke to lighten the mood, "Plus, the more I'm in your good books, the less you'll suspect me of trying to take Sakuya from you..."

Rinnosuke almost took the joke seriously, before thinking over that there was no way he'd openly admit that sort of thing, "...oh, I see. Well, I guess I should get home..."

Alice shook her head, "I've stayed in a burnt house on my own before... it's not pleasant. You can... uh... you can... stay here, if you want..."

Rinnosuke widened his eyes, "You too? Wow, I'm lucky you three Youkai found me before the man-eating ones did... you're too kind..."

_Eientei, five post meridian_

Kaguya Houraisan had fought with Mokou throughout the fire, and in the end managed to kill her until she gave up, but not without getting both third-degree burns and royally soaked from head to toe by the rain that from her perspective seemed to have conveniently come from nowhere.

Opening the door to her mansion, she staggered through the hallways until she got to her room, and lay on her back, saying to herself, "This isn't fair... I didn't even want to kill her that time..."

Reisen had noticed the Princess' arrival, and seemed to phase into Kaguya's room. "Hello, mistress. How was your run?"

"I don't want to talk about it..."

"Hm... did you hear? There was a massive fire in the forest! You didn't go running there, did you?" Reisen asked.

"Uh... no..." Kaguya instantly set herself to denial mode, hoping Reisen wouldn't notice.

Of course, Reisen _did _notice, "Oh no... was the fire caused by Mokou?"

Kaguya thought if she were to protect Mokou to protect herself, Reisen would pick up on how out-of-character it was and suspect her more, "Probably. It wasn't anything to do with me though, I didn't fight her today. But you know Mokou, she's a crazy arsonist..."

"...yes, that's true, but she'd have nothing to gain from setting fir to the forest unless she thought she could kill you. Are you sure you weren't in the forest?" Reisen insistently asked.

"...I told you, no, I wasn't. Maybe it wasn't even Mokou, perhaps it was just a forest fire..." Kaguya replied, suddenly realising this counted as protecting Mokou.

Reisen smirked, "Wow, perhaps you two are making up... you'd never infer Mokou's innocence... okay, I'll believe you, mistress, I'll leave you to change into your normal clothes now..."

Kaguya watched as Reisen left, and sighed as she looked downwards at the horribly revealing clothes she was wearing. Once she changed, she gasped in relief at being able to breath normally again, as her chest now lacked the constrictive clothes of a rabbit youkai half her height...

_The sun set fairly early on this spring day, setting at a strange time of six post meridian, leaving a strange yellow haze as it did so... clearly Yutaka hadn't used all of the smoke to make her clouds._

_Alice knew that this event was a certain winner for the tengu when she got a chance to report it to them, but she'd now saddled herself with the responsibility of letting Rinnosuke live here... at the very least, he was able to take care of himself, so it wouldn't be out of the question to leave him as she did the reporting... the question was whether or not she trusted him enough to leave her house at the mercy of her attempted murder victim._

_Dawitsu and Yutaka left Alice's house around the same time the sun set, and admired the sunset through the now considerably reduced canopy, but couldn't help but feel that for all the forest was saved, that it wouldn't ever be quite the same again..._

Author's Notes: Hey there! I forgot to tell you in the last author's notes that I finished an awesome 'Tokage versus Hebiko' picture on my DA, so if you haven't already seen it... see it!

Also, I've finished an awesome Danmakufu project in which there is a stage, mid-boss and extra boss, all regarding Dawitsu (Yutaka's the mid-boss, squee squee), so if you have Danmakufu v0.12m then check that out via the download link of my DA's latest journal entry...

Sorry, this is blatant self-promotion, but I figured if you're a fan of this series, it's stuff ya should know, know what I'm saying?


	16. 16: Media, the father of the lie

Touhou Doujin: Jean's Magical Education

**Chapter 16: Media, the father of the lie**

_The Forest of Magic, Alice's House, seven post-meridian_

Alice was sitting in her armchair, sewing together the open area along the back of her Byakuren Doll in complete silence. Rinnosuke was sitting in a chair at the opposite side, looking down for lack of words, then occasionally looking up towards Alice, before the down-force of awkwardness forced his head back down.

After about five runs of this, Rinnosuke finally asked, "Is there any food?"

Alice stopped sewing for a moment, and quietly said, "There's some vegetables in the cupboard. The deep fat fryer you sold me a while back could be used to make them tastier if you want... would you like me to cook them for you?"

Rinnosuke shook his head, somewhat unsettled by Alice's over-compensating generosity, "It's alright. I'll make it myself. You get on with what you have to..."

"It's no trouble..." Alice insisted.

"...no, I'd rather make it myself..." Rinnosuke kindly turned down Alice's offer.

Alice stopped and thought, "Actually, I have things to do, anyway. Um... would you be okay if I left you here, alone?"

"I'll manage..." Rinnosuke quickly said, glad of an opportunity to be rid of the suffocatingly tense atmosphere, "...where are you going?"

"I'll be going to the Youkai Mountain. I shouldn't be too long. And if I do... then don't worry about me, I'll return tomorrow."

"Ah, okay. Well... I'll get to the kitchen, now..." Rinnosuke described his actions unnecessarily, and walked out of the room.

Alice waited about a minute before getting up herself and walked into her hallway, picking up her coat and opened her front door, "Goodbye, then..."

Rinnosuke failed to answer, so Alice simply repeated, "Goodbye..." before exiting her house.

Walking slowly outwards from her house before stopping, Alice sighed, and turned around to look at her house. Hunching slightly, she turned back around and began her walk to the youkai mountain.

Despite the fact she could have flown, Alice deliberately took her time, and she got to her intended destination in about ten minutes. Staring at the door, she knocked on Aya's door and tapped her feet as she waited for Aya to answer.

Aya opened the door, and said, "Well, hello there, researcher! Long time, no see!"

Alice folded her arms, "Well... things have been complicated recently. Anyway, if you've been doing anything other than print newspaper, you'll know what news I'm about to deliver you..."

Hatate appeared by the door, "What? You've like, found another story? Oh, but we already have a great front page story!"

Aya smirked, "Yes, our stories are so sensational that this one will have to be pretty good to beat it..."

Alice face-palmed, "You're just reporting on that newcomer again, aren't you? Well, I have a far bigger story than that! The Forest of Magic caught fire! It was massive!"

Hatate clearly hadn't listened to a word Alice had said, and simply fake-yawned and said, "Hey, we don't write for troubled insomniacs, you know!"

Aya, however, listened clearly enough, "Hatate, didn't you hear? The forest was on fire! So, do you know what caused it?"

Alice laughed nervously, "Uh... well, no, but I know who helped to put it out... it was Yutaka Hadekawa, the shikigami of the Male Youkai you used me to slander all those weeks ago..."

Hatate jumped backwards, suddenly remembering her duty, "OH! Like, we need to write in a retraction so that Yukari doesn't like, rip me from limb to limb!"

Alice cleared her throat, "...anyway, she put it out by forming rain-clouds. So the forest is currently ash-covered and soaked. Now, I know it's too late to take any photographs now, but perhaps tomorrow, you could get some pictures of the aftermath, perhaps use the article to recruit people to rebuild Kourindou..."

"Kourindou burned down?" Aya asked disbelievingly.

"...I'm afraid so. He's currently staying at my house if you want to interview him. Also, I rescued him from his burning shop..." Alice continued.

"Wow, this is quite the story! Do you mind if we make you stay a little longer so we can write this up?" Aya requested.

"Like, what about the other resident of the Forest of Magic, you know, the human witch? What's happened to her?" Hatate added.

"Well, I never... I never went over there to ask..." Alice shuddered slightly, "...uh... I hope she's okay..."

Aya sniggered, "Of course you would..."

Hatate shook her head disapprovingly, "...like, leave my researcher alone! No-one insults her but me!"

Aya stood her ground, "As part of the partnership, you agreed that your researchers are mine also... now, do you want to see what stories we've made up... er... found out about?"

Alice rolled her eyes, as she'd have preferred to have got home as soon as possible, but reluctantly agreed, "Okay."

"...oh, goody!" Hatate said with a squeal.

"Never say that again..." Aya berated her colleague, "Please come in..."

After she did so, Aya followed Alice further inside while Hatate shut the door before catching up. The three youkai stood over the table and looked at the unfinished article in it's prototype form.

Picking it up, Alice gazed at the front page headline, before unsurely reading it out loud, "Nitori's perverse metal hands? Really?"

Hatate shivered in remembrance of her traumatic experience, "Like, it's all true! I was the one who got... STRIPPED BARE!"

Hatate quivered and began babbling to herself, and Aya nodded, "Yes, it's actually true. Me and Hatate had to stay the night somewhere for... well, secret reasons, and Nitori's house seemed like a good option. But her robots grabbed me by the leg and knocked Hatate senseless, before Nitori... uh... gave me a... wonderful back massage..."

Alice interrupted the cautionary retelling, "...oh, it really sounds like she abused you..."

"SHUT UP!" Hatate yelled, "...I like, woke up to find metal hands... grabbing me... touching me... taking my clothes off... WHILE THEY WRAPPED A TOWEL AROUND ME!"

Alice saw right through the biased opinion, "...couldn't they have just been preparing you for a massage, like they did with Aya?"

"Well, it sure didn't feel like it! She didn't give me warning or anything!" Hatate shouted, "I want everyone to know what she did to me!"

Aya, who viewed the story in a much less personal light, said, "Also, it's the kind of gossip that the Tengu like!"

"There's no such thing as gossip Tengu don't like..." Alice muttered.

"Hey! That's a stereotype!" Aya protectively said, "There are some subjects we tengu won't even touch..."

"...name one." Alice challenged.

Hatate and Aya looked at each other for answers, but in the end came up with none, "Uh... well... shut up!" Aya concluded.

Alice smiled ever so slightly at her little victory, "Okay, I'm going to go now, and check on Marisa's house to make sure they're alright..."

Hatate had different ideas, however, "Like, feel free to go, but first check out this thing we've made!"

Aya gulped, "Um... Hatate, maybe it's best that we don't show her that..."

"Why not, it's not like she's involved... turn to page four!" Hatate commanded.

Aya was about to try and stop Alice from doing so, but she had flicked to the page before she could open her mouth. Alice read the Headline, 'Is the New Man part of a love square?'. Observing the small diagram towards the bottom of the page, showing a square with the words 'Jean', 'Byakuren', 'Alice' and 'Marisa' written in the Top-left, Top-right, Bottom-right, and Bottom-left corners respectively, Alice's face turned red, before she thought about the situation.

The thought caused Alice to feel a little nauseous, and Aya picked up on Alice's half-pained expression, and awkwardly tried to explain, "Uh... I tried to convince Hatate not to include you because I know you're... _totally _over that human witch!"

Hatate instantly took the defensive, "AS IF! Like, Alice, I'm your friend, I _helped _you get over that witch! It was obviously Aya's plan!"

Alice shook her head, "That's not what I'm bothered about... but, just so you know, I think you're both as bad as each other... anyway, the thing I want to tell you is that Byakuren and Jean can't possibly be attracted to each other..."

"...like, I know! I said to Aya, 'No, she's better than that, Byakuren wouldn't cheat on Alice', but Aya wouldn't listen!" Hatate continued trying to defend herself, to no avail.

"It's... not even that I'm concerned about." Alice frustratedly, yet quietly said, "...you see, there's another piece of... sensational information for you..."

Aya's eyes lit up, "It's you and Byakuren, isn't it? You're getting married, aren't you?"

Alice stamped her foot once, "Let me finish... Jean... Jean is not just any human. He's the reincarnation of Byakuren's brother, Myouren Hijiri."

"What?" Aya asked in disbelief.

"What?" Hatate parroted as if to replicate Aya's surprise.

"You heard. Anyway, you may want to rewrite that article into one more focused on the human. However... that part about Marisa..." Alice laughed to herself quietly, "...I think it could be true. She's just... so protective of the man. Perhaps write that in... I'd love to see Marisa's reaction..."

Aya smiled, "As would I..."

Hatate sighed, "But, like, we have to do a full rewrite now!"

Alice walked towards the front door, and finished off her speech with the Tengu, "Well, I'm only helping you make your articles closer to the truth. And... don't come crying to me when Nitori attacks you for defaming her."

"_If _she attacks us for defaming her." Aya optimistically said.

Alice opened the door, and said, "Goodbye. I'll get back to you on the condition of the two human magicians tomorrow..."

Leaving the reporter's house, Alice breathed deeply for the first time since she entered the place, glad to be in air not lined with the strong smell of solvent and dye. Walking towards the forest of magic, she stared at the moon, which was large and tinged copper for whatever reason. Marisa, with the cosmos being her area of expertise, would have known it was due to all of the smoke released during the fire, tingeing the moon ever so slightly. However, not knowing these facts, Alice seemed to find it enchanting and beautiful, thinking it represented the end of a crisis...

She walked past her house, and went further into the forest, until she reached Marisa's house, which for whatever reason, seemed to have far more waterlogged soil than everywhere else in the forest. Knocking on the witch's door, Alice waited, hoping that the man would answer the door.

The reality was the opposite, and Marisa opened the door before quickly shutting it again. Alice weakly said, "I've only come to check how you all are..."

Marisa's voice replied, "Well, we're all fine! Now leave us alone!"

Sighing to herself, Alice simply mumbled, "Okay... thanks anyway..." and began to walk away from the house.

Marisa shouted, "Yeah! Clear off!"

Staggering slightly, Alice walked back towards her house and, once she got there, opened the door and shut it, shouting unenthusiastically, "I'm back..."

Expecting the voice of Rinnosuke, all Alice received was the smell of cooked tempura vegetables, and sighed to herself for what seemed like the millionth time today, "...not that you care, or anything..."

_The Forest of Magic, Marisa's House, during the last section's last events_

Marisa shouted, "Yeah! Clear off!"

Jean, who was hearing the whole conversation from the study, felt kind of sorry for Alice as he heard the sound of non-uniform walking that grew gradually softer as Alice no doubt walked away. Reimu was sitting next to Jean as he read from the Grimoire he was sat in front of, occasionally trying to read over his shoulder and ask him a question, but words kept failing her once she developed courage to interrupt his reading session.

Entering the study, Marisa put her hands to her hips and said, "The nerve of that pervert! She thinks she can just come in at night!"

Jean was reading the Grimoire of Dawitsu article on Alice, and shook his head, "Oh... it seems even the Youkai Man considers this... Alice to be strange. However, he seems to think she is lonely."

"Hmph! I have no sympathy for her!" Marisa replied with a small snort.

Jean realised he wasn't going to find an unbiased source of information in Marisa, so he turned to Reimu, "What are your thoughts on Alice Margatroid?"

"Uh..." Reimu stopped to think about the answer, and said, "Well, she is odd, but I can't say I hate her. Then again, I haven't been at the wrong end of her affections..."

Jean looked downwards, "Ah. So, the mimicker here says he cannot truly... er... 'emulate' her ability to control dolls. It would be interesting to try and learn some of her techniques..."

Reimu nodded in agreement, "Yes, I must admit, I sometimes wonder how she does it..."

Marisa blushed, "Uh... why have we started to talk about Alice?"

"Well, if you had been kinder to her, I would not have felt so sorrowful about the woman..." Jean told Marisa, "I would not find it bad to be her first friend..."

"Hey, since that guy wrote that book, I think he's become her friend..." Reimu said, "And... well, a bit more, if the newspapers are to be believed..."

"Sacrebleau... how impressions can change, am I right?" Jean asked.

Marisa nodded, "Yeah... I didn't always hate the woman, just so ya know! When I didn't know about... what she thought of me, I liked her! She looked after me after I got stabbed by Sakuya's knives that one time, and I honestly thought she did it just because she saw me as a friend..."

"Who is this Sakuya?" Jean asked, turning to the Grimoire's contents page, and once he turned to the article, he said, "Ah... the woman in the Matron outfit that was the girlfriend of... that other man..."

Reimu looked away from Jean in shame, "...I don't want to talk about that..."

Jean began to laugh in his provincial accent, "Oh, it seems that the Youkai Man has a crush! His shikigami is a smart woman!"

"And does she know it..." Reimu mused.

Marisa groaned, "Ugh, this is boring me to tears, can we do something fun? I dunno, like play a game?"

"What games do you have?" Reimu asked.

"None." Marisa admitted, "But we could play 'I spy', I often surprise myself with what stuff's lying around in here..."

Reimu and Jean placed their heads face-down on the table simultaneously due to the sheer tedium of the proposed 'pastime'. Marisa folded her arms, "Well, you come up with a better idea!"

Reimu thought for a moment, and almost instantly rose her head as if she'd come to a conclusion, but remained silent.

Jean picked up on the unfulfilled action, and asked, "What is it?"

"Oh, nothing, nothing... it'd be boring anyway..." Reimu mused.

Marisa tutted, "Just tell us, it's probably gonna be a hell of a lot more fun than whatever we're gonna do otherwise..."

Reimu mumbled, "I was thinking of going to the Dawitsu Mansion and playing on that portal floor..."

Marisa's memory of her tour was fuzzy at best, and asked, "Uh... was that the bit with the big talking screen?"

"Yes." Reimu confirmed suspiciously quickly.

"Hold on, how do you know that so well?" Marisa said with a grin.

"Uh... no reason. Well, maybe I kinda... went back and played it with Yutaka?" Reimu confessed.

Jean was sure he recognised the name 'Portal' from somewhere, "Hmm... Portal... is that based on the video gaming?"

"Video Gaming? What's that?" Marisa asked, puzzled.

"Oh, I guess if there is not the electricity there cannot be the video games... I must ask Mister Dawitsu if this... Portal Floor is what I think it is..." Jean mused to himself.

"Okay, if Jean's interested, that's enough to tide me over! Come on, Reimu, let's go there!" Marisa concluded.

Reimu exhaled slowly, "Fine... I guess it's better than just hanging around here, chatting..."

Jean scratched his head, "Actually, I was enjoying it..."

However, without warning, Marisa walked up to Jean and dragged him out of his seat, "Come on, you're the one who has something to ask..."

Reimu got up, and decided to help Jean up, before saying, "I guess we could just be quick if you get bored..."

_Dawitsu Mansion, around half seven post-meridian_

Yutaka and Chen were focused on a game of Chess while Dawitsu and Ran were equally focused on a game of Golden-eye. After being shot down by Ran for the fifteenth time, Dawitsu placed his controller down on the sofa, "Wow, Ran, I didn't realise you were as good at this as you were..."

Ran smiled, "I get a lot of practise when Chen gets up early to help me around the house..."

Dawitsu shifted with guilt, and moved a little closer to Ran, and said quietly, "I'm sorry that I leave you so often, Ran. Do you feel left behind at all?"

Ran faced her master, and thought before she answered. Coming to a decision, she replied with, "...a little. I'm glad you let me do what I want, though. I feel that you trust me completely... perhaps too much."

"Why would I trust you too much? You're definitely not the type to do anything to earn distrust..." Dawitsu smirked, "I mean, I can hardly see you inviting a bunch of crazy drunk Animal Youkai to this place and start bringing the house down..."

Ran chuckled lightly, "Yes, I don't think even Chen would do such a thing..."

Chen shouted from the table she was playing Chess at, "I heard you say that 'even'!"

"Oh, don't worry, Chen, I trust you..." Yutaka half-comforted.

Chen giggled, "Thanks, Aunty Yutaka! But I'm afraid that you trusted me too much!" Chen moved her rook towards Yutaka's end of the board, taking a knight and putting itself in line with Yutaka's king, "Check!"

Yutaka remained deadpan, "And you trusted me too much... or at the very least underestimated me..." Yutaka proceeded to move her Bishop to take the Rook that was posing a threat, "...and did you just call me Aunty?"

Ran mused, "Oh, she went through this phase with me... she called me 'Mum-Ran'... obviously she was a lot younger then, but still..."

Chen turned red from the embarrassment, but before she could voice her explanation, a knock was heard at the door.

Dawitsu got up, "I'll get it..."

Walking to the door, Dawitsu opened it to find three people floating at the doorway... two of which were on broomsticks, and one of which who was dressed in red and white...

"Ah... Marisa, Reimu, and... uh, sorry, what's your name again?" Dawitsu half-welcomed the trio.

"My name is Jean Franc Levoisier..." Jean said almost as if reciting a script.

"Oh, okay. So, Marisa, Reimu, and Jean Franc Levoisier, what brings you here at this late hour?" Dawitsu reattempted the greeting.

"Boss, it's actually only half seven..." Yutaka called from the foyer.

Dawitsu seemed puzzled, "Wow, really? The sun really did set early, didn't it? So, what's up, guys?" Dawitsu gave up on asking in a formal manner.

Marisa spoke for the group, "Well, Reimu says that she's been playing on your... um... portal floor... thing, and... well, we're bored, so is it possible for us to play there?"

Dawitsu lost all urge to put on a 'cool face', and squealed with joy, "Oh, really? Awesome! Yutaka, do you remember the experimental 'four player co-op' terrain you designed?" Dawitsu called to the foyer table.

"Certainly, Boss. Do you want me to create it for you?" the disembodied voice of Yutaka asked.

"Yep. As long as you feel confident you can revert it once we're done..." Dawitsu called to Yutaka, before facing the three guests again, "Come on in, we're pretty bored too..."

Reimu, Marisa, and Jean all floated through the door, Marisa and Jean placing their brooms by the door, and Dawitsu shut the door behind them. Walking into the Foyer, Dawitsu noticed Yutaka had already disappeared to the floor to work her magic.

Dawitsu laughed, "Alright, you'll have to wait until Yutaka gets back before you can have your fun... I imagine the lift will have trouble taking us to the floor when it's in a transitional phase..."

Jean turned to the Mimicker, "What do you mean by that?"

"Well, Yutaka can change her surroundings... is damn good at it, too... did you notice the rain-storm that put out the forest? That was her..." Dawitsu proudly declared.

Marisa voiced her opinion, "Uh, actually, that was me. I did a rain dance and put the fire out..."

Reimu nodded in agreement, "Uh-huh... no way I'd forget a dance like that... although, the rain-cloud did seem to only cover Marisa's house at first, and then got bigger. Perhaps Yutaka saw that cloud and made it bigger..."

Dawitsu rubbed his chin, "Oh, is that so... well, fair enough. I guess even Yutaka needs inspiration from somewhere..."

Jean remembered the question he had, and decided to ask it, "Uh... Mister Dawitsu, I was... is it the wondering that you say? Anyway, I was thinking about the name of this game you call 'The Portal floor', and I was wondering... is it like the video game?"

Dawitsu's eyes widened, "Oh... you're aware of Portal... well, in that case, I'll tell you. Yes, it is based on Portal, and I've even got legitimate portal guns..."

Jean laughed, "Ah, and do you have the funny voice? You know, the... er... Glad Dos? Why is it called that, I never understood..."

"Well, it stands for Genetic Life-form and Disk Operating System..." Dawitsu continued to ramble on in a foreign language while Marisa, Reimu, Chen and Ran decided to stop listening and talk between themselves.

Reimu whispered to Marisa, "Are guys always this weird?"

"Well, maybe it's an outside world thing..." Marisa replied.

The sound of metallic doors sliding was heard, and the short, cloaked figure of Yutaka Hadekawa walked into the foyer shortly afterwords.

Smiling in her usual manner, Yutaka somewhat exhaustedly said, "It's all finished, Boss..."

Ran sighed, "I guess you're going to play with them, now, aren't you?"

Dawitsu, for once in his brief life in Gensokyo, picked up on how Ran was feeling exactly, "Ran... I could get Yutaka to play with them, if you want... you'd be willing to do that, wouldn't you, Yutaka?"

Yutaka nodded, "Of course, I'd happily play with them, even if I did sculpt the puzzles myself."

Chen pouted, "But then I won't have anyone to play Chess with!"

Dawitsu didn't know how to arrange this. Someone always seemed to lose out, so Dawitsu decided to leave it in the hands of the guests.

"Okay, you three, who would you rather play with?" Dawitsu asked.

Reimu quickly answered, "Yutaka... I know we won't get lost if that happens..."

Marisa pondered, and said, "Well, just 'cos Reimu said Yutaka, I'm gonna pick Dawitsu..."

Jean sighed, as he was now the 'big decider' for the issue. "Uh... I shall pick the Shikigami..."

Yutaka's smile wavered, "I have a name..."

"I am sorry, it is just that it feels strange calling someone Yutaka..." Jean explained.

Yutaka shrugged her shoulders, "Oh well, it seems that it's been decided... okay, Boss, have fun down here... okay, I'll show you three to the lift you'll need to enter..."

Dawitsu watched as his Shikigami led the three to the lift, and once they were gone, sat back down on the sofa, and said, "Don't worry, Chen, you can play with us if you like..."

Ran smiled in agreement, "Yes, Chen, it'll be fun... you know the controls, don't you?"

Chen nodded, "Yes, Ran-sama!"

And so, Chen skipped over to the sofa, and sat down between Ran and Dawitsu, and picked up Dawitsu's controller. Dawitsu decided to volunteer to get the third controller from the floor, and the three started a game of Golden Gun...

_Just outside the Dawitsu Mansion, around the same time_

Unbeknownst to the residents and guests of the Dawitsu Mansion, a fourth, small, plastic-skinned visitor had followed her way to the floating house, and was trying her best not to laugh maniacally. In the end, she settled for a quiet gloating soliloquy.

"Ah ha ha... that... human who had the nerve of surviving my attacks will now feel my wrath!" Medicine Melancholy monologued, "Now, all I need to do is enter without being spotted..."

Medicine floated around the mansion, checking for any windows that were open, so as to avoid having to break one and reveal her presence. In the end, she didn't come across one, but she did come across a small, grey door labelled 'This is not a secret entrance'.

"Really? Is this the best cover-up he's got? Perhaps I should kill the owner of this place just for being so stupid!" Medicine gloated, seemingly at the door, "Now... vengeance awaits me!"

Opening the door, she walked into a corridor that ended with a small hole. Upon leaping into the hole, Medicine found herself in a small, dark cupboard that seemed extremely warm.

Resisting the temptation to talk, Medicine opened the door so that only a sliver of a view could be seen from it. Looking out as much as she could, she observed four people entering what seemed to be from her view, the wall. Among them was her target... however, Medicine grinned knowing that she'd have the pleasure of poisoning the lot...

Once they moved out of view, Medicine leapt out of the airing cupboard and crawled across the corridor as if she was performing large-scale espionage of the area, not a simple murder act. She looked to the wall the four seemed to have entered, and noticed it was one of five metal doors, however, the only one that seemed out of place was the one with a button next to it that was glowing.

She approached the button to touch it, but stopped as she heard the sound of someone yelling "DIE!"

After pausing dead, fearing discovery, Medicine resumed as soon as the voice said, "Aw, I can't believe you killed me again..."

Pressing the button, Medicine waited around, crossing her fingers that something useful would happen before one of the people in the room closest to her decided to walk in the corridor.

The metallic door next to the button opened, and Medicine walked into the square area that revealed itself. The lift doors suddenly closed, causing Medicine to panic, and shut her inside the strange, tiny room. Banging against the doors, Medicine yelled, "AH! TRICKED AGAIN! LET ME OUT!"

However, no response came apart from a small judder as the strange room seemed to start moving. "No! NO! Where is this going? Am I going to be crushed? Destroyed? Is this the end for me?"

Downstairs, Ran seemed to detect an out-of-place noise, and said, "Um... Master, is there any more guests than the three I've seen?"

"No, of course not. Why?" Dawitsu asked.

"Hmm. In that case, I'm sure there's an intruder..."

Chen nodded, "Last time Ran-sama noticed something odd, she was right! Perhaps we should go look for one?"

Ran decided to organise the way they would look, "I'm pretty sure I heard another lift open. That means the intruder is in one of the lifts..."

Dawitsu smiled, "Wow, it's a good thing you've got good hearing... oh, Ran, what big ears you have..."

"Was that intended to be an insult?" Ran asked.

"Um... no, it doesn't matter. Anyway, let's check the lifts!" Dawitsu concluded, and the three looked at each lift to see if any seemed like they'd been recently opened.

Ran noticed the glowing button on the lift that had just taken the four players to the portal floor, and said, "Oh, well this is a given... so, the intruder must have entered the lift without a trace..."

Dawitsu pondered to himself, "No... the lifts take two minutes to get to each floor, and it's been five minutes... the portal players would have arrived by now, and it's been enough time for the intruder to have taken the same lift... which, by the looks of it, she already has done..."

Chen cocked her head, "How do you know it's a girl?"

"Well, there's a one in... I don't know, sixty odd chance that one of these is male... you know, Rinnosuke. I don't think he'd intrude anyway. Alright, let's call the lift!" Dawitsu called, and pressed the glowing button.

Meanwhile, at the top of the elevator shaft, Medicine was cowering in fear as the strange room came to a halt, and dreaded what would happen next. The result was not nearly as frightening as she thought. The doors opened, and revealed a wide, spacious area with a running theme of metal. Walking a little out of the lift, Medicine jumped as the lift closed its own doors again and began to descend.

"Ah! I'm trapped!" Medicine declared before realising she needn't worry, because that meant that wherever her victims were on this floor, they too were trapped.

Flying outwards a little, Medicine decided to go up high to get the best view of the place. In the distance, a set of four person-like specks seemed to be firing holes at the walls and flinging themselves out of them. Smirking, she promptly dashed towards the area, and built up enough speed to have been a bullet herself, before realising she had flown too far to slow down in time.

She was swiftly approaching a wall, and was doing her best to decelerate, but knew her fate was inevitable... the wall grew closer, and closer, and seemingly just as Medicine anticipated her shattering into a million pieces, a hole appeared in the wall's place, and Medicine screamed as her flight continued further into another hole, by which time she had just come to a halt. Just about flying through the hole, she soon realised she had flown through a ceiling. Descending onto the floor, Medicine unsurely said, "Prepare to... meet your... doom?"

A klaxon sounded, and doors embedded in the walls began to open, each revealing thin, red, harmless lasers, which in turn came from freshly-revealed white elliptical pseudo-spheres.

"Non-lethal lasers? What is this? A joke?" Medicine taunted, before the white balls began to talk.

"Target Acquired."

"There... you are."

"Who's there?"

"Deploying..."

Medicine had very little time to respond as a hail of bullets fired simultaneously from each turret, rending the plastic body she was using and leaving the doll that accompanied her once again without a larger representative.

"DAMN YOU!" the doll shrieked for what seemed like the millionth time.

"Are you still there?" one of the turrets asked.

"What are talking about..." the Doll said, panicking for her life, before realising none of them were shooting at her. Eventually the red lights that shone across the room disappeared, and each turret gave its own goodbye.

"Nap time..."

"Sleep Mode... activated."

"Night, night."

"Sleeping..."

The doll seemed to have a miniature sigh of relief as she realised the strange, bullet-firing spheres didn't seem to be able to see her.

She regressed into the corner, and hoped that, sooner or later, someone else would appear...

_The wait seemed unbearable, and dragged on... while the four players, totally oblivious to what had just happened, set up their transport mechanism... they took it in turns flinging themselves from one portal pair to the next. Of course, Yutaka went down first, as she knew that their portal line would lead them into the turret room, and was busy building up a barrel barricade around the landing zone for when the other three landed... it was only after the others got there when they noticed, that as well as the thoroughly expected turret laser sights, there was a bullet-ridden body lying close to the centre of the room, albeit one that, due to a lack of blood, looked more like a dead crash test dummy than a body..._

_...it was about this time that they recognised the body, and all of a sudden became far more scared than what the game intended to be, as they knew somewhere, a real, unpredictable killer was on the loose..._

_...albeit a tiny one._

Author's notes: OH HO! I finally got to do a suspense chapter! YUSH!

Whoo! Yay!

Sorry, all showing off aside, I have to say this chapter was fun to write... but... guys, why so silent? Was my last chapter such a resounding meh that you didn't want to write something?

Eh, well fair enough, if you want my opinion, I didn't really like last chapter either... apart from the MOTHER 3 reference... I LOVE MOTHER!


	17. 17: A tiny Elephant in the Room

Touhou Doujin: Jean's Magical Education

**Chapter 17: A Tiny Elephant in the Room**

_Dawitsu Mansion, 'the Portal Floor', eight post-meridian_

Yutaka, Reimu, Marisa and Jean stared at the bullet-eaten plastic body, crouching behind the barrel wall Yutaka had built so as to evade the turrets.

Marisa was the first to comment, "Okay, so that crazy Doll Youkai is somewhere in this room..."

Reimu smirked, "Looks like she didn't last long..."

Jean, who had experienced the last time Medicine Melancholy had 'died', corrected the shrine maiden, "Actually, the body is controlled by a small floating puppet that speaks in the high pitch..."

Yutaka nodded, "Ah, so the Boss' theory was correct... well, in that case, the real Medicine may well be alive and hiding in here... would any of you know why she came here? Did you do something to upset her?"

Reimu and Marisa stared at Jean instantly, as if their intuition was laser-guided, "Jean?"

Jean became defensive, "How was I to conduct myself? I did not die! That was all! I did not even kill her! The young blonde girl with the crystals accidentally attacked her..."

Yutaka sighed, "Well, I hate to undo my efforts so quickly, but until we find her and stop her, we could have a big problem... I'd rather we didn't have any extra danger holding us back, so I'm going to reform the room so that there's no more turrets..."

After a brief pause, Yutaka began to focus her efforts onto the four doors that were now open and revealing the turrets, and swiftly the doors were replaced with walls. Yutaka stood up, and looked over the barrels, and said, "Okay, the coast is clear, let's start looking for Medicine..."

Reimu, Marisa, and Jean nodded, and stood up, and Jean kicked over a barrel so that they could step out of the 'shelter'.

Meanwhile, within the very same room, the small doll that was now all that comprised of Medicine Melancholy stayed hidden behind a barrel in the corner of the room.

"Hmm... all the poison is in my larger body... now, how can I get it without them noticing?" Medicine mused to herself, before slapping herself for talking when she needed to be quiet.

Poking her head out from behind the barrel, Medicine observed the current situation. The dreaded laser sights which had caused her unfortunate larger body's demise seemed to have disappeared, and the three of the four victims she had set her sights on were all looking somewhere around the room. Looking around for the fourth one, Medicine swiftly withdrew as the tall, French Man who she was mainly targeting seemed to appear above the barrel she was using as shelter.

Looking down at the barrels, Jean scratched at his stubble slightly, "Oh, this is strange... this barrel just trembled..."

The other three turned towards Jean, and decided to group there. If Medicine had been hiding anywhere else, this would have been the golden opportunity to scurry towards her body and use her poison on the lot, but due to the fact that Jean's suspicion was correct, Medicine gulped at the prospect of discovery.

Yutaka lifted the barrel Medicine was hiding behind, causing her to clutch onto the metallic cylinder, and hope that the three were too stupid to look around the whole barrel.

She had no such luck, and Reimu shouted, "THERE SHE IS! ON THE BARREL!"

Medicine swiftly detached herself, and tried to fly past the four as they recovered from the shock. Trying to grab the doll, the four ended up falling over each other and scrambling to their feet as Medicine charged straight for her poison supply.

Marisa got up first, and ran as fast as she could after the diminutive murderer, but to no avail. Reaching the body that lay underneath the eighth portal in the series that led to this room, Medicine screamed with triumph, "AH HA HA! I HAVE IT!"

Marisa tripped up, and the other three simply watched in disbelief as the doll fumbled around in her body's pockets, before finding the vial she was after. It seemed to be filled with a translucent white gas.

"Ah... this is mustard gas..." Medicine explained, "It's a potent gas that kills by forming a strong acid in the lungs, namely Muriatic, or Hydrochloric acid..."

But, as if she was tempting fate, Medicine's speech was cut off by her being crushed by the descending feet of Dawitsu, who had just fallen in through the portal.

Buckling slightly at the knees, Dawitsu said, "Ow... I really wish I'd worked on trying to make long fall boots..."

Yutaka put down the barrel she was holding, and began to walk up to Dawitsu, "Boss! You saved us!"

"I did?" Dawitsu asked, before being crushed himself by Chen falling into the room front-first, causing Yutaka to be glad she hadn't got to her boss by then.

After a short pause Ran floated slowly through the ceiling, landing softly before explaining, "Ah, I guess I was mistaken. I was sure that there was an intruder, and that she may have been going after you, but it seems you are all fine..."

Jean laughed nervously, "Actually, it is true that there was an intruder, and she was going after us..."

Reimu explained, "Yeah, your Master's kind of on top of her..."

"...and Chen." Marisa added.

Chen climbed off of Dawitsu, and said, "Sorry, Dawi, are you alright?"

Dawitsu groaned, "Well... yeah, I could do with a chiropractor right now, but I'll live..."

Yutaka smiled, and continued to walk up to her boss, and extended her hand, "Come on, Boss. If you like, I could try my experimental method of straightening the spinal column..."

"...I'm good, thanks." Dawitsu said, taking Yutaka's hand and getting up. The others flinched as they expected the near unkillable doll that Dawitsu was previously lying on to emerge triumphantly from the floor to kill them all, but instead, all that lay there was a set of doll parts, scattered on top of the larger body.

Jean was slightly disturbed by the sight, and muttered, "...en fait, je plains la chose..."

Reimu asked the obvious question, "Is she dead?"

A small, weak-sounding voice confirmed the opposite, "...no..."

The group looked over the doll-covered area, and found the voice was coming from Medicine's small plastic head, "...this... isn't... over... I'll... kill... you all..."

Even though the individual saying this was beyond unredeemable, and it was probably for the best if she died, Jean picked up the doll's head, and sighed, "It is... just answer me... why did you want to kill me?"

"...because you're a human." Medicine 'explained'.

Dawitsu shook his head, "That's not a reason. You're just sick."

Medicine scowled at the mimicker. Yutaka picked up the rest of Medicine's smaller body, and said, "Come on, let's go back to the foyer. Then we can discuss what to do with her."

Yutaka was the first to float through the set of portals that led to the earliest point of the 'test-chamber' they were using, and she was followed by Ran, Chen, and Reimu, while Dawitsu had to assist the two non-flying humans on the way up, thus he lagged behind.

Once they got back to an area where they could speak directly with the overseer, who this time was the ball voiced by Stephen Merchant, Yutaka commanded, "Wheatley, this sentence is false."

"Uh... I'll go true." Wheatley replied, and as if somehow forced to, he continued by saying, "The escape lift has been activated."

"Thank you." Yutaka calmly concluded, and four person-sized lifts ascended from the floor to pick up the four participants.

Dawitsu smirked, "Well, it's gonna be crowded if all of us use these lifts... I'll just float manually to the main lift... Ran, Chen, you may as well do that too..."

Ran nodded, and Reimu, Marisa, Jean and Yutaka all entered their respective lifts. Marisa saluted the three youkai, "See ya at the other side!"

The seven finally met together again at the main 'hub' of the 'Portal Floor', and took the lift down into the foyer. Sitting down on the sofas, the seven began their debate.

Jean started, "So, what are we going to do? Even though this one has tried to kill me, I can not bring myself to kill her, or let someone else kill her..."

Marisa pondered, "Is it really murder if we passively let her die?"

Reimu bluntly stated, "It isn't murder if you kill a Youkai... she's not a person."

Medicine muttered, "No matter what happens, even if I'm just a head... I'm still alive. I will not die if you leave me, I'll just be stuck here."

Dawitsu formed a dark grin on his face, "We don't have to kill her to stop her being a threat... we could just keep her head in a box and never reintroduce her to her body parts..."

Yutaka gasped in shock at her boss' sadism, "No! That's cold-blooded torture!"

Ran mused, "Perhaps death would be more merciful for her?"

Even though Chen was part of the debate, she didn't really want to be part of such a serious, somewhat grown-up matter.

Jean looked into Medicine's eyes, "Little doll, what caused you to hate humans so much?"

"I... I don't like talking about that. That old me is dead!" Medicine seemed to deny a non-existent accusation.

Dawitsu rolled his eyes, "Okay, if she's gonna go and make a sob story up now, then I'm gonna throw her in an incinerator..."

Yutaka called Dawitsu out on this one, "...since when did you become so heartless?"

"Hey, I just don't like sadistic murderers, that's all..." Dawitsu replied, turning his nose up in a self-justified manner.

Jean looked downwards, "Ah, but have you ever been nearly killed by anyone? Your malice for the person does not manifest itself... for some strange reason, I don't want her to die..."

Dawitsu folded his arms, "As a matter of fact, I _have _almost been killed by someone. But she didn't mean to do it, so I forgave her quickly... I don't know how I could forgive someone who did that, no matter how much time passed..."

Marisa nodded in agreement, "Yeah, I can see where he's coming from. I mean, she was only trying to fill the room with that Mustard Gas stuff a moment ago... what makes you so willing to forgive her?"

Yutaka waved a piece of Medicine's arm, which was still holding the vial of gas, "I'll just transform this into salt, if you don't mind..."

Medicine tried to turn her head to see what Yutaka was doing, but to no avail, and could only take her word for it that her poison was now far from dangerous, and was actually good to eat now...

"What... what have you done to my Mustard Gas?" Medicine squealed.

"Oh, I've transformed half of it into Sodium, and now it's spontaneously turned into salt..." Yutaka grinned, "So you won't be doing any more dangerous acts even if we do put you back together..."

Medicine's head taunted Yutaka without facing her, "But if you put me back together, I'll just return to my big body, and get some more poison..."

Dawitsu laughed, "I'd love to see you try and find your way back there..."

"Speaking of which, I need to reset the Floor to be suitable for two-player co-op again..." Yutaka reminded herself.

Ran shook her head, "We've gone off topic. What are we going to do? Destroy her, or throw her away?"

Instantly everyone bar the Kitsune and Yutaka began to speak at the same time, causing Ran to face-palm, "How about we answer in turn?"

Dawitsu answered, "Destroy."

Reimu nodded, "Destroy."

Marisa wavered a little, and said, "Um... throw away?"

Jean answered more surely, "Keep her alive."

Finally, the answering round passed to Yutaka. She thought before she answered, and when she finally did so, she shocked the entire room.

"We should repair her."

Medicine's head grinned with glee, "I like that option! Can we go for that one?"

Jean couldn't quite understand what was going on in the Magician's head, "Miss... Hadekawa, is it? Miss Hadekawa, I do not see how that will help..."

Dawitsu hesitated, before agreeing with the Frenchman, "Sorry, Yutaka, I gotta disagree with you on that... she's just too dangerous..."

Yutaka proceeded to take Medicine's head from Jean, "I know you may think it's foolhardy to try to be kind to someone like this, but I think that if she is shown some care, she might think differently..."

Medicine sniggered, "Ha! You're stupid, seeing good in me!"

Dawitsu took the head off of Yutaka, and glared at it, "Look, she's the only one in this room who doesn't want to see you suffer, so if I were you, I'd treat her with some respect!"

Yutaka sighed, "I guess I was wrong... you see, I thought because she was born out of hatred and abandonment that perhaps being kind to her would change her for the better..."

Jean cocked his head, "What do you mean, born out of Hatred?"

Reimu explained of behalf of Dawitsu and Yutaka, "...Medicine Melancholy is a doll youkai which seems to be a doll-turned-sentient, and the only way inanimate objects become sentient I know of is if they are abandoned..."

Jean's face fell, "So... a human abandoned her?"

Medicine growled, "DON'T TALK ABOUT THAT! She was a stupid girl! She would have kept me if she knew what was good for her!"

Yutaka gulped, "Wait... you didn't... you didn't... kill the person who abandoned you, did you?"

Medicine laughed maniacally, before calming down, "NO! Happy now? I didn't kill her! Go on, gloat! Laugh! Say how much of a wimp I am for not killing her! She's the only human which I had the opportunity to kill but never did so..."

Dawitsu, who was still holding the plastic head, said, "You know, not all Youkai kill humans. A very powerful Youkai I admire and somewhat can't stand has the ability to kill anything should she want to... but she doesn't."

"Well, she's stupid..." Medicine remarked.

"Actually, Yukari's the smartest person I know..." Reimu counter-argued, "...I hate to say that about a Youkai, but it's true..."

Medicine stubbornly disagreed, "Well, that doesn't change how I feel! Once I get back together, I'll kill you all!"

As if out of nowhere, Marisa suddenly spoke up, "I have it!"

Everyone turned to face the witch, staring her as if asking, 'You have what?'

"The solution to our problem! I don't know why I didn't think of it before, but... we all know someone who really loves dolls, don't we? Perhaps she could also keep her under control..." Marisa suggested.

"Alice! Of course!" Dawitsu lifted his hand for Marisa to high-five, upon which she did, "Marisa, you genius!"

Marisa smiled, "Well, I try to be modest, but... yeah..."

Reimu seemed sceptical, "Is that really the best of ideas? What if Alice ends up getting killed?"

Ran didn't seem to be worried, "...Alice's signature ability is manipulation of dolls, she can probably handle her like any doll. We could just ask her if she's capable..."

"But we'll have repaired Medicine by then, won't we?" Dawitsu pointed out a 'hole' in Ran's plan, "So then, if she says she can't what happens then?"

Ran smirked, "Oh, Master, don't you understand?"

Yutaka clocked on to Ran's idea, "Ah... I see, that's very effective. Ran's suggesting we give the doll to Alice to fix, and warn her beforehand..."

Medicine interrupted the Shikigami, "I have a name! I'm not just 'the doll'!"

Reimu nodded, "That plan does seem foolproof. I guess we could just throw her away if Alice can't take her..."

"So, when shall we be taking her to see Alice?" Jean asked, "I must admit, this night has been far from the boring one I was expecting..."

"If you had just spent your boring evening inside that Witch's house, then I wouldn't have had to follow you here and you would have been dead..." Medicine informed Jean, "Food for thought... if it wasn't for that stupid witch getting bored, you, your shrine maiden, and the witch would all be dead..."

Jean sighed, "I do not think giving this doll to Alice will be such a good idea..."

Yutaka smiled genuinely, this time one of optimism, "Well, we may as well try... shall we do this now?"

Dawitsu shrugged his shoulders, "May as well..." getting up, he continued speaking, "...come on, Yutaka, we'll take her there."

Yutaka looked meaningfully at Ran, who seemed a little disappointed, "Actually, I'll let Ran take Medicine with her... I don't want to get all wet in the rain, and what-not..."

Dawitsu seemed puzzled, and then turned to Ran, "Are you okay with that?"

"Of course, Master." Ran replied, and proceeded to take the pieces of Medicine Melancholy off of Yutaka.

Reimu sighed, "Well, I guess I may as well go home, then..."

Marisa and Jean nodded accordingly, and got up, the witch saying "And me and Jean will accompany you on the way there, seen as we live nearby..."

Dawitsu grinned, "Well, it's settled! Okay, Yutaka, look after the house while I'm gone... and Chen, can you please tidy your room..."

However, when Dawitsu turned to face Chen, he saw she was curled up on the floor, fast asleep, no doubt for all the time they had spent discussing Medicine's fate.

"Don't worry..." Yutaka assured her Boss, "...I'll tell her when she gets up."

"Okay, enough talk, let's go!" Marisa said, walking over to the door and picking up her broom.

_The Forest of Magic, Alice Margatroid's house, nine post-meridian_

Alice's fingers slipped carefully to and fro as she began to sew on her Byakuren Doll's shoes, and after about ten minutes, she finished the project, both happy with her achievement of finishing her creation of a doll in a record time and depressed at the fact that now she had less of an excuse to not speak to Rinnosuke, who was sitting in the corner reading a book on rainbow-based magic.

Alice gingerly approached the man, who quickly dropped the book from his face to look up at her. In a tiny voice she mumbled, "Can I get you anything?"

Rinnosuke seemed unable or unwilling to speak to Alice, and naturally, Alice assumed the latter, "I was going to make some green tea..." Alice offered.

Rinnosuke resolved to remain silent, but once Alice began to dejectedly walk away from him, something within him forced out five words, "I'd love some, thank you..."

"...you want some?" Alice's face slowly lit up in the same way a filament lamp does, "...well, it may be some time, but I have plenty of water thanks to my tap... perhaps I can get Yutaka to install a tap in your house when it gets rebuilt..."

Rinnosuke smiled slightly, "That would be brilliant..."

Alice left the room, and left Rinnosuke to read. After a short wait, she returned with two cups filled with tea. Placing Rinnosuke's cup next to him, she mumbled, "I'm sorry..."

Rinnosuke paused, lifting up the book before slowly bringing it down. Exhaling, he said, "Forgiven..."

Alice sat down on the floor beside him, and her face fell, "Thank you..."

The quiet moment which followed lasted for a few minutes before a knocking sound shattered it like a vase.

"Coming!" Alice called.

Ran, Dawitsu, Marisa and Jean were standing at the door, all of them seemingly finding it difficult to say anything.

Dawitsu scratched his head, "Hello, Alice, I was meaning to ask you... well, it's sort of Marisa's question, but..."

Marisa laughed nervously, "What Dawitsu's trying to say is that... uh, well..."

Jean and Ran simultaneously rolled their eyes, and Ran finally spoke for the group, "This may be a bad time, but we were wondering if you could assist us on a matter..."

Alice laughed, glad to have company, "It's not a bad time at all! Please come on in! I've just heated up some Green Tea if you want some, but I only brewed just over enough for two..."

"Two?" Marisa asked.

"Rinnosuke's house burned down in the fire, so he's staying here... if you want to see him, he's in the living room..." Alice explained.

Jean smirked, "It is a good thing Miss Hakurei is not here, am I right?"

"You said it..." Marisa replied.

Alice put her hands on her hips, "So, Ran, seen as you're the only one confident enough to ask me, what's the assistance you're after?"

Ran held up a bag filled with doll's parts, "There is a broken doll... but it is a Youkai Doll, able to create poison with the right ingredients, and we were wondering, even though it's sentient, would you be able to rebuild it and keep it under your control? You see, we don't want to kill it, but we don't want it to pose a threat either..."

Alice smiled in recognition, "Ah, I know what you mean... even if the design's flawed, or it's just plain faulty, you can't bring yourself to throw away a partly finished doll because you love it so much, right?"

Marisa nodded awkwardly, "Uh... yeah, sure. Anyway, can you do it?"

"Of course I can." Alice confirmed, "If she's a youkai, she won't be mindlessly under my control, but I can force her to be under my control with strings regardless. So, can I see her?"

Ran opened the bag and poured its contents onto the floor, with the head falling at Alice's feet. Picking the head up, Alice asked, "So, you want to be rebuilt?"

"...once I get rebuilt and you lose control of me... then you'll regret ever being born..." Medicine somewhat ungratefully threatened.

"Oh, she's feisty..." Alice nonchalantly said, "...I may put her on one of my unfinished dolls' bodies if she's too dangerous on her real body..."

"Don't patronise me!" Medicine screamed.

Alice laughed gently, "Oh, this may be a fun one to create... or re-create, should I say. I just hope she doesn't squirm too much when I'm building her."

Dawitsu ruffled the disembodied head's hair, "Oh no, she's a good girl, aren't you, Medicine?"

Jean, who felt like Marisa's and his own presence seemed to have no bearing on the situation, asked Dawitsu, "May I leave? Or will I be useful?"

"Nah, you and Marisa may as well go home if that's what you want. Also, me and Ran better head off home too... it's getting late..." Dawitsu remarked.

Alice's expression saddened, "So... you're not going to stay?"

Dawitsu looked at Alice, and instantly felt a heart-string get tugged, "Sorry, Alice. But I hope you have fun working on that doll... she's called Medicine Melancholy, by the way."

Ran opened the door, "Well, whenever you're ready, Master."

Jean and Marisa walked out of the door, broom in hand, while Dawitsu dawdled around, waiting for them to leave, before he whispered to Alice, "I'm sorry. I wish I could stay here a little longer, but everyone's expecting me at home as soon as possible..."

Alice smiled knowingly, "And by 'everyone' you mean Yutaka, don't you?"

Ran became impatient, "Master, I can't hold the door forever, I have to close it at some point or Alice's house will fill with rain."

Dawitsu turned around, and began to walk out the door, but looked over his shoulder to say one last thing to Alice, "Chin up, Alice... you seem pretty sad today. Don't worry, be happy..."

Ran grinned, and began to whistle a small tune while Dawitsu sang a similar tune above it, and the two walked away to this tune as they shut the door.

After a short while of walking, the rain inhibited their ability to sing jubilantly, and Ran decided to make conversation with her Master, "Yutaka says you recently made a will..."

Dawitsu jumped at the abrupt bringing up of the matter, "...um, yes, yes I did. Why'd you ask?"

"Well, I just want to say that it's flattering that you'd want me to inherit part of your Mansion and possessions even if I'm no longer your Shikigami..." Ran told her master, "I... just wanted to say thank you. No-one has ever been as kind to me as you and Yutaka have..."

"What about Chen?" Dawitsu asked, "Surely she's been your friend?"

Ran sighed, "Alas, in her younger years, she was more like a burdensome child. Fortunately she's beginning to grow up, and I do think of her as a friend now. Yutaka also mentioned that you wanted children..."

Dawitsu jumped in shock once again, "N-no! That's not true! I just said that I had no children to inherit my wealth, so I would have to give it to you and Yutaka..."

"She said you said that you are having trouble finding the right woman to have children with..." Ran continued, seemingly ignoring her master.

"...th-that's a bad wording of it! I just haven't found a woman to settle down with yet!" Dawitsu defensively said.

"It's only natural to want children..." Ran mused, "What makes you so nervous of admitting it?"

Dawitsu stopped walking and looked downwards, water dripping from his hair as he did so, "...it doesn't matter. No-one's interested in me, no-one. Even if there was someone who likes me, I can guarantee they wouldn't want kids with me... God, sometimes I wish life was like that stupid fanfiction that Lizard wrote... you know, where I'm brilliant, and there's an obvious love interest for me to follow and without a doubt eventually get..."

Ran put her hand on Dawitsu's shoulder, "...life is better than that. Do you want my opinion on love?"

"Go on..."

"...there is no set 'one' for someone. Eventually, once a person's found another person to love, then they _become _the one for each other rather than it being pre-set. In other words... don't give up. I..." Ran paused, swallowing ever so slightly, "...I know that you... love Yutaka... in fact I've known for longer than you realise... I guess that's why..."

Dawitsu suddenly turned to Ran, "...huh? What are you talking about?"

"...uh, never mind. Anyway, just because Yutaka is the way she is doesn't mean you should be disheartened. There will be others... others willing to become your one... I _know _there is..." Ran stopped talking, and began to walk again, "Come on, Master, we need to get home. I'm sure Yutaka's waiting for us, as you said..."

"Ran..." Dawitsu unsurely asked, "...why are you so nice to me when I barely spend any time with you?"

Ran remained silent, and Dawitsu presumed this meant that she had accepted that he didn't deserve her loyalty...

_Mayohiga, Tokage's house, nine anti-meridian_

Tokage was frantically scribbling away in her pad, visibly sleep-deprived despite her energetic demeanour. Giggling as she said, "And then... his perfectly toned, muscular body began to... sparkle... in the sun... like a million tiny diamonds had... embedded themselves in his... skin! AH! GENIUS!"

In the middle of Tokage's mad rave, the door opened, and a certain rival writer walked straight into her house undeterred.

"I hate to interrupt your 'genius'..." Hebiko sarcastically mused, "...but I have some information to share with you..."

"It's called knocking, you should try it some day..." Tokage remarked.

"Well, I won't ask the same of you... I don't get that... 'excited' over my stories..." Hebiko taunted, "I have nothing to hide. In fact, despite you're my competition, I thought I'd let you in on some information..."

Tokage folded her arms, "Hmph! How do I know you're not lying? Now that you're insisting on competing with me, I don't really see you as a friend..."

Hebiko shrugged her shoulders, "Fine, 'sworn enemy', just take a look at this newspaper... it's up to you whether or not you think it's a lie."

Hebiko walked up to Tokage, who took the newspaper off her rival in the most aggressive way she could manage, "Fine! Which page is the stuff on Yukari and Dawitsu."

Hebiko grinned, "The tiny little retraction on page five..."

"R-retraction?" Tokage worriedly stuttered.

"Oh, what's the matter, don't believe me? Check yourself..." Hebiko's tone of voice seemed to have a certain confidence that it didn't have before.

Tokage turned to page five, and lo and behold, just as Hebiko had said, a small section at the bottom of the page said 'Our sincerest and most humble of apologies to Miss Yukari Yakumo and Mister Mateyuu Dawitsu, as in our last article we had misrepresented them and their proposed relationship is false. We apologise for any damage this may have caused to either party's reputation.'.

Hebiko put her hand on her hip, tilting her body to one side, "Well, what do you think? Seems the 'cute couple' idea was a fake all along. Oh well, I guess we can't all be winners."

Tokage turned red, "N-no! No! NO! This can't be! But... but..."

Hebiko sniggered, thinking it was too easy to simply blow her former friend out of the water just like that, "Of course, I've been to see that Dawitsu fellow, and he said that as long as it's an entertaining book, he doesn't mind being paired with Yukari Yakumo. All he asks for is a good read... so, I guess that means that for official approval..."

"I'll have to out-write you..." Tokage said with a smirk.

"...oh, who said he can't approve two books? If you think this is a competition, you've got it all backwards..." Hebiko lied.

Tokage ignored her reptilian brethren, "ALRIGHT! IT'S ON! May the best writer win!"

"If that's how you want it... oh, by the way, I'd like my newspaper back, I wanna see more about this pervert kappa..." Hebiko stopped talking to take the newspaper from Tokage as she was reading it, "...speaking of perverts, I've told the delivery tengu about your shenanigans..."

"H-how do you know about that... I mean... uh... what shenanigans?" Tokage bluffed poorly.

Hebiko stifled laughter, and began to walk out of Tokage's house, "...I must say, you need a better excuse than 'research' to do that kind of stuff..."

"Uh... ah... well..." Tokage fumbled around in her mind, looking for an answer, but in the end failed to come up with one before Hebiko shut her front door on her.

Tokage scowled, before smiling pseudo-confidently, "Oh... so you think you're so smart, Hebi? Well, when my story becomes a Gensokyo hit, you'll be sorry... you'll _beg _me to talk down to you!"

_The two lizards seemed to have gone from friend to foe within the space of forty-eight hours, and considering the legions of Mayohiga dwellers which were now writing, it seemed strange that out of all the competition, the fiercest rivals were two former friends._

_Alice had spent the night sleeping, but made it her duty to work on fixing up the broken body of the once dangerous, but now merely irritating youkai known as Medicine Melancholy._

_Even though rain was only falling over the Forest of Magic, there was a definite feel of rainfall throughout Gensokyo, and the sun rose late, seemingly due to the early sunset of the previous night, only to reveal a grey, generally boring sky. Yutaka and Dawitsu barely had the motivation to teach once they got to the human village, and the children didn't seem to have a motivation to learn either..._

Author's Notes: Boy, has the weather been miserable recently!

Anyway... uh... yeah. This is awkward. There's nothing to say. Is this story getting boring? Is there any spicing up to be had? Any plotholes need resolving? Any plot threads left untied. Any... ANYTHING? Please tell me if there is...

I'm becoming concerned that I'm becoming a bad writer... I don't know, the magic seems to be fading slightly.


	18. 18: Adorably Dangerous

Touhou Doujin: Jean's Magical Education

**Chapter 18: Adorably dangerous, Dangerously adorable**

_The Human Village, Keine's Village School, Ten anti-meridian_

Yutaka relaxed in her seat, and during the short period of talk as the first lesson ended, she checked over the timetable Keine had left behind to ensure no... sporadic music lessons worked their way into the curriculum more often. Blushing as she read the topic, Yutaka gulped and began to quiver.

Dawitsu instantly noticed her discomfort, and asked her, "What's wrong? Is next lesson geography or something?"

Yutaka handed her Boss the timetable, and Dawitsu's face broke into a ridiculous grin, "Boy, I'm glad I never had to teach _this _to Flandre..."

Yutaka seemed embarrassed, however, "...um... can't we just assume they all already know about it? I mean, I've received enough harassment from the boys of the class to confirm that..."

Dawitsu giggled, "Oh... are you making up an excuse to get out of something? That's very rare of you indeed... you must really not want to teach it..."

"...yes, I'd much prefer it if we taught something else..." Yutaka muttered, "...I don't understand why Keine made _us _do this..."

"Well, maybe it's because she knows that the kids like us more, or something..." Dawitsu offered, and smirked, "Come on, it'll be fun. I can make all kinds of jokes, and you won't have to lift a finger if you're not up for it..."

Yutaka smiled softly, "So, you can take the lesson for me?"

"Sure I can." Dawitsu affirmed, "However, perhaps it would be better if you took the girls and I took the boys..."

Yutaka stopped and thought, "Well, I'm not sure if they'll take me seriously..."

"...well, if you really don't want to, I'll take both sides, but I just figured the girls would want someone to empathise with..." Dawitsu shrugged his shoulders as if unsure, but in reality, knew his idea was, for once, the superior one.

Yutaka let her head fall flat on her desk, "Oh... I'm not going to enjoy this..."

Dawitsu assumed that meant she _was _going to teach the girls, and banged his hand on the chalkboard, "Okay, class! For this next lesson, we're gonna split you up into boys and girls! All the boys are gonna stay here, and all the girls are gonna go in the assembly hall!"

The boys wriggled with hopefulness, and one asked, "So, are you gonna teach the girls while Yutaka teaches us?"

Yutaka giggled, almost as if teasing the boy who asked the question, "No, I'm going to teach the girls..."

The girls instantly cheered while the boys murmured various noises resembling disapproval, and Yutaka proceeded to walk out of the room while Dawitsu took several spit-balls to the face.

Once his Shikigami left, he stopped being civil, and fired a blast of Danmaku at the desk of the child shooting the spit-balls, causing it to disintegrate, "Okay, class, once we're willing to stop grieving the loss of the beautiful Miss Hadekawa, then we'll move on to an altogether beautiful topic..."

One boy tempted fate and asked, "So why have you taken all the girls away? What are we learning?"

Dawitsu stifled his laughter, before giving up on stifling and just out-and-out laughing, "Well... today, we're doing... re-pro-duc-tion!"

Dawitsu paused as he expected a female echo of his final word, but to no avail, "Eh, maybe I should have kept the girls in the same class... I'm sure they would have sang that for me..."

The spit-ball kid, who was paused in trauma, moved to a desk that was once occupied by a girl, and grinned, saying, "So, you're gonna teach us all about sex?"

Dawitsu seemed to splutter out of surprise, "AH! Um... yeah, I'm gonna teach you about... that. Anyway, I'm sure you're gonna go through more rounds of this later on in life, maybe when Keine learns to get some more teachers... but anyway, I'm gonna teach you the basics. Firstly, I presume you all know the natural purpose of... the thing I'm talking about..."

Kyousuke, infamous for his stutter, stammered in impatience, "J-j-j-j-j-just s-say s-s-s-s-sex!"

"...yeah, that. Anyway, yeah, what's its natural purpose?" Dawitsu asked.

Hideki put his hand up, and after being picked, said, "So we can have children."

"Good. And do you know what body cells contribute towards the creation of a child?" Dawitsu continued.

Hideki stopped and thought, "Uh... I know that women have eggs... but I don't know the name of the cell that men make."

"Ah, good! That means I have to teach you it!" Dawitsu shouted in a guise of enthusiasm, "Men, and... pretty soon, you lot, will all produce sperm cells. These cells contain one half of the information required to make a new individual..."

Dawitsu picked up some chalk, and drew what seemed to be a tadpole, and proceeded in his lesson, "So, do you know where Sperm Cells are produced?"

"HA! The... the... the... BALLS!" a particularly obnoxious kid yelled before bursting into laughter.

"If you're going to make sex jokes, please be smart in doing so... declaring 'balls' is not funny..." Dawitsu remarked, before swiftly being proven wrong by his ten year-old audience laughing their heads off, "Okay, okay, fine, you might find it funny... but the proper term is 'testes'."

"Testes? Not Testicles?" a seemingly well-learned boy questioned among the cacophony of hilarity.

"...eh, either term works. Anyway, I'm gonna be talking to you guys about... well, puberty... or your journey towards being a man, and... I guess I'll be talking about sex too..." Dawitsu mused, causing the class to cheer.

"So, can we ask you questions at any time?" a blonde-haired boy inquired.

"As long as the questions aren't stupid..."

"Okay, then..." the spit-ball kid decided he'd take advantage of the situation, "...how many times have you had sex?"

Dawitsu felt his pride take a knock, and quickly shifted mood, "Hey, you want me to shoot you instead of your desk next time?"

The child soon shut up. Dawitsu sighed, and returned to teaching, "Anyway, I should tell you what the testes will start to do when you hit around... uh..." Dawitsu suddenly realised he had no idea what age humans hit puberty, "...I think around twelve to fourteen... anyway, yeah, they'll release a special chemical called 'Testosterone'."

A boy suddenly spoke up, "OH! That's what my dad's fuelled on! My mum said so!"

Dawitsu began to laugh, but stopped himself, "Heh... well, what testosterone does is makes your body undergo a series of changes, changes that define a boy from a man, changes like... well, you start to grow hair on your chin, under your armpits, and... um... down there..."

"W-w-w-w-what is your p-p-problem w-with s-s-saying rude w-w-words?" Kyousuke somewhat ironically complained.

"Well, if you're so brave, you teach this!" Dawitsu called Kyousuke out on his complaint, and just like his last victim, quickly fell silent, "Anyway, it also makes your voice deeper, and you start to... well, notice women for their... outer qualities a whole lot more..."

"But I already like my Girlfriend a lot..." a brown-haired child said, "And I'm not growing hair on my face or getting a deeper voice..."

Dawitsu smiled, and said, "Hold on to that feeling, kid, that's pure, lust-free love. That's something about growing up that no amount of testosterone can give you..."

"Do you know how to love? Or have you just gone through puberty?" the child asked in return.

Dawitsu panicked, unable to truly answer, "...that's a little personal, isn't it?"

"I was just wondering why you keep looking at Miss Hadekawa, that's all..." the boy explained, "Is it just because of Testosterone?"

Dawitsu gulped. The child was asking him a genuinely cutting question, despite his innocent overtones. Dawitsu sighed, "I don't know, alright? Okay, moving on. The reason why you notice women is because you, like every species on the Earth, have a powerful urge to want to father a child..."

_The Scarlet Devil Mansion, the Basement, around the same time_

Flandre Scarlet lay in her bed, looking towards the floor. The book lying there seemed to be glaring back at her, its title taunting her. She quivered slightly, and said, "I... don't... break... people..."

The book almost beckoned the young vampiress towards it, as if it was asking to be read. Flandre slowly but surely let her curiosity get the better of her, and got out of her bed, walking towards the book before picking it up.

She opened it to where she had stopped before, and began to read the final chapter of the depressing tome of reality. Reading silently, Flandre seemed to relax as she got lulled into a false sense of security by Steinbeck's selectively detailed scene-setting, and smiled as she noticed Lenny had escaped from the ranch, but her face soon fell.

"What... what is the... rabbit saying? Why is the rabbit talking? No... no... NO! Why is it so nasty?" Flandre ran out of the basement, crying, and rushed up the many stairs of the Scarlet Devil Mansion until she reached her sister's room. Bursting into her sister's room, Flandre shouted, "George isn't going to beat Lennie with a stick, is he?"

Remilia was barely awake, but could see the concern in her sister's eyes, "Flandre... what are you talking about?"

"A big rabbit came out of Lennie's head and now the rabbit's saying that Lennie is too naughty for George to stay friends with and... that..." Flandre put the book in front of her again, and continued to read, "...NO! George is going to leave him! No! He can't!"

Remilia saw the book in Flandre's hand, and knew how the story went, knowing furthermore that the result was not George abandoning Lennie, but doing the ultimate act of friendship a man could do... but Flandre wouldn't understand that without her help. Rubbing the sleep out of her eyes, Remilia sighed as she decided to do the sisterly act of reading with her.

"Come on, Flandre, let's read the ending together... and... if you want to cry... it's okay..." Remilia stopped, and resisted the urge to slap herself for being so soft, "Where are you up to?"

"Here..." Flandre pointed to the page, and began narrating, "Lennie put his hands over his ears..."

"He ain't, I tell ya he ain't!" Remilia said in a diminished version of her Lennie voice.

"...and he cried."

"Oh! George, George, George!" Remilia called in the same voice.

"George came quietly out of the brush and the rabbit scuttled back into Lennie's brain... what's a brain?" Flandre asked.

"It's what humans use to think." Remilia explained, and let her sister continue reading...

...about half an hour passed, and the moment Remilia was dreading had crept upon the two sisters as if under stealth, and Flandre continued her narration, "George had been listening to the distant sounds. For a moment he sounded businesslike..."

"Look across the river, Lennie... and I'll tell you so you can almost see it." Remilia mused in a normal voice.

"Lennie turned his and looked off across the pool and up the darkening slopes of the Gabilans..." Flandre narrated, and let Remilia pull off the heart-rending dialogue.

Tearing up slightly, Remilia barely said, "We're... gonna get a little place."

"George began. He... what's he doing? Why's he pulling out Carlson's gun?" Flandre asked.

"J-just... just to protect Lennie..." Remilia spluttered, hiding her face as a tear fell from her eye, "Should I say Lennie's next line?"

"...okay, Onee-sama..." Flandre allowed a concession, as she didn't want to read about the same firearm that she knew had been used to kill the old dog a while back in the story.

Remilia decided to take over narration and characters by this point, "Go on... said Lennie. George raised... the gun and his hand shook, and he dropped his hand to the ground again. Go on, said Lennie. How's it gonna be? We gonna get a little place."

Flandre's lip quivered, "They... are going to get a little place, aren't they? A house for them to live happily on, right?"

Remilia turned from Flandre to cry a little, before saying, "Well, let's see. I... haven't read this before, I don't know..." Remilia lied, "...We'll have a cow, said George. And we'll have maybe a pig and chickens... and down the flat, we'll have a little piece of Alfalfa..."

Flandre squealed with joy, "For the rabbits! I knew they would!"

Remilia sighed, "For the Rabbits, George repeated. And I get to tend the rabbits, Lennie called. And you get to tend the rabbits..."

A few more minutes passed, and both Remilia and Flandre were hugging each other, seemingly in fear of the book that seemed to apply to the two girls more than Remilia wanted to believe. Despite this, Remilia continued to read, "You... and me. Everybody's going to be nice to you... ain't gonna be no more trouble. Nobody gonna hurt nobody or steal from them..."

Flandre began to read Lennie's line, feeling a particular sympathy with him at the moment, "I thought you was mad at me, George..."

Remilia swallowed, and looked into her sister's eyes, reciting the lines from memory, "No. No, Lennie, I ain't mad. I ain't never been mad, and I ain't now. That's a thing I want you to know..."

"The voices came close now..." Flandre slowly read, "George raised his gun, and listened to the voices. Lennie begged..."

"Let's do it now... let's go to that place now..." Remilia quaked, not even bothering to put on a voice, and continued with George's line, "Sure... right now. We gotta. We gotta."

Flandre shook as she read the next narration, "And... George raised his gun and... steadied it, and he brought... the muzzle of it close to... Lennie's head? Why is he..."

Remilia shushed her sister, and continued for her, "...the hand shook violently, but his face set and his hand steadied. He... pulled the trigger."

Flandre screamed, and began to cry, "NO! LENNIE! NO!"

Remilia held her sister tightly, "It's okay... it's okay..."

"Why... why... why..." Flandre wept into Remilia's shoulder, "Why did Lennie have to die?"

Remilia decided to explain the story, knowing this moment would come, "Look, Flandre, this is what happened. Lennie was never a bad person. He was good. But he was innocent, childish, and didn't know how powerful he was... I always thought he reminded me... of you."

"Of me?"

"...yes. Also, like Lennie, all you want is company. Lennie wanted nice things to stroke, but always... broke them trying to pet them... just like how... you used to break people playing with them..." Remilia held her sister tighter than she had ever done, and waited for Flandre to say something.

"...but I... but they... come back... don't they? They... can be fixed?" Flandre hiccuped, "Tell me they can be fixed, Remi..."

"No..." Remilia simply answered, "No... they don't... I'm... sorry. I'm sorry I never told you. I... didn't know what to do, but... I wasn't as strong as George. I couldn't tell you that what you were doing was hurting others..."

"...but you were only doing that so you wouldn't make me upset, weren't you?" Flandre asked desperately, "You were doing it to be nice, right?"

Remilia broke down, "Flandre... I'm... not perfect. I'm not... always nice. I... shouldn't have done what I did... I kept you in that basement where you would only hurt... the people I... wanted you to hurt..."

Flandre broke into a cold sweat, but kept holding her sister, "Why did you want me to hurt people?"

"I... I'm sorry..." Remilia failed to give her younger sister an explanation.

Flandre cried, "You're... you're not going to kill me, are you? You're not going to kill me like George did... why did George kill Lennie?"

"Lennie... Lennie killed a person. The other humans discovered this and... instead of seeing him as... the child he is, they wanted to kill him as punishment. They were going to... hurt him, make him... suffer. Do you know what suffering is?" Remilia clarified that she and her sister would be on the same wavelength.

"It's... it's when you feel... really, really bad... like you want to cry, and ask for it to stop..." Flandre explained in her child-like manner.

"...okay. Lennie was going to die, either because of the men at the ranch, or because of going without food... can you imagine living a day outside of the mansion?" Remilia asked, and let her sister go so she could look her in the eye.

"I... I would... get hungry. I would... not get cakes because Sakuya would be there to make them..." Flandre picked up on Remilia's point quickly.

"...and, being a human, he would easily die. George simply did the right thing, and decided that, if he was going to die... he would... he would..." Remilia struggled to say the next words, "...he would... die happily. He made sure that he wouldn't... suffer."

"You can die and not suffer?" Flandre asked, unfamiliar with the entire concept of death.

"Well, I haven't died, but I imagine any death that is... quick, and painless... would not have much suffering. George... told Lennie the dream that they had, the happy ending they always wanted, and made sure that in his dying moment... he... he saw it clearly, that he was there, in paradise..." Remilia broke down in tears once again, and hugged Flandre for the second time in quick succession, "...I love you, Flandre..."

Flandre didn't quite understand, "...Remi?"

"W-what is it, Flandre?" Remilia spluttered.

"...you're not going to kill me, are you? You're not going to shoot me so no-one will hurt me, are you?" Flandre asked.

Remilia pulled out of her hug again, and kissed Flandre softly on the forehead, "Flandre, I have something George doesn't... a lot of power. I'll protect you from anything that tries to hurt you..."

"But what if I do something bad?"

"...I'll forgive you. That's what sisters are for..." Remilia put her hands on her sister's shoulder, "From this day onwards, I promise to be the best sister I possibly can..."

Flandre looked down, "..Remi?"

"Yes?"

"...why won't people marry me? Someone I met told me that people marry other people if they want to spend the rest of their lives with me... so why doesn't anyone want to stay with me?" Flandre smiled slightly, as if she was glad to change the subject.

"...I'll stay with you. We're not married, but I will always stay with you. And... Flandre..." Remilia paused to allow Flandre time to acknowledge her addressing of her, "...I think this book has taught you enough for me to let you out of the house..."

"Let me out of the house? But, Remi..." Flandre was confused, not knowing whether to take up the offer.

"...please. Now you know... why I kept you in here for so long, you'll also understand what not to do. You'll be a good girl..." Remilia sighed to herself, "...and hopefully... you'll grow up."

Flandre stared at her sister. Her red eyes were as filled with tears as her own, and finally, Flandre said, "...thank you..."

Getting up from the bed, Flandre walked out of the bedroom, and she giggled, "I'm hungry. Please can I have some cake?"

"Ask Sakuya. Her room's the one with the blue door..." Remilia told her sister, and watched as she left Remilia in peace.

Remilia attempted to continue her lie-in, but after an emotional rollercoaster like that, she simply couldn't, and decided to get out of bed and put her normal clothes on. Walking out of her bedroom, Patchouli's voice caught her off guard, "Well done, Lady Remilia..."

Swiftly turning to the Magician, Remilia stuttered, "D-d-did you hear all of that?"

"Well, not all of it, but enough to know that... Flandre is far better off now than she was before. And... well, I'm frankly surprised that it was you who finally told her the truth..." Patchouli mused.

"...about what?"

"Everything. Why she lives in the basement, what happened to the people she's played with... you're far stronger than I ever could have been..." Patchouli admitted.

"No..." Remilia held her head down, a strange tone of humility lining her voice, "You probably didn't do it because you were afraid of what I'd do to you if you did. I... I was the only one who could do it... I was holding her back..."

Patchy smiled, "It seems that you've been affected by this, too... I could give you a sleeping potion if you want to go back to sleep..."

Secretly wanting to, Remilia declined, "No thanks. Besides, I'm looking forward to breakfast..."

"Sakuya is cooking a delicacy of the outside world that our colleague calls 'A bacon butty'." Patchouli told her mistress.

"...is that colleague that mimicker moron?" Remilia asked.

"...um... yes."

Remilia sighed, "Oh well. I guess I can't completely hate him, it does smell delicious..."

_The Forest of Magic, Marisa's house, twelve mid-day_

Marisa was simmering a soup consisting of bracket fungus and parsley while Jean was pondering to himself.

"Ah..." Jean seemed to have reached an epiphany, "...I have an idea for my next spell-card!"

"Really? Already?" Marisa asked, sniffing at her overall whiffy soup, "...so, what is it?"

"Well, what I shall do is form a spinning square of lasers, and then I shall send it forward so it surrounds my enemy... from there, I will fire the shots randomly, and hope that because they cannot move far, they shall get hit..." Jean described.

Marisa's eyes widened, "Oh, that's good! You mean like how I reduce the area people can dodge in when I do Master Spark as a boss? That's smart! So, have you been working on how to fire stars from your fingers as well as hakkeros, because you'll need to to pull that one off!"

"I am aware. I spent all of last night practising my recitals... do not worry, I only mouthed them, I did not actually say them..." Jean assured.

Marisa sighed with relief, "Good, so the study isn't trashed?"

"Pas plus qu'il est generalement..." Jean mused.

Marisa rolled her eyes, "Whatever. Are you hungry, because this soup's almost ready..."

"Ah, what is the soup? It smells delicious..." Jean asked.

"Oh, just bracket fungus..." Marisa answered.

Jean vomited, but caught it in his mouth, "Er... do you mean... the same as... champignons plateau? I apologise, you mean the strange things that grow on the dead trees?"

"Yeah, sure. Why, what's wrong with that?" Marisa put out the fire heating the pan she was using, and poured the soup into two bowls, "Come on, don't knock it 'til you've tried it..."

Marisa took the bowls to the table Jean was sitting at, and sat across the table from him, placing on bowl in front of Jean, and the other in front of herself. Jean looked downwards at the hideous brown liquid, and shuddered, "Er... I think you can eat this, I'm not hungry..."

"You know, you don't lie very well in English." Marisa remarked, "Just try it! You eat mushrooms okay, what makes Bracket Fungus any different..."

"They secrete the slime... and they are ugly..." Jean seemed to have the logic of a petulant child refusing to eat his dinner.

"The slime adds to the flavour, it's nice and salty. Plus, it thickens the soup! And I've never cared about how something I eat looks..." Marisa sniggered, "And if a youkai were to eat you, I'm sure they wouldn't care how ugly you were either! Stop being so snooty! Is it a Frenchman's thing?"

Jean became indignant, "No! It is not! In France, they eat the snails, the frog's legs, and the horse... but I don't like the disgusting things like Escargot, it is more a... symbol of the social status, it is expensive and does not taste good..."

"Well, this is cheap, and tastes fantastic, so eat up!" Marisa countered, "...or do I have to force you?"

"You would not try it..." Jean quietly muttered.

"...the phrase is 'You wouldn't dare'." Marisa corrected, and without warning leaned over the table, grabbing Jean's spoon and taking a spoonful of soup from his bowl, "So... shall I?"

Jean opened his mouth to reply, but soon realised his error as Marisa shoved the spoon end into his mouth. Jean gulped the horrific mixture down himself, the spoon staying supported and sticking out of his mouth.

His face changed from disgust, to distaste, to nausea and... slowly but surely, a massive smile formed on his face. Taking the spoon from his mouth, Jean shouted, "CE FUT LE CAS GOUT PLUS SIMPLE DE MA VIE!"

Marisa kept a straight face, "Okay, calm down, it's not _that_ good..."

Jean proceeded to put another spoonful in his mouth, "AH! CIEL DE LA LANGUE!"

Marisa laughed nervously, "...uh... are you okay, Jean?"

"Dieu tout-puissant, that is the greatest soup I have ever tasted!" Jean finally explained to Marisa in English.

"Well... uh... I'm glad you like it." Marisa reservedly said, afraid to work the Frenchman into another fit.

"So, what are the ingredients?" Jean frenziedly asked, "Can you teach me how to make it?"

"Certainly. All you need is some Bracket Fungus, the brown sort, some water, some parsley... and my secret ingredient..." Marisa proceeded to lower her voice to a whisper, "...earthworm."

Jean proceeded to spit soup out of his mouth, covering the unfortunate witch's face with it, "EARTHWORMS?"

"Yeah, what's wrong with that?" Marisa asked, wiping her face up, "Oh, if it's because you think it's too hard to find them, what you need to do is dig several little holes in the ground, and then dance a little worm-charming jig..."

Jean face-palmed, then shrugged it off, accepting that it was actually pretty tasty, and hadn't killed him yet, "...ah, I see. So, do you think I could try making it today?"

"Well, first, show me that spell-card you were thinking of..." Marisa replied, and decided to begin eating her soup instead of just talking about it...

_The Human Village, Keine's Village School, three post-meridian_

Yutaka and Dawitsu were run ragged from the second lesson of the day, and the other lessons had dragged on considerably, even the one which Keine spent teaching them, as the staff room was still far from wonderful.

Yutaka heard the end-of-day bell, and refrained from laughing maniacally, "It's... finally over..."

The class stared at Yutaka emptily, and awaited their dismissal. Dawitsu tapped Yutaka on the back, "Uh... Yutaka, you need to tell them to go..."

Yutaka snapped back into focus, "Sorry... um, yes, get going, children, have a good day..."

The children did just as Yutaka asked, and left the Mimicker and Magician alone together. After a ten-second pause, Yutaka and Dawitsu simultaneously threw themselves back into their chairs, and sighed with relief.

Dawitsu turned to Yutaka, "So... how was... that?"

"...as you'd expect. It took me forever to get the poor girls to accept that periods are completely normal and that they shouldn't get worried if they don't... develop as they hoped to..." Yutaka mused.

"...you seem tired. What kinds of stuff did you end up talking about? All the boys wanted to talk about was... sex." Dawitsu mused.

"...well, the girls wanted to know what boys like..." Yutaka replied.

"...so, what did you say?"

"I said every man is different..." Yutaka smiled, "I mentioned that even though I never grew tall or... filled out in the chest area, that a man still likes me, and that everyone is attractive to someone else..."

Dawitsu laughed, "I hope you didn't say that man was me..."

"I didn't need to..."

"...Touché." Dawitsu forfeited, "...um, Yutaka, Ran was saying some weird things to me last night..."

Yutaka tried her best not to give away a hint of satisfaction, "Oh, really? What did she say?"

"Well, she just talked to me about my will, then mentioned something about there not being a set 'one' for people or something..." Dawitsu shrugged his shoulders, "...I think she was just trying to get me to stop being so stupid around you, or something. I asked her why she's so kind to me, but she just stayed quiet... Yutaka... I think she doesn't like me..."

Yutaka's smile wavered, "Um... I'm sure that's not the case. Anyway, we should get going now, it's getting late..."

Dawitsu looked at the pendulum-driven clock on the wall, "It's quarter past three..."

"But still, I don't want us to stay here too long or we'll be locked in the school..." Yutaka joked.

"Heh, well I've been meaning to go see Flandre anyway, I guess I should go to the Scarlet Devil Mansion. Hey, you should come, too! And see Patchy..." Dawitsu's face pulled into an unmistakably perverse grin.

"...it's not like we would do that..." Yutaka denied ineffectively.

Dawitsu feigned innocence, "Oh, come on, I've been ranting on to the youngsters about how those desires aren't bad... and I assume you've been doing the same... it's not like I'll be a peeping Tom, or anything..."

"...well, I still wouldn't do that, anyway. I... won't tell you where we go for that."

"Oh, you have a certain place?" Dawitsu chuckled softly, "Interesting..."

Yutaka blushed heavily, and got up to slap Dawitsu in the face. Dawitsu sighed, "...I deserved that."

"You did." Yutaka stated, "So, I guess we're going to the Scarlet Devil Mansion?"

"You're coming too?" Dawitsu got up to hug his Shikigami, "Yay! It'll be fun! If Remilia allows it, I think we should have a party there... this day's been pretty long..."

Yutaka nodded, "It has..."

_The two began their journey to the Mansion, going there as a refuge from the large amount of awkwardness and boredom that seemed to linger in what was in theory their voluntary jobs. Meanwhile, Jean and Marisa were spending their time in the kitchen, and Jean, despite his adoration of the finished product, was still finding it difficult to deal with the slime-covered, spore-bedded crusts that were the main constituent of the soup he wanted to learn how to make..._

Author's Note: "Of Mice and Men is a sad book." said Captain Obvious.

But boy, has it left an impact. I loved it, it's gritty sadness, it's tragic, somewhat inevitable (and foreshadowed) ending, and the heart-warming fact that George told Lennie of the dream they once had in the most vivid and idealistic way he could before it died forever with Lennie...

Oh, I'm crying again...


	19. 19: That's the Power of Love!

Touhou Doujin: Jean's Magical Education

**Chapter 19: That's the Power of Love!**

_The Scarlet Devil Mansion grounds, Four post-meridian_

The rain which had extinguished the forest fire from yesterday had continued overnight, and the clouds seemed to have spread to places beyond the forest. Yutaka was beginning to fear she had deducted too much carbon from the system and added too much hydrogen and oxygen... however, if flooding became a problem, she could easily rectify it.

She, along with Dawitsu, had just got to the mansion gates, and Meiling, noticing the short magician who had rendered her a favour, allowed them straight through without any questions.

"Strange weather we're having, isn't it?" Meiling commented as if to get them to stay a little while with her.

Dawitsu smiled with nostalgia, "Ah, we British do nothing but talk about the weather... it rains a lot over there, the last time I was there, at least..."

Yutaka nodded in agreement, "Yes, that's certainly true. But I don't understand why British people complain about the weather, whether it is sunny, or rainy, there's always something to moan about. Japan has earthquakes and tsunamis to deal with! Britain has the safest weather in the world, as far as I know..."

Dawitsu sniggered, "Oh, is that why you decided to make this constant rain-storm? Replicate some of that... wonderful weather?"

Meiling cocked her head, "Wait, you caused this rain-storm?"

Yutaka nodded, "I... guess I caused an incident to avert another. The forest was on fire, or didn't you notice?"

"I... uh... well... I wasn't sleeping, or anything..." Meiling swiftly denied.

Dawitsu shrugged his shoulders, "Eh, it's alright, your secret's safe with us. Quite frankly, if I were doing what you do, I'd sleep on the job more often..."

Meiling smiled warmly, "...thanks for understanding."

Yutaka stared at the drenched Chinese Guard, and soon looked as if she was focusing. Meiling was about to ask what was wrong, but stopped in her tracks as she found herself wearing very different clothes. In a brief amount of time, her clothes had shifted from her typical green clothes to a dark blue cagoule, and a jumper underneath.

"What have you done?" Meiling asked in confusion.

"This will stop you from getting too wet..." Yutaka explained, "You'd probably die of hypothermia otherwise..."

Dawitsu mused, "Well, she is a Youkai, she's pretty hardy... but still, you did look pretty wet... wait, she can get her normal clothes back, can't she?"

Yutaka laughed slightly, "Oh, you think I used her normal clothes as matter for her rain-coat? No, she was just so covered in water that there was enough mass to make another layer of clothing..."

Meiling looked down, "I was wondering why my hair suddenly felt dryer... thank you."

Dawitsu and Yutaka bid farewell to the guard, and walked towards the mansion's front door. Pressing the door-bell, they waited an uncharacteristically long wait before someone rather unexpectedly opened the door.

Flandre was standing at the doorway, and her face broke into a gleeful grin upon seeing the Mimicker standing in the rain. She called out, "BOY SENSEI!"

Dawitsu quickly stopped the oblivious vampire from rushing into rain, and walked in before hugging the girl, "Hello, Flandre... so, what's new? Do you want me to teach you anything?"

Flandre began to recount her recent experiences in a way typical of her childish nature, "I drew a picture of you, Boy Sensei! And I made something Patchy calls 'Aspirin', and played Chess with Sakuya, and then I found out the special number that you need to multiply the line across a circle by to get the length of the line around a circle!"

Yutaka was quite impressed, "...she figured out Pi all by herself?"

"She's a lot smarter than she seems..." Dawitsu proudly said, "I'd love to say it was all down to me, but she's got natural talent..." 

Flandre squeezed Dawitsu a little tighter, and continued her recollection, but in a slightly sombre tone, "And... Boy Sensei, this morning, I finished that book that you started to read to me... Remilia helped me to understand the ending... Sensei, is it true that... making someone die can be... kind? Like what George did?"

Dawitsu pondered on this question, knowing that the answer was actually still a massive debate, and that there was nothing clear-cut about it. Coming to a conclusion, he answered, "In a situation like George's, that was the best that could be done. Lennie was going to be killed in a mean way otherwise, what George did was just make him happy before he died..."

Yutaka was noticeably shocked with how much better her Boss was with Flandre compared to how he treated the children at school, and decided to leave the two alone, "Boss, I'm going to see Patchouli, if that's alright. I may be some time..."

Flandre let go of Dawitsu, and looked at Yutaka, "Oh! You're the one Patchy said she was married to! Yutaka! Hello, Yutaka! Have fun with Patchouli! When is the stork going to deliver you a baby?"

Dawitsu laughed nervously, "Er... perhaps it's not good to ask that sort of question..."

Yutaka looked downwards, and seemed a little insulted, but rose above it, knowing there was no way she could have been intending to insult her, "...I'm not so sure it will. Some marriages don't end up with babies at the end of it... anyway, goodbye, Boss."

"See you later, Yutaka..." Dawitsu winked at Yutaka knowingly, but Yutaka either failed or refused to acknowledge it.

Flandre looked up at Dawitsu, "She seems funny. Boy Sensei, why is she acting funny?"

Dawitsu tried to explain, but before he could, another young-sounding voice answered for him, "Because her Boss is an idiot..." 

Dawitsu turned around to see Remilia standing there, "And hello to you too. So... I hear you helped Flandre with the book... I honestly didn't expect that much of you..."

Remilia grabbed Dawitsu by the collar at a strength hard enough to significantly choke the mimicker, but gentle enough to keep the collar intact, "Don't. Tell. ANYONE. About that..."

"...why? That was a kind gesture from sister to sister... why don't you want people to see that?" Dawitsu put his head back to allow himself to breath, "...even the Queen of the Night has to love someone, right?"

Flandre, despite not putting in any effort to separate the two, added, "You do love me, don't you, Remi?"

Remilia paused, then let the mimicker go, causing him to fall to the floor gasping, "...I do. Oh, by the way, Sakuya made a dish that apparently you introduced her to..."

Dawitsu continued to wheeze, "...really?"

"...it was one of the tastiest breakfasts I've ever had..." Remilia admitted, "...especially the side-meal she put with it... it was called 'Black Pudding'..." 

Dawitsu sniggered, "Well, it only makes sense that a Vampire would enjoy black pudding..."

Remilia turned her back to the mimicker, "...Yes. Well, anyway, Flandre is free to leave the mansion whenever she wants, now, so, at the soonest opportunity, I expect you to show her where you live, she wouldn't shut up about you..."

"...it may not stop raining for a while..." Dawitsu said while getting up, "But I'll try to remember..." 

Remilia instantly swivelled on her feet, and seemed to appear right in front of Dawitsu, "You _will _remember. Understand?"

Dawitsu rolled his eyes, "Oh, was that just in case I forgot how big and mean you are?"

"Shut up! Anyway, are you going to play with Flandre, or whatever it was you came here for?" Remilia turned around again, "Now, leave my sight at once..."

Dawitsu smirked, "You're like an armadillo..."

"What?"

"Hard on the outside, soft on the inside." Dawitsu began to laugh to himself before noticing Remilia's expression of pure, undiluted hatred, and soon decided to run for his life.

Remilia dashed after the mimicker, but surprisingly, he was doing a good job staying ahead of her, and Flandre decided to run after the pair too, saying, "I want to play tag too!"

_The Forest of Magic, Alice's House, during the former events_

Rinnosuke seemed to be doing nothing but read books, and Alice saw the boredom that seemed to glaze itself over his eyes, "Um... Rinnosuke? Aren't you and that Sakuya woman boyfriend and girlfriend?"

"...yeah. What about it?"

"Well, I wouldn't mind if you went to see her. I know I'm not the best host for visitors... so feel free to go to the Scarlet Devil Mansion and see her. If you like, you can bring her here. I'm not particularly bothered..." Alice offered.

Rinnosuke seemed tempted by the offer, "That... would be nice. Are you sure you're okay with that?"

"Of course. Anyway, I'd like some time by myself, so take your time if you're intending to bring her over here..." Alice mused.

"What were you thinking of doing?" Rinnosuke asked, curiosity getting the better of him.

"There's... a certain special task that's been asked of me. You know the visitors I received last night? Well, they gave me a special doll... a doll youkai. She's broken, and apparently she wants fixing. So I'm doing that. And it might take a little more concentration, that's all." Alice pointed out.

"Ah, I see. Well, I'll get off now, shall I? Sakuya might be getting worried about me..." Rinnosuke mused, "Well, I guess I'll be seeing you later..."

Alice called out as Rinnosuke got up, "Hold on... so, will you be taking Sakuya here or staying at their mansion?"

"Well, if you want time to yourself, I'll stay over there. That's okay, isn't it?" Rinnosuke asked.

"...um... yeah, that's great, thanks for that." Alice said, seemingly saddened by something.

"Alright, see you, then..." Rinnosuke said, walking out of the room.

Alice waited for inevitable sounds of the door opening, and the door closing again, then walked towards her closet. Upon opening it, a voice screamed at her, "HOW _DARE _YOU KEEP ME IN A DARK CLOSET!"

Alice picked up the head of the Doll, and sighed, "Look, do you want to be put back together?"

Medicine stopped and thought. Perhaps, for her own good, it would be better to feign humility and accept the offer...

"...I'm sorry." Medicine lied, "Please help me..."

Alice easily picked up on the falseness of the words, but retrieved the rest of her body part regardless, and said, "Oh... it seems they dropped some stuffing on the way... don't worry, I have plenty..."

Medicine remained silent. Alice put Medicine's parts on her chair and left, returning with a bag of fluff. Alice moved the parts to the coffee table beside her chair, and sat down, needle in hand.

"Do you have any preferences what colour you want to be sewn together in?" Alice asked.

"Why do you care?" Medicine replied.

"Well, I'd rather you didn't complain about the colour _after _I've finished..." Alice explained, "So, what will it be?"

"Purple, please. That dark one, so it goes with my dress..." Medicine answered.

"...did you just say please?" Alice seemed puzzled, as that was notably not part of any act, "Well, seen as you're so polite, certainly..."

Medicine stayed quiet again, as Alice picked up her head, and the upper part of her body. She gently placed the plastic-based head onto the softer, but still plastic-based neck, and put the needle through.

"OW!" Medicine cried, "That hurts!"

Alice stayed calm, "...okay, where does it hurt?"

"WHERE YOU JUST STABBED ME!" Medicine stated the obvious.

"How else am I meant to put you back together?" Alice asked.

"Isn't there another way?" Medicine proposed.

"No. Is there anything I could do to reduce the pain?" Alice suddenly questioned in her thoughts why she would care for such a thing.

Medicine stuttered, "W-well, there is Opium..."

"Opium?"

"Yes. There's plenty of Poppies around here, isn't there?" Medicine attempted to clarify.

"Well, of course, they're really beautiful..." Alice remarked.

"Well, pick about five, and get the seeds out of them." Medicine commanded, "Then crush them, and put them in water. Filter them, then boil the water off, and you'll get Opium."

Alice sighed, "Why should I go to this effort?"

"Hey, if you pick ten, there'll be enough left for you to take some too! It makes you feel fantastic!" Medicine offered, unsettled by her kindness.

Alice paused, then laughed, "...I'll pass. Okay, so, five Poppies, is that all?"

Medicine attempted to nod from her partially attached neck, and Alice put her down to do the task assigned. She picked the Poppies, emptied out the countless black seeds into a Pestle and Mortar, and ground them into a pulp. Putting the pulp into a cup, she added water and sieved it into a pan as instructed, and boiled until a clear liquid with a slight yellow tinge remained.

Pouring the liquid into another cup, Alice returned to her living room with the Opium, and said, "So, is this it?"

"That's the stuff..." Medicine crooned, "Now, just rub it around my neck while you sew it on..."

Alice felt like not doing as she commanded and just letting her suffer while knowing the pain relief was right in front of her, but figured she'd at least be a lot more mellow on Opium, and thus easier to deal with.

As Alice applied the pain-killer, Medicine began to giggle, "Ah... oh... that's the stuff..."

Alice sighed with relief, "Okay, so you won't complain now that you're all happy?"

"No, no, go on..." Medicine said in a ridiculously relaxed voice.

"Good..." Alice began to sew, and as each 'wound' formed on Medicine, the Opium entered, soon making her forget any pain existed.

Finishing the neck, Alice moved on to the arms, applied Opium to the shoulders, and repeated the process. Eventually, Medicine was complete, albeit completely off her face.

Alice released the Doll Youkai, and she stumbled off of her lap, falling to the floor, "Whoa, when was that cliff there before?"

Noticing the Doll lying face-down at her feet, Alice saw a massive tear in the back of her dress, and small amount of fluff leaking from her back, "Um... Medicine, your back's leaking stuffing... that's why you're so thin..."

Medicine slurred, "Uh... wha? Oh... yeah... um... time to die..."

Alice picked up the doll before she attempted to kill her, and poured the rest of the remaining Opium into the doll's rip, "How are you even affected by this stuff?"

However, Medicine didn't reply, possibly due to the Opium, and Alice simply fixed up the hole, and proceeded to take the ripped set of tiny clothes off the doll, causing her to mumble, "What... are... you doing... you... pervert..."

Alice left the naked doll on the coffee table, knowing in her current state she wouldn't be going anywhere fast, and got a small maid outfit from her closet, and returned, slipping it over the tiny Youkai's body.

"There you are... good as new." Alice said, smiling.

Medicine found it difficult to get up, or even move her arms, "Hey... I'm... not... done... I get... to kill you now... right?"

"Well, I was thinking of something else. How about you become my doll. You could be the leader of my set..." Alice offered.

Medicine thought as much as her Opium-ravaged mind allowed her to, and slurred, "...no... I need... to get poison... and kill you..."

Alice giggled, "I'd love to see you try."

Alice attached a string to the back of Medicine, and then got out a Shanghai doll as well as a Hourai Doll from her seemingly infinite pockets, piloting them by string.

Alice put on the voices for the dolls, and made them walk up to Medicine.

"I say, young woman, are you alright?" 'Shanghai' remarked as it 'observed' the incapacitated Medicine.

'Hourai' began to offer a theory, "Perhaps she has drank too much sake, and needs a lift home?"

"Ah, well, it is fortunate she came across us two fine gentlewomen before any hooligans arrived..." 'Shanghai' replied.

The two dolls picked Medicine up by the shoulders, and brought her towards a tiny bed in the closet, "We will do whatever you ask of us..." 'Hourai' promised.

Medicine smiled, and wrapped herself in the bed's duvet, "Oh... no-one's ever... given me a bed before..."

"Is there anything you want?" 'Shanghai' asked.

Medicine paused, and said, "Can... uh... can you please kill..." Medicine was about to finish her sentence, but something stopped her, "...can you... on second thoughts... I just want to sleep. I'm going to sleep... for a while."

"Play with us, sometime, won't you?" 'Hourai' asked.

Medicine didn't reply to that, and stared at Alice, who was piloting the dolls in a somewhat affectionate manner. Medicine felt a twinge in her fluff-filled heart, and her eyes seemed to widen.

"Is... something wrong?" 'Shanghai' questioned.

Medicine realised what was happening, "N-no... no... I'm... I think I'm... I'm.." Medicine's eyes seemed to stop moving, and the life-like sparkle within them began to fade, "...I'm... happy..."

Medicine sighed, and as if something had left her, her body became as stiff and lifeless as Alice's other dolls.

Alice cocked her head, and withdrew her Shanghai and Hourai doll back into her pocket. Shaking the small bed slightly, Alice asked, "Medicine? Hello?"

There was not so much as a breath as a response. Then, as Alice thought about it, the whole situation made sense. Alice had just shown the Doll Youkai the kind of care and attention it would only have received as... what it was all along... a doll. Alice remembered what Kogasa had said about Umbrella Youkai... coming into existence via abandonment, and if they were used again for their purpose, they wouldn't become a Youkai... Alice never thought that it also applied to them once they had become a youkai...

For some strange reason, Alice didn't feel guilty of the small doll's murder. She picked the inanimate doll up, and looked at its facial expression. It was a warm smile, one which couldn't be truly imitated by even the best doll-maker.

"Oh... oh my." Alice mused, the only words she could muster despite her complex thought processes.

Alice decided to put the doll that was once Medicine back into its bed, and sat on the chair where she would normally work on making dolls, but was feeling... decidedly aversive of creating the effigies for a while...

_Mayohiga, Tokage's House, around five post-meridian_

Tokage seemed to have not slept at all for at least three days, but her body seemed to be coping with the stressful situation well, the only noticeable side-effect being the massive bags that seemed to be forming over her eyes.

Quickly writing, seemingly in a more excitable way than ever, Tokage grinned, grinned even more so, and eventually broke into maniacal laughter, "AH HA HA! AND THAT'S ALL SHE WROTE!"

Tokage threw her pencil to the floor, and giggled uncontrollably, "OH HO HO! A cliffhanger ending is what _all _the readers will want! I'm gonna be a super-star! No, a _hyper-star_! No, no, scratch that, a mega-super-duper-hyper-ultra-mega-star!"

Faster than a tengu on methamphetamine, the Lizard put her coat on, and ran out of the house, protecting her notepad from the rain by keeping it underneath the aforementioned coat.

Snorting as she ran towards the Youkai Mountain, she yelled, "YES! I FINISHED FIRST! I'M GONNA GET THE TENGU TO PUBLISH MY BOOK FIRST! YES! YES! _YES_!"

After about two minutes of running through drizzle, Tokage was able to see the house which was apparently the centre of Tengu Publication, and broke into a sprint, "HA! I _win, _Hebiko! I win!"

However, as she got closer, her face fell as she saw a figure in the distance standing in front of the house's door. It almost seemed like it was looking at her. Once she got there, she knew that it seemed that way because it was true...

Hebiko laughed in a condescending manner, "...you really need to stop shouting... I could hear you proclaiming your victory from miles off..."

"NO! How did... how did... how did you..." Tokage spluttered.

"Oh... didn't you know? My writing style is episodic, meaning I'll write shorter books, but release them more often. Yes, I lost some sleep, too..." Hebiko smirked, and looked at Tokage as if to irritate her, "...but I can hardly say I would need concealer to cover up my panda eyes..." Hebiko paused, and then added, "By the way, I was talking about you when I mentioned needing concealer. You need it."

Tokage slapped Hebiko in the face, "ARGH! Shut up! Your arrogance is your downfall, because now I'm gonna talk to these tengu first!"

Tokage knocked on the door rapidly, and within a second began complaining, "ARGH! What's taking them so long? What's going on? Come on, you stupid..."

The door opened, revealing Aya, and swiftly Tokage chuckled awkwardly and said, "Eh heh... I mean, come on, you benign and wonderful publishers of information..."

Aya sighed, "What is this? What are here for? Is there an incident you'd like to report to the Kakashimaru Spirit News?"

"No! I have... A WHOLE BOOK!" Tokage got out her notepad, and began waving it about, "Remember that article you wrote all that way back before you printed the retraction with that man and Yukari? Well... I've written a book about it!"

"...what? You know that story was a fake, right?" Aya mused, seemingly playing the straight man.

Hebiko cleared her throat, "Allow me to explain... this strange young woman, not to mention many others, have become so fixated with the idea of Yukari dating this Youkai Man that they have written romance novels based on the concept. I myself have joined this group, if anything, just to prove how _pretentious _this particular woman's writing style is..."

"SHUT UP!" Tokage screamed, "You'll publish my story, right? Just don't publish that woman's over there..."

Aya opened her mouth to answer, but instead of the sound of words being heard, the sound of crashing was heard as the house behind her was crushed by a giant robotic foot.

Aya stared back in horror at the large foot, and quickly ran out of what remained of her house while the two Lizards looked at the large robotic being that the foot belonged to... it seemed to be a giant metal man, except at the top was a glass bubble as opposed to a head. Within it was a short, blue-haired Kappa.

"Aya, you scum!" Nitori shouted through the robot's speakers, "Come back here!"

Aya proceeded to dash away from her home, and the robot soon took to running after the Tengu, raising its foot to reveal among the debris stuck to the bottom of it was another Tengu, who screamed, "HELP ME! ANYONE! PLEASE!"

The two lizard youkai looked at each other, and decided perhaps that particular publishing agency wasn't the best one to go to.

Hebiko shrugged her shoulders, "Um... perhaps we should go to Momiji's house?"

"Momiji?"

"Momiji Inubashiri. Apparently she helps the other tengu out... perhaps she'll have a press?" Hebiko suggested.

Tokage laughed, "HA! You idiot! Now you've revealed your back-up plan..."

Hebiko laughed contemptuously, "Do you honestly think I could ever prove you to be a bad writer if I didn't give you a chance to publish the thing? I'd have no case or point if that happened..."

Tokage didn't seem to understand, and simply swaggered off in the direction she was facing.

Hebiko remained deadpan, and said, "You do know you're walking in the wrong direction, right?"

Tokage stopped, and turned around to start following Hebiko, "Uh... of course I knew that!"

_The Dawitsu Mansion, seven post-meridian_

After messing around at the Scarlet Devil Mansion for a while, Dawitsu and Yutaka had decided to return home, and after Rinnosuke appeared on the scene, Dawitsu had ever more of a reason to leave.

Opening the door to his mansion, Dawitsu stood at the door, letting Yutaka in, before shutting it. Instantly, he noticed Ran was playing on a cartridge known as 'Banjo-Kazooie'.

Sitting on the sofa next to the Kitsune, Dawitsu tried to 'make friends' with Ran, and nervously said, "Hey, Ran... having fun?"

Ran's eyes were fixed in concentration, and she twiddled the left stick a few times before pressing the 'start' button, and smiled at Dawitsu, "Yes, I am. Banjo-Kazooie is a great game... but I'm a little disturbed by the 'Game Over' screen..."

Yutaka, who hadn't even sat down yet, called out, "Does anyone want some tea? Have you two had dinner?"

Dawitsu nodded, and said, "Certainly. Please can you make it Green Tea?"

Ran also affirmatively responded, "I'd like some Green Tea also..."

Yutaka left the room, and Dawitsu asked, "So... um... Ran... are you mad at me for what I asked last night?"

Ran was about to answer, but Chen walked into the foyer, "Oh, Lucky Star is boring! Why don't you let me watch of the other cartoons in there, Ran-sama?"

Dawitsu stood up and yelled, "BLASPHEMY!" at the Nekomata, shocking the cat.

"Dawi! You're back!" Chen grinned despite being called a blasphemer, and ran up to hug the Mimicker, "You'll let me watch the other cartoons, won't you? Ran-sama's not letting me!"

Dawitsu stopped, and thought of whether there was anything suitable for Chen, and soon decided Ran's decision was a fair one, "No, sorry... there are some things... er... only... um..."

Ran mused, "The Master is trying to say he's a very strange man, and he wouldn't want you to be caught up in his strangeness..."

Dawitsu sighed, and sat down, "Yeah, what she said... um... Ran, please can we go somewhere private?"

Ran cocked her head, "Why are you doing that, Master?"

"Um... no reason. Chen, can you tell Yutaka I'm just discussing some things with Ran..." Dawitsu commanded.

Chen nodded, "Okay, Dawi!"

Chen waited in the foyer for Yutaka as Dawitsu and Ran took the lift to a random floor... which one didn't matter, as they had all the privacy in the world within the lift.

After a few false starts, Dawitsu stammered out something resembling the beginning of a sentence, "Um... Ran... I was thinking about what you said... or rather, what you didn't say, and... well... you're right."

Ran couldn't see what the mimicker was thinking all too straight, "...what do you mean, Master?"

Dawitsu hung his head, "I'm not a good companion to you. I leave you all alone, doing the chores and stuck in the house... I'm a terrible Master... yet you always, you always treat me with respect, you're always so... hard-working, and well... I don't deserve you."

Ran gulped, "M-master, that's not what I was saying at all!"

Dawitsu interrupted the Kitsune, "...it's okay, it's okay, you don't have to be kind... I've been stupid, doting over Yutaka and letting you go by unnoticed. I guess... I guess I still haven't learnt my lesson from when al my Staff resigned when I promoted Yutaka to Head Servant..."

"No, no, Master, you don't understand! I lo..."

The doors of the lift opened, and stopped Ran's speech, allowing Dawitsu to continue his pointless self-deprecation, "Please don't try and comfort me, I'm a moron... I just want you to know that no-one's forcing you to stay here. You can resign at any time. You can leave me if you want... so... I guess I'm saying... you're... free to leave me and find someone better..."

Ran's eyes began to fill up, and she looked out at the floor they had got to... Locria's Level. Without warning, she burst into tears and ran towards the Pink Shell in the centre of the room, and slammed the strange house's door as she entered it.

Dawitsu sighed to himself, "Oh... you moron, you've just made it worse, now it looks like I want her gone..."

He slowly walked towards the pink shell house, and knocked on the door, "I'm sorry... but just think about that offer. It's not that I don't want you here, if anything, I'd love for you to stay, but I just don't want you to be unhappy... sorry, Ran..."

Ran's sobbing continued, and Dawitsu decided to leave her in peace, and allow her time to think.

Once riding the lift back down into the foyer, the lift doors opened to reveal Yutaka holding two cups of tea. The magician smiled knowingly, "So... did Ran tell you anything... special?"

Dawitsu seemed crestfallen, and simply muttered, "I've gone and upset her, I'm such an idiot..."

Yutaka tilted her head, "What do you mean? What did you say?"

Dawitsu looked up at Yutaka, "Well, you know how I mentioned that I think Ran might be... you know, starting to resent how little time I spend with her? Well, I offered her the choice to leave me if she wants to, and then she burst into tears..."

Yutaka's face turned _visibly _irritated, and she proceeded to throw a cup of Green Tea in Dawitsu's face, causing him to scream in pain, "BOSS! Didn't you get the hints?"

Dawitsu gasped in agony, clutching his face, "WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT FOR?"

Yutaka stamped her foot, "Why is it you only get these things when it's blatantly obvious, eh? Not everyone is going to be as overt as Sakuya was with these things!"

"What do you mean?" Dawitsu said from behind his hands.

Yutaka grabbed Dawitsu's hands, and removed them from his face, "Ran doesn't _resent _you! She _loves _you! And now I feel _terrible _for telling her to calmly suggest to you how she felt!"

"Wha... what?" Dawitsu didn't quite process the information his ears had just received.

"Ran loves you, and you just told her that you don't mind if she's out of your life, you idiot! Now get back up there and apologise to her!" Yutaka yelled.

Dawitsu was finding it hard to believe how scary Yutaka was when she was angry. "But... what if I just make it worse?"

Yutaka proceeded to throw the other cup of Green Tea at Dawitsu, "GET UP THERE! I'll go with you if I have to!"

The diminutive Magician pressed the lift's call button, and the doors opened quickly, as if it knew how irate she was. She quickly walked into the lift, and dragged the paralysed-with-fear Dawitsu into the lift with her.

"Y-Yutaka..." Dawitsu stammered.

"What?" Yutaka snapped.

"Y-you know... that whole... marrying you thing... well... I think I'm over it now..." Dawitsu stuttered, "I never realised you were capable of that..."

Yutaka started to calm down, "Sorry for throwing tea at you..."

"Oh, don't worry, third-degree burns get better..." Dawitsu sarcastically replied.

Yutaka folded her arms, "Hey, don't start joking, you've yet to apologise to Ran!"

Once the lift doors opened, Yutaka pushed Dawitsu out of the lift, and Dawitsu limped towards the Pink Shell from which Ran's crying could still be heard.

"Um... Ran?" Dawitsu asked nervously.

Ran continued to cry. Yutaka approached Dawitsu, and whispered into his ear.

Nodding, Dawitsu said, "Ran... Yutaka told me everything. She told me the truth... so... um... yeah... can I come in?"

Ran's audible crying ceased, and after a sniff, her voice called back, "Yes..."

Dawitsu walked into the Pink Shell, however, Yutaka failed to follow in also, and simply listened from the outside. Seeing the Kitsune laid face-down on the Indigo bed to the left of the room, Dawitsu decided to sit beside her, and said, "Um... Ran... I'm sorry for offering you to be let go. I didn't think... I thought you would have been happier without me..."

Ran brought her head up out of the fluffy pillow she was crying into, and looked into Dawitsu's eyes, "Master... I... I thought... I thought you wanted me here..."

"I... I do. I just... I thought you didn't like me." Dawitsu shrugged his shoulders, "I... guess I'm too dumb for your subtle nudges... so, when you said you knew there was someone else for me..."

"...I was... I was... talking about myself, yes." Ran started to hiccough, "...all the time... all the time that you were... _flirting _with that human... when you started taking those strange drugs... and became even more obsessed with Yutaka... I... I guess I never had the confidence to ask you..."

Dawitsu opened his arms, "Come here, Ran..."

Ran took up the offer, and cried into Dawitsu's shoulder, "...I don't understand, Master..."

Dawitsu smiled wryly, "Ah, you poor young woman... it seems that there are people like us everywhere..."

"What do you mean?"

"Unlucky in love. In other words... for us, all love is unrequited..." Dawitsu shook his head, "And I'm sure you know that the answer to that problem isn't simply the two of us getting together..."

Ran simply cried even more, "Master... you're... Master... you don't want to..."

"Ran... I would be a lucky man..." Dawitsu sighed, "But you know me. You know how foolish I am. I couldn't possibly be right for you..."

"...but... I don't care..." Ran mused into Dawitsu's shoulder.

Dawitsu let Ran go, and kissed her on the forehead, "But I do... look, Ran, wouldn't it be far better if we were friends than lovers? What makes you want someone like me anyway?"

"You're... caring."

Dawitsu seemed utterly surprised, "...that's it? But so is Yutaka... and Chen... and I'm pretty sure if you just talk to people, other people will respond with just as much care as I have... you've got to understand that I am no-one special."

Ran looked downwards, "Master... you have self-confidence issues..."

"N-no I don't!" Dawitsu spluttered, "And that's another thing! If we were together, that whole 'Master' thing would be ten times more awkward!"

"You dodged my statement... that's what I like about you... you're... amusing." Ran said with a small smile.

"Well, I still have a point! What would it be like, eh?" Dawitsu put on a corny American Accent, "Honey, I'm home!", and then put on an imitation of Ran's voice, "Welcome home, Master..."

Ran smiled darkly, "I thought that would be... to your tastes..."

Dawitsu turned bright red, "Uh... well... um..."

Ran sighed to herself, "Oh well, I guess if you're not interested, you're not interested. But... Master, Yutaka really wants you to get a girlfriend..."

"...I know she does." Dawitsu looked downwards, "But you simply aren't... the right sort for me."

"Is it the tails? Because I can conceal them..." Ran offered.

Dawitsu was getting sick of her refusing to accept defeat, "Look, Ran, I don't want to be your boyfriend! You know what, I give up! This... woman thing's too difficult!"

Ran hugged Dawitsu, "At least... at least you're being honest and not being semi-committal..."

Dawitsu held Ran lightly, "I learnt my lesson from Sakuya..."

"I've noticed..." Ran released the Mimicker, and continued, "I'm sorry for all this, I must not be as intelligent as I thought I was..."

"...ain't stupid for noticing as fine a specimen as yours truly!" Dawitsu joked, "...let's try and... um, I don't know, take what we can from this and move on. Hey, do you know anywhere where we could find fox youkai?"

"No..."

"Ah, a shame... perhaps we can go to the outside world again some time... I'm sure that a _certain demographic_ of people would be willing to be your man..." Dawitsu cackled at his in-joke.

Ran didn't appreciate the joke, however, "I'm not _desperate_."

Dawitsu suddenly felt flattered, "Wow, that makes me feel... a little more confident. Sorry for joking about that, I guess you're wondering what you saw in me, eh?"

"...not at all..." Ran mused, "Master, I think I should go downstairs, I don't want Chen to ruin my game..."

"Fair enough..." Dawitsu replied, and the two walked out of the Pink Shell together, only to find Yutaka standing there, smiling.

"...better luck next time, Ran..." Yutaka offered her condolences.

Dawitsu jumped back a little, "There's gonna be a next time..."

Ran sighed, "Thank you for trying to help, Yutaka..."

Yutaka looked at Ran, "Well, it's always worth a try... and Boss... sorry for being angry..."

"Nah, I kinda needed the kick up the backside... I just hope next time you get angry you haven't got boiling water in your hands..."

_The Forest of Magic, Marisa's House, eight post-meridian_

Jean was making soup for the third time in that day, and was singing to himself, "Lala, ca va chauffeur, je sens le truc monter... allez, allez, allez, allez, ola, olé, allez, allez, allez, ola, oooolé..."

Marisa was getting bored of the smell of soup, and said, "Okay, Jean, I know you like that soup, but... give it a rest, will you. And _what is that song_?"

"Ah, only the greatest song France has released to the world..." Jean answered, and continued to sing, "Tout le monde, dambadam badabadam badambadam badam, c'est le son de l'année..."

Marisa groaned, and held her head in her hands, "Oh, I just wish someone would come up and kill me..."

A gap appeared in front of Marisa, and the voice of Yukari said, "Be careful what you wish for..."

Jean turned at the unfamiliar voice in shock, and screamed, "AH! A YOUKAI THAT WANTS TO KILL US!"

Marisa stayed calm, "Hi there, Yukari. Just in case you didn't guess, I was joking..."

Yukari's arm popped out of the gap, holding a grumbling Reimu, and dropped her in the room before Yukari herself walked into the room, "Hello, Marisa. I have gathered you all here today, and... ah, hello, human male, I don't believe we've met before..."

Jean had backed as far away from the Border Youkai as far as the kitchen's dimensions allowed, and stuttered, "...h-h-how... what did you do... to Reimu?"

Reimu, who seemed half-asleep, muttered, "Oh, nothing, she just threw me into her stupid gap things when I was about to sleep..."

Marisa burst into laughter, "You go to sleep this early?"

"...I was tired, okay?" Reimu mumbled, "And, Jean, it's okay, you can trust this Youkai..."

Yukari assured Jean in a far more callous manner, "Yes, if I wanted to hurt you, your body would already be a pile of sorry-for-itself cytoplasm..."

Jean stood up, slightly intimidated by the Youkai's claim, "...I shall believe you."

Yukari smiled, "Good, if I were you, I wouldn't get on my bad side. Anyway, I've brought you two together for the express purpose of telling you about another incident..."

Marisa rolled her eyes, "Alright, there'd better be stuff to steal or I'm not solving this one..."

Yukari smirked, "Well, if there isn't, I'll give you a set of items for free, how about that?"

Reimu grumbled, "I shouldn't have to do this every time! Can't Sanae do it?"

Yukari addressed the Shrine Maiden's complaint, "It's all well and good her solving the incident, but if you don't do it also... certain people who are expecting you to will be... disappointed..."

Jean put his hand to his chin, "What do you mean by... solve the incident?"

Marisa laughed, "Ah, well you see, whenever someone stupid causes a problem in Gensokyo, me and Reimu always go around shooting up fairies and generally we find the culprit. Sure, we beat up a couple of unrelated people along the way, but that's part of the experience..."

Jean smirked, "...that seems to be fun..."

Yukari's eyes lit up, "Oh... well, then... that's interesting. I know all about your shenanigans... you're learning magic from Marisa, aren't you? But would you be capable of helping solve the incident?"

Reimu became concerned, "No, Jean, it's too dangerous! Yukari, I'll do it, alright! Just don't make him do it!"

Marisa looked to Jean, "Actually, he knows my old arsenal of attacks well... if he joins us, he can do those while I do my new attacks..."

Yukari smirked, "Oh, that's good... well, perhaps he could help... alright, I need to find one more participant to help solve this incident... should it be Sanae?"

Reimu rolled her eyes, "Whatever..."

Yukari opened a gap, reached into it, and pulled Sanae out of it, "Here we are..."

Sanae looked left and right in a panic, "W-what's going on?"

"Oh, nothing. You're just incident-solver number four..." Marisa explained.

"Number four? But I was number three the last two times..." Sanae seemed a little disappointed, "B-but still, that doesn't mean you can just abduct me whenever you feel like it!"

Jean could identify with the green-haired shrine maiden, however, Reimu refused to, "Stop moaning and let's solve this thing..."

Jean ran into the study, and returned with his broom in hand, "So, Miss..."

"...Yakumo." Yukari answered the implied question.

"...thank you. Miss Yakumo, where is it we shall go to?" Jean asked.

"Aren't you keen? Well, once all the lazy humans are ready, you can start shooting fairies here. I'm sure there'll be some weak youkai to fight..." Yukari recalled the common trends of the incidents, "...well, good luck! I'll see you once you're done solving the incident..."

Walking through a gap, Yukari disappeared as quickly as she had forced the two unwitting guests into Marisa's house. Sanae muttered, "Well, I guess that I have no choice... alright, let's do this, guys..."

Marisa smiled, "Yeah, let's do this! All for one, and one for all!"

Jean mused, "How does she know about the three musketeers?"

_And so, the four set off, no doubt ready to kick some tail end as the fairies, as if scripted, began to cause mayhem in the forest. Also, as if on cue, the first 'weak youkai' Yukari had predicted appeared, being a Chimera Youkai with a somewhat snarky snake for a tail. Jean, Marisa, Reimu, and Sanae, all seemed to equally contribute towards the solving of this new incident, however, what this incident was exactly... well, that's a story not to be determined by this author..._

_Meanwhile, the two Lizard Youkai had found their Tengu Publisher, but contrary to Tokage's wishes, the White Wolf Tengu dutifully published copies of both books, meaning that soon enough, proof of who the greatest author was would become apparent..._

Author's Notes: THIS. IS. FREAKING. HUGE. And... well, this is where it ends, folks! With Jean joining Reimu and the gang as a 'playable character'! And yes, that means for one of my Danmakufu projects, I _will _be making a playable Jean Franc Levoisier... maybe even a full scale Touhou 13.5... but first, or during, I'll be doing my idea of showing... just how bad Tokage's writing is, and just how... superior Hebiko's is.

...was this ending too abrupt? Probably. Could I have handled it better? Well, judge for yourself and review, I'd love to hear from you guys one last time...


End file.
